Mommy
I was laying on my bedside again. My mane was let loose as it hung heavily around my face and down my shoulders, falling in long curtains through which my forelegs poked. I had replaced my designer glasses with the basic black frames I started off with since I first got them. My gaze was placed on a book opened in front of me, but I wasn't reading. With a heavy sigh I close the book cover and moved it aside, resting my head on the bedding cushions.
Father still hasn't come back yet and it was already starting to get late.
I rolled over on my back and stared at the ceiling in listlessness. I recalled the events of me playing with Diamond Tiara not too long ago. Why did I do that? It's not like I didn't have any fun doing it, but I never imagine myself doing something so... foalish.
It wasn't the first time this happened either. Multiple times I found myself doing things my old self would never consider doing. Playfighting with Diamond Tiara. Happily reading sappy romance novels with my mother. Even falling asleep in her lap as I snuggled contently. All of these things were something a filly would do, and it happened on mere impulse. I figured it was because I got to do things I haven't had a chance to as a human child, but now I'm starting to question my actions. I've even started to have thoughts like 'it'll be fine' or 'don't worry about it.' I didn't know if these thoughts belonged to me or Silver Spoon's. Whichever it was, it seemed so... carefree.
The scary thing is that I didn't entirely disagree with those thoughts either. I put both my forelegs in the air and stare down directly at my small hooves. Was I always like this or was I changing?
An old theory came to mind. It was a theory that I was simply Silver Spoon with a dead human's memories. A normal filly with her own ticks, desires, and motivations, but only having foreign memories that jump-started an early consciousness and a moral code. Yet if that's the case, why do these memories seem so... real?
"Agh! I don't know!" I rolled over and shouted into the bedsheets in frustration. Seconds passed and I grudgingly flip over to one side of my body. Choosing to shelf my theory back in the corner of my mind, my thoughts lingered elsewhere. My eyes glanced back at my bedroom door, the room being illuminated with a faint candlelight.
When are they coming back?
Then a flash of light flickered under the door crevice. The door knob turned slowly before the hinges turned without a sound. The doorway revealed a mare with a yellow-pastel coat. Her leafy-green mane and tail both curled and drooped down around her body as a horn was sticking out of her forehead. The mare's flank fashioned a wand with a green handle and pink star; all tied together with a pink bow string at the handle. Her violet eyes locked in with mine.
"Mom!?" I exclaimed, quickly fumbling out of my bed cushions and onto the rug.
"The one and only." The mare smiled, bemused at me trying to get back up. "So much for me trying to check on you while you're asleep." She remarked, looking back at the door before canceling a spell of hers. The door shimmered with a faint blue light before dissipating, now turning back to face me. "Now what were you doing awake this late at night?"
"Worrying about you of course!" I ran up to the mare and wrapped my forelegs around the base of her neck, rubbing my cheeks into her chest fluff. "When did you get here? I didn't hear any doorbell ringing."
"Ah, well. We didn't want to wake you up. So much for that [Silent] spell." She sighs, before wrapping one of her forelegs around me, pulling me into a hug as she rested her chin on top of my head. "But there's no need to worry, I'm fine now."
"But you weren't fine before!" I protested, breaking the hug. My gaze rested on the red carpet for a couple seconds before looking back up at her. "Was... was it another seizure?"
The mare kept her expression steady, maintaining her composure. "Yes, and it was bad."
"Then-!"
"-But the doctors there have prescribed me with more medicine," she interrupted, pressing my mouth with her hoof, "and after taking it, I feel much better."
"You got a bigger dosage?" The concern on my face was obvious; my skepticism not trying to hide itself. "That stuff isn't going to cure your epilepsy-"
"But it helps Spoony." Mom pulled me and kissed my forehead as I instinctively scrunch my nose at the embarrassing nickname she just addressed me. We share a couple seconds together in each other's warmth.
"...You know I hate it when you call me that." I muttered in her chest as I leaned against her.
"It's still a form of endearment honey." She continued patting my withers. Then she held my head with both of her hooves, taking a careful look at me. "Now listen, what I'm about to say next is very important."
My muzzle shifts to a confused expression, but I nodded nonetheless.
Mom sighs momentarily before giving me a gentle smile. "Mommy isn't going to be here forever, and I want you to stand on your own four hooves when that time comes."
"Wa?" My ears drooped as I tried to pull back in dismay, but mother simply holds on tight to me.
"Shush just listen to mommy for a minute." She continues rubbing at my withers. I nodded in silence as my heart drops. I didn't want to be having this talk right now, not this soon. "I know your father hasn't been the most loving as I am-"
"That's an understatement-"
"-But he does care for you, and I want you to be patient with him." The yellow mare lets go and makes eye-contact with me. "Your father hides his feelings underneath layers of ice. He uses it whenever he doesn't feel safe Spoon, and right now he's not in a safe space. He is a truly, kind stallion at heart and the world is pressuring him to be his best at all times. In his field of practice, he can't afford to make any mistakes, especially not in front of everypony. The same goes for me too, not having a seizure during one of my performances."
