//------------------------------//
// The Party 
// Story: Mort Takes a Holiday 
// by AnonymousMaterials 
//------------------------------//

After the chance encounter with Derpy Hooves, Mort was quite intent on avoiding being seen by more ponies. He didn't know how the gray pegasus could so thoroughly see through the enchantment. Spike and other animals were troubling but understandable, as evidently the proginator of the enchantment never took non-ponies into consideration. Now, however, it seemed there were even some ponies who were not affected. While Twilight Sparkle still seemed none-the-wiser, he feared it would only be a matter of time before another pony with Derpy's unique insight would see through it, and not conclude that he was only wearing a mask.

Of course, just as he was having these thoughts, he would then be plopped in clear sight of several dozen ponies. All who were now looking at him.

Before he could dwell on the circumstances further, Pinkie Pie was already pushing him across the floor, babbling on about the games they could play, and getting sidetracked on each one when she remembered some humorous and embarrassing story they reminded her of. Mort would have appreciated the stories more if he didn't feel like he was going to be another story for her to tell very soon.

“—and then I said, 'No, silly! You're supposed to put candy in the pinata, not make the pinata out of candy!' But I still thought it was a really neat idea, but it's just too bad that then you'd have to be breaking all the candy you're supposed to eat, but I guess if you make the candy pieces break off each other easily then—OH! Hi guys!”

The two of them finally came to a stop in front of a small group of ponies, consisting mostly of mares. (The male-to-female ratio in Ponyville was firmly in favor of the latter, for reasons Mort never investigated.) The colorful ponies were all wearing bright, friendly smiles, which meant that he hadn't run into another pony like Derpy Hooves. Not yet, anyway.

Pinkie Pie patted Mort on the back, and wrapped the foreleg around his shoulders. “Everyone, this is Mort!” she said excitedly, gesturing with her free hoof towards him. “He's the new pony I was telling you about. Poor Morty here has been kinda having a rough day today, so I'm hoping our Ponyville cheer could rub off on him!”

Before Mort could protest, she dragged him even closer, raising one of his hooves with her own. “Anyway, what are you waiting for, Mort? This here's Colgate...” A blue unicorn with a white streak in her mane shook his hoof. He didn't have time to get a feel for her spirit before Pinkie Pie moved him to the pony next to her. “And this is Carrot Top...” He shook her hoof, and while there was a slight flinch, the yellow and orange earth pony kept her smile going. “And this is Wintergreen—”

“Pinkie!” The interjection came from Twilight, who had finally caught up with them. She was a lifeline in a sea of ponies. “Are we really—oh, excuse me, it's nice to meet you,” she said, giving a quick shake to the white pegasus with mint hair, “—are we really going to be doing this for everypony? I feel like half the town's here!”

“U, she's got a point!” he said, with a hint of desperation. The less ponies that had a good look at him, the better. “There are just so many ponies here, I couldn't possibly say hi to all of them!”

Pinkie Pie rubbed her chin thoughtfully. “Gee, you're right, Twilight! I guess that's why you're the smart one!”

Mort breathed a sigh of relief. “Yes, of course. I guess that means—”

Pinkie Pie grabbed his shoulders and looked at him so intently, he was afraid the spell would fail. “It means it's time to put this into OVERDRIVE!” she cried, pumping one foreleg in the air.

“Overdrive?! Wha-augh!” Pinkie Pie suddenly grabbed hold of him, and an instant later he was almost gliding over the floor as he was pulled along by the party pony. A second later he found himself in front of a startled, blue mare.

“This is Sourberry,” Pinkie Pie babbled.

“H-hello th—” Mort yelped the world blurred, and the mare disappeared, to be replaced by an equally startled pair of ponies.

“This is Salt and Pepper,” Pinkie Pie said, just as quickly as before. But before he could utter a greeting, the world became a colored blur again, and the pair was gone in place of a yellow unicorn. “And Daisy Chain, and I can't forget—”

It went on like this for some time. As soon as a name had left Pinkie Pie's lips, Mort was being pulled across the floor at speeds he didn't think were possible for an earth pony. Pinkie Pie, for her part, never missed a beat when it came to naming the ponies, and from what he could see never even took a breath during the whole ordeal. 

“—then we have Snapshot, Ace, Romana, Honeybunch, Oat Seed, Broadside, Lemon Hearts, Lucky Swirl, Pepperdance, Rosebud, Regalia, Minty, Root Canal—”

Pinkie Pie continued like this, pushing Mort in front of more and more ponies, his vision becoming a series of colors and symbols that were beginning to bleed into each other. It became so bad he could have sworn he was meeting a few ponies over and over again, with just slightly different cutie marks, if even that.

“—Water Works, Large Ham, Eye See, Celery Stick, PB and J, Rocker, Twilight Sparkle, Spike and Pinkie Pie!” Mort suddenly snapped back to reality, and saw himself shaking hooves with the pink earth pony, who appeared startled for a moment, along with both Twilight and Spike.

“Whoops! We already met, didn't we?” Mort snapped his head around towards the voice, seeing Pinkie Pie just behind him, like she had been there the whole time. He turned his head back, and found he was trying to shake hoofs with thin air.

“What? But...” He pointed between the two spots, trying to come to grips with what he had just experienced. “You were...I was...but then you...how...?!”

“You can sound so silly sometimes, Mort!” Pinkie Pie giggled. “Not that there's anything wrong with it. It's a great way to put a smile on a pony's face! There was this one time—” Before she could get started on another story, her ears perked up as she caught sight of something behind him, and she gasped in delight. “Ooh, ooh! I haven't introduced you to Mr. and Mrs. Cake yet! Wait here, Mort! I'll be back before you can say 'cupcakes!'”

With that she was off like a rocket, kicking up dust and leaving a pink blur behind her. Mort watched her go, and saw her speaking to a pair of earth ponies who were carrying trays of sweets. One was a stout, blue mare with a pink mane, and the other was a lanky, yellow stallion with a short, red mane. Both, unsurprisingly, had some sort of cake on their flanks, and were wearing aprons.

“Are you alright, Mort?” Twilight asked, trotting up beside him.

The past thirty seconds played out again in his mind, and it may have made even less sense. “Twilight, was...was I shaking hooves with—”

“Yes,” she said, with a knowing nod.

“Even though she was—”

“Yes.”

“How?”

She avoided his eyes, smiling uneasily. “Well...she's...um...”

“She's Pinkie Pie!” Spike threw in helpfully.

Twilight Sparkle sighed, and with a moderately defeated tone said, “Yeah, I think that's really the best way to explain it.”

Mort groaned. “This is just...nuts. You can't walk anywhere without bumping into somepony, they're all talking and staring and...and I don't even know where to start!” He scanned the room again, saying, “Do I eat something first? Play a game? Talk to somepony? Open a gift? Where's the timetable? Where's the scheduling?! Is their a proper order to this or—”

“Mort!” His name jolted the shade out his panic attack. Twilight put a comforting hoof on his shoulder, and gave him a reassuring smile. “Just calm down, okay? It's just a party. All you have to do is enjoy yourself.”

Spike nodded sagely. “Seriously, it's nothing to get so worked up about. Have you never been to a party or something?”

“Um...well...” Mort avoided Spike's curious gaze, and scratched the floor uneasily. He technically had been to parties before, or at least he thought they were. He was never the guest of honor, of course, and he rarely stayed longer than a few minutes. And obviously, if he had to be there, chances were good there wasn't going to be a lot of partying anyway. “I've...never had a lot of time for actual partying.”

“Seriously?” Spike asked, in disbelief. “I mean, they throw some wild celebrations around Equestria, I'd figured you'd go to one at least, or even—”

“That's enough, Spike. It's not that weird,” Twilight said, and Mort found himself once again grateful for the librarian. “Heck, I’d only been to a couple myself before I came to Ponyville. It's normal if he feels a little nervous. When Pinkie threw one for me I didn't really know what to do either.”

“She did this to you, too?!” He collapsed on his knees, and held his hoofs up pleadingly. “Twilight, please, you gotta tell me what to do here! What did you do when Pinkie did that? Give me some direction! Please!”

“Well...” She avoided his eyes, looking uncomfortable as her cheeks took on a rosy tint. “I sorta...went to my room.”

Mort continued to stare at her, waiting for elaboration, but it wasn't forthcoming. “Was their...something going on up there?” he asked hopefully.

“Uh, no,” she said, looking more embarrassed. “I just went to bed...”

“Oh.” He couldn't hide his disappointment. “So you just left.”

“I didn't leave,” she said defensively. “I just...well, went into another room! That's all.”

