story
Rainbow Dash hated taking hard things to the face. At least without warning, anyway.
Rainbow Dash was flying along in the White Tail Woods, performing a tight slalom between the thick groves of trees, focusing on her routine for her next shot at the Wonderbolts. She had speed; now she needed control. Leaves whisked off the trees in her rainbow-colored wake, and she couldn’t help but chuckle. “Psh, it should just be called the Flying of the Leaves, and I’ll do it all myself!” She glanced behind her at the leaves swirling around her rainbow trail. “Hey, that looks kind of awes—”
With a sickening crunch, Rainbow Dash slammed into a tree trunk, her legs splaying out in all four directions as air rushed out of her lungs in a wheeze. For a moment, she hung there with her wings and legs spread out. Then, with the ponderous gravity that only gravity can have, she fell to the ground.
When she opened her eyes, a tiny owl was perched on her chest. Her back ached, her stomach ached (as of course she’d just had to have a treat or two at Sugarcube Corner first), and she longed to get right back into action. “Oh, hehe, hi there,” she said, crossing her eyes somewhat to focus on the owl. It was a tiny, light-colored bird that gazed at her with a curious expression she’d seen often on Twilight’s avian assistant.
“Who?” the bird hooted.
Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’m no Fluttershy, so I’m not really gonna be able to carry on a conversation. If you could just get off my chest? Literally?” She glared at the rude owl. What was an owl even doing awake at this hour of the morning?
The owl exhaled. “No, I meant who you were. Ponies always seem to assume I’m just hooting.”
Rainbow Dash’s jaw dropped, and she rapped the side of her head a couple of times. “Oh, not again… I know the doctors said to stop headbutting things…” She glanced around—in vain—for her pills. “You’re not gonna start telling me to kill the unbelievers like the last one, are you?”
The owl let out a frustrated avian whinny. “I’m just a garden-variety magic talking elf owl. Do you want your reward or not?”
“Reward? For what?”
“For that,” the talking owl said, pointing with a tiny wing to a toppled oak. “That was my home.”
“Oh… um… sorry,” she said, trying to think of what in Celestia’s name her “reward” for wrecking this not-figment-of-her-imagination’s home could possibly be.
“Don’t be! You scared a bunch of rodents that were trying to move in. Now I can roost in peace, once I put it back.”
“You can put trees back the way they were?” Rainbow Dash asked, cocking her head in doubt.
“Magic talking owl that doesn’t exist in your head, remember?” The owl looked as though it wanted to grin.
“Right… anyway.” She shook her head, trying to make the wobbling world slow down.
“I will give you the power to not be remembered for the next 24 hours. Anything you do will be forgotten, and anything you do to anypony will not make a single bit of difference. You have one day to do absolutely anything you want to without any consequences.”
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened. “Anything?”
The tiny owl nodded. “Anything. I just ask that you come back here, tonight, to this spot, so I can make sure the magic is totally gone. I don’t think I have to tell you how horrible it would be to never be remembered by anypony you talked to. Forever.”
She shuddered. “Sounds like a nightmare.”
The owl’s eyes narrowed and glowed. Rainbow Dash felt the familiar, heady feeling of magic surrounding her. Having a force she didn’t completely comprehend affecting her had always given Dash pause. Unicorns could get away with an awful lot if they wanted to.
After a short pause, the owl fluttered onto a branch. “It is done. Enjoy, Rainbow Dash.”
“Awesome! What should I do first?!” Rainbow Dash zoomed into the sky, her mind spinning with ideas.
The owl watched her go. “Enjoy, my little pony…” It hooted in amusement to itself and fluttered off.
Lightning Dust shuffled along the cloud streets of Cloudsdale, kicking at stray tufts of them with a heavy heart. Her dream had always been to join the Wonderbolts, but thanks to a few overreacting ponies, that was crushed now. Even if she went for a different tryout method, she doubted Spitfire was about to forget her.
Just then, Rainbow Dash punched through the clouds, a giant grin on her face. Lightning Dust’s ears perked up. Here was her chance! Luck had to be with her today. If she could display to Spitfire that Rainbow Dash forgave her, perhaps she had a chance. “H-hey, Rainbow Dash… I just wanted to apologize for what I did to your friends at camp. I was wrong, and I was too hardheaded to see it. I’ve really done some thinking about what you said, and…” She was lying through her teeth, of course, but if Rainbow Dash put in a good word for her with Spitfire, there still could be hope. She had to cling to that.
