Sweetie Belle has the Worst Ideas
“Okay! That should be it!” Sweetie shouted, tightening the last knot of the rope tied around her waist. Turning her attention back to the two fillies beside her, she made sure that the rope that strung the three of them together was tight and sturdy.
The Cutie Mark Crusaders stood at the edge of a cliff. Staring down below, Scootaloo was terrified at the sight of the sharp, jagged rocks which laid at the its foot.
“I... I don’t know about this...” Scootaloo stammered.
“Don’t worry, Scoots!” Sweetie Belle squeaked. “Those are just some razor-sharp jagged rocks! Nothing to worry about!”
Apple Bloom looked over the cliff as well, her hooves immediately freezing. “W-w-why are we doing this again?”
“Because...” Several white bubbles rose from Sweetie Belle’s head into the sky, leading into one huge bubble where a flashback played.
Scootaloo sat on a bench in the park, tears running down her face. With a swipe of her hoof, Scootaloo wiped away her liquid sadness.
“Heya, Scoots...” a familiar voice called out to the pegasus from behind. Quickly turning around, she saw Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle standing behind her. The former of which being the filly that muttered her name.
“H-heya, girls,” Scootaloo muttered.
“What’s wrong, Scoots?” Sweetie Belle asked, trotting over and sitting beside Scootaloo.
“N-nothing. J-just some bullies making fun of me again.”
“Of your inability to lift off like a normal pegasu-OW!” Sweetie Belle yelped, rubbing her shoulder at where Apple Bloom delivered a swift punch to.
“Well, don’t ya worry! We’ll get a few milkshakes and it’ll be all okay!” Apple Bloom smiled happily, hugging Scootaloo.
“Heya, Scoota-can’t-fly!” A squeaky voice shouted in a mock tone.
Turning their heads up, the Cutie Mark Crusaders saw the familiar pink coat and tiara cutie mark that adorned the flank of their most hated enemy.
“Diamond Tiara... so you’re the one behind this!” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, her eyebrows arching together.
“That’s right! How’s Scoota-can’t-fly feeling, hmm?” Diamond Tiara continued to tease.
“Yeah! Scoota-can-fly!” The silver-coat pony beside her echoed.
“S-she means Scoota-can’t-fly!” Diamond Tiara corrected her friend.
“Y-yeah, that’s right!” Silver Spoon quickly acted as if she had made no mistake.
“Really? That’s the best ya got?” Apple Bloom said with an unimpressed look. “‘Scoota-can’t-fly’”?
“Y-yeah! What’s wrong? Too hurtful?” Diamond Tiara tried her best to maintain her arrogant posture, despite knowing that it wasn’t that good of an insult. All those hours spent in her private, 5-star hotel with two helipads and a jet-ski didn’t really pay off.
“She’s right! I mean, there’s so many better insults!” Sweetie Belle agreed, causing Scootaloo’s face to distort into utter confusion. “Like, Chickenloo. Or Groundedloo.”
“There are so many other nicknames that are more insulting!” Apple Bloom added. “Like Dodo, Penguin Pegasus, Stay-grounded Scootaloo.”
“Are you done?” Scootaloo asked with a stoic expression, staring at her two friends.
Diamond Tiara stood with a smug expression on her face. “Well then, Chickenloo. You should just accept the fact that you’re never gonna be able to fly!”
“Yes, she will!” Sweetie Belle quickly rebutted.
“I will?” Scootaloo asked, uncertain.
“All she needs is a little push!” Apple Bloom supported Sweetie Belle.
“I do?” Scootaloo’s mind raced to piece whatever pieces she could.
“A little push...” Sweetie Belle lifted her hoof against her chin, tapping it a few times. “That’s it!” she proudly exclaimed, a light bulb appearing above her head.
“It is?” Scootaloo asked once more.
“We’ll show you both that Scootaloo can fly!”
“I can?”
“Well then, I sure hope to see her at school tomorrow with working wings!” Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon both chortled mockingly before trotting away.
“Come on, let’s make you fly!” Sweetie Belle squeed loudly in excitement before rushing away, dragging the other two fillies with her.
With an exasperated sigh, Scootaloo quickly muttered. “I’m screwed.”
“Huh, ya think Ah’d remember that since it only happened ten minutes ago,” Applebloom remarked.
