• Published 27th Feb 2013
  • 19,617 Views, 152 Comments

Twilight Researches Humans - BronyWriter



Twilight stalks Ponyville's resident human, TD, to find out more about his hands

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Celestia POV

Princess Celestia was sitting at her dinner table after a long session of the Solar Court. It was a particularly taxing day of nobles demanding that she give them more money and the poor asking for little bits to improve their lives. The most interesting pony for sure was the one who gave what he called 'a modest proposal' to bake newborn foals into cupcakes to solve both the hunger issue and the overpopulation issue. She was pretty sure he was being sarcastic though.

But she was done with that, thank herself, and enjoying a nice bowl of celery soup with a trio of slices of garlic bread resting on a plate beside her. She had to admit that she was looking forward to the cake that came after dinner as she only treated herself to the dessert once a month.

As she continued to politely drink her soup, Luna walked in with her mane disheveled in the usual manner that came from being asleep for the day. She sat down on the chair to Celestia's right and scratched her chest with a yawn. "Good morning, sister, how was court?"

Celestia sighed and put her soup spoon down. "Taxing as always," she replied. "Some days I want to hire Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash to play a bunch of pranks on the stuffy nobles that always come in here asking for petty things that will go to improving their already wildly privileged lives." Celestia frowned slightly as the idea seemed more appealing by the second. "In fact, I may just do that."

Luna giggled and helped herself to one of Celestia's garlic bread slices. "That does sound like a lot of fun," she said. "Just make sure We are awake before you undertake such an endeavor. To see a bunch of stuffy nobles humiliated in such a way... well, it would give us strength to endure them for a little while longer."

"It is my wish to sentence some of the stuffier ones to work the fields at Appleloosa for a month and then see how they act upon their return. I don't doubt that the settlers and buffalo would whip them into shape by the end or at the very least they'd enjoy seeing Prince Blueblood fall in the mud."

"We would enjoy that as well, dear sister," said Luna, taking Celestia's second slice of garlic bread.

"As would I," said Celestia, barely stifling a giggle.

As Luna polished off the second piece of bread, she leaned back in her chair slightly and frowned as if a thought struck her. "So, how is TD Powell doing, do you know?"

Celestia's slight grin faded and she took a deep breath. "Twilight has been sending me reports sporadically about his condition," she said. "Apparently his mood has begun to improve as he spends a lot of his time with the schoolfoals. Although there is an oddity that she brought up."

"And what is that, sister?"

"He seems to spend a lot of time at the library doing research, but he won't tell Twilight what he is researching. It's odd, but she thinks he is planning something, something potentially dangerous at that. The most curious thing is that he is silent when Twilight questions him on it. I'm inclined to believe that he is planning something too based on that information."

Celestia, deciding to eat her garlic bread before Luna got to all of it, looked down at the plate and was dismayed to see only crumbs. Looking up at her sister, she saw her wiping a few crumbs off of her muzzle. The night princess spun her hoof in a 'go on' gesture and Celestia decided not to push the issue.

"I suspect that my student will find out what TD is up to in time, but what do you you suggest we do about it in the meantime? Should we interfere or ask Twilight to find out what he is doing? I am unsure of whether or not it is dangerous to him and those around him."

Luna shrugged. "We are unsure since this is the first We have heard about it," she said. "Yes TD has acted violently in the past, but has he ever shown ill will towards any but you?"

Celestia shook her head. "No, and that's what makes me think we shouldn't get involved. The other side of me wonders if what he is planning us unintentionally dangerous." The sun princess sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm just not sure of what to do with that human. He's been an oddity ever since he arrived here and now that I have informed him that he can't go back I do not know what to do with him."

Opening her eyes, Celestia looked down at her bowl of soup and was surprised to find it completely empty. She looked up at Luna who was dabbing her muzzle with a napkin. The night alicorn once again swiveled her hoof to tell her sister to go on but Celestia instead levitated a bell into the air and rang it. Immediately a servant came in with a large piece of vanilla cake with a raspberry filling on a plate. He placed it in front of Celestia and bowed before taking his leave. Celestia rubbed her hooves together eagerly and was about to take a bite of the delicious cake when a series of scrolls popped into existence in front of her.

