Vamp-pony CH.1
By Devil001
Proof read by Englishwitch
The story begins on a dark and foggy night; a lone pony is walking home by them self. In the shadows, mist rises and takes shape; a cloak unfurls and drapes over a now solid body.
"Silently the hunter stalks her prey" Twilight said to herself as she watched the pony from the shadows "having no clue of the fate that awaits them, the pony continues through the night enjoying the stars and moon."
Suddenly the pony stopped and looked in Twilights direction, squinting at the darkness, as if trying to see something. Shrugging they continued.
Stepping out of the shadows Twilight followed, her hooves making no sound as they hit the ground. Slowly she got closer and closer until the pony stopped and tensed. Slowly the pony turned her head, and as she saw the shape in the corner of her eye Twilight moved faster then she could see, bowling her off her hooves. She was pinned to the ground.
Staring down at her prey Twilight smiled, opening her mouth she dove at the pony, and she blew as hard as she could on the ponies stomach, making her laugh and giggle loudly.
"Twilight" the pony gasped and laughed as another raspberry was blown on her stomach "stop, please" she begged.
"Does my prey give in?" Twilight smiled as she stopped for a moment, giving her friend a chance to catch her breath.
"Yes I do" the pony gulped down air "must you do that everytime?"
"It gets the heart pumping hard, makes you... Taste sweeter" Twilight smiled, watching as her prey blushed.
Licking her teeth thouroughly Twilight opened her mouth and felt her fangs extend. Lowering her head she bit gently into the pony's neck, who only shuddered at the feeling.
After having a mouth and a half of blood Twilight licked the two holes on the throat to stop the blood, her saliva acting as a very good quagulant to stop the bleeding. If a vamp-ponies saliva didn't have to be fresh to be fully effective, Twilight would've bottled and sold it to hospitals and ponies.
Licking the last traces of blood away Twilight pulled back and looked at the pony's face, which held a smiling dreamy look on it "you ok?" Twilight asked, she always asked because she cared for the pony, and every other pony who let her drink some of their blood. She never took blood without asking, Twilight's parents had raised her and Shining Armour that way. Its no good living in a city or town and stealing a pony’s blood, sooner or later they'll hunt you down and put a certain pointy wooden object in a vital place on your person.
"Oh yes, absolutly fine" the pony sighed, Twilight helped her back onto her hooves and walked her home. Once the door was shut Twilight turned happily and headed back to her own.
---****---
Waking with a jolt Rarity blinked at the dark, quickly lighting a candle and picking up a pencil she sketched with amazing skill and accuracy on the designs she'd dreamt, they were chic, sleek and most definitely fantastique.
"Oh Rarity darling you've done it again," she said to herself quietly as she placed the pencil down and clapped her hooves together, lightly. Sweetie Bell was sleeping in the next room and she didn't want to wake her up. Looking down on her designs her smiled faulted slightly, now she looked at the finished drawings she felt something was missing, something that would give them an extra edge. If only she had some designer books in her home.
She would have to pay a visit to Twilight and find a book in her extensive library, but it was the dead of night and there was no way she'd be awake and she'd hate to intrude.
"Although" Rarity said to herself quietly as she looked at her drawings "there is no possible way I can sleep with these gorgeus things playing on my mind." Biting her lip she had an internal arguement with herself, eventually after both winning and losing she pulled a cloak and saddlebag over and put them on. She'd apologize to Twilight of course but these dresses wouldn't wait.
Gently opening and closing the doors Rarity felt the night air nip at her legs as she moved quickly to Twilight's home.
---***---
"I'm back Owlawicious" Twilight whispered as she closed and locked the door behind her, the owl giving a gentle hoot to acknowledge he heard her, Spike was snoring softly up in the bedroom overhead.
Moving over to the table in the centre of the large room Twilight's horn glowed as she magically lit a candle she'd left there, she didn't need it as her eyes worked perfectly in the dark but she always enjoyed the candle light late at night, something about the dancing shadows she felt complimented her vamp-pony side.
