18: A Broken Mask
Your room is encompassed in a deep darkness, such that you cannot see your hoof in front of your face.
Despite the late hour and the excitement of the day, you find yourself totally unable to sleep.
Anon had sent you away, and now you're worrying over why exactly he had done so, among other issues.
Like your feelings towards him, the weight of your duty to Equestria, and the assignment you had been given from the lips of Celestia herself.
You are Cursive Quill, and you're starting to wonder where it all went wrong.
It had been such a simple job, being detached from what little there had been of the Equestrian Defense Force intelligence section and assigned to watch Anonymous.
And of course, to intervene if need be.
Of course, Princess Celestia had not defined the point at which you were to intervene, nor HOW to intervene.
Were you supposed to take him down with force or make him resign?
And what would happen if he resisted?
He had the love of the public and the army, the only people who would side with you would be a now weakened Royal Guard.
That in itself was a problem, but another major roadblock was how you felt lately.
Being around him made you giddy, made you want to prance around like a little filly and catch his attention at every turn
But you tried your best to remain professional around him, totally composed as you had been taught.
Mostly.
But you were fuming about your display earlier.
Breaking down in front of a bunch of rank and file soldiers, being comforted by the person that was supposed to be your boss, never mind showing off how close you were to him.
The worst part of it was, no matter how illogical it had been, that feeling of worry and fear was all too genuine.
You had dismissed stories of agents 'going native' or siding with the targets they were supposed to be spying on.
Now you knew better.
You had seen it coming too, back in Ponyville when he'd made that first speech.
You knew that it was just acting, that he was pretending to feel what he said in the words, you were sure of it.
So many years working as an analyst had told you exactly how those words were calculated to stir feelings in the hearts of ponies.
And yet it still worked on you.
Maybe it was because he had shown through actions that he truly did mean what he said, or at the very least strove to do as he said.
He was a mixed bag of traits. Kind, earnest, brave, and intelligent, and for whatever reason it touched you in a way that had compromised your work.
But he wasn’t perfect.
You had seen the cracks in his mask.
Just how much he enjoyed this power he now had.
And just how far he would go to keep Equestria whole.
But at the same time, it was relieving to just place your faith in someone. To just trust that he would make it all ok.
It was hard to believe anyone, much less a non-pony, could break you of your cynicism at this point.
But he had, and he'd given you hope.
Something you hadn't really felt since...
No.
You wouldn't fall down the hole of thinking about that, not now, not ever.
From beneath your hooves, your face peeked out and stared towards the heavy curtains covering the window.
You let out a huff and get out of bed, trotting over and throwing the curtains open to reveal the full moon gazing down on you.
You stared straight back, fury in your eyes.
”You know, don't you Luna? You always knew but you never told him, why not? Could it be you don't trust him, or do you just get your entertainment watching me fall further from Celestia's grace every time I get near him? Does it make you giddy watching me torture myself every second I spend with him?”
The second you finished your little rant at the moon, a dark shadow began to spread across it.
You felt a shiver run up your back as the shadow stretches into the room, drawing ever closer to you.
A voice, cold as the night sky but tinged with heartache, echoes behind you in the dark room.
”Is that truly what you think of me, Cursive Quill?”
You whirl about and find Luna herself standing there.
Your face twists in a sneer as it all comes together at last.
Obviously you had fallen asleep, and now you were dreaming that the princess of the night was before you herself.
Of course, she was directing a campaign so this was just an apparition of your own making.
You replied to the phantasm towering over the black space where the door had been, your voice dripping with bile and venom.
“Of course it's what I think of you, Luna. The great lunar princess, who presided over all things miltiary, couldn't spot an intelligence plant. That or the redeemed princess who just loves to watch a subject suffer while she watches quietly.”
“Luna's” ears flatten against her skull and she look downright ashamed.
So of course, you continued, your anger was boiling now, how could you not?
“But you've been enjoying that for years haven't you? Oh of course, you've found time to visit the dreams of every pony in Ponyville, every guard and scribe in the palace. Even half the nobles who've had barely any troubles get a dreamwalk from the radiant princess Luna to help them solve their problems. But me? No, I guess giving my entire life to the throne, having my fillyhood destroyed, and never finding a real home just isn't enough to warrant a bit of help.”
