Chapter 1: A Cradle in Celestia's Court
Hi! My name is... Well, I'm not sure what my name is. I don't know where I am, either. I know I feel nice and warm, though! My head's on something really soft, and I'm wrapped in a soft, warm thingy. Everything around me looks so big! If I wasn't in this funny-looking round thing, I could take a closer look. There's a bright thing over there, but it's going away. My tummy's rumbling, too. No matter how much I try and make it stop, it won't stop!
I can't see anybody around here. I just see a big, creaky thingy. Maybe I should make some noises, too! Somebody should come if I make noises! What kind of noise would get them to notice me? Maybe I should yell as loud as I can!
“W-WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAA–”
Hey, I think someone's coming! It looks big, and it smells weird. I keep hearing strange sounds while it's coming to me! I don't think he liked my yelling. He looks mad. He’s got a friend with him, too. They keep mumbling something, but I can’t understand a single word of it. Wait... what’s a word? Wait, where are they going? Come back!
Great, I’m alone again. That wasn’t very fun at all! At least the creaky thing moved a little. What is it, anyway? What were those people? They looked kinda spooky. I hope they’re nice. What was that stuff on them? It was so shiny and pretty! They looked like the same person, too... Am I still dreaming? If I am, then I like this dream. This big thing looks nice and shiny. There’s a big lady up there. She has a wavy thing on her head, and she’s got shiny stuff all on her! I think she sees me!
“Hi! Can you see me? Hi!”
Aww, she’s gone! What was she? Who was she? I hope she’s nice. Those other two people looked really mean. Shiny, too, but mostly mean.
Oh, hey! The pretty lady’s down here now! She looks even prettier up close! She’s got a big face, and pretty eyes, and that thing on her head just keeps waving and waving! It’s making me a little dizzy...
That look she’s got on her face... does she like me? It doesn’t look like an “I like you” face. It looks like a “What is this” face. There’s something else on her head, too. It’s shining! Woah, what’s happening? I’m flying! Wheee! Where are we going, pretty lady? Is it fun? I like fun things. Can she even hear me?
There’s a lot of big people here. They’re all holding pointy things and looking at me and the lady. I can see another pretty lady over there! She’s not as bright as the other one, but she’s got a wavy thing on her head and a pointy thing, too. She’s got shinies all over her!
They’re talking funny like the big people were. I still don’t know what they’re saying, but they don’t sound happy. They sound sad. I wish I could talk like them. Maybe they’d pay attention if I did.
Whee! I'm flying again! The light lady's using her pointy thing to help me fly. She's even making the warm thing fly with me! It's going all around me! She's put me somewhere on her. I don't know what she's got on her, but it feels soft and fluffy. She feels warm all over. I don't know who or what she is, but I feel safe around her. She's smiling at me. The wavy thing is really cozy. It keeps tickling me! Is she making it do that? I wish I knew.
That wavy thing is making me sleepy again. I guess it must be nap time already. Maybe this will make sense later. Good night, pretty ladies.
**
This is perhaps the oddest foal I've ever seen. It doesn't have a coat anywhere on it's body. It has a mane, but I don't see a tail anywhere. I suppose that explains this blue suit it's wearing. It must be male. It looks like an ape, but even apes have some kind of fur or hair. It makes me wonder how long it was laying in that cradle, much less outside the castle gates.
The foal coos at me inquisitively, and I wrap a blanket around him.
For that matter, who would choose to leave a foal on a Canterlot doorstep, much less that of the highest authority in Equestria? Why would they do so? How long ago did this child appear here? Was this a deliberate move? All these thoughts are racing in my head right now. I've never had to rear a foal. I am a Princess, for Faust's sake! I am meant to lead a kingdom, and yet here I am, cradling an alien child in my magic.
Luna is giving me a strange glance. It seems she notices my concern. Her expression mirrors mine.
“Sister, art thou considering adopting this foal?” she asks.
“I don't have much choice, Luna,” I reply earnestly. “This child was dropped upon our doorstep. Nopony in their right mind would simply leave a foal here, even if it were just happenstance.”
“So thou wouldst take the foal as thine own?” Luna spoke, sternly. “We have a kingdom to raise, sister! We cannot put the life of a foal above that of Equestria, much less one as foreign as this!”
I check the foal's forehead. It is mildly warm, but not feverish.
“We cannot abandon this life either, Luna,” I whisper back. “Whoever or whatever chose to deliver this child to us, like it or no, he is our responsibility now, and we must act his parents. It is our duty as princesses to care for every subject in our kingdom, large or small, regardless of what form they happen to possess.”
