Goddammit Pinkie Pie

by kits

A Typical Day in Pwnyville

One day blue horse bird was flyin' 'round in circles and stuff, when she saw that orange and pink pones were talking. "What are they dong?" She asked, angrily. "That is not watching me be 20% more awesomer." So flying pone landed next to party and apple pone and said, "What are you dong?"

"I like apples," said AppleJack.

"We're totally not throwing a 'Tie Rainbow Dash up and have makeouts' party," said Balloon Butt. "That would be creepy."

"I like apples," said Apple Jack again. It was really kinda creepy the way she liked apples so much that she should maybe marry an apple.

Speaking of creepy, Twilight Sparkle, who was late again with a letter and really, really creepy looking because her mane was poofy and messed up, popped out of nowhere and creepily said that a party of makeouts with Rainbow Dash was something she was writing in her My Little Pony fanfiction. She said this very creepily, while winking at Dash. "That is so creepy, Twilight," said the prismatic-maned, cerulean blue, fastest flier in Equestria, who was also Scootaloo's idol and a pegasus pony.

Then the butter yellow pegasus friend who was shy, fluttered over to the group. She had been pretending to be a tree by standing very still and mumbling "tree" under her breath (she said it quietly because she was very shy). "I... would... um... well... I... um...... would like a makeouts party... if that's ok......... with you..." said Flutterbutter in a very shy manner.

Then Rarity showed up and said something about fashion, but nopony paid her any attention, because she was just trying to get makeouts for herself. "I am a lady," she protested, angrily.

Then Twilight Creeple and Smile Slut jumped on Rainbow Dash. "Why did you do that?" asked Rainbow Dash, angrily. But secretly, she liked it when her friends jumped on her and started nibbling her mane and wings.

"I thought you were covered in cake icing," said Twilight.

"Stop stealing my lines!" huffed the forth-wall-breaking, pink coated, frizzy maned, pink party promoting pony, Pinkie Pie.

The sexual tension was so high at the moment that Flutterbutterstuttershy couldn't help but join the pile. "Um..." she said. "..."

Apol Jeck threw her head, tossing her mane so hard, her hair ties flew off. It was so hot, you have no idea. "I like Apples!" she cried as she dived into the pony pile.

Rainbow Dash was smiling so much from all the ponies who had piled on her and were licking and/or nibbling at various parts. She shuddered as Ampleflank licked her hoof. "I don't like it when ponies touched my hooves," she protested, angrily.

"I like apples," Applebapple whispered.

And then they all had sex.

Except Rarity.

Comments

[kits]

I hope you liek my fic-shun. I had my friends edit it for me, ok ;)

[An Unimpressive]

musterpeace

[CouchCrusader]

This is like an airy shower upon my face. Absolutely golden, so fine.

[Alexstrazsa]

1.bp.blogspot.com/_q1oUHYhk95U/TIf0BVqCn7I/AAAAAAAAARc/GY96T349zV8/s1600/nick_cage+emote.jpg

[kiwiman40]

This is better than eternal and my little dashie combined.
(deviceisn'tlookingohgodplease)

[kits]

754578
Well. I put as much effort and thought into the story as MLD <.<

[kiwiman40]

754582
I was talking about combined volume of tears from my face, not work put in

[kits]

754590
Oh.
Well then <.<

I have gotten very little sleep these last 14 days.

[kiwiman40]

754594
That may be true, but I think many will loose sleep after reading this. Pure art has that effect on people
(Sacrifice<Product)

[Ruirik]

Hmm. Needs more cowbell.

[FireFlash13231]

uhhhmmmmmm.....wat

that brained my damage

[Extantdread]

HERE.
COME.
THE IMAGES.
*sees blog about second chapter*
*kits says it's horrible*

i.imgur.com/IPzt0.gif

*reads story*

i.imgur.com/1A86X.jpg
i.imgur.com/GBW5P.jpg
i.imgur.com/FPeF8.png
i.imgur.com/VCI3r.gif
i.imgur.com/sIh8o.png
i.imgur.com/bELpL.jpg
i.imgur.com/6wYbj.png

And that made my day.
Good stuff!

[chrumsum]

Words cannot--

I cried, I laughed, I cringed, I jumped, and I shat my pants. All at once.

