Dear Consequences of Unoriginality,

DONE. HA.

Best Wishes,
Andoriol

Dear Readers,

BOOM. *drops mic*

*exit stage right*

*actually avoids tripping on chord*

Sincerely,
Andoriol

5389341 An update and an ending? Nice!
I'll get around to it after this assignment. Will comment later.

Wow, that was weird timing. I check the favs for unalerted updates, nothing. Check the tracking for unalerted updates, nothing. Go to home page to look for a new story and, "Sorry, please go back to tracking... you've got update!"... this updates as the page is loading... sweet.

EDIT: Or... FiMFiction is fucking with me again... yeah it's that one.

Inb4 Dark magic, evil villians/Monsters

Huh... this chapter was surprisingly lacking in death for what the title suggests.

5389341

"Boom?"
I recall an assurance in the early chapters (over a year ago) that you had upwards of 15 arcs planned with three chapters each..

What happened to that?

5389494
Huh, I didn't think the title indicated death... I've just thought of the party as the 'DOOM party' since it was first conceived since it just falls all apart.

5389604



It's actually been separated out into more stories in a "Consequences Series". I have an absolute fuckton of ideas, but I wanted to separate the story into manageable chunks so one could read them without being overwhelmed. Additionally, the tone for the various sections is distinctly different, so it felt appropriate to separate it out.

For example, this story was about Emeris' integration with Equestria/Ponyville and his making friends with the Mane Six. The next story is going to be more about the monsters and darker things of the world of Equestria, focusing more on adventure/action and world-building than this story had. The story after that one focusing on Twilight and her friends trying to settle in to Twilight being a Princess.

AND I HAVE MORE IDEAS AFTER THAT.

So hopefully you can see why I felt the need to separate the stories into manageable chunks

5389634

Your proposal is acceptable. Add long as you keep the time gaps to a minimum. (Get the stories out before updating canon screws your universe)

5389634 You had me at 'Consequences Series'

Just remember to put an announcement on the story to tell everyone who follows it that there is a sequel.

If you put it as a chapter the mods will wave their finger at you but I think there is a way to make it as a blog that everyone who follows the story will see rather then just the people who follow you.

Wow.
This ending was satisfying.
I know that you are making a sequel, but someone could just stop reading here and lose nothing it seems.
That is always a accomplishment for a writer.

Huzzah! Another story down. Now to await the amazingly good, mouth watering, explosively great, 100% Organic, sequel! The next one will be more adventure-y and dark you say? Splendid! I await our hero facing of against some monsters, some physical and maybe some spiritual? After all, there is no greater monster than the thing you see in the mirror... That could be an ugly joke actually...

Ignore that last part... Yeah... ... ...Anyway!

Now to commence the reading of other stories while I wait! I'll be back when the sequel appears. You get to writing me some horse words ey?

Waiting in ungraceful excitement,
~Valvatorez

Doom doom doom, doomy doomy dooms of dooming doom, doo do do do doooooooom.

very good ending to this chapter

5389704
Hah! I'm sure I got that one, but I'm referencing something else here.

5389880
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "(Get the stories out before updating canon screws your universe)"? Because that's technically already happened. Hell, happened a long time ago really, as Emeris arrived after Season 2, but before Season 3, and then spent two years as Gary before the events of this story. Things are already off the rails.

5389973
If blogs are working properly then I'll be able to tag this story with a blog about the Sequel's arrival

5389977
I'm super proud of this chapter as a whole, but especially the ending for exactly those reasons. I rit gud.

5390038
BWUAHAHAHAHA!!!

Partially funny since Emeris in some ways is the worst monster he'll ever meet, but also because that's one of his greatest fears.

And give me a bit! Dem herse wurds dun rite demselves! Dey need tender lovin cair! And my editors/pre-readers because blech, word vomit.

5390048

5390070
Thank ya'~!

Hey..why is the story is have a complete?
It end?

Soo good. I have always been a fan of dark magic not necessarily being evil, but being magic that has consequences. Which honestly, seems to fit his story pretty well. Like dark magic, that has a cost on your body. The reason that dark magic is often thought of as evil is becuase instead of letting the dark magic affect them negatively, they would use other people as conduits and sacrifices to preserve themselves. I could see emeris trying to be noble with self sacrificing magic tendencies.

Surprised the town had the guts to even try to fight him, they usually...always run away from the problem.

“I sure don’t see any difference!” came a different voice from the left, and I flinched again, backing up.