Rainbow Dash cocked her head as Lightning Dust continued with her insincere apology. “You know what, Lightning Dust?” she said, cutting off what her onetime lead pony had thought was a convincing mea culpa.
“What?” Lightning Dust asked, somewhat annoyed at being interrupted.
“You’re a jerk. And a reckless one. You’re like me… except not quite as awesome.”
She bristled, feeling her face grow hot along with her temper. “Well, excuse me for wanting to get noticed! And if you haven’t figured it out, I got plenty of punishment for trying, thanks to you.”
“You got off too easy!” Rainbow Dash spun around and bucked Lightning Dust right in the face, sending her flying backwards through the wall of a building. “That’s for endangering my friends!” As her vision faded from pain, she saw Rainbow Dash whooping and flying away.
“I’m queen of the world!” Rainbow Dash screamed as she flew away.
Rainbow Dash tore through the skies, laughing like a madmare over what she’d just done. “That was awesome! I mean, after what she almost did to my friends… that felt way good. She’s one pony I don’t mind not remembering that I can do something like that.” She slowed, realizing she wasn’t being followed. “So, I just did that and nopony cares? And Lightning Dust already forgot what happened and thought she fell down some stairs or something?”
The wind blew by, ruffling Dash’s mane, as though the world itself was patting her on the head for how stupendous she was. She glanced down and spotted Cloudsdale Arena, the home of the Wonderbolts.
A grin slowly spread over Rainbow Dash’s face, and her mouth parted. A chuckle rumbled from deep within her, building to an insane crescendo of a cackle as she raised her forelegs up in triumph. “Nopony can stop me!” she yelled, diving through the air and weaving around startled, unimportant pegasi towards where she knew the locker rooms were from many long nights of studying the plans for where her idols spent all their practice time.
She punched through the clouds, laughing all the while with a might born of pure, unfiltered id as she smashed through solid cloud layer after solid cloud layer. Eventually, she came to a pinpoint landing on the floor of her objective: the locker room of the Wonderbolts. Luckily, nopony was there, so she was free to go about her dark work.
She strode over to a locker with Spitfire’s picture on it, ignoring all the others. “Yes…” she murmured. “Yessss.” She punched the lock into smithereens and then reached in for her prize: Spitfire’s sweaty, still-warm flight suit. She knew that they had just finished up their daily practice about an hour ago, so nopony would be there.
She pressed the warm material to her face, inhaling the acrid scent of Spitfire’s exertion. “Ah yes,” she moaned with the exaltation of a religious pilgrim reaching her destination. “I am the envy of every pegasus alive right now.”
“Every pegasus but one, that is,” a voice called out behind her.
Rainbow Dash’s eyes widened in horror. She turned to see Spitfire standing in the entryway, naked, a crooked expression frozen between amusement and disappointment on her face. Her smile seemed half-sincere, and her ears couldn’t quite decide if they wanted to stand up or lay flat.
“Suh-Spitfire, I thought you were…” Rainbow Dash said. She wasn’t supposed to be here!
“They warned me you’d do something like this, you know.” She strode across the clouds, matching Dash’s ragged retreat. “My Guard buddies, my agent, other ponies on the team… they all thought you’d pull something like this eventually. Heck, if a few of them had their way, there’d be a bodyguard following me around all the time to ‘protect’ me from fanfillies like you. But somehow, Rainbow Dash, I figured you were a little different, you know? You reminded me of myself when I was younger.”
The two were almost muzzle-to-muzzle now. Rainbow Dash tried to will her wings to carry her away, but her fan self refused to miss a word of this.
“So why, Rainbow Dash? I mean, after a stunt like this, you can’t expect us to take you seriously. Heck, you could have been wearing that outfit legitimately in a year or two.” She gestured to the outfit, which the cowed pegasus held like a foal clung to a doll in the face of danger.
“I just…” Rainbow Dash glanced away, blinking. She couldn’t face her idol. Not like this. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. This was supposed to be awesome and fun, not whatever this was. Guilt, an emotion strange to Dash, welled within her. Had she betrayed Spitfire’s trust somehow?