The candle hovered in front of her as she walked to the small cupbard where she stored her cloak, as she opened the door she cought the reflection of something. Pausing for a moment she smiled as she decided to treat herself, pulling out the tall sheet of polished obsidan she walked back over to the table, placing it at an angle and setting the candle to the side of it. Now she had a good reflection of herself in the smooth black surface. With the cloak adding to the moving picture she smiled even more until she heard a hoot come from Owlawicious.
"I know but its been some time" Twilight replied as she turned her head left and right, seeing herself at different angles "I can't help myself"
Every pony knew vamp-ponies loved looking at their own reflections, it was part of their nature but no pony knew why. In the olden days it was annoying because a mirror wouldn't cast their reflection, so they had to find other means, reflections in water or highly polished metal. Twilight had been given this obsidian slab about twenty years ago by her mother. She hadn't stopped looking at herself until her brother took it away so she could join in on her own birthday party. Modern day mirrors weren't so bad, something about the way they were made over the last few decades had changed. But Twilight felt there was just something about the obsidian mirror, which made her appear all the more beautiful.
Owlawicious landed in front of the slab of shiny rock and hooted again, Twilight sighed. "Fine, you're right. I'll put it away right now."
As Owlawicious moved she used her magic to place the stone face down so she wouldn't see herself but before she could put it away she heard a gentle knock on the door.
Before she could take off her cloak Owlawicious flew over to the door, unlocking it he opened it to reveal Rarity.
"Rarity?" Twilight whispered as she picked the candle up with her magic and moved to the door "what are you doing here?"
"I'm so sorry to disturb you at this hour darling but I had a flash of inspiration. However as I finished drawing some of my finest works ever I discovered they were missing something."
"Let me guess, you need a book to help complete them" Twilight shook her head but smiled, Rarity had done this on several occassions before, at least this time she hadn't interupted a pleasent dream.
Laughing nerviously Rarity smiled slightly "again, sorry to disturb you."
"Its no problem" turning, Twilight lead Rarity into her home. Now that the immediate fashion problem was about to be cleared Rarity noticed the cloak Twilight was wearing, it looked old and made mainly with black and the collar was far too big.
"Twilight darling why are you wearing that cloak? It looks so old and scruffy, not to mention a bit tacky."
Stopping Twilight looked at Rarity and spoke steadly so each word was clear. "My mother made me this cloak."
Laughing nervously again Rarity blushed slightly "black is, very fitting on you. And the collar... Really help put focus on your face."
Smiling Twilight stifled a giggle, she knew Rarity wouldn't intentionally insult anything her mother had made.
"Um, if I may ask. Why are you wearing it?" Rarity asked
"Oh... Um. I plan to wear it, on Nightmare Night. I'm going as a Vamp-pony this year" Twilight lied quickly "since no one got my Star Swirl the Bearded last time. I needed to see if it still fit, and if it needed any repairs."
"Oh how charming" Rarity smiled "a vamp-pony, I never would've... Hello?"
Noticing the faint reflection of the candle light Rarity's expert eye saw the obolisk slab on the table "now this is beautiful" she said as the brought the sheet over to them "I didn't know you had something like this."
"Oh, that. Its just a small momento" Twilight lied.
"Small momento? I can see my reflection in it, its almost as good as a real mirror" walking next to Twilight she placed her face to hers and positioned the rock just right so they could see both their reflections at the same time "picture worthy wouldn't you say?" Rarity smiled at her own face, Twilight couldn't help but stare at herself "but I have something better" placing the slab down she opened one of her saddle bags "I always carry a compact mirror with me."
The mirror she pulled out was in no way compact, it was big enough to fit three faces on it, and just big enough so Rarity could see herself from every angle without any problems "its really old you know, an antique. Perfect size for fixing your mane on windy days."
As Rarity brought the mirror up Twilight blinked on the sudden realisation of what was about to happen. Mirror, antique, old fashioned mirror meant old fashioned reflection. Or in her case, lack thereof.