You blinked back bitter, stinging tears as the illusion of the princess appears more and more piteous.
It almost, almost, stopped you from continuing.
This had weighed and worn on you so much that even in a dream it was offering catharsis.
But before you can carry on with your tirade, words too quiet from “Luna's” mouth stop you.
They're choked out with a sob and so soft you can't believe what you had heard.
“What was that, 'princess'?”
She draws herself up, puffing out her chest and even with tears glistening in the false moonlight of the imaginary sky manages to look noble
“Luna” steps up in front of you, but even her enormity in size did not cow your resolve.
You know she isn't real.
But the wing that wraps itself around you, the warmth of her body, the sorrow you can physically feel emanating from her.
It feels so real.
Her voice cracks as she speaks softly, her tone almost maternal.
“I'm sorry, Quill.”
You felt your heart speed up, but you're not about to give in to an illusion.
“Yeah, whatever. This is all in my head anyway.”
You feel the wing tighten around your back, and a warm droplet hits your forehead.
”You truly believe that? It is indeed me, Cursive Quill.”
No.
It couldn't be…
You pushed against the lump forming in your throat, the part of you that desperately desires this all to be real.
You can't quite keep the hope from your voice, but it still comes tinged with bitterness.
“Prove it.”
One of the wings pushed your chin up so you were looking into her teary, red eyes.
Her voice is firm, absolute, more than befitting of a diarch such as her.
”In the morning, after you and I awaken, I shall send a telegram to Canterlot. It shall be an official report, but will have in it the phrase 'the love of a mother'.”
You can feel your heart breaking in two at even the idea of reading those words.
Instead of facing her any longer, you squeezed your eyes shut and pulled your face away from her wing.
“Just...just go. Don't give me something else to be disappointed about.”
You felt her pull away from you and against your better judgment, you turned to watch.
As she stepped towards a door that had appeared in the void across from the window, she faced you with a sad smile.
”I shall show you, Quill, the love you have yearned for.”
You grit your teeth in a snarl at her words, even as hot tears pour down your face.
But she's gone before you can retort, leaving you alone to bask in the rays of the unreal moon, crying like a lost filly.
The room around you fades away, and you feel a warm feeling spread across your face.
When you next open your eyes, the morning sun sparkles through the fine glass of the windows, warming the tracks the tears had made on your muzzle.
You sniffled a bit as you recalled the dream, but as you trek to the shower to prepare yourself for the day, you steel your heart against the feelings.
It wouldn't do for you to appear so disheveled in public.
Especially not for a mere dream.
The day is boring, as many days tended to be for you.
Anon met with the press first thing, and as ever you accompanied him.
Before the conference, you'd offered some cards about what to say to certain questions.
Cards that, against your better judgment, you had spent a solid half-hour making instead of doing other things.
Like compiling observations, you know, doing your job if spying on him?
But you had wasted it on working for HIM.
The day had only become worse from there.
After the dreary questions of the media, half of which were just constantly regurgitated ones of the status of the Royal Guards and the standoff.
The official story surrounding the Royal Guard was a small group attempted to coup Anonymous and the government, and the public ate it up. After all, the other members of the Royal Guard had said this was what happened.
They wanted to save face, and have some dignity in their disgrace.
Bored, you left the meeting room, you'd gone to speak more with Chitin.
Even though you weren't personally affected by their previous invasion, being around him was enough to make your skin crawl
It didn't help that, sometimes, he seemed to be giving you an almost hungered look.
Maybe he could feel your love, and it made him hungry.
You weren't sure how to interpret his gazes, it was just a gut feeling.
Still, the talks went surprisingly well, and Chitin had opened up after Anonymous told him of the... results from the guard uprising.
You'd nearly curled your lips in a sneer at the mention of that incident.
Damned elitists, they could have made things so much easier if they had just gone along with the investigation.
You didn't even hold anything against them for wanting to retain independence, if anything you understand the feeling well.
It was just...damn.
At least the changeling seemed pleased that his attackers had been 'taken care of', as it had been so delicately put.
