• Member Since 5th Aug, 2014
  • offline last seen 9 hours ago

G r e y


Converting my old 2014-2024 greentexts to prose and posting them here. Also writing new stuff.

Comments ( 59 )

For a story that’s obviously going to focus itself in a specific direction, this first chapter is actually incredible worldbuilding and really wholesome. Props to you for making a fic of this type that has as much story as it will ‘plot’.

11868525
Agreed. If we're getting this much quality story in the opening chapter alone, the author can take their time delivering the payload. I may come for the plot, as it were, but I'll stay for more of this.

A fantastic start to a very appealing story premise. I can easily see RD being that type of tomboy and i cant wait to see where it goes from here. Looking forward to the next update.

Absolutely fantastic start! Can't wait to see where it ends up!

I have to be honest here, l’m hooked. I’m glad that I’m not the only one that can see Rainbow Dash being able to beat someone ass at an early age.

Keep up the good work. I can’t wait to see what happens next.

It's kinda sad how you more or less just summed up a surprising amount of my own childhood and teenage years in this one chapter alone. And, although I utterly DESPISE second-person pov stories on principle, this has been a surprisingly engaging one for me. Must be those aforementioned similarities that drew me in. Man, I know for a fact that if I'd had a girl like Rainbow Dash as one of my oldest childhood 'friends', my life would probably be quite different than it is now. Consider me interested in seeing what happens next, if there's a chapter two.

I have to echo the sentiments from the other comments:
Great start, well written, good character development.

to be honest, this is the second time that i have liked a second person story, with You a demon (apparently) being the first

i actually like the story so far, keep it up!

Take my like and Watch. Like a certain Sith Lord once said, we shall watch your career with great interest.

Whether it's because you've finally started bonding with RD and feel like you've missed out on making memories with her, or because she's starting to get really hot and you're reluctantly becoming down bad for her, or both , you'd rather hang out with RD before your other friends in your contact list on your phone.

y.yarn.co/cbd5aac0-70ee-487d-91fc-1287671a7782_text.gif

As long as she doesn't know that he took glances at her he should be fine hopefully

Okay, this is really good.

...did she just do the 'smooth criminal' thing....nice.

Tomboy childhood friends really are the hottest

11868722
It's actually already written, originally a green that's on PonePaste, so you won't have to wait long for the whole thing.

Edit: actually scratch that, I assumed it was the same story as the one on PonePaste, but actually reading it, a lot has changed from the green, so forget what I said.

Was mildly interested for the potential clop, but now I'm fully invested in this unusual romance.

Not sure I agree with this guy's fascination of Rainbow's belly button. Her abs/sixpack would definitely be interesting to see. Not to mention just how incredibly firm and muscular her ass and legs must be! She's a fricking sports star! Of course every bit of her body would be toned, muscular perfection. So, why focus so heavily on her belly button? Even as teenaged kinks go, that one doesn't make sense.

A great sequel chapter, nonetheless. It was rather uplifting to see them finally starting to really get along with one another. And the best part is that you seem to be taking the realistic long road to romance by establishing their childhood history, building their friendship, and then likely transitioning into a budding romance. A much longer but far more rewarding experience that not too many authors take. Namely, those who just have them jump straight to sex halfway through chapter 1.

11870695
Came looking for "plot", found Plot

11870695
for real!!! this fic is so dang cute

I’m into this. Great build up so far.

Hopefully the party doesn't end in a disaster.

oh my god i read the green text forum story because i simply couldn’t wait. this is going to the moon 🚀🚀🚀

JWR

This is surprisingly focused and has some effort put into its story considering where it eventually leads. Keep up the good work.

Always a highlight of my day seeing this get updated.

i.ibb.co/phj1HDs/More!.png

JWR

Sweet. Can't wait for Part 2.

I love the slow burn approach you're taking.

And meanwhile, you haven't even arrived yet.

If you're gonna write scenes like this, you probably should start giving names to your OCs. That's one of the reasons why I hate second-person povs. It starts to become confusing without named characters filling the scenes.