Twilight was about to step away and into the shadows when Rarity put a leg around her "there darling, don't we look... Beautiful?"
As Rarity looked at the mirror something was amiss, she was there obviously and she could feel Twilight next to her. But the mirror seemed to ignore her existence and where Twilight was supposed to be there was an empty space.
Rarity looked from Twilight to the mirror as gears in her head slowly moved into place.
CLUNK, Twilight was standing next to her.
CLUNK, Twilight had no reflection. Why?
CLUNK, the cloak was going to be for her vamp-pony costume.
CLUNK, Vamp-ponies don't have reflection.
CLUNK, Uh-Oh
Dropping the mirror and backing away quickly Rarity screamed. She saw Twilight's lips move but her ears didn't pick up anything she said. Her mind was screaming "why are you still here? Run, run now. Why aren't you running?"
Feeling her mouth forced shut Rarity looked at Twilight, her horn glowing as it wrapped her mouth in magic.
"Rarity please, let me explain" Twilight begged as Rarity breathed heavily through her nose "do you promise not to scream?"
Rarity nodded and felt the preasure on her jaw disappear. "Are you a... A vamp-pony?" She asked shakily, ready to run at anytime.
"Yes" Twilight simply answered
"Are you... Are you going to drink my blood?" Rarity took a step back.
"What? No I've already eaten tonight" above them Twilight heard Spike say something in his sleep
"That's MY cookie Pinkie Pie"
Before his snores followed
"You mean, you drank all of some ponies blood?" Rarity had a shocked look on her face, she thought she knew Twilight so well.
"Of course not. I'd never drink all the blood from a pony."
"But you just said-" Rarity began but was interrupted
"I don't need a lot of blood to survive" Twilight explained "only about a pint a month, and I don't get that from one pony. A mouthful here and there is plenty."
"So you sneak up on ponies while they sleep and take some blood?" She started to back toward the door, her face paling.
Twilight sighed "Rarity, please let me explain. No, I don't take blood from ponies while they sleep, I ask for some. My parents taught me it was better to ask for something than just taking it, its that same with blood. If ponies start waking up with puncture marks on their necks soon there's going to be a witch hunt, and I don't want that to happen."
"So you, ask, ponies for their blood?" Rarity asked, she found herself sitting down
"I explain everything to them. What happens, my fangs, how much blood I'd take, my saliva"
"Saliva?"
"A vamp-ponies saliva helps act as a pain-killer and a mild narcotic, leaving the pony with a pleasent sensation, which resembels being happily drunk or so I'm told. There's a reason the ponies moaned like they were having an orgasm when they're bitten by a vamp-pony in the old horror movies." Twilight smiled and winked, this caught Rarity off guard and she blushed slightly.
"So you really do drink blood?"
"Yes but like I said, about a pint a month and that keeps my vamp-pony powers strong"
"Powers? You mean shapeshifting and flying and such?" Now her fear was fading, and she was becoming surer she wasn’t going to be killed by a monster, Rarity was eager to hear what parts of the legends were true, her true purpose at the library temporarilly forgotten.
"Amongst others, I can live on normal food like regular ponies but that makes me like a normal pony. The same with sunlight, it weakens my powers to the point I'm only a bit stronger than a regular pony."
Now that it was mentioned it Rarity did realise Twilight didn't burn into a pile of ash's everytime the sun touched her, she was the favourite and personal student of Celestia, princess of the sun for fashion sake.
"Did you mention your parents taught you, and your brother?" Rarity was starting to have trouble absorbing all the information at once, her head was feeling a little dizzy.
"My parents are vamp-ponies, so's my brother. We're all natural born, not turned" Twilight smiled, she rembered her parents telling her Shinning Armour had been a handful when he was young
"Natural born? You mean vamp-ponies can have babies?" Twilight heard Rarity say and snapped back to the moment.