But the ground had been laid for proper peace talks, you'd even sent a message off to the Crystal Empire on behalf of Anonymous.
If you could get them on board, it was possible the Changelings as a whole would never have to hunt for food again.
And as an intelligence plant, you couldn't deny their utility as spies.
They were practically built for the job from the genetic level up.
The day continues on, a boring meeting with officials that you take notes on, for Anonymous of course.
Eager as he was, he had some bad habits. Like never, ever taking a note himself unless he was speech writing.
Sometimes you're amazed he made it this far, but mostly you're impressed by how well he's done.
After all, he wasn't even a pony.
You really did admire him, both professionally and...otherwise.
He was determined to see the best in everything, to work towards a peaceful solution to whatever problems there had been.
Truly, a being after Celestia's own heart.
But his way of ensuring peace was quite different to hers.
He'd once confided in you about it, as he had come to do after a while.
His world was one of constant violence and strife, even coming to, as he had horrifyingly called them, 'world wars.’
As in plural.
It had sent a shudder up your spine to even imagine it.
Millions of beings throwing their lives away, and for what?
He swore to you he wanted that fate to be avoided for Equestria, that he wanted everypony to be able to live happy, healthy lives in comfort.
It had become clear to you both after the gryphons declared war that such a peace would not be easy to come by.
So Anonymous had laid his plans bare before you and Luna.
Under his plan, Equestria would become the most powerful country the world had ever known, militarily and economically.
The idea would have been considered abhorrent even a single year ago.
But war had a way of moulding even the most hardy of wills.
Nopony knew where Celestia and Twilight had gone, and without the security of the Elements of Harmony and, no offense to Luna, the most powerful magic users in Equestria, this was it.
But he wasn't a bad pon-, person, he was just trying to make the best of a nightmare.
He was kind, gentle, loving, you'd seen what lay beneath the iron shackles he kept on his heart during business hours.
A steeled will, and a willingness to keep peace at any cost. To protect those he cared about.
And anyone who didn’t agree was no longer considered one of his own.
But you loved him.
You mulled that thought over as the day goes on.
Yes, loved, like a mare does a stallion.
There was no more getting around it, certainly not after Trottingham.
Oh the bliss of that night in the glow of fireworks, his lips against yours, the warmth of his embrace.
To think he was hesitant about it at all was strange.
It gave you shivers just to think about it.
Your gaze is far away, reliving that night, as he parades before a crowd, making a speech about the unity of all ponies from guards to grocers or some such.
It's all blather, taking up the little time the day had left.
The time before you could let down your persona of a prim and proper scribe and just be his.
Luna knew, you knew she knew, but she had never made a comment about it, never given you a look of distaste or any sign of discomfort with the way you acted.
Luna....
She said that there would be word today, just for you.
A frantic messenger charged up to the two of you as Anon finishes receiving his applause from the crowd.
You perked up immediately, he's wearing a military outfit and the sigil of the communication brigade.
”Chancellor, a message from the army!”
Your eyes widened, this was it!
Anonymous nodded his consent and the pegasus messenger opened the paper and cleared his throat…
Almost delirious, you leaned in to catch every word he says, holding your breath in anticipation.
Your dream...
”Contact with enemy. Stop. Beachhead currently under bombardment. Stop. Landing delayed. Stop. Glory to Equestria. END.”
...was just a dream
You wanted to cry, to scream, to demand more of the messenger.
But even as your body shook subtly, Anonymous thanked and dismissed the messenger.
He lays a hand on your withers, a slight touch to direct you, and you follow after him numbly.
You're not sure why you had thought the dream to be real.
Maybe you had just wanted some kind of hope, something to hold on to.
It barely registers when the door clicks shut behind you and Anonymous lays back on his bed.
Without prompting, you hop up beside him.
You NEEDED him.
He lays a gentle hand on your mane, without force, without intent.
His voice is quiet, kind, warm like an island sunset.
”What's the matter, Quill?”
The way he said your name, never 'Cursive', never in anger, never formal when you were together.
It was all just too much.