“It's too bad, too,” Spike said, his look one of recollection. “If you'd stuck around, you might've seen AJ and Rainbow trying to see who could drink the most hot sauce! Rainbow Dash was flapping her wings the whole time and Applejack was looking as red as Big—”

“Wait, wait!” Mort interrupted, a thought suddenly occurring to him. “That's it! I can do that!”

Spike scratched his head. “Uh, I don't see how drinking hot sauce could make you more relaxed, but hey, whatever floats your boat.”

“No, no, not that! I can just leave!” he told them, clopping his hoofs excitedly. “It's so simple it's brilliant!”

Twilight looked at him in surprise, and her tone became worried. “Mort, you can't just leave! I mean, I know I kinda-sorta did that—”

“And she's still your best friend, right?” he interjected. “She must not have minded that much then, right? And it's not like she'd notice if one pony was gone, right?”

“I dunno,” Spike remarked skeptically. “You're kinda hard to miss.”

Mort did a quick scan of the room. There were precisely zero ponies who were wearing a cloak. There weren't even ponies that had a dark coat. It was times like this he wished more ponies had retained their more earthy colors from ages ago. He hardly saw any pony with a black coat these days.

“Well, you can just tell her I'm in the bathroom or something,” he said, edging towards the door. “If I go now, she probably won't even notice. She's been gone a really long time anyway, I bet—”

“HEY MORT!” Mort gave a short scream as Pinkie Pie suddenly appeared in front of him, wrapping him in a hug, the sheer energy that existed in her spirit almost overwhelming his senses. “Miss me?”

“Almost,” he mumbled, wearily wiggling out of her forelegs. “I had plenty of time to say 'cupcakes', you know.”

“So did you?”

“I...uh...” Mort went quiet as he silently realized that Pinkie Pie was, technically, right. He groaned and slumped his head forward, halfway between indignant smoldering and embarrassed stupification. A small part of him was convinced that Pinkie Pie was doing this on purpose, somehow. 

An upwards glance was what it took for him to notice the other two ponies that were with her. They had warm smiles, and wore them in that special way that made others feel like they were always welcome. It was a wonder that Pinkie Pie wasn't related to them. 

“Mr. and Mrs. Cake, I presume?” he asked, trying to force some sense of cheer into his voice.

“Ones and only,” Mr. Cake replied, tilting his diner cap in greeting. “Always a pleasure to be meeting new ponies, Mort. I hope you're having fun.”

“Well, uh...you've certainly gone all out,” he said carefully.

Mrs. Cake chortled, her plump form and swirling mane jiggling. “Well, you can thank Pinkie Pie for that! The filly can do just about anything when she puts her mind to it!”

“It is kinda amazing what she can do in half-an-hour,” Twilight commented, looking nervously at Mort. 

“It's no biggie, Twilight! I've been doing parties for so long I can practically get it down to a science! Maybe I should write a book about it! Ooh, ooh, you should help me, Twilight! With my experience and your know-how, I bet we could make the best guide for any kind of party! Tea parties, birthday parties, welcome parties, goodbye parties—well maybe not goodbye parties, I haven't done any of those yet. Oh, I really hope I never have to! It'd be so sad and—”

“Honey,” Mrs. Cake said, poking Pinkie Pie in the ribs gently, “we have guests, remember?”

“Oh, duh! Like I’d ever forget that!” she chirped. She suddenly got much closer to Mort, so much so their faces were almost touching. Her bright, round eyes looking at him expectantly. “So what do you think, Mort? Isn't this one of the best parties you've ever been to?”

“Oh, er...” He gulped, perhaps a bit too audibly, and tugged at the edge of his collar—another bad habit he had picked up from ponies. “W-well, about that...”

The smiles on the Cakes faces slowly vanished at his tone, and the two shared worried looks with one another. Pinkie Pie kept her smile going, though there was the faintest of flickers across it.

“Well?” she urged cheerfully.

“Um, well...it's just, uh, this party is...uh...” He shot a pleading look at Twilight, hoping for support.

The librarian bit her lip, and briefly glanced at Pinkie Pie, then back at him. “Just...tell them what you really think, Mort.”

It was clear he wasn't going to coax anything else out of her. Turning to look back at Pinkie Pie, he felt a twist of panic when he saw that the huge smile had shrunk just a little, and now seemed more uncertain.

“Is something wrong?” she asked, the cheer sounding just a little more forced.

“W-well, it's just...uh...this party...t-this party is...” There were a lot of ways he could describe the party: intimidating, overwhelming, not his scene, kinda frightening...and every time he ran the words through his mind, they would always come out sounding mean spirited. Even “uncomfortable” sounded too harsh a word in front of Pinkie Pie.

Then it finally happened: her smile, agonizingly, began to drip, little by little, until it was little more than a frown. A tiny frown on any other pony, but on her, even for the incredibly short time he knew her, it was the equivalent of watching an apple deciding to be an orange, or watching a burning candle freeze its wax. It just wasn't right. Even the mane seemed a little deflated, somehow.

When she spoke again, there was an element of concern and, most distressingly, a tremor of sadness. “You...don't like the party?” she asked, her voice almost cracking.

Mort had sudden flashes of Rarity and Fluttershy, both of which were left in tears due to his own carelessness with his actions and words. Thinking of that made his next words come very easily to him.

“This...this is, without a doubt, the best party I've ever been to!” he cheered, injecting as much enthusiasm into his voice as possible. “It's just so...uh, colorful, and happy, and...uh, partyrific?”

For a moment, Pinkie Pie looked at him blankly. Then in an instant, the smile returned, even wider than before, and Mort could swear she seemed a brighter shade of pink as well. She squealed in delight and wrapped him in a massive hug again. 

“Oh, I knew you'd like it, Morty! I'm going to make this a party you'll never, ever forget!” She zipped away, the speed of it causing the shade to spin in place. Twilight quickly came over and grabbed him, bringing him to a sudden halt.

“Well, me and my hubby need to get back and put the finishing touches on a few things. You just go and enjoy yourself, dear.” Mrs. Cake gently nuzzled the side of Mort's cloak, and Mr. Cake gave him a friendly pat on the back, before the two of them began to head back towards the kitchen.

Twilight put on a small smile. “Mort, I'm glad you're going to try and stick around.” The smile faltered ever so slightly, and she let an edge of concern slip in when he asked, “You are going to be okay, right...?”

“I really hope so,” he said bluntly. “I can always ask you two for help if I need it, right?”

“Definitely! I'm something of a party animal myself,” Spike bragged. “Maybe not as much as Pinkie is, but you've any doubts, I'm the guy to turn to.”

“And I still know most of the ponies here,” Twilight added. “If they want to talk to you, I can help you out if you really need it.”

Mort nodded appreciatively, feeling more at ease, if only a little. “Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me.”

“Geeze, there's no need to get dramatic,” Spike said, slightly embarrassed. “Like we said, it's just a party. It's not going to be a big deal or anything.”

“If you say so...” Mort did another scan of the room, each corner seeming to hold something different to do. “So, uh, if you're the closest I have to an expert—besides Pinkie Pie, anyway—what's the best way to start?”

Spike scratched his chin, thinking. “Well, we could always start with a game. Pinkie Pie always has a lot of games for us to play. Musical Chairs, Pin the Tail on the Pony, Charades, a bunch of board games of course...”

“I do like board games,” he said, fondly remembering the games he and Luna played in her room. 

“Well there you go,” Twilight said, grinning. “We'll let Pinkie Pie know, and—”

“Make way, everypony!” Pinkie Pie's bubbly voice rose above the noise in the room, and the earth pony came trotting back with something long and white rolled up in her mouth. With a flourish, the fabric was unfurled in mid-air, Pinkie Pie biting down on just a tiny bit to keep it from sailing across the room. It floated down towards the floor, and Pinkie Pie went to work flattening out the last few wrinkles.

He stared at it, both confused and intrigued. It was a large, square mat, decorated with four rows of dots, with each row consisting of a single color, which were either red, blue, yellow, or green. Not far from the mat was a spinner, each quarter of the spinner taken up by a picture of a hoof, a couple of words (“Left Forehoof,” “Right Hindhoof,” etc.) and an array of colors matching the dots on the mat.

“What is that?” he asked no one in particular.

The question prompted a startled gasp from Pinkie Pie. “You don't know what game this is?”

“Oh, uh...well...” He turned his eyes to the ground, feeling a little foolish all of a sudden.

“Oh, no! It's okay if you don't, Morty. I just thought everypony had played this game at least once!” She patted him on the head, careful to avoid his horn, and hopped over to the spinner. “It's really simple! All you do is spin this thingy here...” She twirled the spinner, watching it intently until it slowed to a stop on “Right Forehoof”, the arrow pointing at a yellow dot.