Luna looks as if she is about to attempt to counter my argument, but she then sighs, knowing she’s been defeated. She does have a point, however. I have a kingdom to run. There’s no way I’ll be able to manage the logistics of Equestria on top of raising a child. At least, not one so young. I’ll have to find a sitter to watch him when I’m working. But who would be willing to watch a baby such as this? I doubt the maids would be able to keep a secret such as this. Then again, I’ve known them and their families for hundreds of years. I’m sure they could be held to a vow of secrecy, at least until I’m comfortable with letting the secret out myself.
He doesn’t seem fond of the royal guard, either. He looked a bit insecure. Remind me to tell him they mean him no harm when he’s older.
His age is the primary concern, I feel. He looks to be no older than a newborn foal, and weighs just as much as one. I’ll need to hire the services of a pony who has had a long-standing stint of experience when it comes to foalsitting. But who would be the pony for the task...
Cadence! Of course! She’s raised plenty of foals, Twilight included! But should I really bother her? She’s on her honeymoon with Shining Armor! Can I really bring myself to interrupt such an occasion for another foal for her to raise? Then again, I have heard her talk about her wanting a foal for her own. Perhaps this might make for the ideal child for her. Thank Faust that we’re able to keep in touch so easily. Where’s the ink and quill...
“Dear Princess Cadence,
As much as it pains me to have to interrupt such an occasion as your honeymoon, I must ask of you favor. As of writing this message, the guard has informed me of an anonymous foal that has mysteriously arrived upon the doorstep of the Royal Castle. While I am aware that you are due for the Crystal Empire in a few months, I am also otherwise engaged. I’ve always heard you’ve wanted to have foals, and I suppose happenstance granted your wish. If you are willing to return as promptly as you can, I will turn the infant into your care and allow you to continue from there. I hope you understand the ramifications of this undertaking and await your quick reply.
Your Dearest Aunt,
Princess Celestia”
There. Now to just focus my magic for a few moments and... There! She should be getting it soon. I’ll need to get supplies together, but I don’t even know what this baby eats. Fruits? I can’t tell with the lack of teeth. It must eat something like monkeys eat. The kitchen isn’t far from here.
As I make my way into the kitchen, the royal chef bows before me with grace and poise.
“Greetings, Your Majesty. The cake is just about ready! Would you like some?” he asks cheerily.
“No thank you, Tea Measure. I was going to ask if you would prepare a few crates of fruits and vegetables. I’ll be sending a child abroad soon.”
“But of course, Princess! Follow me.”
Tea Measure leads me to a large pantry, carefully extracting a modicum of crates of fruit, loading them onto a hoofcart as he brings it out covertly from the kitchen. Did he know the child wasn’t a pony? Could he tell by the way I inflected my voice? Is my facade beginning to fade? No, of course not. There’s no way somepony like Tea Measure would know.
“So if I might ask, who’s the child this is all for, anyhow?”
Damn it all. Then again, that does raise an interesting question. Does this infant even have a name? Should I try and come up with a name before Cadence arrives? After all, I can’t just call him a mystery baby his whole life. But what name would fit him? His mane is a dark shade of brown, almost the color of tree bark. His eyes glow like emeralds, and he carries with him a great deal of innocence. At least I would think so. He seemed to open up to me from the moment his eyes met mine... I suppose naming him in my likeness would be apropos, but I must have tact. If it is too obvious, then the common pony will surely take notice. Then again, he’ll also be under the care of the Captain of the Guard and the Princess of Love.
I think I’ll call him Lance. Lance Petal. A flower of elegance and strength. I can feel it in his heart. He has potential, and I feel that with Shining Armor as an Uncle, he’ll become a wonderful warrior, as much as he will a guile gentleman.
I’ll tell Cadence in the morning. I should tuck the foal in and let him rest. He’ll be in for a long journey soon. He looks so peaceful when he’s asleep. Foals always look so graceful when they’re sleeping. It’s small wonder Luna is so keen to observe their dreams. It only makes me wonder what this child is dreaming of. I suppose it won’t hurt to let him sleep with me. He seemed at ease with me. As I lay him within the covers, he wriggles like a caterpillar in a chrysalis. It's rather adorable, really.
Hopefully Luna will be well while I retire for a good night's rest. Knowing Cadence, she should be here by dawn. Until then, I suppose I can protect this foal...
Good night, everypony. May Luna grace your dreams tonight.
**
I feel that as the princess of the night and vanguard of the sleeping realm, it would only be appropriate to see the foal off to a good night's rest. As I keep watch over the night sky, allowing the moon to rise, I turn to the sleeping infant and lower my horn upon its forehead. Carefully, I implant myself into his subconscious, an image of myself projecting into his thoughts.
