• Member Since 12th Aug, 2019
  • offline last seen 56 minutes ago

Ninjadeadbeard


Don't ask about the name. It is a silly story.

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An anthology of stories pertaining to Government in Equestria and beyond, especially the ponies that work in it. Each story will be tagged separately, but general tags will always apply.

None of these will be related. Most of them will be silly. All of it will be stupid.

Same goes for the stories. ba-dum, tish! :pinkiehappy:


Short Descriptions for each story:

  • The Star Court [Dark][Profanity][Comedy] - Celestia finds out where all the bodies are buried. Well, incinerated, if you want to be technical. Plus, a discussion about corporeal punishment, jurisdiction, and court-procedure.
  • Civics Lesson [Comedy][Slice of Life] - Applejack briefly considers Nepotism before getting a lesson in government she won’t soon forget.
Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 77 )

Acceptable Responses section of the charter of the Star Court, subsection seventeen, paragraph six. The Snide Remarks and Bad Excuses Clause, if I don’t misremember it.

Specifically implemented because it was impossible to try Discord cultists otherwise.

“Starswirl!?” Celestia balked, “He would never approve of something like this!”

"Pray, sister, did you not notice the large and admittedly rather gaudy window?"

I do love a Blueblood with hidden depths.

And I'm pretty sure Celestia doesn't officially have the authority to disband or convene this court. Ah well, hopefully Luna will be able to convince her it was all a cake-induced dream in the morning.

Delightful beginning to the anthology. Looking forward to more.

Greatest. Idea. All month. Screw every other story that comes out this month. This is is perfect.

How delightful :pinkiehappy: The silliness is strong with this one and I’m a sucker for bureaucracy and procedure :trollestia:

Well done!

You had me at "All of them will be silly. All of it will be stupid." :rainbowlaugh:

Who knew Blueblood could be enjoyable comedic foil to Twilight.

Will watch this story.

I find this to be quite comedic and serious at the same time. Especially when Celestia had the Duke executed. Will look forward to this story's progress!

Ooh, this is the sort of story I like. Politics in all of its dozy glory. :twilightsmile:

muttering something about finding some cake and bourbon

I personally prefer cream buns and brandy, but to each their own.

You probably couldn't have started it off better for a politics/bureaucracy anthology than just launching straight into black-bag extrajudicial murder.

...Writing the sentence out like that makes me feel inclined to state that this is absolutely a bad thing for governments to do. Just for the record.

I will definitely need to keep an eye on this one. Starting with a secret murder court, I can only wonder where it'll go from here...

10016792
What cake induces such dreams? And where can I get some?

10016792

well considering they destroyed all documentation of the laws authorizing it's existence they don't either. Luna should have pointed that out to Starswirl when he made her eat the originals

Amusing, but what kept the kingdom from being overrun by villains and murderers during Luna's thousand year absence? [1] And a proper secret court has a secret tunnel to the incinerator, or has one of the two Alicorns present teleport the corpses directly: it doesn't have to drag corpses through the regular castle corridors! :ajbemused:


[1] Yes, how the kingdom managed a thousand years of peace and prosperity with a Celestia as useless as the writers eventually made her is in itself a problem, but at least canon doesn't come with serial killers. :pinkiecrazy:

I am... concerned. And intrigued. And laughing harder than I should be. Please continue.

10018184

Please do something like this. It’s my favourite political sketch. :pinkiehappy:

10018262
Oh? What a coincidence! It’s one of my direct inspirations for this anthology. :pinkiehappy:

I just enjoyed the part about Cadance being bloodthirsty. Not bad for a mare with a heart on her plot. Then again she might have found it...sexy.

10018313
She’s just...passionate. As the Princess of Love, she loves her some execution.

10018121
The bat ponies had to do something while Luna was gone.

10018121
Cadence, obviously. Since she's so bloodthirsty.

10018523
Trouble is you need two Princesses. Them's the rules, and what sort of secret murderous Star Chamber would we have if we bent the rules? :twilightsmile:

(I wonder: is there any canon, even in the comics, as to how old Cadence is?)

*sips tea while reading the description of this story*

Yes. Finally a story about bureaucracy

“I’ll take that as a Guilty plea,” Twilight suppressed a yawn and let her wings hang a bit looser at her side. “Acceptable Responses section of the charter of the Star Court, subsection seventeen, paragraph six. The Snide Remarks and Bad Excuses Clause, if I don’t misremember it.”