The captain of the Wonderbolts slammed a hoof beside Dash’s head on a nearby locker. “Look at me when you’re stealing my things, coward!”
Rainbow Dash flinched. Coward. She hated that word. It was not awesome. Not cool. Almost lame. “Lame…” she breathed, so soft that her breath barely registered to her own lips. Gilda. What had become of her? Dash had thrown her out of Ponyville without ceremony and hadn’t heard from her since. Did she even have anywhere to go?
“Louder, cadet!” Spitfire barked, using her “drill sergeant” voice.
“Ma’am!” Dash replied on instinct. “I thought—I thought I’d get away with it and that it would be awesome?”
Spitfire slowly dragged a hoof down her face as her eyelids dropped halfway to a dull glare. “Oh Celestia, you are just like me when I was young… look, Dash. I did some stupid stuff too, but you understand bad things are going to happen because of this. You can’t just break into the Wonderbolts’ locker room, steal somepony’s outfit, and just fly away scot-free.”
“Well, maybe I can!” Dash cried, a surge of desperate energy flowing through her. Her shame was too great. She needed to get away. Run. Just let this handle itself and hide from how awesome this had not been. She rushed forward, expecting to have to bowl Spitfire over.
To her surprise, the famed flier sidestepped with the grace of a master. “I won’t stop you, Rainbow Dash,” she said. Her orange eyes glinted with a hint of something—sadness? Disappointment? Dash didn’t know. “I won’t stop you,” she said again, her tone lowering in volume and pitch. “Just know that going through that door and running away is a choice you can’t take back. It’s a choice I’ve made before, kiddo, and trust me: it’s not always the smart play. Ponies remember. I’ll remember.”
“It…” Rainbow Dash shook her head, trying to clear her choked-up throat. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”
Spitfire chuckled and sat on the floor. “Is it ever?” Her unreadable gaze never wavered.
Rainbow Dash bolted, unable to bear her idol’s bitter gaze any longer, though she felt it follow her for miles after she’d left Cloudsdale.
After acre upon acre of Equestria had zoomed past her in a spectrum of bright cheer, she landed on a stormy cloud that sat all alone, separated from all its peers. She glanced down at the rolling countryside below, then at the uniform she still held in her hooves. It had grown cold by now, and the high-speed flight had left it rumpled and creased, not at all the pristine, yet used beauty she had admired in the locker room. Her trophy, hers by right of daring.
It stared back at her, a crude mockery of a dream she had just ruined.
She would, of course, be able to go back like nothing had happened. Nopony would remember. She could even spin some wild tale to Spitfire about finding her uniform in the hands of some shifty thief and battling him for it in a wild chase that led her all over Equestria. She could paint herself as the heroine of the story; in her hooves was the power to rewrite a little bit of history once the spell wore off.
It would be so easy, and the thought tempted her as she sat there, miles above the ground, staring at the pilfered uniform.
She held it at foreleg’s length, unable to look at it any longer. “Damn it.” She let it fall and sat on the cloud until she could no longer spot its tiny bit of blue and gold in the sky below.
Gilda had always been interested in the sprawl of large pony cities, and Rainbow Dash had heard that Gilda had flown east after that party in Ponyville so long ago. So, she found herself standing in an alley in Fillydelphia, staring up at an overweight griffin who peered out his apartment’s door with almost aggressive disinterest.
“So you haven’t seen her?” Rainbow Dash asked for the umpteenth time that afternoon. She had in her hooves a crudely drawn sketch of Gilda, although for all her artistic talent, it could have been any griffin. Baltimare had certainly held its share of dead ends and false leads. No one, it seemed, had ever even heard of Gilda.
“No,” the latest griffin she’d been directed to responded. The day had caused only a string of disappointments in her search, not that she could have expected much else. She didn’t have much beyond a name and description from years ago—how could she have expected anyone to know of her? The sun continued to creep under the horizon, as though Celestia herself was taunting her about her running out of time.
“Alright, thanks. Sorry to bother you,” she grumbled. She started to walk away, resenting this town all the more. How difficult could it be to track down one griffin? Gilda had mentioned she lived in Equestria, but where Dash had no idea. For all she knew, Gilda had gone back beyond the ocean to her ancestral homeland. What did she expect, some convenient sign that screamed “Gilda is this way?”
