• Published 2nd May 2013
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Forced Pony Cuddles - Aetherpony



A series of short stories where you get cuddled by ponies against your will. [I'll be trying to update this daily]

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Moonlit Cuddles

“Why did I go in on my day off?” you ask yourself before taking your key out of your pocket. You sigh with relief when the tumblers click signifying your door is unlocked. Right when you step through the threshold you toss your jacket, remove your shoes, and then leap onto your couch. You manage a single bounce before turning onto your back and reclining.

Your boss called you this morning saying that the company was getting a surprise shipment of assorted goods. When he tempted you with overtime you decided to go ahead and go in. At first, you thought it’d be a few items and nothing more. You couldn’t have been more wrong. What was supposed to be a single shipment, turned into three trailers full of boxes.

The worst part is that you couldn’t even listen to your iPhone while working. Typically you’d use it to help pass the time and make your job bearable, but thanks to Lyra that didn’t happen today, and it won’t happen again.

“Fucking hell Lyra,” you murmur before turning to face your sixteen inch screen tv. Your remote was no more than a few feet away, but when you’re unable to reach it you decide it’d be best to just lie there, rather than take two seconds to sit up and grab it. You’re too exhausted to do such a physically demanding task.

So, you opt to lie on your back and stare at your ceiling. At least this way your aching arms and legs can have a break, but you still need to take a shower. You can feel the grime on your skin, and it’s gotten to the point of you being able to smell yourself. Before you can put any further thought into the matter you hear a thrum of something. You turn to the source of the noise to find your remote starting to float.

The midnight blur aura that surrounds it reminds you of the guest that came to your home the day before yesterday: Nightmare Moon. Knowing that weird pony might be in your house again you sit up and look around your room. What you manage to find is a bit of a surprise. There is a pony in the room alright, and at first glance you almost confused her for the pony in question, but when you take a second look you’re able to spot the obvious differences.

For one, her eyes aren’t black slits, and even in the dark you could tell just how massive she was. This pony was maybe two thirds her size. Her rather stunning midnight blue coat, feathers, and horn matched the magic she was casting on your property. As for the mane and tail, hers was much more defined then the other of her species.

Dozens of little white lights dot her ever-flowing curls. You believe they may be stars. If the moon on her flank is of any indication, she’s probably associated with the night. Regardless of how she looks, she’s doing something similar to a certain mint green pony.

“Are you gonna steal the remote?” you ask nonchalantly. She gasps before stepping back a bit. The magic around her horn dissipates and you pick up the high pitched clack of plastic hitting wood.

“W-we would never do such a thing. What dost thou take us for, a thief?!” Her eyes seem to glaze over in a combination of hurt and anger at such an implication. You put your hands up defensively and step off of your couch. The last thing you need is to anger an Old English magic horse.

“Whoa now, calm down. Only reason why I asked is because the last one that came by stole something of mine.” The pony raises a brow curiously.

“Art thou referring to the iPhone? Prithee, art thou the proprietor of such technology?” You furrow your brows, there appears to be no hope in figuring out what this pony is saying. You’re not an expert on the old ways of speaking.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. Just tell me what you’re doing here.” You take a seat on the arm of your couch, cross your arms, and wait for an explanation. As far as you knew, they could either get here of their own free will, or a white temporal rift brought them. You’re curious as to which reason this particular pony appeared before you, “Let’s start with introductions shall we? I’m [Data Expunged] the human.” She looks you over for a few moments, unsure of how to proceed, until finally, a smile starts to form.

“Tis a pleasure to meet you human, we are Luna, Princess of the Night.” You may not have been able to get her to stop using those Old English terms completely, but it’s a start. That “we” bit is a little much, but you can ignore it for now.

“Alright, now how in the world did you get in here?”

“We came of our own volition, to apologize for our first meeting,” she says with an apologetic grin. A pink tint strongly contrasts her otherwise darkened fur. Hold on, she’s never been here before, at least you don’t think she has. What could she mean?

“Wait, what do you mean by that? We haven’t met before have we? The only ones that came to my place before you were Lyra and—“Luna cuts you off.

