Twilight is a Vamp-pony, as is her mother, father and brother. But when out "Hunting" she likes to have fun.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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No Rarity no!!
Lol well written, please keep going
they don't sparkle because of the sun? xD good!
Twilight, you had to see that coming.
Heh, I'm liking this though I'm curious as to who her donors are.
I think I'll keep a Prinny on this, dood.
Was pretty funny.
this brings up some questions, how did Twilight really get her cutie mark (is Rainbow Dash one too?) and how old is Spike if she did hatch his egg back when she became Celestia's student like 50 years ago?
also maybe Twilight bring up the fact Rarity won't be able to fulfill her dreams since she might end up getting chased by torches if she was ever found out, same with getting into the Canterlot Nobility, or her having to watch Sweetie grow old and die long before she does.
Try putting a linebreak [ hr ] tag (does not have a closing tag) to separate scenes when you change location abruptly (like from Twi hunting to Rarity waking up).
Like Gwenio said, add linebreaks when you are shifting to different scenes.
comma after shadows and semicolon after shape
pronouns like they and them should only be used when the subject is plural. replace with singular pronouns such as she and her
need a comma after head
remove 'for it', affective should be effective and a comma is needed after effective.
apologize, not apologies and you do not need continuesly
period after clear, capitalize my
period after dissapear. capitalize are
Nice take on the vampony story. Playfully 'hunting' willing donors is a nice idea.
2026300
thanks for them, i can write a decent fic but my grammer sucks. Edits have been made
2026416 I missed a typo during my first sweep. It is spelled unfurls, not unferls
You need an editor. Here is a group that can help you find one: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
There are several bits of exposition in the first scene that are redundant with what Twilight tell Rarity. I strongly advise having the details wait until they are made clear in the narrative, rather than having mini-exposition dumps that break the flow. An example being that Twilight asks ponies for blood, in the first scene all the reader needs to know is that the pony does not object, and the reason why can wait till Twi explains to Rarity.
Also, as I said before line breaks are good.
Im thinking Lyra or Bon-Bon for the mystery pony there at the beginning
Finally a new vamp-pony story.
I already feared that this sort of stories could become extinct.
An interesting start.
This is well written and shows promise, but I didn't really like the fact that Twilight can still eat food. In my mind, Vampires cannot eat anything other than the blood, but this is just my opinion.
One piece of exposition in the beginning was made redundant by a conversation with Rarity later.
You state this at the start and then double up on it in the conversation with Rarity. Also, mouthfull only needs one l (mouthful).
A couple of grammatical things have escaped the initial purge.
Dahling sounds like a phonetic spelling, but you use Darling later in the story, suggesting a typo.
Needs a comma after 'again'.
Definetly should be definitely.
2029710
i made the changes to the spelling and got rid of the line, thanks for the suggestions
I like that in this story everypony are very understanding, but there is something I do not understand.
1) Did Twilight and mane 5 defeated Nightmare Moon or this event never happened in this story.
2) DO this mean that Twilight found random ponies who she told who she is and they let her drink they blood, but Twilight not told her closest friends like Rarity and others form mane 5 ?
Because it sounds weird that Twilight would trust random ponies and hide it from her closest friends, or she just end up with far more friends then original mane 5 ?
Except wait... Twilight received her cutie mark from the Sonic Rainboom. There was an entire episode based around that. Unless you intend to make that all a big lie, which is never something I recommend in a fanfic since it tends to reflect poorly upon the character, there's no way that she could have started studying under Celestia 50 years ago.
2030814
I promise i'm going to explain it in a later chapter.
2030656
Yes Nightmare Moon did happen
As for telling the Mane 5, you saw how they acted towards Zecora. Plus you tell some friends some secrets you don't tell others.
All will be explained in later chapters, promise.
2031237
Then who are other ponies in ponyvile who shared blood with Twilight since her close friends did not know the truth, and what is so special about those other ponies that she told them her secret when she not told it to mane 5, unless those were friends from Canterlot who went to Ponyvile to help Twilight out.
2032675
This is a comedy fic, its a Don't-take-it-too-seriously fic. You're looking WAY too much into it
I won't name the ponies who supply Twilight with blood because i don't care for such a detail, it's not important.
As for 'not trusting' the mane 5 is a moot point. She didn't tell them she had a brother, she didn't tell them that she was best friends with the niece of Princess Celestia. It doesn't matter, take it with a pinch of salt and just enjoy.
Oh look its Twilight all over again
a comedy twi-vamp fic? theres something you dont see everyday!
And the plot thickens.
Rarity is to be turned and Rainbow found out. Twice in one day Twilight. For a race so fanatical about secrecy, you aren't doing a very good job of keeping your secret secret.