“Then,” she said, walking onto the mat, “you put your hoof on any dot that matches the color it's pointing at!” She demonstrated by choosing a yellow dot near the center, sitting her right forehoof on top of it. “And all you gotta do is keep it there until you're told otherwise! Easy peasy!”

“Huh. Okay...” He scratched his head, not so much confused by the rules, as much as the actual game itself. “I...guess that could be fun. But it seems a little easy, doesn't it?”

Pinkie Pie giggled knowingly. “Sure, it doesn't sound hard, but just wait until you actually play it!” She suddenly raised a foreleg and announced, “Alright, everypony! Who wants to take on the reigning champion first?”

Excited chattering broke out among the crowd, ponies looking to their friends and neighbors to see if they would be the ones to get first. Mort studied their faces, seeing quite a few shaking their heads. Some were rubbing their legs or backs in a sympathetic manner, as if remembering something painful.

From somewhere in the crowd, there came a string of protests from what sounded like a young stallion, and a moment later the crowd parted, allowing a couple of ponies to push forward a light brown earth pony. The protesting pony suddenly went quiet when he realized where he was, and looked around nervously.

“Ooh, Caramel!” Pinkie Pie hopped over right next to him, leering playfully. “I don't remember playing this with you.”

“Whoah, whoah, hold on,” he said, glancing back at the ponies who pushed him up front. “I think there was a—”

“Let's get stretchin'!” Pinkie Pie hopped onto the map, and a moment later Caramel rolled his eyes and followed her, a few ponies giggling at his expense. “Spike, can you do the honors?”

“Sure thing!” Spike climbed off of Twilight and hurried over to the spinner, rubbing his hands eagerly.

“Am I missing something?” he asked the librarian, as the two ponies took up positions on the mat, one obviously more excited than the other. “He doesn't look too excited. Is Pinkie...not good at this, or something?”

“Oh, no, quite the opposite,” Twilight said with a smile. “She's the best.”

“Oh. So what's the problem?”

Twilight giggled nervously. “Well...you'll see.”

He gave her a queer look, before turning his attention back towards the mat. Pinkie Pie was hopping from hoof to hoof, and Caramel was stretching himself, looking strangely determined. Both were on opposite sides of the mat, standing within its boundaries. Spike cracked his fingers, rotated his shoulders, and then held a single digit on the spinner.

“Ready when you are!” he announced.

“I'm ready!” Pinkie Pie bubbled, planting her right hindhoof on a green dot.

Caramel snorted as he put his own hoof down on a red dot. “I guess I'm ready, too.”

“Here we go!” Spike grabbed the tip of the spinner, and gave it a swift tug. It spun in place, the tip of it a blur, before it finally slowed to a stop: “Left forehoof, blue!”

“Aw, that's no fun!” Pinkie Pie simply moved her left forehoof to a blue dot, firmly placing a hoof down on top of it. “Go on, Caramel!”

Caramel nodded, and did the same, putting his own hoof on a blue dot right next to his other one. Spike spun the spinner again, and this time it stopped on right forehoof, red. Caramel merely had to slide his hoof over to the dot.

“So...it doesn't look too bad,” Mort commented, as the spinner landed on a green square for the right forehoof.

“Just give it a little time,” Twilight told him.

For the first few spins, the two ponies simply moved around the mat, placing their hoofs where they were told, and Mort was failing to see the appeal of the game. Most games, he knew, were supposed to be challenging, or at the very least fun. Moving hoofs around a dotted mat didn't look to be either.

Soon, both ponies had all four hooves bound to a particular dot, and as Mort soon found out, they couldn't pick a dot the other pony had already chosen, nor could they lift a hoof for any reason. This lead to situations where one or the other had to stretch a leg to a far out dot, since the closer ones were either taken or being blocked by a limb.

As the game went on, Mort began to see how easily the game could get complicated for the players. As the two ponies moved their hooves around according to the spinner, they were gradually moving into each others space, trying to occupy the closest dots. At the same time, they were moving into more and more awkward positions to stay in the game. Right and left legs were pulled in opposite directions, and limbs were either so stretched out or so pulled in that balancing would be difficult even without another pony being in the way.

Caramel was sweating up a storm as he struggled to keep himself balanced. Pinkie Pie, on the other hoof, looked to be having the time of her life. She was a complete natural, flipping and twisting her body in ways Mort didn't think were possible. There wasn't any position for her that seemed too difficult to pull off.

Finally, the spinner had landed on left hindhoof, red for Caramel. The earth pony looked at a red dot on the left side of the mat, then looked back at his left hindhoof, which was planted on the opposite side on green. His right hindhoof had been planted on a yellow dot, and his front forhooves were planted on the same side as well.

Twilight winced. “Ooh, that's not good.”

Caramel looked between where his hoof was, and where it was supposed to go. “I can't do that!” he said, somewhat indignantly.

“Don't give up!” Pinkie Pie cheered, who had at this point turned herself upside down, face red from the blood that was rushing through her skin. “You can do it! Just believe in yourself!”

Caramel rolled his eyes with a sigh, and proceeded to attempt the maneuver. Taking a breath, he lifted his hoof and began to cross it underneath him, towards the opposite side of the mat. Sweat was beading off his brow as his body began to tilt in an attempt to keep himself balanced. There were some awed gasps from the guests as Caramel's leg stretched further and further, and for a moment it looked like he was going to complete it.

It didn't last long. Just as the tip of his hoof touched the red dot, his opposite hindleg suddenly slipped out in the opposite direction. The earth pony gave a strangled cry as the weight of his body came down on his crossed legs, causing his eyeballs to bulge out before the rest of his body floundered onto the mat.

There was a chorus of disappointed and sympathetic moans. A pair of stallions pulled their friend from the mat, and helped walk the dazed earth pony towards a table in the back. Pinkie Pie flipped right-side up again, shaking her mane out of her eyes.

“Great game, Caramel! You just rest those legs up for next time!” Pinkie Pie sat down in the center of the mat, and looked at the crowd expectantly. “So, who's next? Who thinks they can take on the Pinkster?”

Pinkie Pie's head swiveled around, her eyes scanning the room like a turret looking for targets. Most of the ponies Mort saw were either shaking their heads or paying attention to what could have been an interesting corner in the room. A couple pegasi had squeaked in horror and hid themselves behind their wings. Mort was a little disappointed that none had stepped forward. It was certainly fun to watch.

When he looked at Pinkie Pie again to see if she had spotted anyone, he was surprised to see her staring in their direction. He looked over his shoulders, but found the space behind him unusually barren. If no pony was there, then what was she...

Oh.

A huge grin appeared on Pinkie Pie's face. “Morty~,” she said, in a sing-song voice. It wasn't just her who was looking at him now; it was every pony in the room. Quite a few of them were barely holding back their laughter.

He gulped, trying to back away. “Uh, heh heh, I-I don't know, Pinkie, I've never done this before and there are probably tons of more skilled ponies here, so I'll just—”

There was a sudden shove from behind, and he found himself stumbling forward, stopping just a few inches from Pinkie Pie's beaming face. He twisted his head around to see who had done it, but only had time to see Twilight’s own confused face before he was grabbed by Pinkie Pie.

“Yay!” she said, spinning him around like they were in a dance. “I just knew you couldn't resist! We're going to have so much fun!” She let go of him, and he twirled across the mat until he stopped at a corner. Not coincidentally, he was in the exact spot needed for him to play. Around him, ponies were hooting and whistling.

Pinkie Pie took her place on the opposite end, wiggling her tail excitedly and looking like she was ready to pounce. “You ready?” she asked.

He was not ready. He did not want to be the center of attention right now. He didn't want to end up like Caramel, or even worse, revealing more of himself on accident. The enchatment worked when his features were vague enough for other ponies to fill in the rest. There was nothing vague at all about a skeleton. He would just have to decline and—

“Go Mort!” 

Mort froze for a moment, puzzled. The voice didn't come from Pinkie Pie, Twilight, or even Spike. In fact, it was a pony he hadn't heard at all before. He tried to look for the source, but before he could find it, another pony voiced the same thing. Then another. And another. Soon enough, words of encouragement seemed to be coming from every other pony in the room.

The encouragement made him feel warm. It reverberated within his being, dulling whatever anxieties he was having then. A spark of excitement was beginning to grow inside him, the sort one might get when about to jump off a high ledge into some water below for the first time. A sea of uncertainty that also offered a unique thrill within its waves. 

He steadied himself and cleared his throat. “I-I guess I am.” This was followed by a few, loud whoops, and the sounds of hooves clopping on the wood floor. If he had skin, he would have probably blushed. “At least I hope,” he whispered to himself, willing his cloak to cling to his legs. No need to go showing off too much bone.