The foal's dreamland is rather basic, as expected for the subconscious of a newborn. It has abstractions here and there, but it is otherwise simple. I can see vague representations of ponies circling him, giving him comfort as he reaches to stroke one of their manes to no avail. Unlike how he appeared while awake, he is devoid of clothing here, bare as a winter fir. As his eyes meet my visage, a gleeful grin adorns his face as he hopelessly rushes toward me, falling over multiple times before finally shadowing himself behind my left foreleg. Alien though this creature may be, I feel a strange sense of wonder as I return his comforting gesture. 'Tis a shame I may not see him this often come the morrow, but I am sure that so long as he has dreams to inhabit, we shall not be estranged.
I can only hope, however, that he can adapt to his new home. Though the threat of Sombra has long since passed, dangerous forces lie north. Perhaps under the tutelage of Shining Armor, he may become ready to face what dangers may come. Under the shadow of the sun and the embrace of the moon, he will be ever watched and protected. If he is the only one of his ilk, then it is imperative he knows how to survive in this world, lest whatever species he belongs to dies with him.
Hopefully, beneath the watch of the Crystal Princess and the Captain of the Guard, he will be able to mature and become a wonderful adult. I can see in the stars that he has a grand journey ahead of him. While I am not entirely sure as to what his journey will entail, I am sure that with proper care and guidance, he will become something he never would have anticipated.
The sun, the moon, and the stars shall guide him until that fateful day comes, and will continue ever further.
I can only wonder what will become of him until then...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5gUKEa_CgU
Well this is an interesting take on things.
Oh man I love stories where infants are introduced to equestria. I can't wait to see who the child will grow up to be. Will he be a hero, a revolutionary or perhaps maybe a future enemy of equestria?
If you keep the rest of the story as good as this first chapter then your going to make one hay(pun intended) of a fanfic! Great job! You just got your first favorite! And thanks for writing it.
P.S. Would it be ok with you to use your idea of "infant in Equestria"? I would love to make my own version of it.
Hmmmmmmmm... I sense great potential in this story. I'm interested in seeing where it goes so I'll add it to my list.
Now that said there are a few points that I wish to write about.
1st off was the bit with writing the child's POV and thoughts. Now... That was interesting. Half of me wished to keep going and then the other half of me wished to skip ahead. Once it was all said and done though I think it worked.
The next small bit was Luna and her use of old English. If recommend cation when using it and I'd recommend trying to keep it simple, because there are some people that'll be able to recognize it and when it's used incorrectly. I'm not sure if you've used them incorrectly or not but just something to be aware of.
Now the biggest issue I had with this, the one that I feel like tackling would help you the most. And that issue would be wordiness. I feel like you have more words than you need which can weaken moments or simply make something less interesting. I think your but with the baby's POV would work a lot more as you worked more with wordiness.
However, asides from that I didn't notice anything that cried out to me. Keep up the good work and don't give up!!
The babies head canon for me is caboose from rvb.
I give ou an 8 on the regit scale
suspension of disbelief broken because theres no given reason why celestia randomly wants to adopt the child.
she could have easily and much more likely assigned a nurse maid. Just like how most nobles of this kind of society would raise a child. Heck, she could even decree a family (any depending on your purpose) to take care of him.
You need more justification.
As of my vote, there are 27 upvotes and no downvotes.
You should do a touch-up of the very beginning, and several parts of Celestia's thinking, (which should also be in italics) where she keeps asking questions to herself of what she would be thought of, and my personal canon of her is worrying about the best way to run Equestria, and how he would impact their society.
*reads the baby's monologue*
D'AAAAAWWWWWWWWWW
*reads the rest of the chapter*
Can't wait to see more!
Another!
2285470
Thank you very much for your critique. I assure you, there will be more. I can't guarantee a when and where, but let's just say little Lance is going places.
2294283 Glad to hear. I'll try to come back to this before too long... but I've a lot on my plate at the moment. But, I hope to return and see your continued work! And I'll be ready with feedback! (well... mostly likely )
I was laughing through most of the baby's thought sequence at the beginning
Love the baby's thoughts at the beginning! That should be a feature with all adoption fics.
2285267 I doubt he will be an enemy of Equestria. Maybe cuz he's being adopted by Celestia he might gain control ove rather thrown after his mother passes or retires, becoming the first human ruler of Equestria. But who knows.
The pov of Lance is adorable. Also, I can't wait for Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor meets the little one, especially Cadence.
Weee i'm flying!
Priceless
Haha not even first sentence in and I read
The rest of the chapter I read while that damn Eminem song was playing in my head.
Lance Petal. Does that translate as Virginity Stealer?
Celestia sucks with names unless they're sun or moon-themed.