Just as she was about to round the corner and emerge back into the main streets of Fillydelphia, the griffin, who had been standing in the doorway, staring, cried, “Wait!”
Dash glanced over her shoulder. “Yeah?” Maybe this was it, her one lead!
“Good luck,” he said.
Her wings would have drooped if she hadn’t been aloft. “Thanks.” She flew away, her back to the sunset.
It was a long flight back to Ponyville.
She landed later with the stars and moon in full view near where she was pretty sure she had met the owl this morning. “Hey! Owl! You there?” she called, feeling foolish. What if she had imagined the owl and the spell after smashing her head into a tree one time too many? What if she couldn’t take back bucking a pony through a wall whose only crime was a semi-ruthless drive for success?
“Hey, this isn’t funny, owl!” She flapped her wings, her eyes subconsciously tracking the falling leaves stirred as she began to fly forward. “Where are you? Answer me!”
She landed and poked her head into the trees, mindful of the branches. Leaves crunched underhoof as she moved forward, feeling like she’d been tricked. “I don’t wanna just vanish…” She thought of Gilda. As much as Dash’s speed had allowed her to, she’d searched much of the major cities of Equestria’s east coast, and there had been no trace of her.
As though she’d never existed. As though everyone had simply forgot about her.
“Hey!” she yelled, startling a few slumbering critters into night flight. “Are you here?!”
“Hoo,” a voice hooted behind her.
She turned, and sure enough, there was the owl, just where she’d been looking moments before. Had the darkness concealed it? Was it all these branches? Rainbow Dash didn’t know. “Hey, it’s… you, right?”
“Yes.” The owl nodded, a gesture that only came across as ridiculous. “You see, Rainbow Dash, this was all a test,” the owl said.
“A test?” she repeated. “But… my reward! I helped you out with your tree and stuff. What’s all this about a test? I hate tests.”
“Then why don’t I tell you how you did and get it over with?” Before amazed pony eyes, the owl shimmered as it wafted to the ground, illuminating the dark copse around it. “You see, this form is not the one I usually take.” The tiny owl began to grow, and two legs became four as a beautiful, sparkling mane and tail grew from an increasingly equine head.
“P-Princess?” Rainbow Dash sputtered, seeing the regal figure of Princess Celestia emerging from the transformation.
“Hello, Rainbow Dash,” she said, her warm smile putting her pegasus subject at ease. “I apologize for deceiving you.” Her mouth curled downward as she spoke, a trend Rainbow Dash immediately wanted to reverse.
“No, not at all.” Dash scurried into a bow. “I had fun, actually!” She tried not to think of Gilda. Later, she told herself.
“About that, Rainbow Dash. How do you think those ponies felt after you visited them?”
“Y-you mean, you know what I did? All of it?” A small squeak of fear escaped her muzzle as she glanced up at Princess Celestia’s disappointed gaze. “I um… I didn’t mean it when I stole that kiss from Pinkie! I swear!”
“You did what to Pinkie now?” Princess Celestia cocked her head, confused. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Th-that was a test of my own! And you passed!” Rainbow Dash’s cheeks burned. Smooth.
“In any case… back to my question.” A breeze blew up, rustling the fallen leaves around them. A few stuck in Princess Celestia’s flowing mane and tail; Rainbow Dash struggled to not chuckle. “How do you think those ponies felt when you took advantage of your gift, your power? Do you think they liked what you did? Or deserved it?”
Rainbow Dash looked away, unable to meet the royal gaze. Of course she knew Lightning Dust and the ponies she’d shoved out of the way in the sky hadn’t deserved it. Of course she knew they didn’t like it. Of course she knew she was in the wrong. All these thoughts flitted through her mind, and she longed to say them, but one thought came after that gave her pause: And yet I still did it, didn’t I?
“As I thought,” she said, apparently finding her answer in Rainbow Dash’s avoidance of her gaze. “Just remember what you’re feeling now and what led you here, to this moment, Rainbow Dash. I am not here to judge you, nor put you down, nor lecture you.”
Rainbow Dash sniffled. “Y-you’re not?” She glanced at Princess Celestia and blinked through a thin film of water.
She leaned in. “I won’t even tell them you got something in your eyes.” She was all smiles again, the benevolent princess Rainbow Dash expected. “Just remember this. Difficult things lie ahead, Rainbow Dash. I need you to stick by my faithful student, now more than ever…” She stared into the dark skies for a moment, lost in thought.
