• Member Since 6th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 30th, 2016

AdrianVesper


Everyone is the hero of their own story.

Sequels1



T
Source

When a dark enemy begins hunting the young wizard Twilight Sparkle, the walls of the fortress library of Candlekeep cannot protect her. Not even her mentor, the archmage Star Swirl the Bearded, can keep her safe. With a price on her head and the shadow of death on her heels, her only hope for salvation is the Magic of Friendship. Perhaps, with powerful allies at her side, she can find answers and uncover the truth about her destiny.

(This story is inspired by the Baldur's Gate CRPG series by Bioware, but you do not have to be familiar with BG to understand its events)

Featured on Equestria Daily
Cover by Bluest Ayemel
"I love this fic. Keep it up!" – Sethisto (on the EQD page)
"From it's fantastic character development of Twilight and fast pace and exciting action, The Sword Coast is an excellently written and well thought-out story." – Amy Clockwork

Side stories: Tales of the Sword Coast
Sequel: Shadows of the Crystal Empire
Warning: Comments contain spoilers. Proceed at your own risk.

Chapters (20)
Comments ( 408 )

Break this chapter more, it's a wall of text.

And Baldur's Gate crossover ? Why not, Pinkie as Imoen seems fitting for the start, but dunno on the long term.

Crossover with what? In case I read it I want to make sure I don't get spoilers of something I want to read/watch/play.

Dialogue punctuation one oh one:
If a piece of dialogue is followed by any variation of "s/he said" or an action performed whilst talking, then the dialogue should have a comma, exclamation mark or a question mark at the end, no a period.
So:

"I'm so excited," Pinkie said.
"I'm so excited!" shouted Pinkie.
"I'm excited?" asked Pinkie.

Since the dialogue and the attribution are the same sentence, words like shouted and asked have lower case letters.

Also, try putting a space between paragraphs. Whilst only indenting each paragraph is an approved style, leaving a space between each paragraph is more attractive for online reading (as well as being equally correct). Mind you, this is a subjective thing, and others may disagree with me. So meh, do what you want.

Will this crossover be complete with a nonsensical scheme from the villain that requires our heroes' cooperation at every level to pull off?

Comment posted by Trickquestion deleted May 6th, 2013
Comment posted by AdrianVesper deleted May 6th, 2013
Comment posted by AdrianVesper deleted May 6th, 2013

Thank you all for the feedback. Trickquestion, I feel that you are right and have edited that section out. I removed your comment to keep the secret for new readers who aren't familiar with Baldur's Gate

Prof Charles, thanks for the mechanics tip. It has been longer than I thought since I last wrote fiction, and apparently I forgot some of the basics. I think I caught the cases where I felt you were right. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think the capitalization should remain if the verb in the next sentence is not a speaking verb, because in some cases the dialogue does not need a tag to identify the speaker.

LOL PINKIE THE HORRIBLE CREATURE! XD

relatively awesome take on one of my favorite series. However, your biggest flaw from what I've noticed is in pacing. You should weave your exposition into your storytelling rather than just exposit wherever possible. Try to describe Twilight's experience as she goes through this situation, and show the emotional change in her as she realizes that her quiet stable life has been thrown into question.

Also, an encounter with one of Candlekeep's assassins would have made her emotional outburst with Mrs cake make more sense. Really, considering what happens to Candlekeep later in the games, we could have used a few other named ponies.

I'll definitely be keeping an eye on this.

2536689

I'm flattered you think so highly of my advice, good author. I am very eager to see which ponies you cast as which party members, seeing as almost every playable character has some kind of humorous quirk. I do hope we get a decent sampling of every character though, for while I'm pretty certain Twilight will have a good aligned party (I'm also completely unsure who will be Minsc, seeing as I would think to cast Pinkie as him) I hope the evil and neutral NPCs get at least a moment in the spotlight, because they're all pretty entertaining.

2537265
Thanks for your comments on pacing. I feel that I was exposition heavy in the prologue, but not without good reason.

I chose to omit the Candlekeep Assassin because while the encounter made sense in the game I feel like it didn't make sense in the grander story, and it didn't follow the Candlekeep I wanted to portray, as an insulated environment where everypony knows everypony. It also emphasizes the trust that Twilight places in Starswirl. She knows something is wrong, but has no real evidence of it other than her mentors word.

I think that the plot is likely to diverge in some areas form the plots of the games. I'd say that this story draws inspiration from Baldur's Gate for plot points and setting, but is more a view of the pony characters that we all know in a darker, more chaotic Equestria.

2537600
Oh, a lot of exposition is clearly needed and I wasn't arguing that, just that some of the exposition would be better worked into dialogue or through descriptions of action. Trust me, I'm familiar with exposition-heavy crossover settings. A proper use of Pinkie Pie's curiosity and ignorance (or feigned ignorance) and Twilight's tendency to lecture can go a long way toward making your exposition flow rather than interrupt the story.