"That's something else we spread" Twilight smiled at Rarity "puts the other ponies at ease knowing us 'monsters' can't have kids."
"But vamp-ponies are immortal, wouldn't they be infants forever?" Rarity started to feel herself getting intrigued.
"Oh no, until we turn eighteen we age normally, but after that we age more slowly. We're not really immune to old age, we just age Really slowly" Twilight smiled sheepishly
"How slowly?" Rarity heard herself ask
"Um, about one year for every fifty"
"But you don't look any older than..." It dawned on Rarity "how old are you?"
Blushing slightly, but holding back a smile,Twilight replied "nearly sixty"
Rarity felt her jaw drop "Sixty? You've been studying under Celestia for SIXTY years? Does she know your a vamp-pony?"
Twilight couldn’t help but laugh at the question, it was obvious Rarity was shocked but was still a silly question to ask
"Of course she knows" Twilight smiled "when I started being tought by her my parents were nervous, but after a few years they felt they had to tell her before I stopped aging. They were surprised by how understanding she was"
"How old are your parents by the way?"
"Now Rarity a pony is entitled to some secrets, even vamp-ponies" Twilight smiled slyly
"Oh" Rarity thought "That old"
"Like I said, they were nervous but Celestia was very understanding. She asked questions about us feeding and if we actually hurt ponies, but they explained to her that they have close and trusted friends that let us take some blood, like I have here in ponyville, and they never took without asking. All my parents wanted was a quiet life that was as normal as possible."
"And the Princess believed them?"
"I think the fact that she'd tought me and had gotten to know me helped. Princess Celestia decided that me and my family were no threat and let us live our lives in Canterlot, she even let Shining join the army and become the Captain of her guard with that knowledge."
"I guess the Princess really is a good judge of character" Rarity smiled "but why didn't you tell us you were a vamp-pony?"
"To tell you the truth I wanted to, but we've worked hard over the years to become a scary story. It's not easy to find ponies we can trust with our secrets, when I arrived in Ponyville it took me nearly two weeks to find a pony I could trust to share their blood with me, and that was after hours of explaining things. You're my friends but I'm a myth, plus most of the time when a pony finds out they either try to kill us, or they want to be turned into a vamp-pony too and not everypony can handle such a long life."
"Wait, you can turn ponies into vamp-ponies?" Rarity asked, the gears were slowly starting to turn again
"Well yes of course, although they wouldn't be as powerful as me or age as slowly" Twilight started but was cut off
"How slowly?"
"It's one year for every twenty for a turned pony" something clicked in Twilight's head "Rarity?"
"One in twenty? I can work with that?" Rarity began smiling "seeing all the fashions, meeting new ponies"
"You can't be thinking..." Twilight began
"I am" Rarity continued smiling
"You can't want me to..."
Rarity’s head nodded slowly as she walked closer to Twilight. "But I do darling."
No Rarity no!!
Lol well written, please keep going
they don't sparkle because of the sun? xD good!
Twilight, you had to see that coming.
Heh, I'm liking this though I'm curious as to who her donors are.
I think I'll keep a Prinny on this, dood.
Was pretty funny.
this brings up some questions, how did Twilight really get her cutie mark (is Rainbow Dash one too?) and how old is Spike if she did hatch his egg back when she became Celestia's student like 50 years ago?
also maybe Twilight bring up the fact Rarity won't be able to fulfill her dreams since she might end up getting chased by torches if she was ever found out, same with getting into the Canterlot Nobility, or her having to watch Sweetie grow old and die long before she does.
Try putting a linebreak [ hr ] tag (does not have a closing tag) to separate scenes when you change location abruptly (like from Twi hunting to Rarity waking up).
Like Gwenio said, add linebreaks when you are shifting to different scenes.
comma after shadows and semicolon after shape
pronouns like they and them should only be used when the subject is plural. replace with singular pronouns such as she and her
need a comma after head
remove 'for it', affective should be effective and a comma is needed after effective.
apologize, not apologies and you do not need continuesly
period after clear, capitalize my
period after dissapear. capitalize are
Nice take on the vampony story. Playfully 'hunting' willing donors is a nice idea.