“Why? What’s gonna happen? Is something bad going to happen to Twilight? I mean, she’s a princess now!”
Celestia snapped back to reality, her unsure gaze unnerving Rainbow Dash. “I am… not entirely certain. It might even be nothing. I just sense something… unusual on the horizon. I’m counting on you to tell her how too much power can drive a pony a little batty.” In a mutter so low Dash was sure she wasn’t supposed to hear it, Celestia added, “And I hope Twilight can keep it together well enough that you won’t have to.”
Rainbow Dash nodded. “I will.” She sat on the cold, leafy ground as Princess Celestia took wing and headed for Canterlot. In the morning, Rainbow Dash would take some time off the weather squad and look for Gilda in earnest, after apologizing to Lightning Dust. Even if Lightning wasn’t going to remember what Dash was begging forgiveness for.
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A VERY interesting idea there, and I was sure RD was looking for Gilda for some heartfelt reason.
You've won my upvote.
2206737
Thanks.
This was really good. Very interesting and unique concept, pulled off more than decently.
Cool! But you know what would have been a cool twist? If the "owl" had been lying, and everything she did would be remembered.
2206842
I had considered doing that and dropped a few not-so-subtle hints that such might have been the case.
However, I felt it would have undermined what Dash learned and the gravitas of the ending, so I decided to do otherwise.
tl;dr
Upvoted for the first sentence.
2206912
I'll take it!
Dash takes medication to help her stop seeing magical talking owls?
kinda reminds me of Ralph Wigam [youtube=5dJznTAwLSY]
ts1.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4681163085513896&pid=15.1
Man, that sure sounds familiar...
This was a pretty interesting, if short, fic.
I do want to see another chapter about Rainbow apologizing to Lightning and finding Gilda and patching things up. Make it so please.
Wha...
I'm gonna have to sit and think about this one.
Serious ingenuity at work here.
I'll be honest. I am not sure what the lesson was.
2206842>>2207055
Maybe if it was expanded and we see Dash apologizing to Lightning Dust and making up with Gilda.
Also, I agree that it would be a better twist if the magic was a lie and Rainbow had dig herself out of the hole she created.
Way I see it, by exploiting a perceived power, she exposed her true self.
Very interesting. Feels bad for Lightning and Gilda. Little sequel, pls?
That familiar story description.
That first sentence.
What have you done, Vimbert?
Wow, that was unexpected.
2207737 I'm curious to know more about why you think that. I think that what she showed was at most a facet of her true self. to say that it's entirely her true self feels unfair to Dash. She's more complex than what was shown here.
To me it felt like a vignette. I sort of enjoyed the idea that she does get away with it because to Dash it was more important that *she* remembered her behaviour than if others remembered.
Make sense?
2209071
I guess what I mean is that we all have desires and behaviors we don't act upon because we know there are consequences.
We've all seen that drunk person who acts completely differently when sober. It is partly true that our hidden truths and desires get out when inhibitions are lost.
Rainbow Dash has never been much of a critical thinker, so it's not surprising that she goes off and does a bunch of selfish, stupid things when a magical talking owl tells her there will be no consequences. But it sucks that she permanently screwed up her chances at getting into the Wonderbolts because Princess Celestia lied to her. Unless I'm reading it wrong, Celestia isn't actually going to modify the memories of everyone Rainbow Dash hurt that day.
I still like this story, since Rainbow Dash learns something significant and has a change of heart regarding Gilda. That was very well done.
I was kinda hoping it'd turn out she was just nuts, and had just gone and ruined her life for no good reason. Oh well, still good.
I had to ask myself at the beginning, "Would I even accept something like that; would it even really be a gift?" and I would have rejected it. You don't just suddenly abandon your own carefully evolved and thought-out principles on a whim, even knowing no one else will remember: You will remember.
So from my perspective it's an interesting view of Dash's self-observation (or really, the lack of). She's 95% 'Do it!', 4% regret, and 1% introspection. I suppose increasing Dash's introspection was part of Celestia's plan, but to me the ending paragraphs seemed a little... vague.
"Learn from this and apply it if necessary to help center Twilight when she goes bonkers." Hmmm...