3.bp.blogspot.com/-wrXdYF-V_cE/T9SbcLru_xI/AAAAAAAAAH8/aSd8hHjOmrI/s320/CSOA.png

[Argembarger]

[Mudpuppy]

I flipped the heks out when I saw this story update OMG you have no idea how much I like running sentences and also how much I fliped out when i seed u updated this storay. Dis is brilliant and also best storay i've every readed on this site EVUR!!!!!! OMG it's like you took almost every fanfic on this site and made them 100 time better!!!
i.imgur.com/exWgf.jpg

[Clockwise Gear]

...................................................Dafuq did I just read.

[DJ DASH3R]

best.
story
evar.

[Still Waters]

Dear lord, what have you done. Somepony, somewhere, is now going to write some clop. And use Flutterbutter as an adjective >.< I'm terrified.

[kits]

754987
Buttershy <- Fat Pony version

[Still Waters]

754992

I lol'd. Pretty terrible. X3

[Glare]

754992
>that is my fetish.

[Lostzilla]

OMGWTFBBQ

[Meliron]

God damnit, there's no god damn cursing in here you fucker what the hell

THE DESCRIPTION LIES TO ME

[UseFistNotMouth]

Ampleflank

Ee forosdz.info/imgcache/5690.imgcache.jpg yup t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQFjJUSdje637S7B5QZtZ_Fump1g3H6otfagyDIpilrRtSdufmb&t=1

And now for something completely different:

e621.net/data/sample/a1/1c/a11c6e45b959023ab078ff2cd3cc505b.jpg?1318948184

[Dancing Dead]

gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs4/2332127_o.gif

[Kamineigh]

What the fuck did I just read?

[darch]

Meh, I've read this one already.

D'A

[Aeleos]

754582
OooOoOOoo...
Someone better get Rob some aloe

[Ahiam94]

Yet another brilliant addition to the series! Carry on good sir!

[kits]

755985
chapter 2 is not on DA.

[Mally]

I like Apples.

[DbzOrDie]

Now I'm somehow waiting for a clop-fic where Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Twilight and Applejack are actually planning to jump Rainbow Dash, tie her up and have sweet, sweet sex

Damn you, perverted mind

[kits]

756725
um...
no comment :V

[-]

I lost it at smile slut

[DbzOrDie]

757071 It's ok, don't be scared. Be VERY scared instead.

[WinterGreen]

I shall now save this fic in my personal folder under "Brain Bleach" for when I'm freaking over a Cupcake story.

[kits]

757132
I am >implying that I know of one, if not several, of these already in the works.
*hides ponypile.doc*

757126
I love Smile Slut

757176
This is more like brain 2 molar hydrochloric acid

[DbzOrDie]

757370 really now, you simply must share them with me upon completion

[The Midnight Stalker]

um? ok?

I've seen worse.

[kits]

758626
Then I'm not trying hard enough.

[The Midnight Stalker]

758647

Well i win

Once apon a time the ponys were happy and bad happened the end

[darch]

756463

darch uses Be Funny. It's ineffective...
I'd meant to compliment the way you captured the platonic bad fan fic. Sorry that wasn't clear.

D'A

[TheWingedTurret]

Before it was MLP cool, that's what I used to call Pinkie Pie.
I'm being hipster.

[SuperGiantRobot]

Yes, but what does Applejack think about trains?

Oh shi*CRUNCH*

Whoooo!Whooooo! chuggachuggachugga....

[Mystic]

This took as long to read as a fic four times its length. Grammar, I am never leaving you again, I swear! Seriously though, this was pretty goddamn funny.

[kits]

769466
Blue horse bird has no need of grammar; awesomeness will suffice!

[Mystic]

769484 Grammar? What are we, in school or something? Pfft. This is the Internet!

[kits]

769517
I'm taking lessons from Argembarger to be a better writer.

[Mystic]

769536 I should have guessed. There is always two -- a master and an apprentice.

[Some Jerk]

I read all of AJ's line(s) in the Matt Damon voice from Team America. And if horsebird was an intentional shout out to the trainwreck that was the Final Fantasy XIV Beta translation, I think I love you. (For those not in the "know", FFXIV was the second MMO and SE decided to outsource the work to China and got predictable results. Copy paste terrain, broken ass UI, and "Chocobo" was mangled into "HORSEBIRD". I guess that's what happens when you translate from Japanese to Chinese to English.)

kits, Never stop. You managed to capture everything I loathe about stories on this site and distill it into 100 proof comedy.