“Nightmare Moon,” she scuffs her hoof upon your floor, and she tries her hardest to avoid eye contact with you. “We were, quite forceful the day before, and our arrogance did not help. We invaded your personal space and demanded cuddling from you. So, we—I wanted to tell you how sorry I was for acting like that.” A moment of silence fills the room before your chuckling takes its place. The Lunar Princess doesn’t seem to like that at all. “What do you find so humorous?”

“Y-you’re acting like, here h-hold on,” you wait for a few moments for your laughing to die down. You’re tempted to keep doing so when Luna puffs out her cheeks angrily. But, if you went back to snickering she’d probably get offended. “There we go,” you sigh when you get it out of your system. “As I was saying, you’re acting like you were hurting me. It was just snuggling, sure it was unexpected, and a little creepy, but it’s not like you did anything bad. Other than breaking and entering of course.” Luna’s eyes widen when you point out the obvious implications of committing a crime. She’s quite quick on the uptake.

“We are, prepared to make reparations for our intrusion, and for your stolen property. Oh drat I’m still doing it, curse modernization,” Luna huffs before looking away. You offer her a comforting smile.

“It’s no big deal, well to me it isn’t. It’s not as if every word coming out of you has some ‘st’ to it or something. Now, what did you plan on doing to make amends for the dreaded cuddling?” You hope she gets the basic concept of sarcasm.

To answer your question, her horn begins to glow. You gasp in awe as the light slowly grow brighter and brighter until it becomes blinding to view. Quickly you duck behind the couch and wait for it to dissipate. As soon as the magic thrum and chiming fades you peek out to find Luna standing in the same spot, except this time she’s got something floating next to her.

A rather stuffed looking burlap sack, needless to say your curiosity is peaked, that is until she uses her magic to jingle the contents inside. Coins, and lots of them, jostle around within. Knowing what lies underneath the bag you step out and approach Luna.

“W-whoa, that sounds like quite a lot of money there Princess.” You can feel the sweat forming on your brow. It only intensifies when she undoes the knot and allows a few coins to spill onto the floor. You’re no expert when it comes to items of monetary value, but you believe that she’s definitely giving you gold, and a lot of it. Your jaw drops when she floats the bag over to you so you can look inside it.

This, this is too much. With all these coins you could not only replace your phone, but you could probably pay your rent for the next few years. Luna obviously wasn’t lying when she gave you her title. But, even this seems a bit much, even for royalty. You really aren’t used to such generosity… you find yourself staring, mouth agape, at the possibilities you now have available thanks to her.

“A total of three thousand bits, I hope that it’s to your liking?” You nod wordlessly and the Princess grins. “Great, now if you’ll excuse us, we have royal matters to attend to.” As soon as she drops the bag, and her horn starts to glow again you put up your hand to stop her. There’s no way she’s going to give you a bunch of money and leave, you’d feel like an ass.

“Wait a minute there Princess.” The light from her horn fades.

“Is there a problem?” she asks.

“Yeah, a big one, I’m not gonna have you give me all of this and just leave.”

“What, do you require more? We could get you—“you stop her before she can finish.

“No no no, this is fine. It’s more than enough, but I’d feel horrible if I didn’t at least get you something to eat.” You look between her and the coins, “ever have pizza?” Not the most nutritious meal ever made, but it’d be a nice way to help pass the time. You’d at least get to talk to her a bit and learn a little about her way of life. Lyra merely combed over a few bits, Luna could probably give you a better explanation than her.

“We really should be going, as we’ve said we’ve got a bit of a night ahead of us.”

“Oh come on Princess, have you ever taken a night off?” Luna sighs before shaking her head. “How long have you been in your position?”

“Before I became Nightmare Moon, my sister and I ruled over Equestria for two centuries.” Were you drinking something, this would be the part where you’d spit it up. You had no idea creatures like her could live for so long. But, despite the utter shock, you’re able to retort.

“And don’t you think you’re due a night to yourself?” She shakes her head and your frown deepens.

“We—I knew what would happen when I took a seat upon my throne. I must perform my duty so my subjects can be insured a peaceful slumber. If I up and left for the night, you couldn’t imagine just how anxious my advisors might become, or how angry my sister might get.” She offers you a reassuring smile, “but thanks all the same. It’s refreshing to see such kindness, even if it’s from a species I’ve never seen before.” With those as her parting words, a brilliant display of blue light fills the room, and soon Luna has disappears from sight.