This always confused me. Gary Stu and Emeris are physically completely different. Different size, different shape, different colors.

And yet, after the transformation everybody somehow automatically recognized that Emeris was the same person as Gary, even though they looked nothing alike. What's more, the person in this scene (if we take him literally) cannot see any difference between the two, and nobody thinks to say, "uh no, they look completely different. Do you need to get your eyes examined?"

I dunno, it just bugs me.

5390189
This story is complete. I'm making a sequel, there's a lot more in store for Emeris down the line

5390270
BWUAHAHAHAHA

5390317
But how has Emeris been acting the entire time since he's stopped being Gary? He's not threatening at all! They can do this! (That and a few ponies working together agitated things and mob mentality is a scary thing).

5390428
You're not the first person to have this problem, and for good reason. It's a good question, and the fact that Emeris never draws attention to it is a deliberate bit of characterization, but I could never find a good place to work it into the story organically, so lemme bring this back up:

While Emeris isn't aware of it yet, anyone who met Gary will almost certainly be able to recognize him as Emeris.

For one, his magic might be weaker but it feels basically identical to those that can sense it. For another, being around him feels sort of... weird. Not in any "getting sensations" sort of way, but a "tingle at the back of the neck" sort of thing. It's easy to ignore, but it not only makes stealth basically impossible but it also gives him away as being the same being. Mind you, in both cases its only if they've physically met both 'Gary' and Emeris that they'd be able to make those connections.

Physically they're obviously very different, but anypony that's physically met both Gary and Emeris can immediately call them out as the same person because they "feel" the same. Though I forgot to mention that they sound exactly the same as well in that quote.

5390454
Very true, but Zecora did even less. They just found their guts this time of all times.

Holy cow, I hadn't realized going into the chapter this was going to be the last one. I suppose your blogs about worldbuilding were blinding me to that idea.

So, well, wow, that was quite the ride. Doom party... that title, worked so well. Made me go... "waiiiiiiiit, oh please no".

I suppose the mob was inevitable, there was just not enough effort from either part. I mean, Emeris tried, but clearly did not manage much beyond the Mane Six. It was actually rather satisfying to see Emerys snap a bit like that. There had to be some sort of explosion, and damn, that was cool. And of course, Celestia and Luna. They're both so humane in this one.

Heck, the final scene felt incredibly appropriate. It was the vibe I had been getting out of them the entire time.

Highlights of the chapter:

Terminer le Point

That doesn't even make SENSE in French either!

“That’s a bucking lie!!” shouted Rarity

Yes! You go, Best Pony! Tell that mob who's the liar!

And generally any pouty Emeris. The cutie.

Wow....I was absolutely on the ball when I said Celestina dropped the ball. I'm glad she came in to save the day this time. Funny thing though, I would do the same thing in his shoes.

OK, I'm going to say this. This is one of your best chapters and a magnificent way to conclude the first part of the series. Emeris' shyness towards RD and AJ is cute, especially with how he gets easily embarrassed by the girls, and I enjoyed every romantic moment between those three. Rarity's gossipy attitude and Twilight's friendship with Emeirs were very entertaining. The confrontation between the town and the Mane 6 over Emeris was intense. It was nice to see the girls, Big Mac NAND the Princesses stand up for Emeris and for him to actually stand up to the hatred of the town the moment they AT&T,Peter to endanger the girls. His moment with Celestia was very moving due to the mother/son type of relationship they have. I'm not going to lie. This story has been a ride. There were moments when I felt disappointed with the long times between updates and the hiatus you took but every time you came up with a new chapter it made me happy. To see this story finally reach its conclusion and hearing about a sequel being written just made my day. Thank you sir for this wonderful story. I hope to see more about Emeris soon.
P.S: I agree that AJ is way too confident on the romance, even if she's paired up with two prudish/sexually naive ponies, and I hope to see more of her insecurities...Man I feel like a deuce for writing that.

THIS SATISFIES THE AMARR WE WILL ENSLAVE YOU INSTED OF BOMBING YOUR PLANET.

This chapter...
mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw2386_small.jpg

Loved the Celestia confrontation and cuddly Dash was adorable.

Well. I started and finished reading this today, and I think this is probably my favorite interpretation of how to make a Gary Stu-type character into an actual character.