“Awwwright! Spin that crazy thang, Spike!” Pinkie Pie shouted, pointing a hoof at the dragon.

Spike did a little salute, spun the spinner, and the game was on. Much like Pinkie Pie's match with Caramel, it started off a little slow, the first spins being used just to get their hooves planted on some dot on the mat. And much like the last game, it was after this that things began to get interesting. The two of them, when feasible, started planting hooves down in the other’s space, to make any movements as difficult as possible. 

Pinkie Pie, for a pony that seemed to eat nothing but sweets, was surprisingly flexible, and at times Mort believed she was picking a dot for no reason, other than she'd be standing in a funny way. While Mort thought he'd have an easier go at it (no muscles to strain, after all), there was still the issue of balance. Gravity was a harsh mistress, as he had learned the hard way on his trip to Ponyville, and he had to balance himself without the crutch of floating. Being that he had rarely not floated, in any way, this was difficult.

The game had already gone on longer than it had before, and Mort was finding himself standing in more precarious stances just to stay in. However, it was also starting to take a toll on Pinkie Pie, who was beginning to show the first signs of sweat.

Spike was readying to spin again. By then, the two players had been forced to the edge of the mat. Mort's right limbs were spread out and almost opposite of each other, and his left limbs were side-by-side on different colors, but much closer. Pinkie Pie, who was splayed out beneath him, had her limbs spread out across the mat, making it awkward to step anywhere without tripping over her somehow.

Pinkie Pie strained a grin. “How you holding up, Mort?” she grunted.

“J-just fine, thank you,” he replied, struggling to maintain his balance. He turned to look at Spike, and urged him with a nod to spin. It was his turn, and he was hoping for better footing.

Spike spun the spinner, watching it twirl, until it came to a stop. The dragon winced when he saw it. “Uh, left hindhoof, red.”

Mort flinched. He took a look at the mat: his left forehoof took up one red dot already, but the dot behind and in front of it was occupied by Pinkie Pie's hindhooves. As close as they were to the edge, Mort would have no choice but to extend the hindleg all the way up the mat.

Pinkie Pie rotated her head like an owl, and grimaced. “Um, are you sure you want to try that, Mort? That's even farther than what Caramel tried, and it looks really painful.”

Mort took a quick look around. Most of the ponies didn't look convinced that he could do it, and some seemed to be wincing at the thought. He took another wary look at the dot, then back at his own hoof. It would be really difficult, but maybe...

He braced himself, then began to move his left hindhoof forward. He strained the boney limb farther and farther, inching towards the dot. A hush fell on the crowd as he got closer and closer, until finally...

Pop.

His eyes shot wide at the sound, just as his hoof finally touched down on the dot. There was a quiet gasp from the crowd, though all of their attention seemed drawn to the fact he had touched the dot, and not, as he feared, the sound of his femur popping out. He could feel it suspended inside him, just an inch from his pelvis. If he hadn't willed his cloak to keep it from dropping through, the ponies would have been staring at a skeletal leg rolling out from underneath him.

“Are...are you okay, Mort?” Twilight asked him, staring between him and where he had put his hoof down.

“Oh, uh, I'm fine! Just fine,” he said, hurriedly, finding it very difficult to keep himself upright. He inched his body forward, silently popping the femur back in place. “So, uh, your turn, Pinkie Pie?”

Pinkie Pie was speechless for a moment, her eyes narrowing. “Ooh, you're good,” she said. She brightened an instant later, and said, “Okey dokey! Go ahead and give it another go, Spike!”

Spike nodded. He spun the spinner again, watching the arrow. “Okay, right forehoof, red!”

The crowd gasped, and it was easy to see why; there were only two red dots left on the mat, and they were on the opposite side of Pinkie Pie. Mort could lift his hoof up, but no matter which one he chose, Pinkie Pie would have to stretch across nearly the entire mat just to make it.

Pinkie Pie's face was unreadable. She was simply staring into space, her mouth a thin line. Then, her face scrunched into one of fierce determination.

Spike dropped next to Pinkie Pie's head, pointing out the location on the spinner. “Uh, Pinkie Pie? Maybe you should...um...y'know...”

“Nu huh,” she said, with a shake of her mane. “Pinkamina Diane Pie never quits a game when it's half-finished! Except if everypony gets really sick. Or we're late for a party. Or if there's a fire. Maybe if there's a fire, but that's it!”

Spike covered his eyes as Pinkie Pie lifted her hoof, and began to reach underneath her, towards the dot on the opposite end of the mat. Mort lifted himself a few inches to give her more room, and watched in awe as the pink pony began to inch herself closer and closer to the red dot. Sweat was pouring off her brow, and she was gritting her teeth in pure effort as her face went from a bright pink to a dark red.

“Al...most...there...” She groaned as her foreleg began to extend even further, beyond what Mort thought a pony was capable of doing, and he was starting to believe that she could actually do it. At the same time, however, he noticed the rest of her limbs were also beginning to stretch, in an attempt to give her more leeway without leaving the mat completely. Almost like a rubber band.

A rubber band. He looked at each dot that had Pinkie Pie's hooves, and his horn glowed faintly. Just enough to peel some data off. Like how the friction between her hooves and mat were reaching a critical point. “Oh no.”

“I...got....” Pinkie Pie squealed as her foreleg seemed to stretch the last few inches. And before Mort could voice a warning to her, friction finally gave up the ghost. In the next instant there was an almost rubbery snap sound, and Mort found himself rolling in a circle before finally being propelled into the air, and then crashing down to the ground.

He picked himself up, making sure to keep himself properly concealed, and almost let his jaw literally drop at what he found: Pinkie Pie and the mat had been rolled into a tube, with her head sticking out at one end, and her tail at the other.

“Oh my gosh!” he shouted, rushing to her, along with several others. “Are you okay?! Say something!”

Pinkie Pie shook the stars from her head, and took a look at her predicament. “Ooh,” she moaned, slightly dazed, “I wonder if this is what tooth paste feels like. Good game, Morty...”

Mort watched as a pair of mares rolled Pinkie Pie away towards a corner. He couldn't help but feel a little guilty about what happened to her, and was ready to follow when a pony (Carrot Top, he soon recalled) appeared in front of him, beaming at him.

“I can't believe it!” she gushed. “No pony's ever beaten Pinkie Pie at that game before! You know how incredible that is?”

“Not...really?” he replied, unsure. More ponies began to join in, drawing in closer towards him, all of them speaking at once. Many of them seemed to be in awe at him winning the game, but some of the others were asking to make sure he hadn't pulled something. There were so many speaking, that he had no idea who to respond to first, if any of them. His nervousness began to go through the roof as they came closer and closer, forming a tight circle around him. He felt like a sheep in the center of a pack of wolves. Wolves with party hats and streamers.

“Alright, everypony! Give him some room to breathe!” Twilight pushed her way through the crowd, gently nudging away the quickly formed crowd. “Yes, it's really exciting, but Mort needs some space! Come on, come on...” In mere moments, the crowd had been dispersed almost completely, the ponies breaking into little groups to meet at the food tables or to check on Pinkie Pie, who was still being untangled.

He bowed his head at her. “Thank you,” he breathed gratefully.

“Not a problem, Mort,” she said, with a gentle smile. “And nice job out there! You really are the first one to ever win against Pinkie Pie, and not a lot of ponies get out of there without pulling something. Speaking of which...” She tilted her head sideways, and he realized with some panic she was looking at where his legs would be. “Are you okay? I mean, Pinkie's one thing, but doing that last move back there looked...well, painful.”

“Oh, it's nothing, really. I'm fine,” he said, quickly. “What about Pinkie Pie? Is she going to be okay? She's...not going to be mad or anything about what happened, is she?”

“Pfft, Pinkie Pie? Angry? She'll be fine. Maybe a little sore, in the physical sense, but that's it.” She turned around, and motioned for him to follow. “Come on, let's get you cooled off already. That must've been a doozy for you.”

“Oh, um, definitely,” he said, following her to a little table at the other end of the room. It was round in shape, and had in the center of it a juice bowl brimming with ice, and a couple ladles sticking out and leaning on the rims, while surrounding it were stacks of upside-down plastic cups. Twilight's horn flared as she took a cup, and poured some juice into it before floating it near Mort.

“Thanks, Twilight!” Before Mort could take the juice, a scaly hand suddenly shot out from underneath, grabbing the cup. Spike took a swig of the juice, wiping away what wasn't swallowed with his arm. “Boy, you have no idea how strenuous that game can be!”

“I'm sure,” Twilight said dryly, giving Mort an apologetic look. Mort simply shrugged, nonplussed. Shades didn't sweat, or even thirst for that matter. In that way, Spike really did need it more than him. He didn't refuse the next cup offered to him, however, and he floated it near him, swirling the iced juice inside.