You’re alone with your money for a whopping ten seconds before a white temporal rift appears right where Luna left. What you find when Luna comes back through is quite hilarious, in fact it’s so hilarious it takes everything you have to keep from laughing hysterically. She’s being carried through the rift by a single white hoof holding her by the scruff of her neck. Luna’s front hooves are curled inward and her back legs dangle helplessly. She tries to flap her wings to get out of its grip, you can see her straining. But, it doesn’t seem to help her at all.

“S-sister, what is the meaning of this?!” she cries, obviously embarrassed at the display. You hear a rather motherly tone echo from beyond the rift.

“Luna, you’re due for a night to yourself. I got to have my fun, now it’s your turn. It’s only fair. Besides, you need to make more friends. And just think of how jealous everypony will be when you tell them you’re friends with an alien.” The voice giggles before the hoof drops Luna on her flank.

“B-but we know nothing of this human!” Luna calls before turning back to the rift. She tries to run back through but the hoof presents to be a problem. She’s scrambling to get through, but it’s pressing upon her head. Poor Luna isn’t able to budge an inch. She does a better job at kicking up smoke than she does going anywhere. “W-what if we mess something up?”

“Oh come now, I know you can improvise. Besides, the human doesn’t seem THAT bad, and I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you for a night? Would he?” Luna stops and turns her head to look at you. She’s really putting you on the spot.

“I don’t mind, as long as she doesn’t eat all my pancakes again.” And there she goes with blushing out of embarrassment. The voice laughs heartily.

“My sister is a little piggy isn’t she human?” The poor midnight blue pony can’t take it.

“Tiiiaaaaa,” Luna whines, “stop embarrassing me!”

“I’ll only stop if you agree to stay.” She doesn’t take too long to respond.

“Okay, fine I’ll stay.” Luna stops trying to push through and instead takes a seat. The hoof pats her head reassuringly.

“Atta girl, now go and make a new friend. Tartarus knows you need one,” Luna snorts angrily.

“Tia! Ow…” Luna whimpers before rubbing her aching horn. Tia decided to flick it with her hoof.

“That’s a little added insurance to make sure you don’t try to sneak home, have fun you two!” Tia cheerfully calls before bringing her hoof back. As soon as it disappears from sight the rift closes, leaving you alone with the Princess of the Night.

“So, what’s pizza?” she asks before giving you an obviously forced smile. In hopes of making the situation better, you play along. At least she’s acting interested.

“Only the best junk food in existence. Here, let me get on my ph—“you stop mid-sentence when you realize that Lyra has your phone. “Fuck, okay, I’ll get my car keys.”

“What’s a car?” Luna watches you with an inquisitive gaze while you squat down and pick up your keys off of the floor.

“Think of a carriage, but metal and capable of moving itself without any animals pulling it.” You turn to her and see the shine of wonderment in her eyes. It’s almost like she were a curious child.

“You have those?” You nod, “That sounds so exciting! C-can I come along? I wish to see how this ‘car’ works.” You shake your head, and now she looks like she’s about to cry. “B-but why?” The answer should have been obvious to her, but apparently not.

“Because on Earth you’d be considered an alien, or a mutant,” you say while moving to your door, “If someone saw you, they’d probably flip out and call the police or something.” Her ears droop and she looks to your floor.

“Okay.” It almost pains you to see her like this, but you learned your lesson from Lyra, you can’t be swayed with sadness or tears.

“I’m sorry I can’t bring you along, here.” You make your way to the entertainment center your tv is on. When you’re in front of it you squat down, open the cupboards on the bottom, and pull out your gaming console. After two or so minutes you’ve hooked up everything and have a dvd ready to go.

“What is this machine?” She asks before reaching over and bumping it with a hoof. Your xbox beeps, and the little green light on the front blinks to life. The sudden noise causes Luna to yelp and hide behind your couch for safety.

“Luna, it’s an xbox. I use it to play games and watch movies. Do you guys have projectors?” you ask before looking at your couch. Luna’s head slowly rises above the back of your couch, she nods slowly.