Sorry, I really am not criticizing at all; I enjoyed this. But my interpretation feels a bit off from others'.
There's art to be had in condensed storytelling. I should study your works with greater fervor.
>>as of course she’d just had to have a treat or two at Sugarcube Corner first
Huh... “as of course she had just had to have a treat...” Not sure if want. Already, I see where this story could have used some... mmm... syntactical editing?
You typed out "hehe," that's super bizarre. Oh Nieztsche, I do hope part of the prompt for this wasn't that you had to emulate some lemur. X_X
Oh lawd, I smell a crack fic. It's visual acuity is based on movements... bowel movements.
I wonder, if one's doing a written commission for someone, perhaps the expositionary pages should be discounted half off? F'naaa.
I suspect a twilight zone twist coming up. The owl is mankind cooking a meal of distorted masks for a nuclear bomb by reincarnated Hitler.
Hahaha... I almost wished Rainbow would have shouted “King of the World” instead. Cuz, y'know, motorcycles.
Cloudstairs. (Cloud Stairs.) <Cloud Stairs.>
Oh buck me up the squirrel-hole. This lockerroom scene belongs in a museum already, lulz.
Remarkably emotional aside with the whole “Gilda” angle. I like stories that explore the potential labyrinth of intimate possibilities between Rainbow and Gilda. How decidedly Vimbertish of you to put such a moment of infinitesimal reflection smack-dab in the middle of a locker room porn scene where a horny Rainbow Dash is unashamedly sniffing the ever-loving crap out of Spitfire's sweaty jumpsuit.
Rainbow isn't exactly seeing the owl's “magic” in action. She's only assuming that her actions are written out of reality. I suspect a Robot Chicken stereotype here.
The overweight griffon in Fillydelphia has just given me a flashback to the testosteronical father of Max's love interest in a Goofy Movie. Just felt as though you needed to know that.
Gah. Princess Get.
Well, the whole plug with Twilight was a tad bit foreboding. I'm not sure if you were trying to plug in the concept of a sequel or further continuation, but it sort of makes the reader imagine such.
Dear Candlestick head, you have the innate ability to take outrageously polarized concepts and moods and somehow mash them together to make a feasible story. For instance, Distorted Perspective allows us to analyze Princess Celestia and her concerns over her relationship with Twilight, all the while presenting us with a giant, gender unspecified, supersexual alicorn hitting on a ghei stallion. It's wyrd, it's quirky, and yet it works. That has an undeniable charm to it
I can't say that this story accomplishes the same. Maybe it's because it's not longer than it currently is, but it feels very top heavy. Like, the first half of it is super silly, but halfway through—quite literally in the middle of the lockerroom scene—it transforms into something sad and melancholic. This would be all fine and good if the ending capped it all off nicely, but I'm left feeling a bit frazzled, namely because the way in which Celestia imparts the lesson to Rainbow Dash is kind of superficially manufactured. I mean, the only reason Rainbow was ever tempted to lave caution to the wind in the first place is because Celestia—as the magical owl—gave her the reason to believe that she could act without expectations of moral repercussions. That somehow makes me think of the Mare Do Well climax, and how the friends of Rainbow Dash do something to highlight her excessive hubris, when they could have found a less dramatic and painful way of exposing RD to her own flaws. Also, it doesn't really help that the whole point of Celestia's morality game was to gear RD up for some nebulous purpose involving Twilight, which seems rather selfish of her and her uncharacteristic absent-mindedness at the story's end.
F'naaa. Whatever. T'was a fun romp, and it makes me curious as to the nature of the actual prompt itself, and to what degree you may or may not had deviated from the requested tone of the fic. Commissioning doesn't seem easy, and yet you gave us a very cute, fun, and palpable journey into the heart and concerns of best poni poni poni. However, I have to conclude that the overall thematic presentation is a bit lopsided, so I wouldn't call this your best story. I enjoyed it all the same, though, so thanks for slapping it across the buttocks of the Internet.
-SS&E
2209146 I must confess I had an incredible urge to kiss you on the mouth at your words. "It is partly true that our hidden truths and desires get out when inhibitions are lost." It was just a bit of a shock to see someone else who doesn't wholeheartedly subscribe to the idea that how you act when drunk is somehow a straight line to how you really feel/are.
