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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I always love comments, they feed me
Now, the way this is supposed to seem is that Emeris is supposed to seem ridiculously lucky that he does it at all, but when you stop and think about it, it's very impressive. I'm treading a fine line here, drawing on the wonderful Dresdon Files for inspiration, but I'm not sure if I pulled it off Please tell me if you think I did or not!
P.S. – Should I add the "Gore" tag to this? I don't know if it's appropriate or not and I would like some feedback.
Wow...Twilight's really got it in for him...This could turn out worse than Lesson Zero...
Those wolves were really persistent despite him slaughtering their pack.
You described him going into shock pretty well.
This is awesome and you should feel awesome
Heh. I'm waiting for the specific moment in time when Twilight realizes she was wrong. Dead, Lex Luthor shouting WRONG.
Love your chapter.
1569688
"Impressive, but lucky" describes like 85% of all heroism.
1569688 oh very much so and here have a tasty "this fic is like wine it just keeps getting better as time goes on" lightly seasoned with a "I wish I could up vote this more than once" and a cool glass of "your awesome" to wash it all down.
>The largest sword construct I’d ever made, almost three stories tall and broader than a tree
Emeris uses ZANKANTOU SHIPPU DOTOU! It was super effective.
Very well done.
Despite your disclaimer at the beginning, I really enjoyed this chapter. And your side fic is great, too!
Gore tag doesn't seem necessary.
Well, on one hand you pulled off an excellent action scene, and an excellent subsequent fallout scene. And I can certainly see the Dresden Files influence now that you said something (which I approve of).
The problem is I don't think the story so far can justify this sort of scene.
Here's the thing. Dresden as a character works because he is eternally the medium sized fish in a big pond (full of big fish)...so he has to be scrappy and cunning and devious to contend with what the big fish just do through sheer force. Every time he gets more powerful, the pond gets bigger too so he's ALWAYS like that.
However your story starts in the god-tier and then shrinks down. Emeris was an Alicorn, he took down a dragon and probably could go toe-to-toe with Celestia. But he walks away from that life because that "wasn't him". He is no longer in the god-tier and therefore one of two things ought to happen. 1. He tries to live out a quiet life as a "nobody" but all those horrible things from his old life won't leave him (or his friends) alone...and the temptation to once again take up his terrible power becomes a constant as the threats grow worse and worse. Or 2. He tries to adjust to normal life but finds he's bad at it. No one likes him and his efforts to fix that tend to blow up in his face. However the Unicorn/Earth Pony hybrid that spams Green Lantern attacks at thirty-odd timberwolves is good for neither of those things. It's a great action hero...or a superhero, but not a "I just want to live a normal life" sort of guy.
If this is the first step towards the "first thing" then awesome, but you probably should have had Twilight kick his ass first. Since that way the power scale and Emeris' place on it is better established before giving him something to actually worry about. If you're aiming for the second thing, this was a bad move. Emeris should not be allowed to win back the townspeople by being awesome (since being awesome is what ultimately set them against him) but rather he needs to win them back by being a friend. Small things. Sharing a drink at the bar, selling something the ponies need, helping in town projects...things like that. Timberwolves isn't the way man...that leads to the Mary Sue side
Oh and on that note the Yoda joke was funny once or twice...not every chapter. If a running gag you wish to make, space to forget about it we need
I just realized something.
Twilight's attitude towards Emmy is that he's still warping reality, and is still a threat. Ostensibly, her reason for this is tied to the fact that his "closest call" was with her. Yet in this chapter, it's clearly illustrated that she doesn't want him dead, but only wants him gone.
What if her actual reason for assuming the GSE is still active is that, now that the curse has been lifted, she's still attracted to him?
You did a very nice job on this chapter, and I am unable to convey how much I enjoyed it through this comment.
1569810
Yep!
1569820
Point 1). Good catch! Totally intentional (Though looking back over it to be sure, it appears I missed some key foreshadowing in my rush, whoops, that's going back in )
Point 2). Thank you! I've never gone into anything similar and it was a bit of a struggle to write it from first person, I'm glad it came across well
1569895
1569954
Oh, it should be beautiful when I do it right, because we'll also realize why she thinks the way she does. If I do it right? Everyone will go "Oh god! That's messed up! It makes sense but that's fucked up!"
1569975
Truth! But the key point in fictional media is the perception, does it seem like he's just really lucky and not just haxxorz with l33t skillz? I'm also trying to tap into the specific flavor of it that Harry Dresden has, because it's rather fitting and I like it.