“Well, think of this like that, but a lot more advanced.” You start off by explaining the controller, a little bit of the menu, and of course how to insert and start the dvd that you picked out. Thankfully she wasn’t as curious about the individual disc as she was the console itself. You’d rather not explain every little thing, or go into detail about the games you have to choose from. “So, what kind of movies do you like?”

“Oh, I’ve never had time to see them, but I’ve heard they’re quite marvelous.”

“Well, I’m about to fix that. We’ll start with a horror movie called A Nightmare on Elmstreet.”

“That sounds,” she seems to be trying to find the right words, “interesting human. So, while I watch this you’ll get the pizza?” she points to the tv. You nod and she steps out from behind the couch, “Alright, sounds like a delightful evening. But, hurry back, we’re supposed to be doing this kind of thing together.”

“Yeah, I got ya. Don’t worry, I won’t be too long. I’ll probably be like thirty minutes or so.” With that bit of assurance she takes to lying down upon your sofa. As soon as your disc tray closes you hit play, grab your keys off the table, and make your way to your door. You turn back to her to find that she’s already engrossed in the images being projected. The music starts and she seems to lean in, anticipation marks her features.

Thinking that things will be fine, you shut the door and prepare to go about your business. Since she’d have no idea anyway, you decide to stick to a regular cheese pizza for her, and one for yourself. But, you’ll definitely be getting stuffed crust for both. If she’s never heard of such a delicious meal before, Luna needs to have the best it has to offer.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

You know, there are many things in life you wonder about. How you got your job is one of those, same goes for the amazing deal you have on your house’s mortgage. But, the one thing that seems to top it off would have to be…

“HOW THE FUCK IS THERE A HOLE IN MY GOD DAMN HOUSE!?” Coming home with pizzas in hand, not even an hour later, you find that a large section of your house is gone. In its place is a rather giant hole. Now, one might think a giant hole would constitute something along the lines of a foot in diameter.

With this you might as well say an entire wall of your house is gone. Your yard is littered with broken pieces of wood, insulation, and dried sections of paint. How there isn’t a squad car in front of your house, you will never know. But you thank your lucky stars that you don’t have to add that onto your plate.

Rage wouldn’t even begin to describe how you feel right now. Your hands were shaking; your breathing has become forced and laborious. Little pinpricks of pain shoot through your gums from the grinding. You don’t know how this happened, but what you do know, is that it involves Luna. There’s no way that it couldn’t involve her.

When you walk up your front steps and get to your door, you don’t bother unlocking it; instead you kick it open. It was barely hanging by the hinges anyway. As soon as it hits the ground you hear a deafening scream. A blast of air and noise hits you dead on, launching you off of your feet.

Your breath leaves you, and a flare of pain shoots up your spine when you land on your narrow concrete path. Thankfully, both pizzas were still in their boxes. The soda on the other hand would have to sit for a while before it could be opened. Even in your dazed state you’re able to look up and see Luna’s head peeking out from behind your door.

“O-oh my goodness, are you okay?! “ You manage a groan before slowly getting to your feet.

“For the most part,” you groan, “What was that, and what happened to my house?” Luna chuckles nervously before shrinking away from your view. You get up, pick up the food and soda, and then you follow her inside.

Somehow the inside manages to look worse than the outside. The broken chunks of your wall are sparking from the live electricity still flowing through. Other than that you find fragments of insulation littering your hardwood flooring. Everything else seemed to be blown out from the force of Luna’s voice.

“We may have gotten scared of Freddy Krueger, and we may have screamed. Our Royal Canterlot Voice is a bit destructive. By the way, I feel insulted,” You swear you can hear a steam kettle boiling. No, that’s actually your anger as it peaks to a level you didn’t even know existed. The veins in your neck pulsate as a result. “We help our subjects when they sleep, we do not try to kill them and harvest their souls. Your movie represents a poor adaptation of our abilities.” And that sets you off.

“YOU BLEW A HOLE IN MY HOUSE AND YOU’RE MAD ABOUT A MOVIE?!” You take a few menacing steps towards her after shouting. She in turn backs away, but before she can hide herself from sight you run through what remains of your threshold. You assume that her fear for you stems from the fact that she’s unable to use magic. If she could, this situation would probably be a bit different. But, there’s no use dwelling on what ifs. Right now you have a huge problem.