It's been a long day I'll be insightful and interesting later.
If you want these:
This line break should be a paragraph break.
Shouldn't that "was" be a subjunctive "were"?
Many cities, not much cities.
Lie.
2213947
Weird, that line break wasn't even supposed to be in there, and I can't blame the Gdocs importer this time.
A fun read full of skirt'isms. It's a shame that it took me so long to get around to reading this
2368266
Fun fact: I wasn't actually looking to ape Skirts' styles while writing this. Aside from one offhand reference to Background Pony at the beginning (which I actually sort of dislike, despite how good of friends Skirts and I are), any other similarities in style are accidental.
Admit it, you're the sensible part of Skirts' brain placed on decorative candle stick.
How can all those references be accidental? Dude, I saw probably half a dozen Austreoh references alone.
2368544
I've never read Austreoh.
Pft... That's both hilarious and totally awesome!
and slightly dissapointing
2368567
Eh, been meaning to get around to it for a while, but I just haven't had time.
2368576 The Noble Jury shall welcome you with open arms when you do
So we had anarchy vs civility (doing the right thing the wrong way), morality vs consequence (ignoring what's right because of a lack of repercussions), and power vs ability (the one thing she wanted to do that was right, her powers were useless for).
I agree with all the lessons these entailed.
My question would be: does Dash strike you as the type to hold back so much that she would be prompted to act this way even if she could? Or strike you as one so unfocussed that she would go about it so haphazardly?
2375085
I feel like she is the type to repress and hide feeling and desires to some extent. Perhaps less now that her character has developed somewhat, but she's still rather impulsive, hence the title for the story. I don't doubt her focus, but I doubt her sense of self-restraint.
Might not be the most accurate take on the character, but it's the one I rolled with.
2376854
Nonono.
[youtube=d0I5jsBkVI8]
What I mean is Dash would pull that crap anyway, no need for magical coverups.
Dash: "I've done lots of nutty things."
Rarity and Twilight: "WE KNOW!
And all of her crazy antics have been executed with some poorly plotted plan, which is what I mean by focus.
Really. If she wanted to buck LD she would have back at the academy. She was gonna quit anyway.
[youtube=hJkKDQlpLpk]
Anyway, like I said. The story was righteous. I just have trouble believing she would not have done this crap already had she wanted to.
I was expecting stuff she would never do otherwise. She could take lessons from Fluttershy.
[youtube=8qL57lmCcUQ]
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Yet given that she already does whatever she wants, would her behavior really change that much in this situation?
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If there had been things she had held down and rejected, whether dark, silly, or painful then maybe, but these were kind of random and spontaneous "f-u I do what I want" stuff. Basically I just don't see her needing the excuse, so it lessened the lesson for me.
Before even reading this, I'm just going to say that this sounds right up Vimbert's alley. I just hope he writes RD doing random things better than he writes mock-shipping.
Wow, I was not expecting this. I was expecting more of a comedic slant where she does a whole bunch of random (and maybe even naughty
) things to every pony. not a good look at what too much power can do and what you need to think of when you have the power at your fingers...good job
Not sure if like. Celestia's endgoal was NOT Rainbow Dash, but Twilight Sparkle. Chessmaster Celestia moves another pawn, it seems.
How the hay am I supposed to know that this is the owl talking? Twilight's owl never talked. At first I thought it was Dash speaking up again.
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It's a common convention that a new paragraph means either a shift in thought or a new actor/speaker, and since the owl had just been the subject of the previous sentence, it can be reasonably inferred that the owl's the one speaking again.
It's a very common trick to avoid tacking "he/she said" or the like to the end of everything.
*** SPOILERS BELOW ***
I went ahead and wrote out my train of thought, since I'm terrible at remembering things:
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At least without warning, anyway.
How does one start their fic with a fragment sentence and get away with it?
slalom
How magniloquent.
With a sickening crunch, Rainbow Dash slammed into a tree trunk
She was still flying? For whatever reason, I imagined her coming to a halt before looking behind her.
ponderous gravity
Ummm... wat?
“Oh, hehe, hi there,” she said.
Yeah, because that's how everypony reacts after they smash into a tree. "Oh, I just love smashing into things! It just makes me so happy!"
Twilight’s avian assistant
Because the word "Spike" is not fancy enough for this fic.