And I have to admit, I'll be a little disappointed if we don't come back to a changeling-infested Candlekeep at some point, but it is your story and you should go where you can with it.

BTW, early call on character equivalents:
Applejack = Jahiera
Fluttershy = Khalid
Rainbow Dash = Minsc
Rarity = Dynaheir

I LOVE YOU.

My favorite game series mixed with my favorite show.

ajdhaksjhfadsdfjasd...

i can't wait to read this later.

A very good chapter all around. I particularly like how we're just as in the dark about the armored figure as a first time player is. I am a bit dissapointed Twi and Pie didn't run into Montaron and Xzar, those two have a really funny dynamic.

2565851

Its a tough balance to strike. I like to reference the game, but I also think that every moment should have significance within the context of the story. Montaron and Xzar might show up if the plot calls for it, but I didn't feel like it fit into the pacing for Twilight and Pinkie to run into them there. In the game, their placement makes perfect sense, since it helps to introduce the party mechanics, and gives you a couple of evil characters to run with if the player chooses that approach.

2566659

Your looser adherence to the game has definitely created some phenominal pacing, so I'm not thinking less of you for doing so. Perhaps the two could show up in Nashkel at about the same time as Twi and the party, since investigating the mine was their objective.

I also like the bit with the cutie mark. A lot of adventure writers in this fandom don't realize how difficult those things would make traveling incognito.

"Listen carefully -- if we are ever to become separated, it is imperative that you make your way to the Sweet Apple Acre farm. There you will meet Apple Jack and Fluttershy. They have long been my friends -- you can trust them."

Just the first thing that popped into my mind after reading the title :rainbowlaugh:

That premise! :pinkiehappy:

Great job man, on both the brainstorming and execution!

Welcome to Adventures - Alternate Universe, Crossovers section! :twilightsmile: I have to say, never played the game this is based on, but I'm intrigued! I shall read when I've got the time; to my bookmarks! :yay:

“Isn’t three classes a little much Twilight?”

That depends on whether or not we're rocking 3rd Ed, Pinkimoen!:pinkiehappy:
...I know, I know, BG is 2nd Ed, :trixieshiftright:

Seriously though, this is the scene that unfolded in my house when I found your story: images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20060408064606/uncyclopedia/images/3/3b/Dancing_bear.gif

I have only one caveat: if you ever make the sequel then what happens to Khalid and Dynaheir better not happen to their pony-counterparts... or else (:flutterrage:). You already seem to be setting things up a little differently than how the game unfolds, so I'm very excited to see what comes next, :twilightsmile:

P.S., my brain keeps trying to merge Applejack and Jaheira's accents... this is going to take some getting used to, :facehoof:

2569779

Your comment has warmed my heart, thank you.

This story continues to get better, especially now that most of the raw exposition is out of the way and the reader is free to view your world from Twi's sheltered perspective. I had just gotten back into the game myself in hopes of finally doing a run through BG 1 and 2 with all expansions, so it's an odd serendipity that you started posting this then.

one thing: it looks like somewhere along the way to Fimfiction formatting, your eemdashes(--) got replaced with the code &#8211”. You may want to fix that.

2586345

Dafuq,

They were working yesterday.

Thanks for catching that. Apparently, the html codes aren't working. Back to ghetto -- until I can figure it out.

Edit: If your interested, I added a blog post that lists some Baldur's Gate mods I like.

2537864
"Go for the eyes, Tank! Go for the eyes!"

I like what I've read so far. I know nothing about the BG games, personally, but it's a very enjoyable read so far! I look forward to more!

“Hey Twilight, look at this! It looks magic!” Pinkie pulled a thick leather belt out of the ditch. “The ogre was wearing it.” She started to wrap the belt around her waist with her mouth.

At this precise moment... my brain almost exploded, :pinkiegasp:

2598771
Something tell me Angel Bunny is going to be a lot more effective than Boo ever was, :rainbowdetermined2:

And another dislike. Just when my ratio was starting to get good.

*sigh* I wish they'd tell me what they didn't like.

Oh yes, the Girdle of Masculinity/Femininity. Good times were had with that.

2602300

I love that girdle, both for being hilarious and ingeniously placed. The player can run into it very early on. If they put it on, they basically get a slap on the wrist with no mechanical penalties, and never put on an unidentified item again.

2602519
Plus the fact they leave it right next to an a remarkably useful girdle. And while you don't get the laugh out loud hilarious character interactions that happen during Edwin's quest in the sequel, I always enjoyed imagining how encounters with the girdle would play out amongst my current party in my head. It does make the game's dialogue with Safana, Coran and Rasaad hilarious though.

Speaking of Rasaad, are you planning to place Enhanced Edition and/or Tales of the Sword Coast content into this story?