“I-I can fix it!” she exclaims while grinning nervously.

“That sounds amazing!” you reply, “if you did I wouldn’t have a reason to be pissed would I? Oh wait, Celestia flicked your horn, you can’t do shit.” Her sweating intensifies and she shifts her gaze from side to side.

“Uh, Tia?” she nervously calls to the open air. You stop a few feet away and look around as well. You wait a full minute before looking back to Luna. Thankfully, that minute was enough to chip away at some of the anger that burned within your chest.

“Well, what do ya know? Looks like she’s not coming, now, what the hell am I going to do?” Luna merely shrugs in response before backing away a bit, tears well within her eyes.

“I-I don’t know. I didn’t mean to damage your property, I got scared of the movie,” her flank hits the wall and she finds there’s nowhere else she can go. “I’m sorry human, I’ll fix your home when my horn stops hurting, or if I can get a hold of Tia, calm down, please?” You’re gritting your teeth the entire time to keep from shouting at her again
.

At least she seems remorseful for her actions, and it’s not like you’re going to hit royalty anyway. If it’s within her power to fix the damage, then there shouldn’t be an issue. But, that doesn’t make it better, you trusted Luna to keep herself in check. Instead, she caused a rather large mess.

A combination of her fearful demeanor, and potential prospect of having your house repaired slowly but surely drains you of your fury. A few controlled breaths are all it takes to stop your heartbeat from pounding in your ears. And with one final sigh, your shoulders slump and the raging inferno within dies down to a mere flicker.

“Okay, so you can repair this?” she nods, “did any humans see you?” Luna shakes her head. “Good. Thankfully you didn’t bust any pipes from this. But, I won’t have power in my living room anytime soon, which means we won’t have any more movies. So, here’s what’s going to happen.” Luna leans in letting you know she’s paying attention. “First off, I’m gonna go shower, when I come back down we’re going to eat pizza,” you point to your boxes for emphasis, “after that I’m going to sleep, seeing this kinda drained me. You can go to sleep whenever, and you’re going to clean this up before you leave.”

“I understand,” she says with a smile. Before she can say more you lean in, your close distance makes it a bit uncomfortable, which is exactly what you were going for.

“Do you? Then I hope you realize that if you try to run, and if that rift stays open too long, I will jump through to Equestria and follow you. If that happens, I will definitely hurt you.” You pop your knuckles by balling your hand into a fist, “I don’t care how much power you have, or what your name means over there. I will find a way to beat the hell out of you. Do I make myself clear?” You swear you can hear her swallow the lump in her throat. When she nods she manages to squeak out a response.

“C-crystal. A-and I would never do such a thing. I am no coward, if I ran away after doing something like this I would never be able to look at myself in my mirror again.” Judging by her widened eyes and pinprick sized pupils you’ve definitely instilled the fear of righteous justice into her. With that out of the way, you can go back to being a friendly host.

“Awesome, I’m glad to hear it,” you say with smile while ruffling her mane. “Now, let me go get rid of all the grime and sweat.” With that you turn your back to her, set the pizzas and soda down on a nearby table, and make your way to the bathroom.

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

The next few hours are spent in your bedroom rather than the living room. Somehow your neighbors haven’t heard the ruckus Luna caused, nor has anyone come to investigate. As far as you know, you’re in the clear when it comes to curious eyes. But, there’s no way you’re going to take any chances, hence why you’re in your room rather than anywhere else.

Unfortunately, Luna was unable to get a hold of her sister, so any efforts to repair the damage were in vain. It does help to know that even if Luna can’t fix it tomorrow, at least you have enough gold to make the repairs. So, while you may still be angry, you’re not taking it out on Luna. There’d be no point.

She’s happy that you’ve managed to keep yourself calm after your outburst, and Luna especially loves the pizza. After the first bite you swore her pupils became dilated from the taste. Though, the melted cheese hanging from her lip was a bit distracting at the time. Only one bite into it and she’s acting like it was one of the greatest things she’s ever eaten.