“No, I meant who you were."
You know, if he constantly has this problem, why doesn't he start speaking in full sentences?
stop headbutting things…
Unecessary ellipse
frustrated avian whinny
I heard a horse whinny in my head when I read this. Maybe I just don't know what an avian sounds like when it whinnies...
You scared a bunch of rodents that were trying to move in. Now I can roost in peace, once I put it back.
Half-assed excuse is half-assed. If the owl is powerful enough to put an entire tree back right again, you'd think he could deal with a few rodents.
Especially considering, you know, owls eat rodents.
anypony you talked to. Forever.
Don't think that period has the effect you were going for.
The owl’s eyes narrowed and glowed.
Wait, isn't the owl even going to bother asking Rainbow if she wants the power or not? I mean, of course she does, but forcing a reward on someone without any choice is kind of a #^$%$ thing to do.
given Dash pause
A... kward...
"Enjoy, Rainbow Dash.”
Wait... did Rainbow telepathically tell the owl her name somewhere? Or does the owl simply have mind-reading abilities that are never explained or hinted at?
mea culpa
gazuntite
As her vision faded from pain, she saw Rainbow Dash whooping and flying away.
Wait, who's telling the story? Lightning Dust or Rainbow Dash?
look, Dash. I
The period is a bit jarring. Maybe a comma?
but where Dash had no idea
comma?
She landed later with the stars and moon in full view near where she was pretty sure she had met the owl this morning.
Wow. That day went by quick...
I’m counting on you to tell her how too much power can drive a pony a little batty
Really?! You're pulling the "Twilicorn has too much power" thing on us?!
Man... and I was just getting into this fic. It's like every single fic out there has to allude to Twilight's new super-power-status. I was hoping for some simple Rainbow Dash fun...
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Final thoughts:
This is a bit of a bait and switch. I feel like I was promised a "Rainbow Dash does crazy things" fic, and instead got pitted with a "I feel like being a jerk", "I want Gilda"
, "I feel so guilty" fic that goes so heavy-handed (hoofed) on the morality that it's practically Anvilicious. I mean, don't get me wrong or anything, it was a (for the most part) good fic. And maybe it's just me, not looking at the "Slice of Life" tag the right way, but this fic just wasn't what I was expecting.
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Because people understand that some stylistic allowances can be made in fiction.
So when did Spike become a bird, again?
The mouse thing was part of the prompt given, and I thought it would be a neat twist if a flimsy excuse like that was all part of the disguise.
Kinda short and deus ex machina with little explination, sure the lesson was one of empathy but I don't really think it is spelled out enough or shown as a theme enough.
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To be fair, Rainbow has a history of ramming things.
It's 2am, and there's something to be said for not commenting at such an unhelpful hour. Still, here we are, and here we go.
Vim,
On the widest scale, the concept was solid—though I wonder if the concept was yours, given that it's a commission. The problems creep in on a scene-by-scene scale, where the pacing is rushing forward with great abandon and leaving little opportunity to breathe. It's not that it's a short fic; for me, the problem is the use of intimate third person PoV to brush over a lot of beats with some very heavy handed telling. It's very hard to be invested in the story when the context is repeatedly beaten into me with a shovel rather than experienced through empathy.
If I had to sum up how the story made me feel, it's that the author didn't really care about it. The descriptions are rarely interesting, the emotions are fairly forced, and the plot procedural. I did enjoy conjuring up all the possible things that RD might get up to, and subsequently, the ways in which it might all come crashing down, but the actual ending was so much less interesting. Not one of these thing was overly bad in itself, but I found them almost tripping over each other to distance me from the story.
That said, I do allow a healthy bit of leeway for not knowing how to split the premise of the commission from the workings of the writer. Even so, the rather casual disregard for emotional investment in a morality tale is fairly damning.
-Scott
P.S. It's pretty hard to make any reasonable judgements based on just two stories, but I can't help but notice that I get the same feeling from this as I did from Twilight, Revised. On a macro scale, both stories stray far too far into telling, rather than allowing a reader to comfortably experience any nuance for themselves. As I said, I have insufficient data to decide if this is simply a style clash.
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Since he got so jealous of Owlowiscious that he turned himself into an owl just to spite him.
vimbert, i see you in almost every fanfic i read and i start laughing because of your profile pic, its just