Aside from the whole curse-concept, (which I get the feeling we haven't quite seen the end of,) having that partial Sombrification at the climax there does not bode well for our favorite Gary Stu not-Gary Stu. Also, Celestia was quite a sun-tacular character; as in, she actually felt like a character. Brilliant contrast of her versus the cursed Emeris, and that public scolding at the end... Ha! (I actually kinda want to see the battle scene if Celestia had never found a way to free Emeris and decided to slay him.)

I wonder... If Twilight got part of Em stuck in her head, (namely, Desire) then did Em get any fragments of Twi stuck in his? Hum...

-Busy admiring the Corruption of Champions, (and no, not that one.)
Kenny

5389341
Super glad I got to edit for you dude!
Uh... for the last two chapters... and commission that cover art... Anyway.
Can't wait to work with you more on the next installments! It's gonna be SICK, YO.

5389977
Let's just say you'll be wanting to read the sequel...

5390048
SMOOOOKE FROM EMMY'S HORN! FIRE ON HIS SWORDSSS~

5391258
Lots more of cuddly equines coming your way in the sequel!

Anyways, Autobots, transform and roll out!

When i read this part somehow it remind me story Transformed from T.F.S.M.
Haha, hope you a good luck in next story i will keep follow you until new update.

5389341

princess of the omon

New OC? New Princess???
Or just Luna written mistakenly as 'omon'?
Rofled at that when I saw it :D

5390486
Yeah, I've been sending mixed signals there, sorry.

What is appropriate French for that btw? I never took French and that one's actually supposed to be legitimate.

And yes, Emeris is fun to tease much to his frustration

5390824
Yes! Yes you were totally on the nose with her messing things up

And what thing? The "Snapping and almost killing people" or the "Forgiving Celestia because he loves her" or some other thing?

5390988
I have never said it couldn't be! I'm completely open about being inspired in very significant part by Xenophillia.

Emeris is supposed to show quite a few Gary-Stu symptoms, it's a deliberate attempt on my part as a challenge to myself. To make a character that pushes the edge of Gary-Stu symptoms without actually being one.

And I toned down the Darlings and Dears already! (It was actually way worse before I did)

5392070
That is a serious marathon! Kudos!

Celestia vs "Gary" would... not go well. It's the power of the SUN versus the power of the EARTH. And yeah, Sun Trumps Earth in most situations, but they're a terracentric system... and the sun is pretty far away and the planet is RIGHT THERE... No matter what, the maps would need to be redrawn and the site of the battle would probably keep burning for centuries.

That's not an exaggeration or hyperbole by the way.

I'd lean towards Celestia heavily in-story, because Emeris sort of wants to die at that stage, and would be trying to run, not to mention avoid hurting anyone else. In a full out, knock down, drag out death battle? I'd lean back towards Emeris/Gary, because he's a vicious motherfucker and has black magic to spare. That'd really suck for the world though.

And Emeris did get a bit of Twilight in him (NOT LIKE THAT)! But no one's guessed what it is. There's some hints here and there, but nothing concrete.

5392391
How the flying fuck did my spellcheck miss that...

5392461
5392461
Hue. That's how.
Also, omg, is it the book cutie mark¿

iI

<- This too.

5392461 Now that I have read the last chapter I see you have toned them down. Much improved!

OCPD, not OCD.

If you cannot take the ten seconds necessary to learn the difference, do not use the term.

side note: the whole thing where he's effectively a lovecraftian horror wrapped in a thin squishy shell of pony just to keep him from tearing reality apart with his presence? Too much, unpleasant to contemplate, fridge horror central, and really just overdoing it.

I still say Twilight's punishment was unfair.

She was the victim of mind-rape and nearly (from her perspective) of literal rape. That trauma alone is grounds for dismissing any punishment or condemnation against her. Celestia's punishment was the equivalent of taking a rape victim and confining her to a wheelchair for not being trusting enough of strangers.

She had no reasonable way to determine if even the princesses were free from his control. No, she could not "know" that Celestia had successfully ended the Gary Stu curse-- even the Gary Stu himself wasn't convinced, and Celestia wasn't even 100% sure, so why should she be?
"Learn to rely on your friends---" Really, Celestia? Really? How? She was the victim of a geas that literally made it impossible to even talk about the problem.
Twilight was completely alone, with absolutely noone, not even the demigoddesses of her world to turn to, and no external frame of reference to measure the situation, and the consequences for all of Equestria if the princesses were wrong were too horrible to contemplate. Her ONLY option was to somehow crack the Gary Stu's noggin open and peek inside for herself.