It took you snapping your fingers before she managed to realize just how ridiculous she looked. In order to save face she pointed a hoof behind you and screamed. Instinctively you turned around, only to find nothing there. When you turned to look at her her you noticed the cheese was no longer hanging off of her muzzle…

Though, the two of you did more than just enjoy your dinner. Like the night Lyra came by, you and Luna each shared a few bits and pieces of each other’s worlds. While the mint unicorn gave you only a few basic descriptions, Luna was able to go into much further detail. It helps that the moon Princess has lived for centuries rather than just a few decades. Age means more knowledge to share.

She seemed intrigued when you told her about the various technological advancements made by humanity, but she was obviously aggravated when you could only tell her a little bit about each. You’re not an expert on vehicles, computers, or anything like that. So, she was forced to deal with your end lacking in the information department.

Besides, with your iPhone being in their hooves, they could learn as much as they wanted from that device. In fact, you wouldn’t be surprised if they could figure out how to replicate it. Regardless, you made sure to tell Luna that you’d like it back at the earliest possible convenience. Thankfully, Luna reassured you that she’d find a way to return it to you.

But, despite the excitement of learning about Equestria’s history, exhaustion decides to make itself known to both you and her. A quick look to the window shows that the sun’s rays were starting to light up the night sky. You went way too long without sleeping, and there’s a good chance you’re going to have to miss work, but with your monetary gain you don’t seem to care as much as you would normally.

Luna reflects your tiredness with a yawn. And with neither of you being able to keep the conversations going, you decide that it’s time to get some shut eye. Naturally you were going to take the floor while she took your bed, but she insists on sharing. What you find surprising is that the entire time she’s trying to convince you to sleep with her, her cheeks are a bright shade of red. Deciding it’d be best to keep your comments to yourself, and after she stammers out a compliment on your cuddling ability, you cave in and choose to do things her way. And you are definitely glad you did, enough so to actually give in to her near begging to cuddle with you to make up for her first visit.

While Nightmare was imposing with her cuddling, and when Lyra let you cuddle her, you took note that there wasn’t a near even amount. You were either forced to endure it, or deal with the fact that you were the dominate one in that little bit of platonic affection. But with Luna, it was an entirely different experience. She made up for the first time and much, much more.

When you wrapped your hands around her unbelievably soft coat, she curled her front legs so you could properly pull her into a hug. She returned the gesture by using her wings. Instead of feeling trapped by them, you felt safe, secure even. The ever-flowing mane didn’t attract any attention either; she managed to dim the tiny stars so you wouldn’t be distracted by the light. For once, you were actually cuddling with a pony who took the time and care to make sure your own needs were met rather than their own. It was quite a refreshing experience… and in no time at all the two of you shared a goodnight before falling asleep in each other’s embrace…

~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~

It’s past noon before you finally stir from your slumber, and just like with Nightmare Moon and Lyra, your partner was gone when you opened your eyes. Again, you’re left to question whether last night was a dream or not… but the feathers that you found in your bed dismissed that thought rather quickly. That, and the rather obvious note left upon your nightstand stood as another reminder. Unlike Lyra’s, this one actually brought a smile to your face. It reads:

“Dear human, last night was a rather interesting experience. While I may have made a rather large mistake, I’m glad you didn’t let it spoil our fun. I honestly thought I ruined whatever potential I had at making a friend… but you showed me that I was far from wrong, and for that I’m grateful. When you wake up you’ll be happy to find that Tia and I cleaned the mess I made, and repaired the damage. Thanks again for a wonderful evening, and for the delicious food… I sort of took the rest of my pizza so I could show the Canterlot chefs something new. I hope you don’t mind. PS: Your iPhone is still in Lyra’s possession, and she’ll be presenting it to the pony populace again within a week. After the presentation we will take it apart, study it, and try to replicate it. Though, I fear we won’t be able to, compared to your world we are quite a bit behind in some aspects. Don’t worry, we’ll put it back how it was so it’ll work, and it’ll be returned to its rightful owner. Thanks again for being so understanding. Signed, Luna.”

As soon as you finish reading you hurry out of your room to see if the moon princess was telling the truth. When you enter your living room you find yourself wanting to cry. It’s as Luna said, everything has been put back into its proper place. Almost as if someone turned back time in order to get it just right. To test out their work you flick on the nearby switch, and cry out with joy when your room is bathed in artificial lighting. For once, you’re happy to know that your most recent visitor was actually polite and respectful.

