I don't like parodies.

*instafaves just by description*

This is a great story. Although, I must ask, why is it labeled as Mature? Doesn't seem like there is any content of questionable nature so far.
Anyway, I give you a like and a fave.

May god have mercy upon your soul for this HORRIBLE curse.. -starts playing Taps-

I love it.

A Red & Black total Gary Stu alicorn who hates his curse and wants it gone.

Thumbs up.

Okay, Finished.

Wow. Quite frankly, wow.

Although the over-use of paragraph breaks became slightly annoying, that's the only substantial complain I have. Written and made excellently. Gary really is believable, and the entire story is interesting.

And it's only the prologue?

You asked for some criticism, and here is some grammar based criticism:

You have a couple of mechanical errors in your punctuation of dialogue.

1) Commas are only placed at the end or start of a piece of dialogue if, respectively, the following or preceding sentences contain a verb to indicate speech. Stuff like this:

>The usual please,” I kept my tone particularly neutral.
>I thumped my hoof against the floorboards, “Miss Sparkle.”

Are instances of this problem. Use a period or other suitable ending mark.

2) If you wish to indicate interruption of a sentence in a dialogue, then you want to use either an em or spaced en dash.

>omigosh-“

This extends to punctuation outside of dialogue.

>See, I had to keep an eye out for-

You have two more in your use of commas.

This sentence pretty much covers both:

>“I’m sure Applejack, same as I have been the past two years.

Firstly, there should be a comma before Applejack in order to show that the sentence is being addressed to her. The second is the comma after Applejack, and is commonly known as a comma splice. The technical explanation of this error is that of a comma being used to connect two independent clauses together. All you really need to know, though, is that if the comma can be comfortably replaced with a period or full stop, then it is highly likely to be a comma splice.

Anyway, that's me out. I would suggest having a read of Ezn's Guide if you want to get a better idea of how this stuff works than what I've defecated out here.

As for the story itself, it was an enjoyable enough read, if not as novel as I think you think it is. Have a thumbs up.

1456425
That's because of future, still-in-the-works events for the story

1456453
Hm... that ended up looking different on FiM than I thought it would. I'll correct for that in future chapters (Probably starting with Chapter 2, Chapter 1 is about a quarter written already )

1456528
1). Wait, what? That's... hm... that's actually different from what I learned. My bad
2). Could you slow tat one down for me? I'm not sure I understand what you're trying to tell me.
3). Whoops, thought I'd put that first comma in that sentence, and that second one is a bad habit that I thought I'd gotten out of. Thank you for pointing that out, I'd completely forgotten to check for those

And to be honest, I'm not surprised this isn't original. At all. I haven't seen one before, but that means a grand total of jack squat and I'm fully aware. I make no pretenses about being original in any sense... or even all that good of a writer
I just like exercising my writin' muscles and hope people enjoy he more coherent word-vomits I put out

I'm happy that you enjoy it tough, hope it continues to please!

1456602

I assume you mean the interruption of dialogue, yes? If not, then ignore this.

The following marks are a hyphen, en dash and em dash respectively: -, –, —. The first one is mainly used to connect together compound words in literature (aka, words made up of more than one word) and join separate syllables of a single word. Thus, things like "my happy death-machine" are different to things like "my happy-death machine".

A lot of writers tend to use dashes to cover the aspects of punctuation for which en and em dashes are used. Enough do so that it is a fairly common mistake. An en or em dash can be used to replace almost any other type of punctuation—supposedly. The truth behind their use is a lot more complex, but, for the most part, you can't go wrong with a dash.

Dashes cover interruptions from dialogue or writing, appositive and parenthetical structuring or, occasionally, to indicate dialogue. For the first one – aka, I finally get round to answering you – their use would look a little something like this:

>omigosh—"

See, I had to keep an eye out for—

Both of those em dashes could be replaced by a spaced en dash. Either way, I hope this answers your questions.

1456654
Ah, thank you. Still don't totally get it, but this is enough of a start for me to research it myself when I have the time. Thank you very much for the clarification

gary stu parody? prologue of 10k words? mmm
Lets do this

Not bad. Not bad at all. You deserve many likes and favorites.

1456696

Let's try to explain it this way...

When I type this phrase...

Pinkie started blurting out anything she thought of, "I want to tell you that dolphin ovaries are more delicious than—"

Twilight stuffed a hoof in the mare's mouth. "I don't need your political propaganda you pink commie you."

The first thought most people have is that the "—" is a hyphen, WHICH IT IS NOT! Different thing. Think of it as the difference between a comma and a semicolon when it comes to confusion: look similar, but different uses.

As far as I'm aware, for whatever you will ever use them as, — and – (em and en dashes respectively) are interchangable. I advise the em dash, —, for the fact that it's MUCH longer than a hyphen (Don't worry hyphen, we have pills for that).

Now, just a quick fyi, to type each...

Hyphen (-): Just press the damn hyphen key!
En Dash (–): Alt+0150
Em Dash (—): Alt+0151

PS: if you don't know what Alt+151 means, it means you press the "Alt" key and press those numbers while it is pressed down. NOTE THAT THIS MUST BE DONE ON YOUR NUMBERPAD. There might be another way to do it on Microsoft Word (maybe a double-hyphen does it as an autocorrect?), but I don't use it.

1456913
Dear Celestia,

I learned something today!

And no, it had jack shit to do with friendship.