"Ah, that must be from Twilight," said Celestia. She put down the fork and opened the first scroll. As she scanned its contents, her smile faded with each passing second as her confusion rose. Luna noticed and cocked her head. "What is it, sister?" she asked.

Celestia finished reading the first scroll and opened the second which only served to confuse her more. "I'm not sure," she said. "It seems that somepony sent me a fake scientific study on Twilight, but I can't imagine who would do such a thing. It's not saying who did this or why."

"What does it say?" asked Luna.

"Well take this segment for instance," said Celestia. "The Twilighticus Sparkleicus makes its home amongst the bushes of the area that it has marked as its territory while studying a subject. One can tell which bush the unicorn specimen in question is residing in because you can see its horn poking out of the top of the bush. If you are really lucky, you can see its horn glowing as it sounds its mating call of a quill scratching on parchment. To the knowledge of the writer, the mating call has never worked before and, in fact, only serves to drive its subjects away."

Luna frowned and took one of the scrolls and began reading while Celestia put the scroll down and summoned a piece of paper and a quill over to her and wrote down a short letter before turning back to her sister. "It is most odd, would you not agree?"

"We would agree," said Luna. "We were unaware that Twilight used mating calls at all. Would it not be simpler to simply walk up to the pony of her desire and ask to be mounted and rutted until she couldn't see straight on the spot than to stalk them and scratch parchments with quills? We have never heard such a thing."

Celestia smirked slightly at her sister's joke and decided to properly dig into her cake. However, when she looked down she saw a plate that was completely clean. no crumbs, no raspberry residue left, nothing. It was as if a wonderful slice of cake hadn't rested on the plate at all.

Celestia slowly turned her head to look up at Luna, a fire in her eyes that few had ever seen before. Her eye twitched as she took a deep breath. "Luna, may I have a talk with you about eating the royal cake that I have waited a month to have? You know that I only have them make a single slice for me so that I don't get greedy and eat more than that."

Luna scoffed and stood up from her chair. "As we would imagine TD Powell would say in this situation: nope."

With that, the lunar goddess walked out of the dining hall, leaving her sister to look dejectedly at the empty plates and bowls.

Author's Note:

Decided to add a Celestia POV because a few people asked for a bit more.

Comments ( 83 )

This is wonderful.

Thanks for the...erm, image...Luna...

Omni #3 · Feb 28th, 2013 · · ·

I thought the parts where Luna kept eating Celestia's food when she wasn't looking was just priceless.

:C It's ok, Celly. *hugs the pudgy pony princess*

Damn Luna, do you even taste the food?:rainbowlaugh:

Mares and Gentlecolts, The Twilighticus Sparkleicus´ true mating call:

Luna stop hogging the cake.

well THAT front page didn't take long. I see the notification and then check the front, and it's just... there.

This chapter felt kind of unnecessary, I'll still give the story a thumbs up though

The most interesting pony for sure was the one who gave what he called 'a modest proposal' to bake newborn foals into cupcakes to solve both the hunger issue and the overpopulation issue. She was pretty sure he was being sarcastic though.

Is this pony, by any chance, named Jonathan Swift? Good one shot btw.

2191035 It was just for fun, nothing more.

jeez Luna what are you Kirby? :ajsmug:

The most interesting pony for sure was the one who gave what he called 'a modest proposal' to bake newborn foals into cupcakes to solve both the hunger issue and the overpopulation issue.

Solar Court Status: Ireland 1729

Don't we get to see the full report? :fluttershysad:

The most interesting pony for sure was the one who gave what he called 'a modest proposal' to bake newborn foals into cupcakes to solve both the hunger issue and the overpopulation issue. She was pretty sure he was being sarcastic though.

I get that reference. We actually read that in class.

:rainbowlaugh: Luna you sneak.