You broke down on his chest, sobbing about the dream that had never come, about the snake of a Luna that had come to you in the night, promising love and mending.
He strokes your mane, listening without judgment, without the bored affectation of a professional.
You loved him.
You HATE this.
But you loved him.
I awoke to my little assistant clutching me fiercely
I just couldn’t resist reaching down and scratching behind her ears, and she gives a contented murmur as she presses her face against my chest.
Come to think of it, she had been incredibly clingy in what little private time we had shared as of late.
If I didn't know better, I’d think she was insecure, afraid I would leave her.
But that was silly, she knew exactly how I felt about her.
I had some doubts, but I had ultimately decided that a pony was just as good as a human.
She shifted, nuzzling against me and throwing a hoof over my chest.
Damn she was cute.
When did I start falling for this mare, or for mares in general?
Couldn't have been long ago.
But then, it wasn't as though I had went around gawking at mares about town.
Not only because it was unprofessional and completely unbecoming of a ruler, but I simply had no frame of reference to find them attractive.
So why was Quill the exception?
I considered this as I listened to her slow, deep breathing and the quiet thud of her heartbeat.
For one, she was the most adorable thing I’d seen, here or in the last world.
Sure, some would say 'oh but that's subjective', but dammit I worked hard to get to where I was and by god, I would make her the standard for a cuteness law if I needed to!
But it wasn't just that.
Since I had been forced into this role, she had been by my side whenever I had needed her, and even when I hadn't.
She was loyal to the point that it practically put the element of loyalty herself to shame.
Speaking of Dash, I wondered how they were doing.
I had ordered them to stay in Ponyville, in case we needed them quickly for anything.
They weren’t at full strength though since Twilight was missing.
After a long time thinking, I decided what had made me love Quill.
It fell into place, at long last.
She felt the same way I did.
Not just that she loved me, nor that she may or may not find me attractive.
No, she felt the same way I did, deep inside where I never let anyone else, pony or otherwise, in.
She was alone and scarred, just like me.
Maybe not physically scared, but definitely mentally.
And not for the same reasons I was either.
It was not in the same sense that she was the last of her kind, but I had seen how she'd acted around everyone, besides Luna and myself of course.
Never rude or unkind but...distant.
I had never asked her about her friends, but nor had she ever talked about having any.
The fact was, outside me and Luna, her social circle seemed non-existent.
Just the same way I had been when I’d arrived, even before I’d arrived perhaps.
Most of my old friends were dead and gone, the rest having gone their separate ways.
Sure, over time I had grown close with some ponies, Fluttershy especially, but there had always been some kind of wall between us.
It hadn't really mattered, caused no problems, but I hadn't really been at home with them.
But Quill was different.
There hadn't been any sort of barrier between the two of us, even in the worst situations I had always been happy with her around, or at least better than without.
The little pony lets out a quiet whimper, and I stroked her cheek gently
No, the two of us complemented each other well, it was only natural that eventually you would share these feelings.
And they were shared...right?
The sun that has been lazily creeping over the covers now rests squarely in my eyes, pulling me from that train of thought.
It was time to start the day.
I gave Quill a little shake and she snorts, stretching her limbs out as much as she can with how she was sleeping.
”Whas-- 'non, time to get up?”
I scratched behind her ears and she let out a little sigh, bringing a grin to my face.
“Yeah, time to get up and face the adoring public once more.”
She scoffs and bit and stares up at me with a disapproving gaze.
“We don't have any public appearances today though, didn't you read the schedule.”
Of course I had. I always did.
I ruffled her mane and sat up a bit in bed.
“Just a little joke, Quill. Come on though, we don't want to make the changelings wait.”
As I swing my legs over the side of the mattress, I recalled exactly what Chitin had told me.
The queen herself was coming today.
All it had taken was my telling him of the fate of the guards, he had apparently sent word immediately.
That had sat poorly with me until I had fallen asleep.
I was more willing to forgive and make peace with them than most, it seemed, but it made me question my efforts.
Just how close were they to Equestria, how deeply burrowed into society had they become since their banishment?
Close enough to make me nervous, it seemed, deep enough to be a problem if it came down to it.