It was while he was doing this that he noticed a pair of purple eyes staring at him, from the table. They belonged to a baby alligator that was slowly swishing his tail back and forth, his eyes never blinking once. 

“Uh...what's that doing here?” he asked, looking at Twilight.

“Oh, that's just Gummy,” the librarian informed him, pouring some juice for herself. “Don't worry, he doesn't have any teeth or anything.”

“Well, that's good.” He turned to look back at Gummy, thinking back to how the other animals reacted in his presence. Gummy, contrary to them, seemed content enough to just stare at him, though Mort swore he saw Gummy's eyelids closing just the tiniest bit. Like he was trying to narrow his eyes, while using the most minimal amount of effort possible. Ultimately, Gummy simply spun around and stared at the wall instead.

“Mort, was it? That was simply incredible, dear.” Mort followed the soothing voice towards a rose pink, earth mare with a light blue mane, held in place by a white band. Her cutie mark was a white lotus in blue outlines. Beside her was another mare, looking exactly the same, but whose colors were swapped around. He didn't need to scan them to know they were related.

“Oh, Aloe, Lotus! So nice you two were able to be here.” Twilight gave the two of them a quick hug before turning back to Mort. “Mort, this is Aloe and Lotus. They run the beauty spa in town, and they're just incredible with their work.”

“I have to say, Mort, we rarely see a pony as flexible as you,” Lotus said, her azure eyes twinkling. “How do you do it? Is there a special, meditative practice you use?”

“Oh, uh, I don't know. Just comes naturally to me, I guess.” Having a complete lack of muscle and sinew also helped. “Exercising doesn't hurt, either. Not to mention it helps you live longer, in my experience.”

“You certainly get a lot of that, from what I hear.” Another new, cheerful voice came from an earth mare with a fuchsia coat, sporting a trio of smiling daises for a cutie mark and a curled, rose pink mane. “I'm Cheerilee, by the way. Pinkie Pie was saying something about you being a delivery colt or something...?”

“Collector, to be exact,” Twilight said, using a ladle to pour juice into a pair of cups, one of which she passed to Mort using her magic. “Mort,” she said, after taking a sip, “Cheerilee here is a teacher at the school house in Ponyville. You taking it easy today, Cheerilee?”

“Oh, I wish,” she sighed, but not without humor. “I was grading yesterday's tests this morning, but wouldn't you know it? My red marker ran out.”

Twilight oohed sympathetically. “Well, that doesn't sound good...”

“Oh no, no, I had it for a while. My students are a little better than that,” the teacher said with a wink. “Still, I needed an excuse to get out and take a little break. And when I heard about this little shindig, well...” She shrugged her shoulders, giggling in an embarrassed fashion. “Not quite model behavior for a teacher, is it?”

“Hey, everypony needs to unwind now and again. Especially you,” Twilight said, pouring another cup of juice and passing it to Cheerilee.

“We would know,” Lotus said, with a knowing smile. “You'd be surprised what sort of knots we'd find in her back.”

“Now, now, sister,” Aloe chided gently. “Remember, client confidentiality.”

“Oh, it's okay!” Cheerilee said with a dismissive wave of her hoof, soon using it to balance the cup the unicorn passed to her. “It's not a big deal. And she's right, anyway. Hunching over all those papers for so long can really get to you. How's the juice, by the way?”

Mort was so absorbed in the conversation that it took him a moment to realize Cheerilee was talking to him. “Uh, w-what was that?”

“The juice. Is it okay?”

“Oh, uh...” He looked at the cup he was still levitating, and took an experimental sip. It slipped through the teeth, and flowed into his body, where he formed it into a little sphere that could be poured out later. He wasn't sure how to respond; it was definitely a grape juice (Neighagara grapes, to be exact), but he wouldn't know what the “taste” was. Sweet, sour, tart and so many other descriptors were outside the realm of his experience when it came to biological senses.

“Um...it's...grapey,” he hazarded, finally, swishing the cup around, bracing for an odd stare.

Cheerilee did look at him oddly, but only for a moment before bursting into giggles. “Grapey! Of course! Well, that's good enough for me!” She bit at the edge of the cup and tilted it up, sipping for a few seconds before bringing it back down. She sat it on the table, licked her lips, and said, “Yep, definitely grapey!”

The ponies nearby laughed. Mort shuffled his hooves, not sure how to take it. Was she being serious? Did she think it was funny? If it was, was it funny like a joke, or funny because it seemed so foolish? Should he laugh too? Apologize? Maybe he shouldn't say anything...

He was so preoccupied with how to respond, he almost didn’t notice a slightly guilty look crossing Cheerilee's face. “Oh, Mort, I'm only kidding around! You're fine, really!”

“Oh! Um, good, that's good! Yeah, uh, good...” He tried to think of more to say, anything to say. He thought back again to Luna telling him to talk about interests.“So, um, you're teacher? What kind of age group?” 

“Oh, it's mostly foals,” she replied, a warm smile on her face. “They're the most fun to teach, if you want my opinion. They're just brimming with so much curiosity and imagination, and I love how even the simplest things can be so amazing for them at that age. And you get to know all of them and watch them grow up...” She sighed in content. “There's just really nothing else like it.”

Mort nodded along, thinking of his own experiences with them. The innocence and simple joy they radiated always gave him a nice, tingling sensation, always making him feel more upbeat when they were nearby. It was also nice to see them throughout the years, as they slowly grew into adults with their own lives and families.

On the other side of the coin, however, there were the times he had to collect them. He dreaded reaping foals more than most other ponies. It wasn't because they took it any worse than adults; on average, they actually accepted what happened better than the adults. Perhaps their immaturity meant that couldn't grasp the full gravity of the situation, or perhaps foals were just more ready to accept a situation they had no control over.

No, what really got to him was that when he came across them, he couldn't help but feel the world had somehow become even emptier than it should have. There was so much they could have done, so many ponies they could have met, a literal lifetime of potential experiences just gone. It was akin to finding the trunk of a mere sapling, with the full knowledge that it could have grown into a large oak. Only the void it could have filled was all that more obvious.

He was certain the universe wasn't cruel, just largely apathetic. He supposed that made the universe “fair”, in the sense it didn't have a conscious part in anything good or ill. Still, he couldn't help but feel something was intrinsically unfair about foals dying. Sometimes he just wanted...

He quietly squashed that line of thought. A shade didn't judge. The only thing that mattered about death was simply whether or not it actually happened. Whether or not it was “fair” was unimportant, and changed nothing about it.

Still...

“Mort?”

Mort cleared his head, and saw that Twilight and the others were now staring at him. Cheerilee herself looked concerned, and it took a moment for him to realize that it was her that had said his name.

“Are you alright?” she asked, coming closer. “You kinda spaced out a minute ago.”

“Oh, sorry, I'm alright, just...y'know, thinking,” he said, trying to appear unconcerned. “Um, anyway, I think what you do is pretty amazing, Cheerilee. Not everypony can handle a couple foals, much less a whole class of them. I can only imagine what that's like.”

Cheerilee's cheeks colored and she giggled in embarrassment. “Oh, it's not that big a deal. And I'm sure a nice stallion like yourself will have a chance to raise his own little colt or filly someday.”

“Not really. I can't have foals.”

Once again, he had said something without thinking, and instantly came to regret it. As soon as his words sank in, the others were staring at him. It was a more subdued version of the reaction he got from Big Mac when he said he didn't get paid.

“You can't have children?” Aloe asked, with a sad twinge in her voice. “Why not? Did something happen?”

“Um...w-well...” He looked between the gathered ponies, and took another sip of his juice, thinking desperately of a way to explain it. There were probably dozen of reasons why a pony couldn't have children: vows of celibacy, past trauma, birth defects, injuries, maybe a phobia even. Which would be the easiest to use without creating even more holes, though?

Sipping a now empty cup, its ice and juice coalescing within his body, his eyes darted around the room for anything that might help. They caught a pinata hanging from the wall, yet to be busted. It was a rainbow of colors, with a short little tail and two horns on its head. A bull.

“It was...an accident,” he said, slowly, forming the story in his head. “I was...uh, going to an auction out near the town of Maredrid during their own winter wrap-up. Uh, you know, when they want to wake up the hibernating animals, they have the bulls go running everywhere.”

“Ooh, I heard about that!” Twilight gushed with a scholarly glint in her eye. “I love how every town has their own way of changing the seasons! You wouldn't believe what they come up—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Spike said, interrupting her lecture. “That's interesting, but what does that have to do...” Spike trailed off his, his eyes widening in horror. “No way! Don't tell me your 'accident' was...”

