• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2019
  • offline last seen Dec 20th, 2023

Demon Girl


Your worst fantasy.

Comments ( 63 )

>no hooves

YOU MANIAC!!! :raritydespair:

What the heck is going on? All the chapters for this story disappear and I'm getting updates to what should be a completed story?

Comment posted by Holy deleted Apr 27th, 2020
Noc

Aw, you cut off before the fun starts. Still, looks like you’ve set a much higher bar for this one than the original. Glad Gilda’s still here – what the MC did to her and RD’s relationship was the best part of the original, IMO. (I’m evil, what can I say.)

Very interested in seeing where this goes. At the risk of sounding pushy (I don’t mean to!), can you give a rough estimate of how much time there may be in between chapter releases?

8980245
Why not keep the old chapters and append the rewritten ones after? This way we can compare, or at east read while under construction.

Oh goody! A rewrite of one of my old favorites. Can't wait to see the improvements.

Comment posted by Holy deleted May 30th, 2020
Comment posted by Holy deleted May 30th, 2020

Oh hey. I just re-read this two days ago. Weird timing. lol. I guess I'll favorite it to follow it! Keep it up.

Noc

I was hoping we’d see Raven’s punishment. Also, buttstuff this early in? I approve.

Good (re)start so far. Looking forward to more.

I read the original and was excited for the rewrite and you seem to be delivering on my expectations, though it's a little more s&m than I remember or that I'm used to though it's not enough to turn me away. Just hope the mane six rub of on him a little, not that he should become fluttershy levels of kind, just that he eases up a little. But it's your story and I'll keep reading anyway.

Finally got around to reading your story! The original one. Loved it- liked it!

Neat chapter. I do like this redone version of the story. Looking forward to the next chapter.

i'm liking the redone story so far. cant wait to see where this goes from here.

Noc

I may or may not have a sense of what’s coming next, and I’m really eager for the next chapter …

Wow I’m a pretty ruthless SOB

love the new version, now i wonder if the rest of rainbow friends have similar reasons to be "OKAY" with her contract, also i wonder if fluttershy came because she was worried for rainbow or worried about something else....

"Put your hands behind your back," you tell her. Rainbow closes her mouth and swallows nervously and reluctantly lets her hands fall off your thighs and behind your back. "Do not under any circumstances move until we're done. Do you understand."

Her back not your back

Poor Raven. She gets shafted and then she doesn’t get the shaft. Oof

Comment posted by Holy deleted May 30th, 2020

Although it had a few flaws it’s nice to see an update on a classIc! I hope the characterization is better in this update because rainbow already seemed defeated and timid in the last version.

But it was still a very good read especially that orgy in the last chapter. I hope this one ends on a bang to :p

Okay I'm sorry your story is great but I have one problem with this story that honestly bugging me: The Mane 6/7/8. The only one of them that shows any sign of worry or suspicion is Sunset and I'm curious to as of why. Let me list the reasons why I'm confused about this:

  • Rainbow Dash and Gilda are in very skimpy and revealing maid dresses.

And the mane 6/7/8 just brush that off, that's weird. Sunset shouldn't be the only one raising an eyebrow at this, cuz the mane 6/7/8 know they this man is a little miffed about his house nearly being burnt down and they aren't concered when they see Rainbow and Gilda in these outfits working for a guy of all things. I'm sorry but why aren't they (minus Sunset) the least bit suspisious.

  • Rainbow and Gilda are (at least based off of what I gathered) are in their early twenties probably working for a dude that is in his thirties, fourties, or fifties.

And again this goes back to Rainbow and Gilda's work outfits, no one seems to be a little bit suspisious on why the man so happened to pick outfits like that for young ladies that will be working for him.

  • Rainbow and Gilda are forced to live in the same house as the man and (for the most part) they don't seem to have any communication in case they need help.

Why is no one questioning why this man is making young ladies in skimpy maid outfits work for him and live under his roof let alone without any contact to the outside world!?

  • Rainbow and Gilda has to do whatever their boss says!

And I'm pretty sure the mane 6/7/8 know this since Rainbow is a maid and all so if all of this is happening and they know this then why is only Sunset bringing questions to the table!?

And that's about it for now, seriously though your story is good but these parts are just driving me crazy! I need some answers.

The original was one of my favorites. I’m so excited to see where this goes :pinkiehappy:

"Just call be Gilda, you dweeb," she says as they both hurry out.

I believe this line is supposed to be

"Just call me Gilda, you dweeb," she says as they both hurry out.

Only a few hours had passed since it all started, but already you could clearly see a few fresh patches of vomit, plenty of broken glass, and people throwing used plates and cups where ever they were done with them.

Don't know if a word is missing or not... but I feel like it is, or maybe changing where ever to when ever? Could be wrong about this one though. Otherwise great restart and looking forward to reading the rest of the story. ^-^

Comment posted by Holy deleted May 30th, 2020

Another one bites the dust.

What's so bad about second person?

Great stuff! :yay: Can't wait to see more.

Love the revamped version. If this an improvement from the original than we are all in for a delicious treat. That Fluttershy scene was so hot. Here's hoping we see more girls, such as a certain red hair, leather jacket wearing girl. I know that Rainbow and Gilda are the focus here, but we all know who your favourite is.

Holy, holy shit was this chapter hot!

9079825
Did you read the Day 2 chapter? Because with the obvious "doggy style" implications it's pretty clear why none of the others have any issues with it. They know he has dirt on them that could ruin them and he actually satisfies them in certain ways too.

It's great to be back in Derry breathing in that old Derry-air. And what do we have here. Oooh. Nice chapter. Can't wait to see more.

Are you going to be side stories or a prequel Of all his earlier conquering It would be very amusing at the females he has Dealt with still love there partners but master always comes first and he holds the biggest place in there heart

I am trembling with anticipation for the Cadance chapter. I love how he manipulates the ladies (objectively mind you, morally he is a complete sociopath). Another great chapter.

Gilda takes a long, deep breath. "Can... can I have a hug?"

D'AWWWWW!! I couldn't help but smile at that! Despite the sociopath character "we" are, this is still heartwarming, also despite this is just to try and break a record and some other screwed up shit.

I read the original, and it was okay.
This, however, this has promise. :pinkiecrazy:

9399103
thats why I hate it in all honesty. Gilda is even more vulnerable then fluttershy, to the point that she had attempted suicide. someone like that can break easily and I doubt Anon will care much if he truly shatters her. The fact that even rainbow can manipulate her so easily is telling. Oh well, hopefully it will be hot at least.

I keep thinking that you're going to have Flutterhsy end up having sex with one of the dogs (honestly, that’s what I thought of when I saw the previous chapter's title), and I was surprised when the pellets induced anger rather than lust in the animals. :pinkiecrazy:

Thankfully it was stopped before it spread to the rest of your house, but unfortunately it devoured most, if not all of your library.

... yeah, I was feeling sorta bad for RD, but that...

...

Okay, I still feel sorta bad for RD, but somewhat less so now.

Am I the only one who thinks of the character you are as Sikes from Oliver and Company?

Hey, is this Fic Dead? I Hope not, it is quite good.

Good heavens this chapter was quite steamy!!!!!!! I love it!!!!!

I like the fanfic it's really awesome but if we were in real life I could not stand next to that guy for 10 minutes without trying to strangle his ass or shove his head through the nearest concrete wall

Oh lord, I had almost forgotten about this story.

Hooray to see it updated!

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