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We've all heard stories of humans who find themselves in Equestria by happenstance. We've all seen heroes and legends be removed from their typical surroundings to this magical land. But what if instead of an adult, a mere infant ends up in Equestria? What kind of life might he lead? What will he make of himself? This story may answer that question, and many more.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5gUKEa_CgU
Well this is an interesting take on things.
Oh man I love stories where infants are introduced to equestria. I can't wait to see who the child will grow up to be. Will he be a hero, a revolutionary or perhaps maybe a future enemy of equestria?
If you keep the rest of the story as good as this first chapter then your going to make one hay(pun intended) of a fanfic!
Great job! 
You just got your first favorite! 
And thanks for writing it. 
P.S. Would it be ok with you to use your idea of "infant in Equestria"?
I would love to make my own version of it.
Hmmmmmmmm... I sense great potential in this story. I'm interested in seeing where it goes so I'll add it to my list.
Now that said there are a few points that I wish to write about.
1st off was the bit with writing the child's POV and thoughts. Now... That was interesting. Half of me wished to keep going and then the other half of me wished to skip ahead. Once it was all said and done though I think it worked.
The next small bit was Luna and her use of old English. If recommend cation when using it and I'd recommend trying to keep it simple, because there are some people that'll be able to recognize it and when it's used incorrectly. I'm not sure if you've used them incorrectly or not but just something to be aware of.
Now the biggest issue I had with this, the one that I feel like tackling would help you the most. And that issue would be wordiness. I feel like you have more words than you need which can weaken moments or simply make something less interesting. I think your but with the baby's POV would work a lot more as you worked more with wordiness.
However, asides from that I didn't notice anything that cried out to me. Keep up the good work and don't give up!!
The babies head canon for me is caboose from rvb.
I give ou an 8 on the regit scale
suspension of disbelief broken because theres no given reason why celestia randomly wants to adopt the child.
she could have easily and much more likely assigned a nurse maid. Just like how most nobles of this kind of society would raise a child. Heck, she could even decree a family (any depending on your purpose) to take care of him.
You need more justification.
As of my vote, there are 27 upvotes and no downvotes.
You should do a touch-up of the very beginning, and several parts of Celestia's thinking, (which should also be in italics) where she keeps asking questions to herself of what she would be thought of, and my personal canon of her is worrying about the best way to run Equestria, and how he would impact their society.
*reads the baby's monologue*
D'AAAAAWWWWWWWWWW
*reads the rest of the chapter*
Can't wait to see more!
Another!
2285470
Thank you very much for your critique. I assure you, there will be more. I can't guarantee a when and where, but let's just say little Lance is going places.
2294283 Glad to hear. I'll try to come back to this before too long... but I've a lot on my plate at the moment. But, I hope to return and see your continued work! And I'll be ready with feedback! (well... mostly likely
)
I was laughing through most of the baby's thought sequence at the beginning
Love the baby's thoughts at the beginning! That should be a feature with all adoption fics.
2285267 I doubt he will be an enemy of Equestria. Maybe cuz he's being adopted by Celestia he might gain control ove rather thrown after his mother passes or retires, becoming the first human ruler of Equestria. But who knows.
2447764
Well, my main reason for the time skip is mainly due to the fact that while I could have had more fun with infancy antics, I didn't want to bog the story down too much. Character Development is good and all, but brevity has its benefits, too.
Not bad at all so far. I would've refrained from using the time skip but like you said
Other than that, I'm quite happy with the fact that there's at least one pony who treats Lance equally. Everyone needs a friend.
Plus, I like new things. And a human being raised in the Crystal Kingdom is one of them that interests me deeply so far. I'll be looking forward to the action turn comng up.
im kind of getting a yoda vibe from shinning, anyone else getting that? When does Lance start training in the force?
Look through Sabaton, Manowar, and Van Canto's songs. I'm sure you'll find some good stuff there.
2449283
Yeah. Shining is kind of... out there.
As for the force, There's not gonna be a lot of involvement between him and magic. I might go for some Wuxia-inspired combat later on, though.
I loved Lance's monologue.
2463508
Which part of the Monologue, if you don't mind me asking?
2463659 Lance is just a funny, enjoyable character. His whole monologue in general is rather cute and enjoyable (though I’d like it better if you used a bit more humor)…
... Though, honestly, I couldn't help but snicker when he was describing standing out in the cold naked.
I know it's dirty, but... I just couldn't help it! 
Although, how the heck does he not get sick, or even freeze have to death standing in the snow with no cloths on?
The cold would drive me insane if I had to do that. 
(But then again, Korean soldiers take baths using the snow. How they do it, I have no idea. 
)
Now that I think about it, Lance's baby monologue pretty funny as well. Especially the part about "flying" and the "pretty ladies".
Oh, and will we see any interaction with him and the mane six?
2464037
Mmmaybe.
The next chapter will be taking place in White Tail Wood, so you might see him meet the gang. Although I should point out, this is likely going to be a few years after Twilight's coronation, so expect some Twilicorn silliness.
Mmm
Good story starting out here
So...what will be his weapon of choice?
Since he is using staff I can only imagine he'll use something of similar style
Quarter staff, spear, scythe?
Hmmm...
2510193
A good knight never trusts a single weapon. He'll probably go through a variety of different polearms before the story's end, but he'll also have a sword as his sidearm of choice.