“Well,” he started, indifferently, “when I was there, I had just finished dropping my stuff off at an apartment, and went looking for the auction house. But I was a little short on time, and decided to take a short cut. That was a big mistake, because the next thing I know, I have an army of bulls charging down the street towards me. I panicked and tried to outrun them instead of ducking into a house or something, and one of the bulls behind me had his horns really low and—”

“No more, no more!” Spike cried, sounding pained as he covered his ears.

“That's...that's so awful!” Lotus said, looking horrified, as did the others. “It's a miracle you're even alive!”

“Oh yeah, I know, trust me. I mean, it could've been a lot worse.” He said that part with absolute conviction. He had reason to be there during the bull runs, after all, though it sometimes amazed him that a pony would explicitly die from it only once or twice a decade. “But, you know, I recovered well enough, so it all worked out.”

“Yeah, but still...” Spike winced again, gritting his teeth. The reaction made Mort feel a tad guilty. Maybe he should've gone with something less graphic...

“Well, you have my deepest sympathies, Mort,” Cheerilee said, placing a comforting hoof on his shoulder. “I really hope that didn't sour your feelings about Maredrid. I hear it's such a gorgeous city!”

“You've been to Maredrid?” It came from Carrot Top, who was joining them. “Oh, I love that place! Me and my friends try to go there at least once a year, if we can.”

“Yes, it really can be a nice city. I was just telling them—”

“No more,” Spike begged from atop his companion’s head, his hands held together in a pleading fashion. “Please, anything but that again.”

“Well, I'm sure Mort's been to tons of places,” Twilight said, giving Mort an expectant look. “Maybe you could tell us a few...uh… less painful, stories?”

More ponies were beginning to circle around them, their eyes on him. Mort felt his insides twisting into nervous knots, but at the same time realized that the ponies around him were legitimately interested in what he had to say. He did like telling Luna and Celestia stories about the things he saw, but had felt he couldn't do that in Ponyville, lest he let something about his true nature slip. Then again, he had made up the Maredrid story well enough...

“Well...” He paused to clear his throat, and also to think of another experience he had. “There was this one time I had to go to Hoofton. You know, all the way down south? One of their hottest summers ever. You could turn a faucet on and the water would evaporate before it even hit the sink...”

It wasn't as hard as he feared. He had collected souls for thousands of years, visiting the largest and most famous cities countless times. There had always been something going on that seemed curious or funny to him. And he was relieved to see that the crowd thought so as well, more often than not. 

What was better, the story didn't even have to be funny. It could just be him relating his visit to some famous landmark, and telling them what it was like. Of course, he didn't tell what really brought him to those places most of the time, but had still seen enough to enthrall his audience.

Sometimes, he would risk relating a story about a pony who was going to die, but due to sheer luck was able to beat the odds and survive, sometimes completely unscathed. (While he is happy when this happens, it can be aggravating when it renders a cross-country trip utterly pointless.) The more ridiculous the circumstances, the better.

He was now telling them a story of one of his trips to Manehatten. The nervousness he had felt before then was almost completely gone now, and he was now, in fact, enjoying the attention. 

“—and so, this fire? It was getting out of control. Spreading from the kitchen and through the rest of the restaurant. Everpony had gotten out, of course, and firefighters were on the way, but this one guy, uh, an earth pony, he had to run back in. He was going to meet up with his fillyfriend there, you see. He had this ring and everything picked out and was going to propose to her. But he had left the ring inside.” He paused for dramatic effect, seeing a roomful of eyes hanging on his every word.

“So,” he continued, “he ran back inside, to get it, right? Everypony saw it, but they didn't want to run in after him because, well, there's a fire going on! So finally the firefighters get there, they start getting the hoses ready when, all of a sudden, the restaurant practically explodes, busting every remaining window and everything. Everypony thought the guy was done for. His fillyfriend was even there, and she was going into hysterics.”

There was utter silence in the room. Everypony stared at him, waiting with bated breath. What came next was his favorite part:

“So, just as they finally get the hoses going, guess what happens? That pony from before? He comes stumbling out of the building, covered in ash and burns, but one-hundred percent alive. Do you know what saved him? He liked to go around with this silly, top hat of his—well, it's Manehatten, so it wasn't silly for them—all the time. And on his way out, it dropped off his head and rolled in front of this overturned table. The guy, ignoring every survival instinct in his body, went after it out of pure habit. The moment he crouched down to pick it up, that explosion happened, and that table was able to block most of the heat and fire. If he had actually kept running out like he 'ought' of, it would have fried him!

“And that's still nothing compared to what happened next. The first thing he does, the very first thing he does? He shows his fillyfriend that ring he ran in for, and proposes for her right there.” The end of the story was met with cheers and clopping from the ponies in the room, and Mort himself felt a little giddy as he recalled the memory. The pony really was supposed to die that day, but at the last moment, some neuron had misfired and the pony had thought about getting his hat, rather than to keep running. It was those instances, those million-to-one chances that sometimes meant the difference between life and death.

He glanced to the side, and saw that Spike was wiping a tear from his eye, and Twilight was floating him a napkin to use as a makeshift tissue. “It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen,” he said, taking a sip from his cup of juice. “The guy made the front page and everything, they were calling him the luckiest stallion in Manehatten. Though, back then they called it Amsterdame, but y'know, same difference.” He took another sip and glanced back at Twilight again, though this time she had her head tilted to one side, giving him a confused look.

“Mort!” Before he could contemplate it further, Pinkie Pie suddenly came rushing out of nowhere, a thin piece of cloth draped over her snout. “That was one of the best, most romantic stories I ever heard! Wow! I hope they went on to have lots and lots of bitty, bouncy foals after something like that!”

“Me too,” he agreed. “Are you feeling better now?”

“Oh yeah, loads better! That was one of the funnest games I've ever played! We should do it again sometime!” Pinkie Pie started to bounce around him in circles, the cloth flapping around. “Anyway, the Cakes are finishing up your extra special cake, and we still have time for one more game before they bring it out!”

“And you're okay with that?” he asked, voicing caution. “I mean, this won't involve anypony getting tied in knots...right?”

“Nope, but it's still tons of fun!” He stopped himself from asking how becoming a pony pretzel would be fun, and let her lead him over to a wall, where other ponies were gathering. Hanging on it was a poster of a pony, though it omitted the tail completely. “My favorite game, Pin the Tail on the Pony!”

“Pin the...oh, right! Yeah, that's what it is.” This, at least, was a game he was a little familiar with. He had never actually played it, of course, but he had seen it from time to time, and it was easy to see the goal of the game. And he wouldn't have to worry about his limbs being in places they couldn't go.

“Let's get started!” Pinkie Pie reached out to a table near the poster, and scooped up a mock tail with a pin stuck through it. “Now, you go ahead and grab this, Mort. Magic's fine, of course.”

Mort nodded, and summoned an aura around the fake tail, taking it from Pinkie Pie's hoof. “It's a nice shade of blue.”

“Thanks! It's the same shade of blue in my cutie mark! Can you help get this tied around his eyes, Twilight?” Pinkie Pie blew through her nostrils, and the fabric strip on her nose flew up. At its height, it was caught in Twilight’s magical aura, before floating near Mort.

He looked between the cloth and the unicorn. “Um, I don't have to pull my hood down or anything, right?” 

“Don't worry about a thing. If I slide it through here, then...” The fabric stretched out in front of Mort, and drifted forward until it was pressed against his eyes. The ends of the blindfold were then wrapped around the rest of his skull, until they were tied up in a knot.

Pinkie Pie slapped both forehooves on Mort's shoulders, looking at him with a wide smile on her face. “Are you ready, Mort?”

“Uh, just one second...” Even with his eyes blindfolded, Mort could still technically “see” his surroundings. His horn was always collecting data from the room and ponies, and it was far more informative than simple sight. With his sight gone, his myriad of other senses were now taking over to account for it. However, since being blind was part of the game, he had to work to block those senses. Or at least the ones that made the location of the poster obvious.

He concentrated, trying to parse the myriad of information his horn was gathering. There were the sources of heat, and how much was actually being emitted. There was how everything in the electromagnetic spectrum reacted to everything else, whether it was being absorbed or reflected. There was the flow of air and change in atmosphere from being moved around or occupied by something much more solid. There was the molecular makeup of every living and non-living thing in the vicinity...

He willed himself to stop paying attention to all of it, one by one, until finally all that remained was sound, and even that had to be reigned in to prevent accidental echolocation. By the time he was through, the world had become an empty void, with a little background chatter.

He was proud of himself for a few moments, feeling somewhat smug for having so much control over his senses, though a moment later another thought began to take hold. Even in the most pitch black nights, or inside the deepest tunnels or mines in Equestria, he always knew exactly what was around him. He never had a fear of the dark, because the “dark” never existed for him. Light wasn't something he used to see, it was just another aspect of a world that was laid bare before him.