1570072
Ooh! *noms* Tasty!
1570077
I was actually going more for something like THIS, only, y'know, a bit smaller.
1570137
1570140
Thank you for addressing that, I wasn't sure to be honest.
1570244
Beautiful catch there. While 1 isn't exactly what I'm going for here, 2 is definitely not what I'm going for.
Twilight and Emeris actually are going to have it out to better establish where he stands on the power scale, I'd already intended that for next chapter. This is also Emeris at his most brutish and over-the-top bashing-things-faces-in the way Harry does at times. For an idea what he normally is like, read the side-story. It gives you an idea how much he thinks on the subtleties of magic and genetics.
He is very powerful, especially in combat (due to a variety of reasons). Celestia is actually counting on this for later story arcs.
And yes, being awesome is a horrendous way to win back the townspeople in his situation. Note how the only ponies he's 'won over' so far are ones that he's been doing exactly what you're saying. Fluttershy, Rarity, and maybe the Apple family, and the Apple family got to hang out with him for four days before he had to do what he did. Even then, it's not necessarily going to be smooth sailing, as will be shown later.
P.S. - Note how Emeris has outright stated in his thoughts (after the removal of his curse) that he was uncomfortable with the power he had, but it didn't really bother him. What bothered him and he hated was how ponies acted around him.
1570252
1570253
1570426 Oh, by the way, this is just me, but I would've had Emeris ask Big Mac if he swung the other way.
1570426
i.imgur.com/k7xO4.gif
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/29682720.jpg
1570513
I actually left that out deliberately. Emeris isn't gay, but he also doesn't give a shit if anyone(pony) else is homosexual. The only times it could ever matter to him are A). If it's a mare that he's considering courting. Or B). He's trying to play matchmaker. This is an intentional aspect of the character and actually stems from both his "Live and let live" and "Excessively forgiving" character traits.
1570527
Btw: Yoink!
1570557
EXACTLY LIKE THAT.
1570590
MY WHOLE LIFE IS UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS (Ponified version)
images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20100903223042/typemoon/images/4/44/Shiroubw.jpg
Wait, does this mean Emeris = Emiya Shirou...?
That actually makes some sense.
...But Emiya is still much more awesome.
Wait, idea. Emiya Shirou appears in Equestria...?
BY THE INFINITE SWIRL OF ORIGIN, WHY HAS THIS NOT BEEN WRITTEN?
1570590 Ah, I see in that case
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSm66efB409WyuWHLTZ1wvVCqSpOJm79MfRc5MgcTw3lyZEq3ma
characterization on your part.
Additionally, fight scene, well done, I was hoping that there would at least be some being impressed at the wanton destruction Emeris caused, that's just me though.
1570598
That was actually one of the major inspirations for his ability to create constructs. However, as awesome as it would be, Emeris is not Emiya or actually linked to the Fate Stay Night universe in any way, shape, or form. Gotta joss that right now.
And yes, Emiya is still cooler.
... though now that I think about it, there are a ton of parallels between the characters that I hadn't anticipated... weird
P.S. - It has been done actually, just gotta look a bit harder. I know for a fact there's one on Fanfiction.net.
1570611
Thank you!
And note that the only ponies that saw what Emeris did were Big Mac and Applejack, both of whom were more concerned about the dying pony that they were starting to become friends with than the devastated section of forest. The amount of devastation he caused will be a semi-major plot point in the next chapter as a causation of events.
1570661 Right, dying pony
You my good sir are a genius, it's interesting that you subtly laid it out. The destruction was caused during a battle. Yet the next arc will focus on the destruction.
Oh, one final note. I really don't see Twilight's logic here. If Celestia the godamn godess of the sun fell under Emeris' "spell", then what makes Twilight think she has a chance against him?
I've been reading quite a few stories for a while now and I'll admit that this is definitely one of the better ones. Imagine my surprise that as soon as I finish chapter 3 and want more, you upload the next chapter. You have my thanks, I'm looking forward to more.
1570661
I can't find anything of the sort, actually...
MORE MORE!!!!!
GOD damn it's just too good, I-I want it, i need it!
BEST FIGHT SCENE EVER!!
1570733
Wait, what. I thought I found it there... Hm. Might want to check the recommended fics in TVTropes, that's where I originally found it.
... though I just might be confusing it for an "Archer in Equestria" fic, so take that with a grain of salt /
1570692
Not a genius, just think ahead and try to account for all the variables and the logical conclusions thereof.