2511102
Alright
Variety is the spice of life
But will he encounter any other humans?
IE his actual parents (If they are there and he wasn't just teleported to equestria)
2511149
Maybe, maybe not. At this point, he's an odd man out, but he may encounter more of his ilk as time goes by.
2511194
Cool cool...
....
AWKWARD GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK
....
Well then..err...good story and good luck...?
"not sure if sarcasm."
2568240
It was meant to be sarcasm.
Hmmmmmmm... This is random to its fullest extent but if Luna can go into ponies dreams can celestia go into their daydreams? It only makes logical sense.
Well done. You did a good job keeping the child childish, and not just an adult acting like a kid. It's what I look for in fictions about kids.
Not really lance. I can't get him either.
The pov of Lance is adorable. Also, I can't wait for Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor meets the little one, especially Cadence.
For goodness sakes Shining it is the scouts, not the marines. Gosh, he sure is putting the little guy through h e double hockey sticks. Also making him walk naked in the cold snow, that is just crazy.
Very good chapter though.
2675681
Good to hear such commentary from a fellow writer of "Adopt a Human" stories.
Well, I guess until shown otherwise by the story, whom is mute on the subject, I'll just assume Robin got lost and starved to death or something.
The old Knights of England are rolling in their graves at that statement
And i dont think he realizes that what he just said roughly translates into
I WILL USE MY BEATING STICK TO BEAT THE DISHARMONY AND HATE OUT OF YOU WITH SOME OF YOUR BLOOD AND PERHAPS BOTH YOUR METAPHORICAL AND LITERAL SHIT ON THE SIDE
archive.4plebs.org/foolfuuka/boards/tg/image/1369/57/1369579967581.jpg
Which also brings up a question
If Lance was to encounter another of his kind and he was to engage in combat, who would win.
Humans devoted their time to develop a better way for everything really (killing each other especially). So it would probably be believable that any other humans probably have more combat experience/knowledge than him. Especially to survive in a randomly dangerous world such as equestria.(Manticores, Dragons, Hydras, Leviathans and stuff yo)
Ponykind so far has been mostly pacifistic and as shown by the Wedding between Shiny and Cadence. Even when the royal guard was on full alert, they got their asses handed to them on a silver platter by an enemy that didn't come in with any weapons other than themselves. ( I mean come on, one of their ranged weaponry was friggin pie)
Also
SOMEBODY BETTER CALL BULLSHIT ON CELESTIA MOVING THE SUN BECAUSE IF THE SUN WAS DEFEATED BY LOVE, GOD HELP ME I WILL ****ING PULL OUT THE BLASPHEMY AND HERESY CARD AND GIVE THEM A NICE LESSON FROM WIKIPEDIA ON HOW ****ING STRONG THE SUN SHOULD BE
Hint Hint: That somebody shouldn't be our naive little human
WHEW
Dat ending
Hmm
I wonder what would happen now?
Would a bombshell be dropped upon him and he learns that they discovered a city 3 miles deep into the ground with a perimeter that rivals Canterlot mountain and the denizens are all his race who are all equipped with technology far more advanced than theirs and they used this technology with the help of the magic in the air to morph the trees and nature around to better hide them which is why nopony found it within the Everfree forest?
Or am I just over thinking it because I want to see Lance receive either a beatdown or find more of his kind?
The world may never know
Explains why the guards had their asses kicked by changelings. Spent all the money they could have used to train them on fucking cheesecake and hay.
...a bit late isn't it to decide that NOW he is old enough to hear it?
2927003 Yeah, fuck her.
That was just a solid 'Yeeeeah, no. Just get the fuck out of here, you're an embarrassment' from her there. From everything we've seen of her, she really doesn't seem to care for him, like, at all. She only took him in because it was the only plausible option, and she foisted him off on Shining and Cadence for god knows how much of his life.
Not to mention how skullfuckingly racist she's being here.
Man, fuck that bitch.
2927422>>2927003
There seems to be some misunderstanding here. The whole speech Celestia made was based on the idea that even non-ponies like Spike can, if they work towards understanding the culture, assimilate and become a part of it.
Spike had grown up amongst ponies, and in spite of his baser draconic instincts, was able to adopt an Equestrian mode of thought, essentially becoming part-pony, as the episode "Dragon Quest" showed. Hence why she's having Spike go with him, as he's not only well-traveled, but knows the ins-and-outs of Equestrian culture.
However, I understand that the way it's worded makes Celestia sound like a condescending twat. Bear in mind, this is not entirely dissimilar to the way Celestia treated Twilight and her shut-in ways.
As for sending Lance to the Crystal Empire, it was more for the sake of being sure not to cause unrest from an alien life form. After all, remember "Bridle Gossip"? Canterlot would probably had a few heads turned. After all, Twilight, Spike, and perhaps Pinkie Pie, are among the only people who are aware of the basic concept of humans, and even they didn't understand what humans were.
For some reason, I anticipate a visit to a certain castle ruin in the Everfree.
2928268 But what she's saying is 'I don't know what you are, but whatever it is, it's not as good as us. If you try, though, you might be lucky enough to be like us'.
2928787
Of course, that's not what she meant. She wasn't comparing ponies as better or worse; she was simply saying that he hasn't really tried to adopt equine standards and practices, and has been rather asocial.