So what in all of pan-fried hell did Celestia expect her to do, other than take the desperate course of action she did? It was, literally, the only rational course she could take!

Pet peeve:
"Dark Magic" as a trope. Everyone seems to use it, but noone ever fricking DEFINES it, or what specifically makes it Dark-- and what specifically makes Dark Magic evil.
Well, some FEW writers do-- but it's usually some retarded Star Wars morality. That it's "magic fueled by anger." (For people who have never heard of the concept of righteous anger.) Some even define it as OFFENSIVE magic (for those who have never heard of the concept of self defense) or magic used to harm or kill (I'm looking at YOU, Jim Butcher. Good night, the ignorance of that concept--- "using the power of nature to kill." For those who have never seen a NATURE DOCUMENTARY.)

I sure as hell hope you give a more refined definition than that in the sequel.

Im sorry, but i must say this FIC suck. Realy bad. He had done nothing else but cry and live a stupidly harsh life, it can be entertaining the first chapter but It become Boring realy quickly

5394080 Yeah, there's tons of "Dark Magic" that is just prejudiced against.
But some are justified:
1. Using anger to fuel your magic means you are training yourself to be angry more often, making you a more aggressive person
Avada Kedavra would be a nice and non-dark, because painless combat spell... If you wouldn't lower your willingness to commit murder each time you cast it. And it requires you to want to murder someone, not to simply kill them. Righteous Anger doesn't work.
2: Abilities that actually affect your mind, which this seems to fall under, as afterwards he looks back at it and sees his behavior as uncharacteristic.
3. Stuff that gives your nearby allies cancer or something similar. If it can turn bystanders into Zombies it's dark.
4. Stuff that's needlessly cruel. Like that one spell that turns your flesh and bones into hyper-oxygenated blood, keeping your nerves alive for a long time as you collapse into a puddle.

ALSO: Note it's called Dark Magic, not Evil Magic. Learn the difference.

5394080
Dark magic is defined in this world as any magic falling under the "forbidden" categories of spell casting.

You can find Andoriol's basic framework of the rules of magic here:
Magic isn't just Friendship

This side-story, or rather a collection of random notes, is the dumping ground for the tedious details that some readers want, but would clog the story with minutia.

Please also note that as the story grows the rules of the world it's set in continue to develop.

5393878
And yet, after the curse was lifted she did not try to actually communicate her worries to Celestia. She relied on implications and roundabout means of removing him rather than actually state her concerns.

You'll notice that Celestia did not punish Twilight for mind-raping Emeris. She did dismiss that charge.

So what in all of pan-fried hell did Celestia expect her to do, other than take the desperate course of action she did? It was, literally, the only rational course she could take!

Celestia expected Twilight to talk to people. The curse was gone. She was told it was gone. But she still tried to do everything all on her own and never tested to see if she could, in fact, talk to the others about it.

This was what she was punished for, and her punishment was to be forced to rely on her friends again. To interact with them to prove to her that she was not still alone.

Celestia's punishment was the equivalent of taking a rape victim and confining her to a wheelchair for not being trusting enough of strangers.

To take your rape victim analogy: What do you feel would be the proper response to a rape victim that sought out another rape victim and violated them in every way imaginable?

All. My. Love.
Take it.
This story is just too awesome.
/5 will re-read

Par excellent.......your story is one hell of a ride. Wow! You deserve many thumbs up.

5393548

5393819
I'm aware of the difference, Emeris is not.

5393829
You're the first person to have that reaction! And that's actually a lot closer to what I was aiming for. It's deliberately kinda fridge-horror-esque. You're supposed to go "Wait, what? What?!" It's not really a "thin veneer" though, it's actually very sturdy, otherwise they would have been able to 'fix' the problems with Gary Stu with ease.

5393878
You're one of the few people on her side about this. It's good to see people on the other side of it. But while Twilight was traumatized (definitely, this is a large cause of her actions early on), she wasn't actually raped. Additionally, to sum up why she was punished:

If a rape victim, months after the event, commits premeditated murder against the rapist, should the rape victim be punished by law? In a functioning society, yes. Vigilante's are illegal for a reason.

Aburi covers the rest of the points about this that I was going to.

5394080
As Aburi pointed out, I have my side "story" that covers stuff like this, though I as a writer haven't gotten to drafting up the Dark Magic paper. In this (interpretation) of Equestria, you have "Dark Magics" as a general term that refers to forbidden magics. The forbidden magics are forbidden for a variety of reasons, ranging from "It's inherently corrupting (causes you to go insane/chips away at your soul/etc.)", to "This is just straight up ethically questionable" to "The habits this encourages are dangerous to society".