A couple of quickie things I noticed.
The second half to this sentence makes no sense. Feels like some words are missing or used wrongly.
No need for the apostrophe in let's as it isn't a contraction
Could use a comma after turning.
Aside from that you tend to be erratic with your use of fullstops at the end of a sentence. Some lines do have them and others don't.
great chapter! few questions though:
are you gonna turn all of her friends?
what about twi's parents, shouldn't they be told at least?
i don't think rarity really knows what she's getting into, or at least that's the impression i got from her when sweetie belle was presented as a problem; her first thought was that she could be turned as well, what happens when it sinks in that everyone else she knows (friends and family) will also die while she lives on for more than a millennium.
that RD scene was awesome by the way, although it could spell a bit of trouble.
2041590 I'm more of the opinion that BOTH Twilight and Rarity should have a long talk with Twilights parents but thats me really though, it's QUITE obvious that Rarity doesnt really comprehend what she's asking of her friend but you're right the Rainbow scene was well done
I know you just updated, and I understand that you work hard on these stories, but...
MOAR!!!!!!!!!!
I think you misspelled boutique, dood.
"Next time on the Vamp-ponies"
: Okay, we are going over the basics again, any questions?
: When do we learn how to turn into bats?
: Next Week.
: Is there a way for me to not scare my animal friends? They don't seem to like vamponies much.
: That's natural, they just need to get use to you again, RAINBOWDASH! Stop hunting and pay attention to the lesson.
: Fine, I'll have Cloud Kicker tomorrow.
: So when do we cover strength checks? I already sent five of my trees to the moon trying to buck apples.
I'm getting to that.
Are you feeling well, dear?
You had to get a dress idea in the middle of the night while I was hunting, didn't ya.
I hope you enjoyed that small amount of stupidity, dood.
Rarity down
Rainbow has called dibs on second
so who's third?
I think "bite" would make more sense.
preditor->predator
rechead->reached
User Major->Ursa Major
RainbowDash: "So, when is it my turn to be turned into a vamp-pony?"
Twilight: " Not you too "
Also by the way, did not Twilight already beat up Ursa Minor ( sure, she put it to sleep, but sleeping target is defenceless, so Twilight would win ).
And do I need to mention that Twilight have not only power of Vampony but also huge magic power and all training and teaching Celestia offered her.
twently
twenty
she
hoofes
hooves
rediculas
ridiculous
Remove it
braeburn
Capital
Figurativly
Figuratively
exilerating
exhilarating
this became repetitive really quick quick
2065139
How so?
good chapter.
turning one is fun and all, but having them all turned takes away the uniqueness of the situation, keep that in mind please.
Dat ending
2108308
This is simply an idea I had, Believe me when i say i'm a big fan of the classic vampire novels and movies, one of my favourites is Interview with a Vampire, but with mlp i just can't like, read of write dark fics, i haven't even read cupcakes or Fallout: Equestria.
I thought this fic would be fun to write, some people will like it some people won't, everyone has their own opinion and have a right to share it.
Also, how is the concept recycled? just want it to be made clear.
at some places you could work at grammar and pace of the story it feels so rushed to
me but i like your idea and want to see more
a few spelling errors and grammar mistakes but other than good
Dracule = Dracula
Al Card = Alukard
I saw what you did there.
loving this! i wonder if all the mane six are gonna be vamponies. that'd be so cool!
great chapter! she really didn't think it through when she turned rarity...ah well, it will get a lot worse, but hopefully no one else will be turned.
yay new chapter
All I can say about that result of Twilight's Vamp-Pony rant to Rarity & RD is: Uh... Didn't see that comin'.
2275668 NO SH^&! all I could do was burst out laughing
oh that's SOO good
oh and just to be told nicely (as nicely as I can anyway) before people start their ranting and bitching, there are a few spelling errors not much really but they're there as for me,
THANK YOU for the update!!!! I needed another update to liven my day up after dealing with that gutless wonder of a sister of mine a couple of hours ago
Well played, Rainbow. Well played.
And now, well, Pinkie probably either already knows, or is something else. Possibly a specter.
Can we gat a horay Twilight's a vamp- pony party from pinkie now
2276099 I think saying 'occupant' instead of 'recipient' is more than a spelling error. It is also not the only case of 'wrong word-itis', simple the most egregious.
Nice update and the end is priceless.
Let me guess, AJ as element of honestly decided that hiding the fact that her friends is vampony is like lying and she run to tell entire town before Twilight cast hypnosis on her.
Or Twilight captured RainbowDash, AJ and Fluttershy and tied them up in her basement and then wrote to Celestia.