As I stood under the stream of the shower, my train of thought was broken as Quill tried to join me.
I jumped back as Quill hopped into the small tub with me.
With pure instinct, I covered myself up and my temper rose a bit.
“What do you think you're doing, Quill?”
Her tone is sleepy when she responds.
”I'm getting a shower, duh. Scooch over please?”
She turns and I could see her half open eyes immediately flit to my crotch.
Instantly they flew open and she scrambled out of the tub.
”Sorry, sorry! I didn't mean to Anon!”
You regret snapping at her, but are mostly surprised with her reaction
Surely it wasn't the first time she'd seen me naked, right?
I blush my, as I hurriedly begin scrubbing my body to take my mind off the fact that it was indeed the first time.
“D-don't worry about it, Quill. Honest mistake.”
Definitely need to just focus on washing.
As I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist, I saw Quill facing a corner of the small bathroom.
“Hey, it's all yours Quill.”
She simply nods, staying exactly where she is.
“You okay?”
She once more nods her head, this time speaking up in a quiet voice.
”Yeah, just fine. I'll be done in a few minutes, okay?”
I left the bathroom without speaking again.
She was probably just embarrassed, I thought to myself while dressing up in my pristine white uniform once more.
Nothing to worry about, really.
I eyes the uniform as I pulled it on.
Odd…
Apparently somebody had managed to clean and press it while I had been asleep.
I was not entirely sure when or how, but I certainly appreciated the effort.
It wouldn't do to show up before the changeling queen herself looking dreary and mussed.
Quill trots out of the bathroom a few moments after I finished changing, her mane already pulled back tightly and glasses donned.
Less than a minute later, she's standing beside the door, saddlebags on and ready for the day.
I smiled and kneeled down to be on her level and began to gently stroke her cheek.
“Well then, my little pony, shall we start the day?”
Quill gave me a half-grin as I parroted Celestia's common form of address.
Before I stood to leave, I gave her a quick peck on the cheek.
She blushed fiercely, but didn't object to it.
Was I being overly affectionate today?
Maybe so, but I thought I had earned the right to be a bit lovey, and Quill more than deserved it.
Because at the end of it all, we would face down everything that came against us.
Hopefully, together.
Stats
Page generated in 0.018 seconds
Total duration
798 users online
969,745 hits today, 1,960,719 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Looks good. Quill and Anon are learning to lean on eachother.
And Celestia is still very much a Bitch. Including the uppercase B. Apparently sending an agent into the griffins empire to confirm their intentions to invade Equestria is too much work. Obviously far better in her mind to place a few thousands lives at risk than risk not attending yet another cake judging contest.
But send said agent to spy on the being Celestia herself railroaded and emotionally blackmailed into accepting her position on less than 10 minutes notice? Acceptable. As is apparently execpting said agent to eliminate said being for nebulous reasons. Oh and let's not forget possibly grooming said agent for her position through what would widely be considered psychological torture.
Wholesome
11482777
I get the impression from this story that Celestia is using Anonymous to perform the reforms that she wanted to do for a long time, but couldn’t due to her public image. In other words, Anonymous was assigned to the position to do the dirty work, while Celestia would later come in, remove him, keep her image, and preserve the reforms that were made.
11483205
And of course utterly botch them up 10 years later because she doesn't want to do the work needed to maintain them.
If that does happen maybe she'll meet the same fate as the idiot that ignored the real Bismark's warning. In 1898 Otto told the Kaiser that if he didn't change course the Germany that his father and Bismark had built wouldn't last 20 years. Not quite twenty years later he was proven right at Versailles.
Personally I think she's just a four-legged versions of the stereotyped popular girl in high school that has had a few centuries to ferment. The sort of shallow image-is-everything slightly and stupid-in-a-naive-way twit whose "principles" change depending on what is in vogue at the time.
I heard the Crystal Heart has lots of love to give.
Then better don't make the 'lings angry.
Queen Chrysalis: "I agree!"
derpicdn.net/img/view/2019/12/19/2224431.png
Source.
Good chapter!
I enjoyed reading it.
Why do I think that mensage was a case of telephone game?
Glory to Arstostzka!