“Anyway, you girls ready to jump off ‘Cliff That Is Filled With Jagged Rocks, Don’t Let Fillies Up Here. No Seriously, If Three Fillies Come Up Here And Try To Push One Filly Off In Hopes That That Filly Will Fly, It’ll Only End In Blood And Bodies’ cliff?”
Scootaloo gave another big gulp, tossing her hooves over her head. “W-why don’t you say the name of the cliff three more times? Then maybe it’ll be late enough for us to go home!”
“Come on, don’t be chicken!” Sweetie Belle gave Scootaloo a swift push, sending her over the edge.
Scootaloo hovered over the edge of the cliff, her hooves kicking aimlessly in the air. Slowly, she tilted her head down and saw only the extremely sharp, needlessly pointy rocks that awaited her below. Only then did she feel herself falling.
“Okay! Now we wait!” Sweetie Belle said with a grin.
“...We’re tied together, Sweetie,” Apple Bloom reminded her with crossed hooves.
Sweetie Belle’s eyes opened wide as both of them quickly got tugged down, joining the completely paralyzed pegasus on their descent.
Apple Bloom didn’t break her pose, sitting with crossed hooves.
“Sweetie Belle, Ah got a few questions. Would you mind answering them?”
Sweetie Belle gave Apple Bloom a stare into her eyes before letting out a sigh.
“Ah’ll take that as a ‘no’. So, my first question is, why did we do this on this cliff again? And not the ‘Cliff of Fluffy Pillows’?” Apple Bloom pointed at the cliff mere yards opposite theirs, where at the foot of the cliff laid a mountain of comfortable pillows.
“I thought if we put the idea of ‘death’, Scootaloo might be more motivated!” Sweetie Belle explained.
“Ah see, ah see. Then Ah got another question. Let’s say that Scootaloo was able to fly. What makes ya think she can fly with the weight of both of us on her!?”
Sweetie Belle raised her hoof and opened her mouth, primed to shoot out an answer. However, her look quickly changed. Her eyes darted up and her eyebrows furrowed, showing a look of complete blankness.
“Ya didn’t think this through, did ya?” Apple Bloom asked, her hoove still crossed as she plummeted from the sky.
Sweetie Belle didn’t answer, instead, she turned her gaze down to her twiddling hooves.
“Yer ideas are the worst.”
Scootaloo stared wide-eyed at the rocks below her, having given up all hope that she’d make it out okay. “Hey, girls. Can we commence screaming now?”
Coughing a few times to clear their throats, the other two fillies agreed.
“One... Two...” Scootaloo started to count down. “Three.”
The Cutie Mark Crusaders screamed as loud as they could, their hooves waving randomly as they continued to fall. Closing their eyes, they prepared to feel the painful surges of... pain go through their body. However, they only felt a slight tug as the wind that was soaring through their mane went the opposite direction instead.
“What the—” all of them exclaimed simultaneously. Turning their heads up in unison, they saw a familiar superhero had grabbed all three of them. Clad in the signature black suit and purple hat, he started to soar upwards, putting all three fillies safely on the cliff.
“M-Mare-do-well!?” Scootaloo stammered out.
“B-but how?” Apple Bloom stuttered in shock.
However, the figure didn’t react to their words. Instead, it gave a bow before flying off towards Ponyville, its cape flapping gracefully in the wind.
“Mare-do-well! Mare-do-well!” Scootaloo shouted. “Why is he running, Sweetie Belle?”
“Because he... or she’s the hero Ponyville deserves, but not the one it needs right now.” Sweetie Belle started her speech as loud, tense orchestral music accompanied her. “So, we’ll hunt him her, because he she can take it. Because he’ she’s not our hero. He’s She’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. ....A dark mare.”
As the loud orchestral music died down, silence once again enveloped the three fillies. Apple Bloom spoke, breaking the silence. “So... milkshakes?”
“Oh yeah, totally.”
“I call dibs on the chocolate!”
“Nopony wants the chocolate anyway, Scoots. Ya’ll can have whatever you girls want.”
“I call Strawberry!”
“You always call Strawberry...”
The fillies voices disappeared into the distance as they trot towards the sunset and with an iris out, this story, too, shall end.
THE END
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Looks like Sweetie enticed them into a zone of danger.
EDIT: What, no Archer fans?
'... a dark mare.'
