It was nearly one thousand years ago that Opaline Arcana defeated Princess Twilight Sparkle and her friends. Her plan had succeeded, and the three ponykinds were split, their bonds broken. However, the ordeal left Opaline drained of her magic. If she revealed herself too soon, everything would have been for naught. She had a castle, but she couldn't leave.

While she still had her followers, there was one major issue: She is immortal, and they were not. Thus, she was eventually the only one left, and she required an assistant. Unfortunately, enchantments will only get a pony so far, and wild creatures aren't exactly reliable. While a young unicorn mare named Misty Brightdawn would come to her a few years before she would finally get her chance to return to the public eye, there were hundreds of years where very little happened.

However, about sixty of those years are an exception. Those were the years that she found herself with something she never expected.

A companion. A human companion.

Suggested by Wanderer312.

There are 100 billion stars in the Milky Way, and humanity is determined to explore every one. We send probes, probes with the blueprints to reproduce human explorers upon arrival. Uninhabited worlds the galaxy over can be colonized and populated, until after many years they too can join the vast throng of interstellar civilization. But if a probe is very, very lucky, it will land on a populated world instead. Equestria is one such world.

Even so, it's far from perfect for colonization, not with an environment lethal to human life. But each probe is resourceful and armed with the greatest machine intelligence mankind has devised. If placing a human mind into a newly manufactured human body won't work, it will just have to get a little more creative.

This book has a Hardcover! If you want to pick it up, you can grab it here: https://starscribe.net/

This story was written at the behest of Canary In The Coal Mine, who is sponsoring it on my Patreon. As usual, cover by Zutcha. Editing by Two Bit and Sparktail.

Fantastic prereading help from: Chyre, Danger Noodle, Doctor Disco, and Doggyshakespeare (who also did the Esperanto translation). Thank you all for helping to make this story more readable and more consistent for everyone.

Spearpoint a down-on-his-luck stallion was a terrible royal guard who could barely perform his duties. However, he is given the opportunity to be on Celestia's cleaning staff as one of her maids. But...she secretly starts to turn other rude and lazy royal guards into maids as well. Spearpoint now known as Mop Head rises through the ranks to become the head maid of the transformed stallions and helps them get used to their new lives (and some start to enjoy being mares). But Mop Head has to also find a way to stop Celestia's madness...

All art used in the collage is made by Skitterpone

Demoted 1

Demoted 2

Demoted 3

Demoted 4

Demoted 5

Following a review of her Royal Guards, Celestia decides that some changes are in order.

Afterall, the castle could always use more cleaning staff...

Inspired by the series of images by Skitterpone.

Silver Spoon. Derived from the phrase "born with a silver spoon in your mouth," which implies being born into wealth, privilege, and now being a pony too apparently.

I opened a Ko-Fi! Mainly because people wanted to donate in order to support me. It should help motivate me to write more in theory. I'll use whatever is donated to help commission more art for my fic.

Ponyville is a special town. Its ambulance requires special equipment.

A collaboration between Samey90 and Sockpuppet!

Authors' notes.

Audio reading (quite excellent).

Anon has been in Equestria for 5 years, working under Celestia as a Minister of Foreign Affairs. His tactics were seen as dishonest at best and unethical at worst. But when Celestia leaves suddenly, she names Anon as her temporary replacement to the throne. With internal bickering over whether Anon deserves this position and heightened tension with the Griffons, Anon must choose carefully. Will he become a tyrant or a fair king? And how far will he go to preserve Equestria?

A fully rewritten version of a greentext I wrote back in 2019. Could be a bit dated with tropes that I thought was good writing at the time, but I’m still proud of it.

For the Second Person tag you should note that sections from Anons POV are in first person, everyone else is in second person.

Romance tag is there because of a romance I included that I think was poorly handled, but half the story wouldn’t make sense if I just removed it so I had to keep it in.

Gore and Violence are self explanatory. It’s not there abundantly, but it is there.

Also don’t read the comments if you don’t want spoilers. Story discussion happens in them and that might ruin the reading experience.

Now on The Good HIE List!

Featured on 1/11/23! Thank you all.
Featured on 1/12/23. Thanks again.
Featured on 1/13/23! Three days in a row? Thanks guys.
Featured on 1/14/23. Four days in a row. Thanks guys, I’m touched.
Featured on 1/15/23. Five days? Holy shit I never expected this guys. Thank you all so much.
Featured on 1/16/23. This makes me wonder if there’s a limit to how many times I can announce a featured slot.
Featured on 2/2/23. Also marks the day I officially finished the story, so hooray.

This story is a sequel to My Life as a Bipedal Quadruped

Gabrielle Eleanor Desrochers and Studded Armor are back in Equestria, trying to come down from their trying experience and settle down into a sensible life again.

They're at least partially successful, but complications keep arising, such as their growing number of obligations, some fame, their own relation, and the fact that their home, Ponyville, is also slowly but steadily becoming a more complicated place.