"But you can't help it-" I protested as I defiantly stared into her eyes.
"-And neither can he." Mom moves her hoof from my withers to pat my head, still maintaining that gentle smile she always had.
I slowly averted my gaze. My emotions and frustrations boiled from under me from the years of neglect, but mother's hoof lifted my gaze upwards as she smiled passionate at me. "Silver Spoon, you are the most special filly in the world to us, and you are so much smarter than your peers. So can you promise me one thing?"
I struggled to maintain my gaze. I gritted my teeth trying to hide my animosity towards Silversmith. "What is it?"
"Promise me that you'll look after your father in my stead." Her violet eyes were on me, looking deep into my eyes. "When I'm gone, and I don't know when but I will, your father will attempt to bury his deepest feelings to avoid the pain. He will try to shove everypony in his life away from him and bury himself in his own work and I know it will be hard while being ignored by him." My mother then rests her hoof on my shoulder. "But promise me that you'll forgive him. Promise me that you'll stay strong and be patient with him. Promise me that you'll wait for your father to realize what truly is important."
She was no longer smiling, but had a gaze filled with a much more sorrowful kind of tenderness I was used to. My mother waited expectantly at me as I remained silent throughout the seconds that has passed. My throat dried up, but I painfully swallowed my emotions and sighed. In barely an audible whisper, I say. "Okay."
The yellow unicorn continued staring into my gaze, examining each expression I made as I promised to her. Satisfied, she returned to her usual tender smile before giving a kiss on my forehead once more. "Good. Remember Spoony, mommy loves you."
I pause, turning my head to the side to hide my embarrassment once more. "I love you too... mommy."
I felt like this conversation deserved a chapter in itself.
I'll make a longer chapter next time.
Update: I have received fanart from NaoFaria!
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If she intends to make good on that promise, it would be best to start re-forging those emotional bonds now, rather than trying to do it after her mother dies. That way she becomes the safe and familiar harbor, rather than trying to forge bonds while he's in constant, terrible pain...and thereby coming to associate her with that pain.
Not sure that's the story you want to tell though.
Western culture tends to think of the brain as the "source of self." But even without getting mystical, there's a lot of biochemical input from the body. Anybody who wants to see chemicals change somebody's personality only has to watch somebody drink alcohol. Now imagine the entire chemistry of your body changing entirely. Not only different hormones, but entirely different organs producing them. Maybe different neurotransmitters, different toxins from food, different blood chemistry...whether it was a human incarnated into Silver, or Silver who picked up human memories, either way it would be reasonable to expect the resultant personality to be completely unlike that of the human.
That said, for most practical purposes, it's unlikely to make much difference. But if it's a question of whether those memories are "real" or not, that's trivial to check by validating knowledge she has, that she couldn't otherwise be reasonably expected to have. For example, what if origami isn't a thing in Equestria? She was able to produce paper shuriken. Wherever that knowledge came from, it came from somewhere. There's probably a lot of knowledge she has that's unique. It doesn't all have to be previously unknown math formulas or technology. Even the little things should be clue enough.
Don't burn out or set unreasonble expectations for yourself. You've made it. You've written a story that's loved enough and on enough watch lists that it's instantly in the featured box every time you release a chapter. But I notice that:
* Chapter 1: 8,547 words
* Chapter 2: 4,071 words
* Chapter 3: 1,452 words
...you seem to be slowing down. Pace yourself if need be. You have a good thing going. Don't destroy it by feeling such obligation to your readers that you burn yourself out or publish chapters without thinking them through. You haven't made those mistakes. But they're common mistakes, and easy to avoid.
Yes, it should be fun for readers. But it will be more fun for readers, if it stays fun for you to write. Something that you want to do rather than something you feel you have to do because "your readers are expecting it."
This was an important event. It's ok that it was a short chapter.
10753750
Anon has complicated feelings about her father. She wouldn't know how to exactly approach forging a relationship with him when he's already so distant. This task even seems impossible to her now, but she's going to make an attempt for her mother's sake.
Perhaps "real" isn't the right word for it. More like, personal. Her memories as a human isn't vivid or hazy, but distinctly clear compared to her time as Silver Spoon, She forgets minor details throughout her life that's related to her environment, but every memory as a human seems to be completely intact. At least from what she could tell. She could also be missing some memories and not even realize it.
Aye. Just felt like this emotional scene wouldn't fit in the chapter before it or after it.
I could use a horizontal rule and include it in either or, but it still didn't sit right with me.
EVIL!!!!!!!!
I hope she doesn't have Epilepsy or something...
10753771
She ain't dead yet!
10753772
NOoooOOoooooo! The author has used the more powerful word known to humankind! The author used 'yet'! Everyone RUN FOR YOU LIVESSS!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH
10753750
Holy shit I didn't even notice that.
