• Member Since 23rd Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 14th, 2017

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Writer of pony adventures and other such nonsense

T

Twilight Sparkle has hit a wall in her studies. So when she is tasked by Princess Celestia with joining an expedition on a faraway island, she can't help but see it as a form of punishment. Nevertheless, she packs her bags and heads to Baltimare, one of Equestria's many port cities. It should have been simple: find a ship offering passage and pay them to take her to Haven. She soon learns, though, that ponies are afraid of the unknown waters past Eternity's Crossing. Despite her best efforts, she is unable to find a ship willing to take her there. That is, until she meets Captain Rainbow Dash.

Brash and enigmatic, Rainbow Dash, along with her crew, are the only ones willing to ferry Twilight on the waters of the Forgotten Sea. She expects six months of quiet travel that will allow her to continue her studies. What she gets is an adventure which makes her realize that, when sailing the high seas, the line between right and wrong is never as clear as it seems.


(Featured on EQD as of 4/28/13
A huge thanks to Breath of Plagues and Amacita, who are amazing editors.
Credit is also due to psychicscubadiver and Zeta040 for pre-reading.)

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 160 )

So I'm guessing this is something like a fantasy sea adventure style retelling of the first two episodes. Sweet!

Even if it isn't, I'm still intrigued. No real problems in terms of grammer and the like-I'm following! :twilightsmile:

2454334
You're half right :pinkiesmile: It is a fantasy sea adventure, but not a retelling of the first two episodes. It's an original idea, as far as I'm aware.

Cool. It's much more amped than the first iteration. You did a great job with the chase/escape concept as well as in patching up the market scene. Everything has a focused purpose. This is a good first fic. Well done.

2456481
It wouldn't be half as good as it is without your help. Thanks again! :pinkiehappy:

Ooh... this synopsis ain't half bad, I'll do a review for it ASAP. WELCOME TO THE GROUP!!!

2475115

Really? :rainbowhuh: I, personally, think it could be a lot better. I've always struggled with making good descriptions for stories, though :rainbowlaugh:

But thanks! Glad to be in the group :pinkiehappy:

This review is brought to you by by the group: Authors Helping Authors

Grammar Score: 10

Pros:
Great opening hook, you really dive straight into the action.
The characters are well realized, and their "alternate reality" roles fit right in with their established personalities.
The imagery is immersive and paints a vivid picture.

Cons:
These are all extremely minor:
A very few times it feels as if the plot isn't being driven by the characters.
Once or twice there was a little more telling than showing in a description.

Notes Section:
Only the first chapter was published when I read it, but I'm already hooked. The minor flaws hardly distract from the overall excellent quality of the writing and use of imagery (I can still smell the salty sea air...). The premise is solid and original, to me at least, and there's immense potential for this story to develop into a truly exhilarating adventure as it unfolds. Right from the start you're engaged with the characters, and I, for one, can't wait to see where it goes. As an aside, the Baltimare name made me both laugh and groan, the mark of a truly excellent pun.

Bottom line: If you're looking for a fresh, engaging adventure that's well written, than I highly recommend this story!

2487623

Thanks for the review! I didn't think that my grammar score would be a 10/10. I'm still trying to grasp the subtleties.

2487909 While there were a few small problems, nothing was glaring enough to detract from the story. As such, I don't think it warranted a demerit, keep up the good work!


This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors.

Grammar score: 9

Cons:
-The plot idea to me is a little awkward though thats me.

Pros:
-Good description.
-Good grammar.
-Personalities are very similar to show.
-It also has a interesting concept.



Notes Section:

It was very easy to read and I didn't find myself getting bored with it. Keep up the good work and have a nice day.

-Rezz

I like this. Please continue

ooooh, i see you used hlissner's world map and are expanding on the outsides of equestria. awesome!

2495586

Kinda :rainbowlaugh: The world I'm building is completely different geography-wise from the Equestria we know. That being said, you shouldn't use the map as a guide for this Alternate Universe. I will be using several of the names from the map, though, mainly because I can't think of those kinds of things myself. You'd be surprised how hard it is to come up with horse puns :facehoof:

Congrats for the feature!

Can't wait for the next chapter. You've got the characters right, which is a difficult thing to do. I can only ask: where's Pinkie?

Ship's surgeon?:pinkiegasp:

2495993

She'll be there :rainbowlaugh: But no, not the ship's surgeon. I don't even want to picture how that would end, though it'd probably involve > :pinkiecrazy:

I don't want to reveal what her job is (spoilers, duh), but I will tell you this: it involves the Pinkie-sense.