'I don't get it'
'neither do I scoots, but it sounds cool'
Funny!
A little too random for me. And there's a part that makes me think that they are humans for a moment, it's kind of jarring:
Also, i'd recommend changing 'screamed' to 'yelped' in that particular sentence, but that's just me.
I chuckled. So mission accomplished.
2436837 Hahaha!
2436976 Ah yes, The Key of Awesome was one of my ideas to put there ;)
2437024 Thanks!
2437116 Oh right, I probably meant 'shoulder' instead of 'elbow' and yes, yelped seems like a much better word! Thanks!
2437576 Woo hoo! Thanks for giving it a read!
That comma is bothering the hell out of me. Is 'yer' supposed to be 'your'? Because then there would be no comma. If 'yer' is supposed to be an interjection, I apologize for even posting this comment.
I think Mare-Do-Well was Rainbow Dash. After that incident on the camping trip she never lets Scootaloo out of her site.
My goodness. How much of the town planning budget did Mayor Mare put into that sign? Or the giant pile of fluffy cushions for that matter?
Your tax bits at work.
it was like being punched in the gut and told to laugh because its supposed to be funny.
2437791 Ah no worries. The reason I added the comma is because the cover art had it. I removed it now! Thanks for telling me!
2437966 Who knows? She could be any pegasus. She's mysterious. She's.... the Dark Mare.
2438453 I know right? ...Come to think of it, what HAS the Mayor spent tax on that didn't involve either deadly traps/cliffs or pillows and rainbows?
2438994 Ah, I'm sorry you didn't like it. I kinda wrote it in under an hour, putting out my most random thoughts forward! I would totally understand if you didn't find it funny!
2439047
references aren't comedy.
Anything can be a set up, but it needs the narrative to add a punchline.
remember the formula intro-set up-climax-conclusion.
you got that for the whole story. But not for the individual jokes.
Don't… Do that. Don't.
•Compose a story well in your brain or on paper- Even if it's totally random- Especially do this with one-chapter-stories.
• It was somewhat hard to follow, in the sense that it was moving to fast from one place to another.
• Try using more synonyms, and less of the original word.
There be-ith my critic side showing its face.
hm...
nope, still there. :3
2439390 I understand. The reason I wrote this fic is because I was tired of trying to make perfect fics and just wanted to let loose for once, write something where I wasn't inclined to make 100% perfect in every way. I wasn't going for memorable. I was just going for a story where a person can just give a quick read, maybe get a chuckle or two and move on. But I assure you that for every other of my stories, I take the time to let the perfectionist in me kick in :)
2439419 Damn FiMFic bugging out on me. It should be fixed NOW. xD
2439481
I get where you're coming from, but it was hard to focus on the funny because of::
• The much to fast paced 'scene changes.'
• The constant references like Key of Awesome that while I got, someponies wouldn't.
2439538 I didn't actually reference the Key of Awesome. I kinda decided against it! And yeah, the fast pace is a problem in the fic I'm aware of ><
"Cliff That Is Filled With Jagged Rocks, Don’t Let Fillies Up Here. No Seriously, If Three Fillies Come Up Here And Try To Push One Filly Off In Hopes That That Filly Will Fly, It’ll Only End In Blood And Bodies"
LMAO gee ya think they get in so much trouble they'd name a cliff like that, seems legit seeing what they do try.
2442349 The Mayor likes to be... detailed.
2444573
lol well how about cutie mark crusader tail stylist? they can style her tail and then she truly will be de tailed ^^
I finished this in 5-10 minutes. I let out exactly one unit of a few chuckles.
2524564 Heh, then mission accomplished!
This story:
2436837
Yer ideas are the worst, Sweetie Belle.
Lets see what the Mane 6 have to say:
(Mare Do Well appearance)
RD:
FS:
PP:
AJ:
R:
TS:
I personally found this quite the amusement... and I needed it. I just learned I failed my english course... by 2%.
3859810
Ouch, sorry to hear that. Hope you could at least find some joy with this :)
3861299 Ah sure did. Thanks.
This was a fun read. Not laugh out loud hilarious, but definitely enough to put a smile on my face. Nice going, man. Cheers
Oh, I don't know, it was Sweetie's idea to make that awesome Dark Knight reference.
That line needs to be in the show!
Short, nicely written.
Thumbs up.
hahahahahahah
