• Member Since 29th Jun, 2014
  • offline last seen Jan 16th, 2023


Not much interesting about me. Just trying to make a good story that people will enjoy!

Comments ( 144 )

You have captured my interest so I'll put the story in my read later section and wait to see if I will fave it

4745610 thank you for considering my story

i will follow..and see were this goes :rainbowhuh:

Hmm, this story seems interesting so far, I found a few missing words and even fewer overused themes... but so far it seems to be good.

However, calling the magic 'Qi' and creating a whole concept around it is unique, at least for me, so that is a big plus.
The creature - and what it done to that pony - is strange, I can only guess how it survived: I'm settling between a cryo-chamber or self-preservation via the inner Qi, creating a protective field or state.

Nevertheless, I need more info to work with, so, since you got my attention...
Write more!


So far I'm really liking it. :twilightsmile: Keep up the good work.

:pinkiehappy: Why thank you for the comment and likes good sirs and ladies. The more joy and entertainment I bring the more I feel accomplished and happy.:twilightsmile:

so what your story is abort.?

4800725 Well stick around and you'll find out mate. I can't just tell you it all up front. All will be revealed in good time no worries.

4801008 Of course there is much more to come ^_^ *Mutters* Luna best pony. :pinkiehappy:

Telepathy, this is how the children of hell communicate.

4863020 Mwahahahaha.. ehem... right. Hope you're enjoying it so far though :pinkiehappy:

4863082 Lol, it's a line from Spawn. Also, yes I am enjoying it, thought it's pretty bare bones at the moment. I look forward to seeing where you take this. :)

This....Has the potential to be decent....

My only wish is to make everyone enjoy the story. With the help of Zephyr it seems like so far this is exactly what's happening. I will continue to write to the best of my abilities to keep you all entertained. I humbly hope you will continue to love it. *Bows*

Hm...this could be good or really bad...time will tell. Favorited... for now.

Wow, I'm finding this story very interesting. I hope the next chapter comes soon.

4865604 I will do my best... ETA on all chapters is between one to two weeks depending on how busy work has me. But I assure you I shall try to get them out as quickly as I can for everyone ^^ I'm glad you are enjoying it.

I love this story so far. It's really hard for me to like a story because an author doesn't potray characters correctly or the humans they use act really stupid or they don't use pacing and it gets confusing. Normally for me a story has to have anthro or humanized and good clop scenes. Now I will waive that if the story is about a human in a relationship with Queen Chrysalis or Fluttershy. I will even waive that if it has a good plot. Well you've got a good plot so far and you have a mature sex tag. So you have my fave.

4801020 luna is not best pony luna is #1 best pony get it right next time brah :pinkiehappy:

4873443 I humbly beg for forgiveness as you are correct. I have blasphemed. -bows low-

Well, I'm going to keep my eye on this story for a while, it seems to have potential.
But right now the pacing feels a bit off at the moment, you might have needed longer chapters.
I mean, the second chapter was like:
Twilight talking to Spike for a minute, saying almost nothing of real value. (she could've just as well told him something like "I
found a kitten")
Twilight then proceeding to talk to her friends for a minute each with a huge paragraph about Pinkie Pie in the middle of it.

Not to be that guy, but yeah...

4876808 no be that guy. It just makes me more determined to make it better so I appreciate the feed back good sir. I will do better in the future.

Always good to see a story with potential. Like the foundations being laid so far. I'll keep watching this one. :twilightsmile:

However, I would point out the somewhat 'lumpy' movement of the way things are written. Pacing and flow seems to stutter and hiccup along rather frequently. It is understandable but could be much improved with a few refinement passes. You also have occasional details that seem out of step or are expected already. Regardless though, practice and comparisons with other stories will help you find ways to improve. I would point to fics like Stardust, Lost Element, and even The Model's Secretary on this site for examples of writing flow. Just re-reading your own works after a month can often reveal insights into where you can make improvements.

4877931 I actually HAVE been reading The Model's Secretary, greatly enjoy it too ^_^ I thank you for your tips. I'll have to work on making things smoother. I'm sure over time things shall be more fluid. I will try my best for all of you.

4877948 One writing exercise I would suggest, having known an english major, would be to look at a paragraph or several, even a sentence, and cut it in half while preserving as much of the expression and intent as you can. Or take an entire chapter and see how well you can summarize it in a single paragraph. Helps teach lessons in efficiency...and yes, it's meant to be a challenge. Another thing personally I use is intentionally watching for repetition of words and phrases. Not something I noticed persay, but writing and reading one's own work with deliberate intention is another useful tool.

And glad you appreciate The Model's Secretary. Careful reading Stardust though...it sucks you in and I lost sleep. Mente Materia is the sequel and equally engrossing.

4878062 I've lost many a night's sleep with some of the stories here. Let me tell you some can be like a vortex to my mind. I shall do what you mentioned though. If I'm to get better then I need to do some kind of exercises to become better at it *Smiles* Thank you very much for your help sir.


Am I the only one who thought it should be "WRYYYYYYYYYY"?

This seems quite interesting so I shall wait for the next chapter with anticipation.

4745615 The premise reminds me of both the wolverine equestian myth and the human shades of grey stories.

4934562 I'll have to check those out. I haven't read either of them though I have heard of the second one.

But the fact of the matter was, is that it was properly known as Qi.

No it's not. Qi and magic are completely distinct from each other.

I wonder what isaac is. Is he a human or angel? Fallen angel or whatevern :twilightblush:

4938944 Close... he's more... an evolved human.

Intresting, you may have revealed allot of something something to me jus now :rainbowwild:

4939040 Maybe but only time will tell :rainbowwild:

4939053 In that case i cant wait for the invoming adventure that you will serve us :pinkiehappy:

I'm ah favorite and see where this goes, I like the idea.

4888571 I know this is a bit late... but I love your avatar... just... no words can describe it's awesome.

Very interesting please continue

5009914 I shall be doing so. As soon as i'm settled in from moving I will return to writing the next chapter ^^

Good, but we need more.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

5080103 I'll push them out as fast as possible without ruining the quality no worries :P

If this is gonna go the way I think it will, I would love to see some princess bashing.

I love this chapter, can't wait for the next chapter.

I'm glad she didn't go like "ok now I'm going to enter your mind without your concent and see all your secrets now." I hate it when characters do that.

Just a note from the almighty Editor, Proofreader and Versatile Idea Forger, also known as Zephyr, the Great: the next chapter will reveal more information about the origin of this all.
Now, as I successfully raised the suspense, I shall take my leave!

*flies away in a row-boat*


5080467 Yeah i'm not fan of that either. Hence why I made sure she wouldn't do so.

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