2496036

Not gonna answer that :rainbowlaugh: Don't want to start a mass guessing game or anything.

Hmm, I'm liking this story. Very well written and has a potentially good plot. Keep up the good work! :rainbowdetermined2:

I am intrigued, and there's no way I wouldn't want to see what's going to happen next. The story itself is very well-written, and you can't go wrong with a few bar fights, now can you? That being said, I'll be keeping an eye on this.:moustache:

Hmm, this fic's definitely going places. Can't wait for more.

This is pretty good; I don't have complaints and your writing is decently engaging. Looking forward to more.

Oh, wow. This is great! The concept is original and has immense potential. Characterization is nicely done, and I'm looking forward to (hopefully) meeting Pinkie in future chapters. Your description of the setting and background is nice and sets the atmosphere for the next scene, which is something that I, personally, have trouble doing. The showing and telling are of a good mix; neither overpowers the other, which can be very difficult to do.

I will definitely be keeping an eye on this, Thor... Well done! :twilightsmile:

I loved it. The idea is original and you did a great job with the story. What else can I say but "MOAR!"

Great job, looking forward to Pinkie the Pirate

2499963
I should probably take this moment to correct that... they aren't pirates. They're just sailors.

Love the story! If you don't mind me asking, where'd you get your title picture from? I'm planning on writing a fic with a similar theme and I was wondering if I could commission the same artist you did.

2500726
I commissioned an artist that goes by the penhandle of mysticalpha. You can find one of his works in like every Drawfriend :rainbowlaugh:

Of course, I didn't know how big he was until AFTER I commissioned him for the piece. Then I got to brag to all my friends about it.

That picture costed me 40 dollars, due to the clothing and whatnot.

I. Love. This.

Seriously, you had me from the intro. Reading the chapter makes me just want more. :D

Your voices are all authentic, the action pulled me in right away, the setting is sublime - ponies on boats = win, the pacing was excellent - lots of forward momentum without ever feeling too rushed, and your writing style is clear and easy to read. What's not to like!! Especially if Pinkie is the ship's cook! :D

Favorited and anxiously awaiting the next installment!

2503231
Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad you liked it :pinkiehappy:

Just one thing... I never mentioned Pinkie was the cook. All I said was that her job was related to her "Pinkie-sense". Which, unfortunately, cooking is not.

2500349
I know, but where is Pinkie? She's MIA, and I have a feeling that she'd make a pretty good Pirate.

I’m sure you know that area is filled with pirates and raiders.

pirates

You said the magic word, :pinkiehappy:

2504797
There wasn't any way I could fit her into chapter 1 without it feeling awkward. She'll be appearing in chapter 2 fairly early though

2505671
pinkie the pirate still sounds cooler IMO

2506015 Will shipping ever occur?

2509028
No. But there will be tons of friendship :pinkiehappy:

This is legitimately awesome!! I can't wait until it continues!! Great job :twilightsmile:

PIrate ponies. cant argue with that.

Really great, can't look forward enough to seeing more, intrigued to see how you work Fluttershy's personality into what seems to be a very exciting adventure which isn't usually Fluttershy's domain.

This is now officially one of my favourite pony fics, and I'm eagerly looking forward to the next chapter. The characterization is spot-on, the descriptions work well, the bar brawl is something that needs to happen way more often in ponyfics, and the pacing is excellent. Can't wait to see what our heroes will see on their trip across the sea.

(Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to cry myself to sleep over the fact that I wasn't the first to submit a nautical-themed horse adventure story.)

2511144
You're making me blush.

And trust me, I'm not the first either :rainbowlaugh: Originality died long ago.

This looks to be really entertaining, I will definitely be keeping an eye on it.

Then Twilight was suddenly staring into Rainbow Dash’s eyes, their faces only inches apart. With a smirk, Rainbow Dash whispered a single word to her.
“Run.”

The best possible start to any adventure.

hmm

reminds me of the sky pirate one, but different

there's far too much pony pirate... and why do so many people make Rarity's parents pirates? :/

2519006
I actually have yet to read "Upon a Falling Feather". It looks good, though.

I've only seen a couple fics involving pirates, though. Except One Piece crossovers, but I don't count those. And I don't think I've ever seen Rarity's parents ever being pirates before...

I could be wrong, mind you. I don't have as much time as I like to actually read fanfiction.

2519038

the 'Myths and Birthrights' one(i think that was the title?) has them as pirates, and I've seen at least three or four more besides. It's disturbingly common.

2519068
Hmmm... well the concept is interesting. You do know they aren't pirates in this one, though, right? I'm just asking because some people seem to be thinking that...

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