“You know what, ponies aren’t so bad after all,” you say to yourself with a smile. Now, what should I do today, should I go into work? You look to the sack of bits still in your floor and wave your hand dismissively. Nah, they’ll figure out that I’m not going back.

Author's Note:

Finally, after almost two weeks, here's the next update. It's a lot longer than the others...
Also, this is its unedited form, the edited form will be posted at the earliest possible convenience.

A quick announcement to the readers: After this chapter Forced Pony Cuddles will go on hiatus until I get to chapter ten of The Lively Adventures of Anonymous. I'd like to work on that a bit more and the cuddles will only distract me. When I finish off chapter ten I'll pick this right back up. As far as that's concerned chapter six will be released tomorrow.

Diamond in the Rough will be done eventually... it's so close, but I'm holding myself back...

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Comments ( 109 )
Sabban #1 · May 24th, 2013 · · 4 ·

DO GILDA.

Awwww... Hiatus... Poo.:fluttercry::fluttercry::fluttercry:

Two problems; one, the utter personality change that Luna underwent after Celestia put her back. I could understand her acting like that with regards to Celestia but the speech change and such in regards to the human seem off. Two, did "I" seriously just threaten Luna and she just got nervous and afraid? I call bull on that one.

Still, very cute. Though there seemed to be less cuddling in this one.

Three thousand bits = how much again?
Because the way it's being described in this chapter, I feel like the value of gold is being VERY significantly underestimated.

Well that's a plus for him. The rate for gold is still high.

so hes rich now? well that is not gonna last long

Love this chapter. Luna truly needs the cuddles. *cuddles Luna*

We’ll start with a horror movie called A Nightmare on Elmstreet.

You bastard! :flutterrage:

2622396 I agree but make her a bit like Luna or Lyra instead of Iron Will and again cant believe that guy got in:facehoof:

It sucks to realize that Equestrian currency is entirely worthless on Earth.

...Then again, bits ARE made of gold, aren't they? I retract my statement if that's the case :derpytongue2:

Forced Pony Cuddles will go on hiatus
will go on hiatus
hiatus
HIATUS

2622450
At that point she knew little about humans. And ponies are naturally skiddish, add that to being unable to use magic and BAM a human is suddenly more threatening. Besides, righteous anger is a lot more scary than un-necessary anger imo.

2622454
As far as that's concerned it's appearing to be downplayed because it's not the focus of this particular chapter, but it will become significantly important later. I just didn't want to put too much emphasis onto this just yet.

2622525
They are in this Alternate Universe. Don't know if they really are gold though.

2622532
:eeyup:

2622525

Solid. Gold.
........I think?
.....so. much money....:rainbowderp:

2622563
About that, how does Celestia flicking her horn do that? Seems like a major problem if you can take down a unicorn's magical abilities just like that.

it would be great if you where to do derpy :pinkiehappy: it would be so damn cute :derpytongue2: :rainbowkiss:

2622525 actually, they are made of copper painted to look like gold

Wait, I'm a little confused. Are there two separate humans or just one? :rainbowhuh:

Anon is pissed off, I approve.

2622607 And now I think back to chemistry class and how I made gold coins from heating pennies after dipping them in zinc :rainbowkiss:

2622572
Remember the episode of MLP where Sweetie Belle flicked Rarity's horn and it disrupted her magic?
I used that here, but on a much grandeur scale in order for it to work as a minor element to the chapter.

2622612
Yes, as I stated before, there are two different humans.

One works/worked at a warehouse: (NMM/Lyra/Luna)
One works in construction: (Celestia/Iron Will)

There will be no more than two.

2622672 oh my gosh that cleared somethings up, but how did I miss that?lol

I'm pretty sure he could buy a mansion with that and be well furnished too with today's Currency

This is interesting, a Luna chapter shows up just before I go to bed. I really like Luna in this one especially when she stopped speaking in Old English and honestly, I wouldn't let a magical being who has never seen technology before watch a horror movie. That's pretty much a huge error in judgment on his part, I would be surprised that she didn't destroy the TV out of fear.

This may be On Hiatus, but hopefully I'll get off my lazy flank and finish writing the first chapter of my own spinoff of this soon. I felt that I should write a fic that fits between this and the Mature parody, so it's going to be rated Teen.