Now, for the first time in his existence, he was completely blind. He no longer had a solid idea where anything was. The world was, from his perspective, utterly gone.

It was a little frightening, to say the least.

“Ready now?” Pinkie Pie asked, sounding unable to hold her excitement.

He jumped a little, not knowing that Pinkie Pie had moved so quickly behind him. He felt his body shake as he struggled to both remain calm, and to keep himself solid. (Was he solid? He couldn't see anypony's reaction anymore. They weren't literally seeing through him, were they?) He really, really didn't like this. Not one bit.

“A-actually—”

“Then here were go!” Mort couldn't utter a protest before Pinkie Pie wrapped her hooves around him, and gave a strong pull that sent him spiraling. He yelped in terror as he felt the world spinning around him, his bones feeling like jelly. He was half-afraid a limb would accidentally fly out and strike somepony.

Just as suddenly as it began, it stopped as a pair of surprisingly strong hooves grabbed his shoulders. He was just able to stop his own head from spinning a couple more times. When he was certain his head was facing the right way (mostly because he hadn't heard any horrified sounds from the others), he asked aloud, “What was that for?!”

“Sorry! I just love that part of the game!” Who he assumed was Pinkie Pie began to enthusiastically lead him forward, and Mort had to work to stop himself from tripping over his robes. “You just feel like your whole brain is spinning! Isn't it fun?”

“Sure, fun,” he muttered dourly. “How am I supposed to know where the pony is now?”

“Oh, you're never spun away from the pony. That'd just be unfair! And kinda dangerous, too. You might slip on some cake and crash into the kitchen. Like Gilda. Ooh! Did we tell you about Gilda yet? She was this griffon—”

“Uh, Pinkie Pie, let's just let him play the game, okay?” Twilight’s voice drifted close, and then drifted away, their hooves clopping on the wooden floor, leaving Mort to stand alone.

He heard the excited chatter and encouragement from the crowd around him, and he couldn't help but turn where it became loudest, hoping there might be some sort of clue as to where to go. One pony said, “Dead ahead,” another said, “A little to your right,” and others were giggling that he was looking the wrong way.

After a few more turns, it suddenly dawned on him that he was gradually losing focus on where Pinkie Pie had pointed him in the first place. He tried to right himself back to where he was, but felt he had gone too far, and tried turning in the other direction. The more he tried to correct himself, the more lost he felt.

He had half a mind to simply switch a few of his sense back on and finish the whole thing. He remembered how the others had looked at him when he tripped in the library. He imagined how foolish he looked. He couldn't bear to do something like that again in front of so many more ponies.

And yet another part was reminding him that he was a The Pale Pony of Death. Yes, the other ponies didn't know that, and only a few shades would even care what happened, but still, if he could traverse the entire world several times over to collect souls on time, he could surely complete this game without having to resort to cheating. Part of this experience was about being able to fit in with the ponies, and that's what he was going to do, even if it meant pinning the tail on the pony's nostrils.

“Over here, Mort!” Twilight’s voice was like a beacon in the dark, and he instantly turned towards her voice. “It's over here!”

“Woo! You can do it, Morty!” Pinkie Pie cheered. “Pin that pony! Show it who's boss!”

“Y-yeah.” Then, again with more feeling, “Yeah!” Floating the tail in front of him, he followed their voices, hearing the voices of others growing louder and more excited. 

He could almost envision it: ponies crowding around the poster, where up front there would be Pinkie Pie, standing next to Twilight. And beside them would be the poster of a prancing pony, one that looked awfully happy about the prospects of getting pinned.

“You're almost there!” Pinkie Pie elated. “Just a few more feet, and—ooh!”

“What is it, Pinkie?” her lavender friend asked.

“My eyebrows are bouncing!” Mort was a little distracted by the sudden change in conversation, but then refocused his thoughts on the game. The two of them were getting louder now, and that could only mean he was getting closer. He could practically feel the poster board coming up.

“Um, what do bouncing eyebrows mean?” Spike asked, a hint of worry in his voice.

“I dunno,” Pinkie Pie answered, sounding curious herself. Mort had a feeling he was missing something, but he could ask them after he pinned the tail. He raised the tail, visualizing his target...

Pinkie Pie hummed thoughtfully. “Maybe it means—”

“Hiiyah!” he cried, thrusting forward. He felt it struck something, and heard a collective gasp from everypony in the room. He hurriedly reached for the blindfold, getting the tip of his hoof under it, and at the same time began to will his senses back into being. “Did I get it? How did IAHHHH!”

As it turned out, he had pinned a pony, but the one on the poster board was as bare as it was before. The pink, earth pony next to it, however, was now sporting a pair of tails, one made of curly hair, and the other of flat paper.

Pinkie Pie's eyes darted to the tail pinned to one of the balloons on her cutie mark, then back to a gawking Twilight and Spike. “Oh,” she said, in realization, “so that's what it means! Good to know.” She nodded approvingly, seeming satisfied.

Then a moment later her pupils shrunk to pinpoints, and she leaped high into the air, her hair spazzing out in all directions as she shrieked in pain. The other ponies watched in fascinated horror as the party pony hopped around the floor, every landing followed by an agonized mantra.

“There's a pin in my butt there's a pin in my butt there's a pin in my BUTT!” She landed close to Caramel, who on reflex took several, wobbly steps away. Still recovering from the earlier game, he lost his balance and the back of his head came down on the rounded edge of a small, drink table behind him. It was enough to turn the furniture into an impromptu catapult, launching its contents through the air.

Several ponies were unfortunate enough to be standing nearby, and many of the cups splattered across them, sending grape juice everywhere. Aloe, more unfortunate than the others, got a face-full of alligator as Gummy flew towards her, biting down on the mare's snout. Teeth or no teeth, it still frightened Aloe into hysterics and she dashed across the room screaming, with the baby reptile hanging on by his gums. Her sister chased after her, fruitlessly telling her sibling to stop.

Mort stood stock still, watching Pinkie Pie and Aloe knock down ponies and furniture alike, as others slipped on the splattered sweets and spilled juice on the ground. The juice bowl had spilled near his hooves, soaking them and sending ice cubes everywhere. 

He couldn't believe he had caused this. Part of him was sick over the fact that he had caused tangible, physical harm to another pony. They were never, ever supposed to hurt another pony.

And he would feel more awful about it, too, if the rest of him wasn't reeling over the chaos it had caused. Food was getting splattered and strewn across the floor every time Pinkie Pie landed, each bounce punctuated by something or somepony getting knocked over. Those trying to avoid her would run into each other or slip on something on the ground, colliding with the wall, furniture, or just collapsing in a heap.

One act of violence—unintended violence, at that—should not cause this much mayhem. (Unless it was against archdukes. Those never turned out well in his experience.) He was not a paranoid individual, but he honestly felt that this had been set up by something. And it was laughing at him.

He barely noticed Twilight walking up beside him with Spike, both of them gaping at the scene as well. “What have I done?!” he lamented, collapsing to his knees.

“You pinned Pinkie Pie!” Spike said, still staring at the spectacle.

“I know that!” he snapped.

Twilight watched Pinkie Pie, her eyes following every bounce. Her horn flared, and the party banner on the ceiling glowed with a purple light as it was torn from its anchors. As Pinkie Pie came down from another hop, Twilight moved the banner underneath her. Pinkie Pie landed in it, her legs dangling over the sides of the banner as she continued to squeak in pain.

Mort took another look around the room, feeling his spirits sink lower and lower: the bakery looked as if a tornado had gone through, sparing almost nothing. The floor and even parts of the wall were stained with confectioneries and juice, and some tables were overturned. Some ponies couldn't find their balance on the slippery ground, and those that had were still covered in crushed, sticky treats.

Pinkie Pie ceased her squeaking as her tail suddenly began to shake fiercely, spraying crumbs and drops of juice. The pink pony watched it a moment, her eyes widening in terror. “Twitchy tail! Twitchy tail!”

“What?! But...!” Mort watched perplexedly as Twilight, Spike and several, other ponies began to looking towards the ceiling fearfully, some dashing under one of the few tables that hadn't been toppled.

“What's going on?” he asked, looking up as well, surmising it was a well built, but still unremarkable, ceiling. “What's that mean?”

“What is going on out there?!” The kitchen doors swung open, making way for a simple, serving trolley that was carrying a large cake, made of smaller layers stacked on top of one another. It was covered in white frosting, with blue and green frosting decorating the perimeter of each layer. The smallest, top layer was lined with freshly lit candles.

