Rarity's family name is in shambles, and her fortune is nonexistent. To return what her father squandered, she and her good friend Pinkie Pie turn to piracy, commandeering a magical airship and kidnapping the princess's personal student.

When Princess Celestia learns of Twilight and Applejack's abduction, she doesn't agree to pay the ransom. No, she hires the sky's greatest tactical mind, the Daring Swordspony Rainbow Dash, and her sidekick, Fluttershy. As the two groups engage in a game of cat and mouse, more dangerous threats hang on the horizon. Aztec Curses, angry gods, and a mysterious figure known only as the Derp Pirate Roberts.

Will the six Elements of Harmony be able to gather the seven pieces of eight, or will the world fall to utter chaos, and rise up as an empire of anarchy and piracy?

Now with its own TV Tropes page thanks to Cleverpun: TV Tropes

"We wear the mask that grins and lies, It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes."
— Paul Laurence Dunbar

It started as a normal Equestrian morning, but doesn't it always? The princesses are frightened, and in Ponyville, a creature from a forgotten race walks into town. His kind hasn't been seen in over a thousand years, but even then he's still far from what he appears to be.

Arc 1: The First Day

Author's Note: Hey guys! This is my first story, so constructive criticism is more than welcome. I'll take this moment to say that I own nothing but my main character, the plot, and a few surprises which will appear later. All other characters and linked music are NOT mine. A word on music. At times I might offer two links to a song. The first is the OFFICIAL version, the second is the closest approximation to how I feel it is sung in the story. Just warning you, because I know some people hate covers. This story is rated teen for occasional language, implied sex, and gruesome imagery (mostly late in the story and in flashbacks). Now with technical out of the way, I wish you all happy reading, and I hope you have fun.

Edit: Bug the writer! He writes faster when you do.

My name is Simon "Ghost" Riley. I was part of Task Force 141, an elite group of soldiers composed of the best of the best. Our mission was to take down Makarov, the mastermind of Russian invasion of America. The team consistered of myself, Roach, Ozone, and Scarecrow with sniper support from Archer and Toad. We didn't find Makarov, but we did find a jackpot of information. On our way to the landing zone, Ozone and Scarecrow were killed by mortar fire while me and Roach managed to survive. I dragged him all the way to the LZ but fate had other plans in store for us, specifically death at the hands of our own commanding officer. Shot point-blank, the shock and blood loss made my vision blur as everything went dark. I couldn't feel my body or when I hit the ground, but I could smell the scent of something before flames engulfed the world. I tried to resist Death's offer, but in the end, I gave in. I welcomed his embrace, hoping that I'd finally find peace.

Instead, here I am, alive and kicking in a world full of bloody ponies.

Mort, also known as the Pale Pony (of Death), has been tasked to take time off from his rigorous duties of reaping souls. Seeking guidance, he is directed towards the town of Ponyville, to learn about the magic of friendship from Twilight Sparkle and her friends. All he needs to do is keep his true nature a secret. That shouldn't be too difficult...right?

Special thanks to Specter-Von-Baren and Pyrite Foolsgold for their help in proofreading and editing this story, as I really needed it. Additional thanks to Pilate, Chuckle5, Unimpressive Vagaries and Admiral Biscuit as well! Couldn't have done it without all their help!

Credit for the title card goes to Siansaar, AKA Carnifex.

For another excellent take on Mort, check out Sip's version!

A refined mare fresh out of high school and a dropout following her dreams find themselves forced to spend a lot of time together.

With the help of a meddling psychology tutor and their new classmates, can they find what they've been looking for?

French Translation!

Fan Stuff!

Pinkie Pie has a new friend. He's not a pony, he's something called a "hyewmun". At least that what she thinks he said. Even better, he seems to be just as good at pranking as she is! She's never met another, well, anything like him before. Soon enough, she's wondering if their friendship may not be headed to something more.

She's lost, without any idea how or why. Now she's completely isolated on an unknown world with no way to get home...a world she has found to be loud, scary, and rather alien. With only a white rabbit to keep her company, how will a lone pegasus pony survive?

Rated T for violence, language, and suggestive material.

[2nd person fic starring you and Twilight]
You lived your life in a broken home, traveling across the country as you saw fit. You've never had anyone you could consider a 'friend.' One day, you wind up in Ponyville. During your time there, you meet a mare by the name of Twilight Sparkle. You think nothing of her at first, but you soon begin to see her true feelings shine through.

You're a random human on Earth trying to get some sleep, but these blasted ponies keep appearing in your room. You don't know where they come from, or how they got here, but they insist on sleeping with you in a non sexual manner.

Have you ever wanted to get cuddled by a pony? How about against your will? No? Yes? Either way you are getting cuddled whether you like it or not.

Warning: Adorable cuddling may or may not be suitable for younger readers.
Warning: I can't select all the ponies, but yes all ponies(and other species) are capable of cuddling you. No you're not safe.

Edited by: http://www.fimfiction.net/user/technicscratch

[WARNING] This story has been marked for complete remodel and rewrite. It's pretty much being deleted and replaced with something that vaguely resembles the original idea.

Amnesia. It's hard to imagine until you're actually having it. Think about it. Suddenly, you realize that the last year, or more, of your life is gone. Just brief flashes left. Oh, and random fears and a new(ish) physiology. Though the colorful ponies surrounding me do make me question my sanity.
Please let this just be a dream.

Dialogue that the person who is the subject of the reader's POV cannot understand will be in bold font, but will otherwise be unchanged from the standard dialogue format. However, much of the aforementioned dialogue will be glossed over without being stated.

Don't question it.