Not a whole lot happened, but that okay. The story is still progressing, slowly but surely. Though, I do confess some surprise that Mr. No-Name #2 didn't try to break Mr No-Name #1 to vent his frustration and rage at Rainbow Dash, especially after such a fresh break-up and public humiliation as that.

I distinctly remember a story a lot like this appearing a while ago before seemingly vanishing. Am I alone in that?

I'm glad people are liking it, I'll have Part 2 (chapter 4) out by tonight/tomorrow as to not leave things hanging until next week.
11870620
11873424
I'm sure you've noticed the new things I've added compared to the previous green, as I'm completely rewriting it from the ground up. There'll be slight differences and new additions so not everything's predictable, but within reason.

11875487
If there was, it wasn't this one. First time I've posted this story here.

11875464
You have a point, though that guy's role in the story is pretty much done as he wants to avoid future static with RD, but I could retroactively name him directly in that scene if you think it's necessary and no one minds. But you're right, all future major side characters will be named.

11870824
She's intended to look more like the cover art in the beginning, but there's certainly room to have more focus on her abs as she chisels them out in the future.

Thanks for the feedback!

Comment posted by Blood Rarity deleted April 14th

At least the dude didn't take his anger out on the MC

I kinda of agree wi th the asshole. Trying to force an apology is useless amd makes more bad blood

D-F

11875597
yo? i don't think that direct links to porn are allowed here, i'd delete that if i were you

A raging erection caused by so many hot girls who may or may not have been purposely trying to be sexy right in front of you? Yeah, that is such a typical thing to have happen to a teenager at a party. Hopefully, the Main 7 won't follow up the trope by laughing at him or badmouthing him behind his back once he leaves. Although, I get the feeling there's going to be a confrontation with Rainbow Dash in the near future about why he suddenly left like that. Which will beg the question of what he'll tell her and why.

11871060
Always a pleasant surprise when "plot" turns into PLOT.

An erection in public is always a problem

11877823
Yeah a site that allows stories on incest and inderage sex ate fine but a pic on an nude antheo Applejack, MUST REMOVE

D-F

11881988
i mean, yeah? i get where you're coming from, but there's a reason why the coverart of said stories are cropped and not explicit

I'm liking this story so far, it's really great. From rivals after so many years to friends in senior year, it's great.:pinkiehappy:

That fight RD and that x-prom date had was so crazy and intense:rainbowderp:...though to many swearwords at each other is crazy enough.:unsuresweetie: And RD's friend need to control himself being around the girls who are attractive yes but need to be respected to.:trixieshiftright: Something tells me this is going to be pretty hard for him to handle and to go with it. I'm liking it to, great work on these, can't wait to see what happens next.:pinkiehappy:

11876725
Yeah, that's what I was going for. One of those "neither side is 100% in the wrong" types of cases.

Also, to anyone who just opened the story in the past 24 minutes or so, I just edited it to make the end of chapter 5 flow a tad bit better.

Also I promise the next chapter won't take this long to get out, but it might be just as long in length. Might.

The story's back with another chapter!
:yay:

D-F

wasn't expecting a chapter this big, but i'm definitely not complaining! though you did kind of overdo it with the emphasization using italics and stuff - in my opinion.

11906079
You're probably right. I'll tone it down next time.

AJ was a complete bitch to someone who recognized the problem and removed himself from the situation to make it less weird. Hope she’s not a constant inclusion in this story.

He passed out because all the blood that he had and reserved was going south

Umm Rainbow pretty sure you filming Applejack like that is a crime. And pretty creepy. Hope MC berates her for this. After he gets the blood back to his head.

Honestly, MC realized him getting a Boner would be a problem and removed hmself, and Rarity/Sunset/AJ still treated him like the villain for doing the decent thing, complete with AJ threatening physical Violence. Ever wonder why guys don't feel comfortable around a girl's friends? I'm saying this as a girl myself here, folks.

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