Mrs. Cake followed after it, looking slightly frazzled. “I know it's a party, but there's no need for the racket we just—”

She was interrupted by the muffled screams of Aloe, who in her ongoing panic didn't notice the stout pony, or the cake she had just brought out. The Lotus sister collided with the older mare, sending the two of them floundering towards the ground, and in their fall, shoving the trolley forward.

Caramel was just beginning to recover when he saw the trolley barreling towards him. He gasped and dove towards the ground, shielding his face and leaving his rear exposed. The trolley came to a sudden stop as it hit him, but not its frosted passenger, as the large cake was catapulted into the air, and flung towards a speechless, lavender unicorn.

Time seemed to slow for Mort. The four layer cake was plummeting towards Twilight like a wayward comet, leaving a buttercream tail in its wake. The unicorn and her assistant were frozen in place, staring agape at what may as well been their frost-covered doom. Mort briefly wondered how he could explain to Celestia that he had, inadvertently, caused her most prized and faithful student get buried in a large cake.

The answer: he couldn't.

“STOP!”

A blinding, green light erupted from his horn. He didn't know how much magic he was using, nor did he care. All he cared about at the moment was stopping the cake. The magic flowed out of him, enveloping everything in a green glow.

When the light faded, Mort stood stock still. Nearly everything that wasn't bolted down was now floating in the air, including plates, pastries, presents, and ponies. Dozens of eyes were now staring at Mort in shock, and a few in fear. A thick silence pervaded the room.

“Mort?” The shade looked up to see Twilight and her assistant now floating above him, enveloped in the same, green glow as the others. The cake was up there too, still in one piece, and not splattered over a faithful student.

“Um...” Mort cleared his throat, and carefully began to put everything back. Tables that has been overturned in the chaos were now set upright, their contents (or what was left of them) put back where they were. Napkins were flown around, wiping up the floor, walls, and the ponies themselves, before the latter were gently set back down. Gummy was dislodged from Aloe's face, and another napkin wiped away the saliva. Twilight and Spike floated down, landing right beside him.

Soon, Mort let go of everything but the cake. If a pony could ignore the empty punch bowls, the torn and stained table clothes, the smashed sweets, the stuffed trash bins, and the overwhelming silence, the room looked the way it did before Mort was blindfolded.

“S-sorry about that, everypony,” he said, trying to ignore how they were all still staring at him. “Uh, l-let's just start over, okay?”

Twilight looked at him oddly. “Mort, how did you...?”

“It's no big deal,” he said with false cheer. “Forget about it! The important thing is I caught the cake and we can all—”

Mort thought he had accounted for everything when he was putting things away. However, even the best of ponies could be so focused on the larger picture, that they would fail to see what was right under their nose.

This was literally the case for Mort, as he didn't notice the ice cube until he was already slipping on it.

The next instant he was falling face first into the floor, landing with a solid thump. That was followed a second later by a splat from where Twilight and Spike were. Mort flinched immediately, knowing exactly what had happened. He slowly raised his face from the ground, and looked to see the large cake standing tall on the floor, virtually undisturbed. 

The cake jiggled, and then the second-topmost layer of the cake rose up from the main body, supported by the head of a dazed unicorn, who draped her forelegs over the body of the cake. The layer on top of that one then rose above, balancing on the head of a baby dragon, who was also similarly dazed.

“I didn't...I-I mean, I wasn't...I...I...” Given a few minutes, Mort would be able to determine the atomic make-up of every object and creature inside the room, but given a lifetime, he would still have no idea what to say to Twilight at that moment. Ashamed and fearing Twilight's reaction, he did the only thing he could think of then.

He quickly spun around, and without another word, rushed towards the door, focused only on escaping. Seeing the solid barrier, his body began to shift into an intangible state, completely forgetting that normal ponies didn't walk through doors...

******

“We made it!” Applejack exclaimed, slowing to catch her breath as Sugarcube Corner's entrance became visible. The moment she and Rarity found out about Pinkie Pie's surprise party, the two of them wasted no time trying to get to Sugarcube Corner. A number of worst-case scenarios had been running through Applejack's mind, and while she wrote most of them off as being a bit too pessimistic, there was still a bit of lingering doubt.

Rarity soon slowed to a trot behind her, sweating harder than the farm pony, but none-the-less was able to recover enough to look as dignified as ever. Applejack had to admit that for a pony that was cooped up most days, the mare was in remarkable shape and was able to keep up better than most.

Rarity swiveled her ears, a look of concern crossing her face. “Oh dear, I don't hear anything. Since when does that happen at Pinkie Pie's parties?”

“Happens 'bout as often as Big Mac wearin' a dress,” Applejack said, looking to the windows for any idea of what was going on. Her view was obscured by the ponies inside, and it was clear there were a lot of ponies. “Welp, let's see what's goin' on in there.”

“Hey, AJ!” The two of them looked up, seeing a familiar, cyan pegasus drifting towards them, though at an unusually slow (or rather, slower) pace. The reason became apparent as Rainbow Dash came in for a landing, revealing the yellow pegasus draped over her back.

“Fluttershy!” Rarity moved towards the meek pegasus as she carefully climbed off Rainbow Dash's back. “Gracious dear, did something happen?”

“Oh, um, well...” Fluttershy blushed, avoiding Rarity's inquiring look.

“I'll explain later,” Rainbow Dash interjected quickly, and fixed Applejack with a serious look. “Did anything bad go down while we were gone?”

“Don't know, sug'. We just got here ourselves.” She started towards the door, with Rainbow Dash catching up beside her. “Only thing Ah can tell is that it's too darn quiet.”

“No kidding.” The two of them reached the door, and Rainbow Dash reached out to open it. “What do you think's going on in—”

Just as the door was pushed open, the two of them shouted in surprise as something black came rushing out the door, obscuring everything. Applejack lost her balance and fell on her back, her body feeling like it had just been run through with frigid ice, and an unusual metallic taste in her mouth. For a moment, her mind was flooded with the memories of family and friends she had known, but could never see again.

Just as quickly, the memories passed, and she was left staring into the clear sky. Blinking away unexpected tears, she got back on her hooves, and saw Rainbow Dash doing the same. The flier got back on her unsteady hooves, looking towards where the black thing had run off.

“What the hay was that?” she asked breathlessly.

“Are you two okay?!” Rarity and Fluttershy ran up to them. Rarity reached down to grab Applejack's hat in her teeth, and laid it on the farmer's head. “What happened?”

“That's what Ah want to know,” Applejack said, as feeling began to return to her limbs. “Was that Mort or somethin'?” It was the only conclusion she could come to. She could easily imagine his cloak billowing out like that.

Still, whatever came out did not seem to be draped in cloth. It certainly didn't feel like it. And what she did feel didn't brush past her, but go around her, like smoke, vapor, or...

“Applejack? Is that you?” Applejack was shaken from her thoughts when she heard Twilight’s voice coming from the doorway. She spun around, ready to ask what had happened, but her voice got caught in her throat when the librarian actually walked out. The unicorn seemed to be wearing what was left of a cake, bits of it falling off with every step she took. Spike, sulking on top of her, wore a small cake on his head, decorated with candles that were still lit.

“Goodness, Twilight!” Rarity gasped, looking her up and down. “You look like somepony dropped a cake on you!”

“Gee, you think?” the unicorn replied sarcastically.

“Wow, what'd we miss?” Rainbow Dash hovered above them, blowing out the candles on top of Spike's head. “Do we even want to know?”

“The party got crashed,” a melancholy voice said in response, and from the door Pinkie Pie slowly trotted out, her head hung low. “I thought that didn't happen if everypony was invited.” 

“Um, Pinkie Pie?” Fluttershy asked, sounding uncertain. “Why do you have two tails?”

Applejack gave a start, noticing the paper tail hanging from Pinkie Pie's flank. The pink pony winced, and simply said, “Pin the Tail on the Pony isn't so much fun for the pony after all. Owchies.” 

Twilight sighed, sounding a little irritated. “Did anypony see where Mort went to?”

“So that was Mort?” Rarity asked, looking behind her. “I'm sorry dear, we saw him come out, but he was gone so quickly!”

Rainbow Dash whistled. “Wow, he can really move if he wants to, huh?”

“Well now we’ve got to find him and...I don't know, do something!” Twilight groaned in frustration, stomping her front hooves. “I don't get it! This was supposed to be easy! Why is it so hard all of a sudden?!”

“We'll find him, Twi'. Don' you worry none,” Applejack assured her, patting her shoulders. “But before we do, Ah think the two of you need to get cleaned up.” She glanced at the paper tail stilled pin to Pinkie Pie's flank. “Uh, Ah reckon a first aid kit wouldn't be a bad idea either.”