This chapter was only 1.4k words!
Makes me wonder what fimfics standards on being featured is.
10753777
10753779
Ah thanks! That's good to know.
10753767
This might be worth clarifying in the text itself. I think the natural assumption would be the opposite, given the time skip in the beginning of the prologue.
Also agreed with 10753750 about pacing yourself if needed.
Damn, that got really heavy.
10753807
I cry reading this chapter.
I see. You're not that evil
that was lovely and hearth wrenching, nice work
I'M NOT CRYING. Your the ones crying. I just got ahh... Water in my eyes cause it's raining? Yeah! Raining!
Yes
Lot of pressure to put on a kid who just started school.
not that bad huh?
i.imgur.com/kD0Oar5.gif
(Two things.
One, I am very interesting in this. This is quite fascinating so far, and I look forward to seeing it continue. Good work!
Two, I know what angle Magic Star, if I remembered her name right, is approaching this from... however it should never be the child's responsibility to 'fix' the parent. Silver Spoon has a right to her aggravation, and her feelings of being ignored by her father. A promise to a dying parent to be there for him and forgive him regardless of his actions, on her assertions that he actually does feel for her despite barely ever even speaking to her, is a burden that Silver Spoon should not have been given. Magic Star had no right to ask that, and it could very easily cause Silver Spoon great grief, as she sacrifices her own development to try to 'save' Silversmith from his internal spiral.
With all that said though, please understand, this is not a mark against the narrative, it's a mark against her decision making. I totally understand why she'd want to do that and what approach she was going for here. I don't even resent her for it, she's trying to make sure both the ponies she loves stays in each others lives. I think however that it is a bad choice made in her worries of her possibly imminent death, and that it can do a lot of harm that she's not taking into account. And I have somewhat strong feelings on the matter, so felt a need to voice them.
In any case, I am most curious to see where this story goes... and how Silverspoon becomes the super-savior and/or super-villain of Equestria! ... A human in a pony's body can do a lot of good or harm really.)
"Wow, what a nice dream!" Says Nightmare moon from her moon palace.
Maybe everything will turn out all right?
you to stay stand on your own four - you to stand on your own four
Poignant chapter, it certainly brought back some memories I had with my own Momma before she passed. Well done.
10753838
Only slightly evil.
10753852
Thank you for your emotional sacrifice!
10753923
Not everyone gets to have a moment of clarity when facing their probable imminent demise.
10754137
Muahahahaha!
10754320
Thanks! Family dynamics are always fun!
10754447
Thanks! And nice catch!
Let's see how Silversmith's and Spoon's relationship develops from this.
10754623
I bet most don’t. I’m curious if she will think better of her actions pre seemingly imminent demise.
This is great
10756434
Oh jeeze, that's quite a few catches! Thanks for going through all the effort for my fic!
well, i have multiple feelings that are invoked by this story, the main one is appreciation of a good story. the rest are personal opinions based on my morality and therefore don't need to be motioned because logically i can puzzle out why you may have done the things i agree and disagree with. which as i said, makes me appreciate the story even more.
TL:DT you got a story that makes me feel stuff, therefore it's a bit better than good.
10756847
Yay!
Seems like Magic Star is quite ill. Can't say how much of an effect her passing will have on the family. It may make Silversmith more withdrawn. It may make him open up more to his daughter. Either way, it's an inevitability. Perhaps Silver Spoon's human experiences and memories might be drawn upon to help guide the family in a happy direction.
Wow, heavier than expected, but not as tropey as it could have been. Perhaps she's not a changeling, but one thing is certain: her faith in Silver and her maturity is clearly very strong. You just don't give six year old children that kind of obligation...
We do have to wonder if Filthy is going to try becoming Silver's Godfather.
Just when I think I've read the best Silver Spoon story available, another one steps up to challenge that title.
I'm greatly looking forward to what this story will hold going forward. You've done a wonderful job tackling the 'Reincarnation in a character's place' trope in a unique and believable manner, and depending on the scale and scope you have planned for this story, I think you've a wonderful opportunity to make something amazing with this story.
So glad I got around to this. I’m loving the story so far, look forward to what you put out next!
Now, i fear the drama tag...
You know this chapter hit me hard. My mom was sick too since I was little (diabetes) and from a young age she said almost the same thing...to be strong when she'd be gone...and well...the time came and I learned the weight of her words.
soloquotes.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/08/Motivational-Quotes-Stay-Amazing.jpg
10775606
Hoo, boy.
I can relate to that, myself. I occasionally have seizures and -even more occasionally- need to get taken to the hospital. Meds will only help so much. And quite often, you'll need something else to offset that.
One of my friends died from that disease.
I wonder if Magic Star will be shown related to Trixie. Maybe this Silver Spoon will have more family members than just the two so far.