Twilight is cray-cray. Semi-seriously actually. While Twilight is one of my favorite ponies, she's also got what appears to be several psychological issues even when compared to the other flighty ponies.
In this case, it's a combination of factors that has her convinced... and once she's convinced... well... ah, Lesson Zero anyone?
She's got a theory that either Celestia had a moment of weakness and fell under it, or Gary is just tricking her the good ole' fashioned way. This is almost impossible due to millenia of political experience, but Twilight isn't thinking of that.
1570731
Happy to provide! And thank you very much for the compliments!
1570743
Already workin on the next fix
1570779
Eh. It looked better in my head when I was visualizing it, I had to alter it significantly to make it work in a linguistic format. I also lost a lot of the subtleties I'd originally intended in order to keep the scene flowing. It was rather... frustrating honestly. Still, glad you enjoyed it
1570820
Nope.
YOU LIED.
Sadface.
1570849
Two things:
Uno: Ah'm not the Element of Honesty now am ah?
Dos: I... actually thought there was. I'm not sure if it'd be under Fate Stay Night or MLP, but I was positive that there was a crossover of such and I thought it was on fanfiction.net. I apologize if I'm wrong, but I seriously thought that's where it was
1570872
Checked both. No dice.
THIS ISN'T D&D WE DON'T USE DICE HERE.
There are a few on this site, but none that actually have Emiya Shirou mysteriously appear (*coughZelretchcough*) in Equestria and then be all like:
"...WTF, WHY ARE THERE PONIES...?
Oh well, I GOTTA SAVE PEOPLE—I MEAN PONIES...right. Superhero time and all that.
...Wow, I am confused."
Because that would be both awesome and fucking hilarious. You know, I wouldn't even care if it had romance in it, I'm not a OTP guy. Also, since I fucking loved Xenophilia because WORLDBUILDING.
1570884
Huh... I must've been mistaking it for an Archer in MLP crossover... my bad
And if you like worldbuilding, you are going to enjoy this fic and my side-fic, which is exclusively world building through an IC lens.
Took down nearer 20 timber wolves and nearly died in the process so he can save applebloom... and twilight still hates him that's so evil and sad! *grabs sense and beats twilight with it* YOU NEED MORE SENSE!!!!!!!!
You know, I'm curious as to what would happen if a human were to die in Equestria. If current religions are right, what would happen to their souls? Also, Twilight be trippin hard.
1570925
Actually, he took down 26 by himself in the course of the fight, 2 during the first running sequence, and 4 with his "Blades as Falling Stars" spell. One of those 26 was the Alpha. Big Mac and Applejack took down the remaining six, putting it at a pack of 32.
Though if I'm doing this right? When you finally see things Twilight does? It'll make sense. And again, people should be going "Oh god! That's fucked up! It makes sense but that's fucked up!"
1570945
I already have an answer to that and it deals with how Emeris came to Equestria in the first place.
And nah, she's just cray-cray au natural. It's art of her charm
Normally a pack would retreat when one or two of their own is killed. It is not worth it. Especially over such a small meal like a foal between 30 wolves. Something else has to be going on here.
Ya, Twilight is lying to herself. This is not about Gary tricking Celestia. That is just a cover story for her little head.
Not surprising he is powerful with battle magic. He's a human. Twilight is most likely more powerful, but the kid is no slouch.
15710342 off no big deal and i see why but the reason is still shrouded... i think it has something to do with what you hinted at pearlier in the story... how fluttershy was not the closest but still why not just try to confront him instead of trying to tell lies to celestial and herself to get him banished... if she gave it a chance she would see the wrongness of her actions
The new chapter was good, don't know what you were worried about at the start of it. Looks like you're getting most people to feel how you've planned it out, that's a good sign. I'll admit that even I'm getting a little excited or distressed when need be, I'm liking where it's going.
1571042
Yep~! Good catch, I thought I'd thrown in the appropriate foreshadowing to make it a bit more obvious, but yes.
She is deluding herself some, that is a part of the problem.
Pretty much this. While the specifics come later, and there's more to it than just "Well he was a human, of course he's better at combat magic", he's one of the greatest practitioners of battle-magic alive and one of the best pony combatants alive. Not that he realizes any of this yet
1571070
Um... yeah, I'm sorry, I got like, none of that, sorry Could you try that with a bit more grammar?