Sincerely Thankful for the Lesson,

Andoriol

P.S. — It had to do with dolphin ovaries! Have fun with that mental image!
(Seriously though, thank you. I'll use that from now on, though I probably won't have time to go back and edit it into the prologue)

a red and black car:
gradasishop.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/Bugatti-Veyron-16.4-Rod-Car-Concept-for-Black-Red-Color.jpg

can live with that

a red and black alicorn:
fc08.deviantart.net/fs70/f/2012/223/b/d/oh_god_kill_it_with_fire_by_freakyfangirl42-d5as10y.png

this is a fun read... the story I mean

1456913
In Microsoft Word, you can actually use the "Insert Symbol" button, and find it there. It's a lot more difficult, but typing on a laptop makes you crafty. Or, you can just copy it off of someone and paste it, but, like Widow said, it's not very easy to find.

1457205
Somehow I find it ironic you have a red and blue alicorn OC as your avatar. Which is arguably worse.

1457804

Good thing my laptop keyboad is this:

ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41cHzfd%2Bz9L._SS500_.jpg

1457811 red and blue stand for this guy
tfwiki.net/w2/images2/thumb/3/37/Optimusg1.jpg/350px-Optimusg1.jpg

besides, my cutiemark is the Matrix of Leadership

I thought it was a combination of funny and sad. You did a good job on getting everything right. Seriously. MOAR Please!

ok you got me interested. keeping my eye out on this one.

That was...impressive.

You've taken a common target of scorn and derision and turned it into a sympathetic character. I applaud you good sir and look forward to more.

shit! best mindfuck/story i've read today- bravo, man!

Best parody ever!

My contribution to a mistake.

around better than the Apple families.

Possessive VS Plural: Families is plural,. You need to use family's in the possessive form.

So is the story going to be over those two years from when he first arrived? Or is it going to be a continuation of this? 'Cause he's kiiiiiiind of not a Gary Stu anymore...

I think I just answered my own question.

1460597
Happy to please! And already on it!

1460893
Yay interest! Hope I satisfy!

1461038
Mm, not what I was going for, but looking back, that's what I did... huh. Ah well, Happy that worked out. And hope I live up to expectations!

1461391
Heh, not intended to be a mindfuck story, just to spark some thought.

1461980
Thank you, totally missed that.

1463123
This will actually handle the time after this. Which is actually an issue. The title and summary are not indicative of what the story as a whole will be about. It's what the prologue is about, but not the rest of the story, which will analyze the consequences of him having been a Gary-Stu. I'm more than open to suggestions.

Actually, I'd like to make it rather blatant: I am looking for suggestions on alternate titles and summaries for this story, as the main story will actually deal with the repurcussions of his recently cured Gary-Stu status and not the status itself.

1463199

I suggest Consequences of Unoriginality.

1463522
I love it.

Yoink!

1463575
Cool!

Yes, please! I like your deconstruction immensely, it does a great job of making him NOT a Gary-Stu simply by the fact of making him hate it beyond belief and wish he didnt have it.

Beautiful

Amazing story, you have my attention.
So now I need to ask, when are the next chapters due?
Or are you gonna upload whenever you finish them.

Character is a red and black Alicorn OC?

Yep.

The character hates it?

...

mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw3529-anti_hate_shield_by_metalbeersolid-d4brl09.gif

This story is actually interesting. I like it.
I'll look it over later for grammatical fixes and generalized errors.

Not too bad. I will keep my eye on this.

1464685
Thank you!

1466212
Thanks! And they'll be up as I get them finished, at a current rate of approximately one per two weeks depending on whether or not I find a job soon or not. (God I hope I do, freakin Central Florida job market)

1469441
Heh, amusing GIF, though it took me a sec to understand the comment though. Happy to have made an entertaining story

1470742
Thankies!

not sure if like

I love this, thank you for making this.

A bit too angsty, even if I like the premise. I think it would be better to portray just how -alone- a character with reality warping GSE would be, and properly showing what kind of miseries he had to suffer because of it. As it stands, he gets propositioned a lot.. and uh.. well, that's about it. It's kind of hard to sympathize when he doesn't seem to be going through anything all that traumatic but he's still bemoaning his existence every other sentence.

Oh man! I feel sorry and envious of the dude... being a gary-stu, whilst it might not seem all that bad, will undoubtedly turn me into either a shivering ball in the corner or a complete asshole. Poor guy, really. Well, not really. I mean, females actually come up to him and ask him to let them join his harem, that he -from what I gathered- don't even have! Weird, but eh. Doesn't seem too bad.

Eh. Story's well written, but you made Celestia OP and overprotective.
I don't understand why she would feel the need to just intervene in every single aspect of her subjects' lives.
Deus Ex Celestia is the only thing I have to complain about.

The only pony that could get through was Pinkie because Pinkie

Pinkie is not that powerful

or other ‘awesome’ animal. It was a cat. A gray, boring looking one with mismatched eyes

1. Cats are the most awesome animal you can get no matter what they look like
2. Mismatched eyes give it an awesome bonus by 20%

This is hilarious. Quite reminiscent of the Twilight Zone episode A Nice Place to Visit.

cats are unaffected by GSE cause cats think/know they are better then everything

2771146 It has nothing to do with power, it's just because she is... Pinkie... Try explaining how pinkie was able to beat rainbow dash to every location in Griffon The Brush Off.

Dragons are Immune to Fire and Doesn’t Afraid of Anything.

He may be a Gary-stu right now, but that doesn't seem right...

You should fix that so he can be perfect again!

5008592 He is referencing a trope, darling

5014933
?
I uhh know that..

Why wouldn't I know that?

Finally got around to starting this and... I didn't even make it past the AN before I just had to stop and say something.

This is an analysis of one character's response to that situation... and then the consequences of their life once they are freed from the curse of being a Gary Stu.

This was completely unexpected and makes me much more exited to see what happens. The description never even hinted that we would be seeing afterwards consequences! Now we get to anticipate dealing with being and having been?! Two facets for the price of one!

A GARY STU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nervousness

Anxiety
At least I'm almost certain that 'nervousness' isn't a word. In any case Anxiety sounds better.

I like this