Why...is there a part of the law dedicated to this?

“I take my duties extremely seriously,” he smirked right back, “I’ll have you know, I wrote the official government guide for regulations, research, and analytics.”

Hooray for more competent Blueblood!


Honestly, this is a great start, with a secret court! *squees* Keep up the great work chap!

Love the Which Basement bit.

This is brilliant and I love it! This needs to be continued.

look I'm not saying secret death courts are a good thing but if you are gonna do it, at least invest in a good head chopping machine, especially when you have a large amount of people to disappear and only about 12ish hours to cover up the screams of terror before your sister wakes up.

10019389 Flim and Flam can not only provide the machine, but be the first two customers.

This... was alot darker than I anticipated. :pinkiecrazy:

Please, sir, can I have some more sir? :raritystarry:

From the title I was thinking this might be kinda like a Pony version of "Yes Minister" Was looking fowared to a pony Sir Nigel Appleby

10020037

From the title I was thinking this might be kinda like a Pony version of "Yes Minister" Was looking fowared to a pony Sir Nigel Appleby

One thing at a time... :pinkiehappy: Let's just say that an Apple of some variety works the Civil Service...

Okay, quick question..... will you go into Cadence's "bloodthristyness" in the later chapters?

10020267
Hmmm. It had occurred to me. I've at least three stories outlined, one started, for this anthology. If I directly referenced her bloodlust, it'd have to do something different, like Crystal Empire introducing gladiator... combat... :twilightoops:

Gotta go, have outlining to do... :pinkiecrazy:

Why do I get the feeling that Celestia's going to disband and reconvene this court a number of times over the coming months before finally giving up and magically removing the memory of the whole thing.

...

Again.

I can understand why this was cut from the main story but still, it works quite well as a sorta "deleted scene". I am half tempted to do that with my own story once I finish my 2nd chapter for my new story which I use to keep my mind off of writers block. I did not expect the inbred "cousin-fucker" reference though. I must say you really did surprise me with that one. Really hope to see how this story progresses. 👍👍👍

10020547
Hope that was meant as a good sort of surprise! :rainbowlaugh: I don't expect every, or even most, of these anthology stories to be so foul-mouthed... but I figure more than enough to warrant the tags on the main story. Thanks again for the comment!

I imagine a lot of pitying looks following the bit about first week.

“I know it’s an honor… and it’s important an all that… but I hate this job.”

"That’s government work for you."

Sooooo true some days.

--Spade

Mustang does at least have a point that Applejack should probably actually learn how to kill a horse before becoming Royal Executioner.

Yeah, mindwipes are not, in fact, the solution to all of life's problems. Not unless you also stop doing the thing that created the troublesome memory in the first place.

10020830
Given his crimes, I suspect this was intentional.

All of them will be silly. All of it will be stupid.

I'd recommend changing the first "All" to "Most" to keep the comedic tension raising instead of plateauing. Still made me laugh though.

Duchess Applejack is wonderful, suave rulesmaker Blueblood is hilarious. "But Rarity, he reads the tax code for me at night in his bed, surrounded by the originals of the entire equestrian civil cervice rules and regulations, under candlelight. THE TAX CODE, RARITY!!"

10020390
Nah, when she finds out just how many monsters there actually are among the population she'll give up and let the Court be. Less headaches like that.

Hey, bucking him to death is probably a family tradition. But just imagine how long it took Granny Smith to do it.

This description of the Equestrian Government makes far more sense than it has any right to :applejackconfused:

I wonder if Cadance approves of Pinkie trying to set those two up? Also I wonder if Cadance has a position as well?

“Oh,” Honey blushed, “Not literally! No, we did the next best thing: We marshalled an army of loopholes and poorly-worded legal contracts to create the legal simulacrum of an Alicorn Princess, and then incorporated the whole thing as a government actor.”

Ah, bureaucracy!

Ministry mares huh?


Fallout Equestria noises intensify

Well, it's more sensible than a pure Diarchy or Triarchy, and small enough with a self-balancing factor (the Elements themselves) that having the Bearer Council "Princess" works out in a weird kind of way.

Especially Pinkie. Because Pinkie.

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