2026300
thanks for them, i can write a decent fic but my grammer sucks. Edits have been made
2026416 I missed a typo during my first sweep. It is spelled unfurls, not unferls
You need an editor. Here is a group that can help you find one: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
There are several bits of exposition in the first scene that are redundant with what Twilight tell Rarity. I strongly advise having the details wait until they are made clear in the narrative, rather than having mini-exposition dumps that break the flow. An example being that Twilight asks ponies for blood, in the first scene all the reader needs to know is that the pony does not object, and the reason why can wait till Twi explains to Rarity.
Also, as I said before line breaks are good.
Im thinking Lyra or Bon-Bon for the mystery pony there at the beginning
Finally a new vamp-pony story.
I already feared that this sort of stories could become extinct.
An interesting start.
This is well written and shows promise, but I didn't really like the fact that Twilight can still eat food. In my mind, Vampires cannot eat anything other than the blood, but this is just my opinion.
One piece of exposition in the beginning was made redundant by a conversation with Rarity later.
You state this at the start and then double up on it in the conversation with Rarity. Also, mouthfull only needs one l (mouthful).
A couple of grammatical things have escaped the initial purge.
Dahling sounds like a phonetic spelling, but you use Darling later in the story, suggesting a typo.
Needs a comma after 'again'.
Definetly should be definitely.
2029710
i made the changes to the spelling and got rid of the line, thanks for the suggestions
I like that in this story everypony are very understanding, but there is something I do not understand.
1) Did Twilight and mane 5 defeated Nightmare Moon or this event never happened in this story.
2) DO this mean that Twilight found random ponies who she told who she is and they let her drink they blood, but Twilight not told her closest friends like Rarity and others form mane 5 ?
Because it sounds weird that Twilight would trust random ponies and hide it from her closest friends, or she just end up with far more friends then original mane 5 ?
Except wait... Twilight received her cutie mark from the Sonic Rainboom. There was an entire episode based around that. Unless you intend to make that all a big lie, which is never something I recommend in a fanfic since it tends to reflect poorly upon the character, there's no way that she could have started studying under Celestia 50 years ago.
2030814
I promise i'm going to explain it in a later chapter.
2030656
Yes Nightmare Moon did happen
As for telling the Mane 5, you saw how they acted towards Zecora. Plus you tell some friends some secrets you don't tell others.
All will be explained in later chapters, promise.
2031237
Then who are other ponies in ponyvile who shared blood with Twilight since her close friends did not know the truth, and what is so special about those other ponies that she told them her secret when she not told it to mane 5, unless those were friends from Canterlot who went to Ponyvile to help Twilight out.
2032675
This is a comedy fic, its a Don't-take-it-too-seriously fic. You're looking WAY too much into it
I won't name the ponies who supply Twilight with blood because i don't care for such a detail, it's not important.
As for 'not trusting' the mane 5 is a moot point. She didn't tell them she had a brother, she didn't tell them that she was best friends with the niece of Princess Celestia. It doesn't matter, take it with a pinch of salt and just enjoy.
Oh look its Twilight all over again
a comedy twi-vamp fic? theres something you dont see everyday!
ooh, very good story. keep up the good work
Ok correct me if I'm wrong:
So a born vampony ages 1yr=50yrs
2 yrs=100 yrs.
Twilight is 60
Making Twilight about 3,000 yrs, will live to be 5,000 yrs, old as the Discordian era.
Now Rarity is about..18 in the show.
Turned ponies age 1 yr=20 yrs
5 yrs=100 yrs
So Rarity can live to be about 2,000 yrs.
And do BatPonies count as Vamponies? If so then Fluttershy will join them in age too. Even if my math is off, Twilight and Rarity Will die together of age. Long live Rarilight
8570414
Did your math wrong twilight actual age is 60 her physical age is thus 19