Don't stop the music!

aaaAAAAAAAGHN
POP CULTURE REFERENCES

The most interesting pony for sure was the one who gave what he called 'a modest proposal' to bake newborn foals into cupcakes to solve both the hunger issue and the overpopulation issue. She was pretty sure he was being sarcastic though.

icwutudidthar

Bloody brilliant you are! Just brilliant!

Luna wins this chapter. Period.

Oh god. This shall be entertaining.:trollestia:

I take it there will never be any TD pnoy shipping ever? I highly doubt he's going to get home. Random question aside, this was a nice side story. I liked it.

2193724 It's possibly complicated.

I groaned to myself as i clicked to read this ... i've never much appreciated human's in equestria stories ... they just seem so forced and ... well ... not good ... the only reason i even allowed myself to read this was because of it's shortness ... and i must say ... this seems pretty well done ... i may have to give the full story a chance

2193187

Luna scoffed and stood up from her chair. "As we would imagine TD Powell would say in this situation: nope."

TD: the trolling is strong in you, my padawan. But you have still to much to learn.

2193994 Vague enough eh? Alright, I guess I'll just wait and see what happens. If it ever came down to it...I'd guess Fluttershy or Pinkie Pie, but meh.

2191842 To what, A Modest Proposal?

2194189 Yeah and I hope you like the original story. I tried to make it as unique as I could. I hope you like it.

2190769
'Rutted' is a term for getting screwed.

This made my night an
Absolute night happiness!
but dayum Luna ru sure you can take Celestia's rage after you ate all of her food? :rainbowlaugh:

2194952 no, no, no, nope, no. It was along the lines of: Got Milk?
SN: And the Derpy eyes are just reference to Luna's getting rutted comment.

Another ONE!
*Looks In book*
Continue!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The most interesting pony for sure was the one who gave what he called 'a modest proposal' to bake newborn foals into cupcakes to solve both the hunger issue and the overpopulation issue.

Solent Green is made out of ponies! :pinkiegasp:

2194189

I usually don't read HiE stories for the same reason, but believe me when I say that TD's story is in the 10% of them that are actually good. Heck I'd even say it's one of the best MLP fanfictions overall.

This was quite enjoyable. If you continue giving different points of view, it might be funny to show what TD was thinking when the unstealthy Twilight was watching him.

After finishing the public life of Sweetie Belle I decided I wanted a quick laugh, and this one looked quite promising. I didn’t really consider that T.D. was onto her until he began writing in his home about halfway through. You honestly had me hunched over laughing with his introduction of “Twilighticus Sparklicus”, as well the bit about her mating call. Ending the bit with a ‘wat?’ from Celestia was great.
From Celestia’s perspective, reading that the mating call has so far never worked, and only serves to drive it’s subjects away was likewise very funny. Furthermore, you once again prove in this scene that Luna is best princess. A very funny short, although at this point I think I will love just about anything you write inside the TDverse.
Incidentally, your description says: “This is canon and not meant to be taken seriously at all.” Is that supposed to be is not canon? If it is canon, then perhaps “is canon, but should not be taken seriously at all.” Would be a bit clearer.

2207765 Glad you liked it. It was just supposed to be a silly little two shot and it served its purpose well enough I think. Glad it began to heal some of the emotional scars that Rarity and Sweetie Belle left.

Only one slice? Blatant lies, she sneaks off and eats loads of the stuff when she thinks nopony is looking.:trollestia:

2194824 My money would be on Cheerilee, since she's the one adult pony he actually has positive feelings for rather resentment or just neutrality. (Unless you count the CMC in Wanderings, but that would be kind of creepy and TD seems to still think of them as fillies anyway.)

2221771 :pinkiehappy: :derpytongue2: :applejackunsure: I confirm nothing! :pinkiecrazy:

HAHAHAHA!! Oh man, this was a wonderful little addendum. Loved it. Luna is now best Scooby Doo.

:rainbowlaugh: Ah Luna, turns out you and TD have more in common than he realizes. :twilightsmile:

Sus

A Modest Proposal with a dash of Cupcakes?

I'm liking this idea. :pinkiecrazy:

I really don't care for HiE stories but this is too hilarious to pass up!

I simply must read this story... the first was just so... damn... funny....

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