Not planning on giving out any more details until it's finished, except that it's going to have zero swears and has a bit of an emphasis on the story and comedy.

I need someone to threaten me or something, because I wanna stop procrastinating. :fluttershyouch:

2622569
Today's price of gold is roughly $1400/oz.
Assuming that each gold coin is 1 oz, that means that Mr. Expunged just landed well over four MILLION dollars worth of gold. :rainbowderp:
I think that covers the price of the iPhone.
Granted, it probably won't last long. I mean, what kind of fool leaves a girl alone to watch a horror movie? If there were an annual Derpy Awards, I'd sure as hell nominate this guy. :derpytongue2:

i fully expected luna to steal his Xbox and Tv

Hrm, While Luna is my favorite Pony / Princess. This surely was not my favorite chapter.

“Do you? Then I hope you realize that if you try to run, and if that rift stays open too long, I will jump through to Equestria and follow you. If that happens, I will definitely hurt you.” You pop your knuckles by balling your hand into a fist, “I don’t care how much power you have, or what your name means over there. I will find a way to beat the hell out of you. Do I make myself clear?”

This is the main problem I have with 2nd person fics. Not only would I never say that to an actual woman. I definitely would never say it to an adorable magical alien creature. It just came off as too violent, like this character has some really bad rage, and temper issues, it really took away the immersion. Maybe it's just me, I was expecting more comical cuteness. Not a glimpse into this characters repressed anger issues, and dark side.

The end was cute I suppose, just got the feeling of witnessing some abusive prick trying to make up some how by being nice.

Anyway, keep at them :twilightsmile:

2622909

what if the bits are made of fools gold? :trollestia: seems too good to be true~

Though if it were he could buy himself a whole new house when luna returns and i bet she would be surprised

*hiatus*
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
:flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage::flutterrage:


(yes, its THAT good)

oh man i love this story, and the others as well. but "forced pony cuddles" is all kinds of DWAAAAAAAAA

I feel like bro number one is getting it a lot better than the other

2622909 well you can't just show up with a fuckton of gold somewhere and try to sell it without getting the attention of the authorities

Lol aww well everything did work out in the end, but now we shall play the waiting game.:pinkiehappy:

2622396
giggity. :derpytongue2:
2623065
Would have been freaking funny, but she already said she wouldn't steal.

A truley adorable chapter.

glad to know this was resolved :twilightsmile:

And just think of how jealous everyp0ny will be when you tell them you’re friends with an alien.

Celestia l33t speaks! :pinkiegasp:

I love this chapter! I would probably be like this if I wasn't a brony.
But since I am, I would probably be trying to contain my huge dam of excitement.
I might be a bit mad about the house though... but I won't do anything like threaten her.:twilightoops:

2622572How does she even flick with a hoof anyway? Last time I checked, a hoof is one solid piece.

Oh please let Luna come back

2623826 the same way you would flick your wrist.

2623923 have you never heard the monty python song?

at least, I was told they featured it on monty python

2623455
That only happens if you sell it all at once. If you sell it piecemeal, you'll be fine.

2623173
An interesting idea, but I've never seen a pyrite coin. Silicon is kind of wonky like that.

2623122
I don't see how someone wouldn't get angry at someone or something who blew away almost an entire wall of their house. It's not really repressed anger, it's justifiable anger. When he was assured that it could be fixed he stopped being angry. The threat was more of a "just in case you're lying to me and plan on leaving me with this damage."

2623617
I knew I was forgetting to fix something. The site that I first posted this chapter too has a filter on the word "pony," so you have to use a 0 in place of an O. Things like somep0ny and everyp0ny need that zero while just pony by itself is fine sometimes....

2623663
Like I explained in the above paragraph. The threat was to be implied on the "just in case you're a liar" kind of threat. You don't just damage someone's property without thinking there wouldn't be repercussions.

I'm laughing at these comments. I don't give a shit how cute something is, if it destroys thousands of dollars of my personal property, I'mma get pissed off at it.

2624033
Well everybody is different, and have their own ways of reacting. At the most, I would have teased Luna by saying that I will fill her bed with stinky cheese, and that it'll take months to get the stench out.

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