//------------------------------// // 2: Petty Politics // Story: Anon von Bismarck // by WojakWriter //------------------------------// Not even an hour into filling in for Celestia, and I already had a splitting headache. And of course, Equestria hadn't developed Tylenol. So I was treating my near migraine with some cider. Quill had balked at first when I’d asked for a pint this early in the morning, but with a pointed glare she'd done as I told. A glance at her position told me she was wishing she'd taken a pint for herself The first thing in the packed schedule had been a meeting with the Royal Guard to discuss the protection of Canterlot. Of course, most of the guards didn’t accept me as their new ruler. They had opinions ranging from mistrust to downright hostility. No matter, they’d accept me in due time. The next thing in the packed schedule had been a meeting with the other ministers to discuss exactly what was going to happen. The first half hour had been a combination of bellyaching that they were more deserving of the position, yelling at me for having the position, and questioning my competence with racial slurs I’d never even heard of back on Earth. After that it devolved into the ministers yelling at each other as to why they'd done nothing to stop Celestia from leaving, and questioning what would cause her to leave so suddenly. But enough was enough. I slammed my now empty mug of cider onto the oak table with enough force to crack the wrought iron hoops holding the staves. The loud smash drew the attention of everyone in the room and silenced the arguing in an instant “ENOUGH! EVERYONE, QUIET!” I bellowed. Finally, I stood and took a deep breath “My fellow ministers, I don't know why Celestia singled me out among all of us. Perhaps it was all your petty bickering, perhaps it was your utter inability to make your ministries excel at their work.” The shock from me slamming the mug had clearly worn off, but the ministers remained silent, jaws agape at my words. So I continued to speak in the silence. “Whatever the reason, the fact remains that I am acting in her stead. And I cannot run a government alone, so put aside how much you hate me, and each other, and let's get to work. We'll start with reports on various projects.” With that, I sat down once more and folded my hands, doing my best to remain composed, and not let the pain of this headache show. After a silent moment, the defense minister begins his updates. The rest follow suit afterwards, delivering their own progress reports, ideas for new projects, and concerns. Finally, I came to one of the key reasons for the high tensions this morning. The budgetary debate was due to take place today, in fact the rest of the schedule had been cleared for it Clearly the other ministers had concerns about where I would authorize funds to go. The cultural minister began her impassioned plea for more funding “Since the last budgetary period, Equestria has enjoyed a fantastic upswing in the arts, in fact a recent report from the foreign ministry noted an increase in tourist visas being issued, and the revenue from tourism has increased by 3%. With more subsidization, Equestria stands to become a monolith of the arts and a cultural bastion.” After she had finished, there was polite clopping for her, and then the minister of industry spoke. He noted that there had been a decrease in productivity in many factories, blamed on the lack of new equipment, as well as a great downswing in the quality of imported ores. Again, a pause, then the next minister. It continued for another half hour, and the ensuing debate raged on well into the night. Jesus, I knew ponies were just like humans but debates this cold and calculated seemed wrong coming from small horses. Finally, after many hours and with an intensely sore throat, I announced the final proposal. “So then, it is decided by this parliament, with a five percent increase in national revenue, that the following budgetary changes are in order. Cultural ministry: eight percent lower; industrial ministry, four percent higher; transport ministry, two percent higher; employment ministry, one percent lower; science and research ministry, ten percent higher; defense ministry, thirteen percent higher; health ministry, one percent higher; and finally the foreign ministry, no increase or decrease in budget.” Ignoring the grumbling of the other ministers, I had signed the final paper to issue the decree of the budget and added it to the rather minuscule stack of decrees that had actually been finished today. One detailing the person who would fill in for me, and several more detailing the circumstances under which I would step down from my new position, ruler of Equestria. Still doesn’t sound right to say, but then again, it’s only been one day. It all essentially meant that if I did anything illegal I’d be removed prematurely, and unless that were the case, then I’d step down upon Celestia's return in good health. If she returned that is. God, if she didn’t that would be a disaster. With that, I called the session to a close, and remained seated until all the ministers but the science, industry, and defense heads had left the room. They all moved up the long table so that no one would have to raise their voice to be heard. I had asked them all to stay behind so that I could address exactly where their large budget increases would be prioritized. Clearing my throat, I began to speak in a quiet, but firm tone. “Gentlecolts, your departments have been stagnating for the past decade. I fully understand that it is due in no small part to funding cuts and various other factors, but make no mistake I will be far more vicious if you waste this opportunity. Am I clear?” The three shared a look, then nodded. I gave them a warm smile and continued. “Excellent. I want you all to work together to improve your various jurisdictions. In industry, we can build more factories yes, but work with the researchers to make more efficient furnaces, smoke filtering enchantments, and other things like this. Further, the defense forces can both expand in numbers and update equipment. Again, work with the researchers to push the cutting edge, and the industry for rapid prototyping. Share your budgets, your information, and make weekly reports on your progress. Do you have any questions?” The defense minister, Colonel Stalwart Shield, coughed quietly and raised a hoof before speaking. ”Anonymous, why the sudden increase in these three ministries in particular? It's hard to complain about having sufficient funds for once, but I'd like to know your reasoning.” I sighed and leaned back, looking up at the mural on the ceiling. “Stalwart, in the five years I've lived in Equestria, I've seen two dragon attacks, a dozen Diamond Dog attacks, though they were closer to insurrections, and close calls with an invasion from the Gryphons. All these events were thankfully averted, but only by the action of the Elements of Harmony. They won't be around forever, and even now we can't leave the defense of an entire nation to five mares.” Stalwart asked “Well, what about Luna? She may not be as powerful as Celestia, but she could easily defend Equestria.” “Do you really trust the defense of a nation to one pony?” I asked Stalwart, then added “Even if she was as powerful as Celestia, one pony can’t stop an entire army. One pony won’t save the day, we need many to stop any threats on our lands.” Stalwart nods, apparently accepting my answer. He'd taken over from Shining Armor as the defense minister, but had left the Royal Guard to focus more on his position in government. Ever pragmatic and blunt, I had enjoyed working with him on the many assignments that our jurisdictions often crossed. I looked around the table and see the other two apparently satisfied, so I dismissed them with a wave. Finally, I’m alone in the room. Except for Quill, of course. She clears her throat quietly, and I looked over at her with tired eyes. ”Well that went better than most debates over money. I can't believe you got them all to agree on such drastic changes!” I smiled indulgently and scratched my cheek. “It's amazing what you can get people to agree to when you say you won't be taking a piece of their pie for yourself.” She nods at my words and looks down, scuffing a hoof on the stones of the floor. “Do you...really believe what you said? About the expansion of the defense forces and all the departments sharing budgets?” I nodded my head, giving a solemn look. “Equestria is at the forefront of culture in the world, but we've fallen behind the gryphons in sciences, and especially in military. As it stands, they're the largest threat, and there have been some disturbing reports from the frontier about confrontations with their villagers. The Elements can't enforce a border, so we need military parity at minimum to keep the homesteaders safe.” She grinned widely at my words, before checking a timepiece in her ever present saddlebags. ”Well, we've got another early start tomorrow. You're due for a tour about the nation, greeting important people and putting on a friendly face and all that. We'll be taking off tomorrow at dawn for that.” Again I nod, sleepiness finally taking over my brain and making me yawn loudly. “Alright Quill, I'll see you tomorrow at dawn.” With that, we both headed our separate ways, I head back to my bedchambers and immediately faceplanting on the mattress. Before I drifted off to sleep, I allowed myself a moment of pride. I actually managed to do better than Celestia at something. Take that sunbutt.