2602633

I can't say at this point whether or not I might include some elements from the Tales of The Sword Coast expansion, but can say I won't be including anything from the enhanced addition as I have not played it, so if any resemblance comes up there it is purely coincidental.

This is quickly becoming one of my favorite active stories. You're doing a great job with the characterization and are able to write that ever-needed exposition in such a way that it doesn't feel like it's slowing down the pace of the story.

Looking forward to the next update, :twilightsmile:

I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'd just love to see the pony version of Jon Irenicus. I simply love that villain. XD:pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy:

I seem to have forgotten a great deal about the story of Baldur's Gate - is the Empire of Canterlot you're referring to a pony version of Amn? Or is it Waterdeep?

2758769

While there are parallels, the story is not a strict adaptation of Baldur's Gate.

Edit: I'd say more, but I don't want to give anything away.

2758780

I kinda guessed that from the Black Knight's dialogue :D I've already added this to my favorites list. I'll eagerly await your next installment! :ajsmug:

Pleaseplease PLEASE have a Drizzr Do'Urden reference/appearance!

A lovely little crossover, and I hope that in time, I can offer more than this, but it is late, and here's to hoping the muse stays strong.

This is the third (if I remember correctly) BG-MLP crossover I've read, and the first that actually got me hooked. And that's because you are making a real crossover, and not just rewriting the game plot word by word. I'll write a more proper comment later, for now, just some quick thoughts:
- the mixing of pony/BG names and cities is done quite well, same for the magic system
- I was expecting Rarity to be a cleric, but I see you made her more of a thief/bard. I wasn't sure if that works until I imagined her wielding the bow.
- Spike as a familiar? Fantastic idea!
- Pinkie… too bad this isn’t a BG2 crossover, because she is just perfect for the role of Jan Jansen. "Isn't three classes a little too much?" became my new favourite sentence.

And I do hope you are going to make a "you must gather your party before venturing forth" pun. Because something like that. Must. Be. Done.

...omg. I love the Forgotten Realms, now I have to choose between reading this and grinding cash on APB. :fluttercry:

I look forward to diving into this fic.

Minor quibble: Applejack says Granny gave the Friendly Hoof to Bon-Bon after she killed the lich, but Granny said that happened a hundred years ago, and I doubt Bon-Bon's that old. Perhaps Granny gave it to Bon-Bon's family, and she's the current one to run it?

And yes, the killing... few games bother to actually explore the fact that the protagonist, regardless of how they act in cutscenes and dialogues, are cold killers who will cut down dozens or hundreds of enemies, rustle through their belongings and leave the cooling corpses behind them with nary a thought. KoTOR 2 did have follower bring up how the MC had a desensitizing effect on her, and the protagonist in Drakengard is canonically a sociopath, but other than that it's usually not touched on. Pinkie would have an issue with it, yeah.

2761340

Firstly, I put pony lifespans considerably longer than the average human, so it would be possible for Bon-Bon to be young when she took up management and middle-aged now. Secondly, Applejack never specifies a time-frame.

However, it is a bit of an inconsistency, and I modified the line to better reflect the sequence of events. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.

The main thing that jumps out at me is that there's more than I'm comfortable with of telling rather than showing. Like, I get that in Baldur's Gate you can click on a character and just have their whole bio pop up in front of you, but it's kind of awkward to just come right out and exposit on Twilight's history with Pinkoen the moment she shows up.

Readers aren't idiots -- if you shade the characters' dialogue and actions to hint at their history, drop breadcrumbs along the way, we'll find them. Even those of us that didn't play this game would be able to feel that history emerge if they just play off of each other right.

2762391

I wish I could resolve this, but exposition, used sparingly, has a place in storytelling. I cut it down to what I felt was a bare minimum, and am constantly seeking ways to do better.

The motivation for including that exposition had nothing to do with the presence or absence of biographies in Baldur's Gate. I would never let the mechanics of the game dictate what I include or don't include. The exposition there is about Twilight and her sociability, not about Pinkie Pie, and I think you would be hard pressed to find a novel or novella that doesn't tell the readers tidbits about both the protagonist and the setting within the first few pages. Context is important.

But, I recognize your point, and maybe there is too much exposition. I still feel that I put my best foot forward, and for all the months I've been working on this story I feel that removing some of what is left would leave the opening lacking context.

I thank you for your criticism, and I always appreciate feedback.

2762657
Now that I'm further in, I haven't really seen it happen again after the prologue. I get the feeling if the first chapter had the less-rushed pacing of the ones after it, it probably would've been fine.

2761340
Baldur's Gate at least has a very good implicit excuse for the protagonist being able to do this...which this story seems to be pouncing on.

Then again, most of the party members you pick up in that game are either seasoned warriors or axe murderers, and the ones that aren't...kinda suck, really.

This story is awesome, you made me play to BG again, dammit, now I won't have a social life :twilightblush:

Login or register to comment