Also, the sequel is "Consequences of Darkness", definitely gonna be going in depth into that stuff

5394308
I'm sorry to hear that

5394833
Woo!

5395085
Happy that the rollercoaster didn't throw you off!

5395656 Well, about that translation... depends on what you wanted to say. Right now, you're more or less saying "Finish the point", which does not have a meaning the way you intended. if it's simply End Point, then "Point d'Arrivée" is a good substitute. I was just under the impression they were all pretentious AND incorrect.

5395825
It's a joke

And while I disagree that cat's do need occasional baths, that's more to do with shedding and possible fleas (or other insects) than anything else, and brushing works almost as well in the former situation.

5395892 But... so was mine!

I'm sorry, sometimes when I write sleepy what I see as deadpan snark comes off as just... mean.

That was just mean. I didn't intend it that way, but I see now that's what it was, and I'm so sorry!

5395885
Thanks! They're just supposed to be pretentious! Not utterly incorrect too. (Just mostly)

5396257
I'm sorry you're sorry! I know the feels!

I have/had the same problem so much! Smilies make it all better! When in doubt! Smiley!

5395656 I repeat my point:

She had no recourse. Frankly, you magically deus ex machina'd her into a corner.... she had noone to turn to. She could not even fully trust her mentor because of the nature of the curse. She couldn't even SPEAK of her suspicions because of how the curse worked-- and her mentor's denials sounded exactly what someone influenced by the curse would say! She was in a situation where she absolutely COULD NOT AND SHOULD NOT trust her friends, because it had been demonstrated how easily her friends' perspectives could be corrupted. When you're in a situation where even the nigh-goddess rulers of your world have been possibly brainwashed by a cosmic super alien, "trust no one" isn't just a snappy slogan for a spy thriller, it's reality.

She did not murder him. She took the only possible remaining course of action to genuinely determine his intentions: trying to peek into his mind. You know, like Luna does to ponies on a nightly basis?

I repeat: Celestia's punishment was the equivalent of confining a rape victim to a wheelchair to punish her for not trusting strangers enough.... after having been raped by a stranger.

Coincidentally, the comparison to lovecraftian writing was not a compliment. Lovecraft was a dismal, mentally disturbed junkie with literally toxic levels of misanthropy, anthrophobia, and racism. His work was the product of a diseased mind that looked at man and only saw insects, and looked into God's cosmos and saw only Hell. I would be ceaselessly delighted if writers could keep their nihilistic cosmic self-loathing out of my happy magical ponies.

This is... this is the best anything I've ever seen taking any approach, at all, regarding Mary Sues/Gary Stus. Or even mention Sues/Stus at all. You've created something absolutely amazing.

I do have a few questions, though. Is Twilight going to be joining the herd (there hints to her attraction to Eremis earlier, but they didn't show up much after the merging)? Did Twilight leave anything in Eremis's head, too? Was Eremis's growth in size due to the black magic? When is this story taking place (I *think* it begins between season 2 & 3, but I might have overlooked something giving a more precise time)? Just what is the symbolism of the black lotus leaf on a book, and how does that relate to black magic (Google informs me that there is an anti-black magic ritual based on using 7 green lotus leaves, but I can't find anything better)? Will Applebloom play a more prominent role in the story--she got a main character stamp, although she only really features in a couple of chapters (although admittedly important chapters)? Will water-fabric become a thing? What will Rarity be doing to True Glamour when she gets around to that business-ruining vengeance of hers? What is the first thing Twilight will do with her magic when she is permitted to use it again? Will Eremis ever succumb to his love of flying and make better-than-crappy-flamable-butterfly-wings wing-constructs (and possibly surprise Rainbow Dash with them)? Will he ever recite the Oath of the Green Lantern Corps? Will the next story have Applejack's date, or will it be starting closer to the ending of Consequences?

There are others, of course... but I'm pretty sure there's no chance of them being answered here. (Normally I ask them anyways, to show that I'm invested in the story and hopefully picking up on some of the subtleties of it (because I'm terrible at constructive criticism), but I've sort of story-binged way into the morning, and can't think that straight).

first thing I thought of on seeing this was my life as my ironically bad OC, but this looks a bit more like an actual story. i'll get to it later, seeing as it's about 4 in the morning >-> I do so love sleep. Almost as much as fanfics.... almost.