- Member Since 27th Mar, 2012
- offline last seen Mar 4th, 2023
Deathscar
You'd be surprised at the emotions twenty-six letters can unearth
Deathscar
Joined 27th Mar, 2012 ·
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Looks like Sweetie enticed them into a zone of danger.
EDIT: What, no Archer fans?
'... a dark mare.'
'I don't get it'
'neither do I scoots, but it sounds cool'
Funny!
A little too random for me. And there's a part that makes me think that they are humans for a moment, it's kind of jarring:
Also, i'd recommend changing 'screamed' to 'yelped' in that particular sentence, but that's just me.
I chuckled. So mission accomplished.
2436837 Hahaha!
2436976 Ah yes, The Key of Awesome was one of my ideas to put there ;)
2437024 Thanks!
2437116 Oh right, I probably meant 'shoulder' instead of 'elbow' and yes, yelped seems like a much better word! Thanks!
2437576 Woo hoo! Thanks for giving it a read!
That comma is bothering the hell out of me. Is 'yer' supposed to be 'your'? Because then there would be no comma. If 'yer' is supposed to be an interjection, I apologize for even posting this comment.
I think Mare-Do-Well was Rainbow Dash. After that incident on the camping trip she never lets Scootaloo out of her site.
My goodness. How much of the town planning budget did Mayor Mare put into that sign? Or the giant pile of fluffy cushions for that matter?
Your tax bits at work.
it was like being punched in the gut and told to laugh because its supposed to be funny.
2437791 Ah no worries. The reason I added the comma is because the cover art had it. I removed it now! Thanks for telling me!
2437966 Who knows? She could be any pegasus. She's mysterious. She's.... the Dark Mare.
2438453 I know right? ...Come to think of it, what HAS the Mayor spent tax on that didn't involve either deadly traps/cliffs or pillows and rainbows?
2438994 Ah, I'm sorry you didn't like it. I kinda wrote it in under an hour, putting out my most random thoughts forward! I would totally understand if you didn't find it funny!
2439047
references aren't comedy.
Anything can be a set up, but it needs the narrative to add a punchline.
remember the formula intro-set up-climax-conclusion.
you got that for the whole story. But not for the individual jokes.
Don't… Do that. Don't.
•Compose a story well in your brain or on paper- Even if it's totally random- Especially do this with one-chapter-stories.
• It was somewhat hard to follow, in the sense that it was moving to fast from one place to another.
• Try using more synonyms, and less of the original word.
There be-ith my critic side showing its face.
hm...
nope, still there. :3
2439390 I understand. The reason I wrote this fic is because I was tired of trying to make perfect fics and just wanted to let loose for once, write something where I wasn't inclined to make 100% perfect in every way. I wasn't going for memorable. I was just going for a story where a person can just give a quick read, maybe get a chuckle or two and move on. But I assure you that for every other of my stories, I take the time to let the perfectionist in me kick in :)
2439419 Damn FiMFic bugging out on me. It should be fixed NOW. xD
2439481
I get where you're coming from, but it was hard to focus on the funny because of::
• The much to fast paced 'scene changes.'
• The constant references like Key of Awesome that while I got, someponies wouldn't.
2439538 I didn't actually reference the Key of Awesome. I kinda decided against it! And yeah, the fast pace is a problem in the fic I'm aware of ><
"Cliff That Is Filled With Jagged Rocks, Don’t Let Fillies Up Here. No Seriously, If Three Fillies Come Up Here And Try To Push One Filly Off In Hopes That That Filly Will Fly, It’ll Only End In Blood And Bodies"
LMAO gee ya think they get in so much trouble they'd name a cliff like that, seems legit seeing what they do try.
2442349 The Mayor likes to be... detailed.
2444573
lol well how about cutie mark crusader tail stylist? they can style her tail and then she truly will be de tailed ^^
I finished this in 5-10 minutes. I let out exactly one unit of a few chuckles.
2524564 Heh, then mission accomplished!
This story:
2436837
Yer ideas are the worst, Sweetie Belle.
Lets see what the Mane 6 have to say:
(Mare Do Well appearance)
RD:
FS:
PP:
AJ:
R:
TS:
I personally found this quite the amusement... and I needed it. I just learned I failed my english course... by 2%.
3859810
Ouch, sorry to hear that. Hope you could at least find some joy with this :)
3861299 Ah sure did. Thanks.
This was a fun read. Not laugh out loud hilarious, but definitely enough to put a smile on my face. Nice going, man. Cheers
Oh, I don't know, it was Sweetie's idea to make that awesome Dark Knight reference.
That line needs to be in the show!
Short, nicely written.
Thumbs up.
hahahahahahah