1571154
Thank you very much, happy to provide an entertaining story
I must say, this is not half bad at all, and I've never really come across it's like so far in all of the areas of writing I've seen. I've seen spoofs of the Gary Stu characters before, but never something focusing on looking at the repercussions of being one for a period of time and then having it removed like you are here. So far, it has been rather interesting, rather than starting off on a neutral ground as is the case in most stories, he is actually having to start from the worst possible position one could possibly think of in essence.
My brain is slightly frazzled at the moment to really dissect stuff at this point, as there are quite a few points I'm sure I could ramble on about, I'll have to remember to do so tomorrow. In the mean time though, I really like this concept and so far it is taking shape very well. And I whole heartedly agree that Twilight can definitely go "cray cray" and fixate on a single idea or concept regardless of the pile of evidence in front of her until it bitch smacks her face.
I'm liking this more and more and Damn it twilight! stop being stubborn!
*Pulls out a mop* I need to start cleaning Twilight's Mind from herself on banishing Emeris from who he was before *Starts mopping but it doesn't help*
Well That was a great chapter.1571034 And while looking at the how many he killed, I counted 38 but Twilight is messed up in one retrospect.
As our hero recovers, his life, has been saved!
But WHAT will happen to him?
WHEN will Twilight come to her senses?
HOW will this all unfold?
WHY does Twilight hate him so much?
WHO caused the curse?
WHY am I asking YOU all these questions?
Why is Twilight so paranoid?
1571292
Thank you very much, I'd really appreciate those rants to be honest
1571354
1571429
Wait, what? 38? Even assuming he killed every timber wolf he attacked (which while close, is not true), he only got just over 20 by my count
1571693
In order:
Stuff!
In time!
Awesomely!
Reasons!
Personages Unknown!
'Cause I know the answers and you hope I won't use my Wizards Prerogative card to be all mysterious?
1571942
See the above! (More seriously, it's a combination of things including but not limited to: A large difference in the information she has and the information y'all have; Twilight's own normal cray-cray; Her being understandably emotional due to point one. All shall be revealed later )
1572126
Now that makes much more sense.
I see that the age-old proverb holds true here as well.
"There is but one solution. Violent retaliation."
When you asked for a pre-reader, my first instinct is to jump up and offer any assistance I can offer, but this story is far out of my league.
I do have one gripe though, from a both a practicality and a conversation of energy standpoint, it's far more efficient and effective to reuse constructs. If Emeris is not planning on reusing them then it's both faster and cheaper energy wise to just use shaped force or generic energy blasts.
1572378
That's the point~
1573481
Alternatively: "Brute force, if it isn't working, you're not using enough." or "When in doubt, C4" OR "No problem cannot be solved by appropriate usage of high explosives"!
1573518
Why in the world would it be out of your league?
Besides, I mostly want someone to bounce ideas off of to see if they're stupid or not before I start writing thousands of words dedicated to them as well as catch story errors that I might miss because of the speed which I try to update If you don't mind keeping quiet about said revelations on here and the inherent spoilers that'd come with it, I'd love to have you
And that's actually something that's going to be brought up. It essentially boils down to yes, it'd be more energy efficient to just use generic blasts, but said blasts would have to originate from his horn, which the constructs do not. Shaped telekinetic force would be better, but isn't as strong or solid as his constructs, his constructs have inertia whereas telekinetic force does not. Both would be more energy efficient, but only slightly so, especially compared to the (still very large) reservoir of magical power that Emeris has.
He's lost a lot of power, but he's still in the upper 0.75% of unicorns due to a variety of factors (Being an Earth Unicorn hybrid being one of the major ones), Twilight is one of the few ponies with more power than him.
The final big thing is that Emeris is capable of converting his emotions and willpower into a construct rather easily, it comes naturally to him. He considers the inertia and lastability to be worth the slight increase in base energy requirement, especially since the major weakness of constructs (they take longer) isn't an issue for him as he does them as quick as he can think and focus his emotions for (again) more than a single reason.
1573577 I re-looked and saw my mistake of adding all the numbers....
1573577 hehe, perhaps it just feels out of my league because I can't for the life of me find a logic or plot hole. I would, however be glad to serve as a sounding board for any ideas you have, feel free to send me a PM with any ideas you'd like my opinion on
On the other matter - OK, those are some really good arguments - and if you toss in the fact the he's likely to think in terms of physical objects rather than energy because of both his human heritage and his "Earth Alicorn" past - that completely makes up for any extra energy cost from materializing things.
Cool, I love it when things like this can be rationalized