One year ago, the immortal moon lich died.
One year ago, Twilight Sparkle the so-called human moved to Ponyville.
Rarity never believed that, of course. The "human" bit. After all, no human would willingly choose to live in a town of monsters, and no amount of magic or hunting orders or Plans with a capital "P" would ever change her mind on that—especially when said human was so constantly collected and calm.
But... if she wasn't human, what kind of monster could she be?
Written for the Raritwi-deprived Monochromatic, who so graciously let me cook for 1/4th of a year. Huge thanks to Swan Song for prereading, and to everyone I pestered for synonyms whenever the last of my braincells refused to word. Cover art by me!
Chapters (5)
What do you mean by that?
11731668
this was supposed to come out in july
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Some intriguing worldbuilding so far. I'm wondering what sorts of monsters the rest of the Mane Six are. I just got the mental image of Pinkie as a Dullahan juggling around her own head as her main party trick.
Wow I'm just on chapter one but so far this is a great interplay between AU worldbuilding and RariTwi.
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ooh, i didn't realize there was a specific name for this sort of creature! that's a really cool idea for pinkie, it suits her well ^^
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in typical lili fashion i have created an entire au just to share 1% of it in a fic, so im glad you're enjoying what little i put in!
Now I wanna now what kind of monsters the others are going to be. Are you going to have the others pop up in this or only be mentioned?
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some of them will pop up! i didnt want to tag since theyre very minor appearances ^^
Amazing
i'm such a sucker for opening lines like this. hell yea
SICK fucking metaphor. both gets across the childish playfulness of the rumor mill and rarity's perceived maturity of herself in comparison and also is just strong imagery
this is a really fun bit of worldbuilding to make humans more than just 'not monsters'!
love this line as establishment of the Flavor of this twilight... doesn't understand the appeal of being polite but does it anyway out of habit/training. the honesty of this twilightype (which manifests as often in insult as in compliment) is a great pairing with rarity to cut through her etiquette and social dancing. like peanut butter and chocolate
more a side note than anything but i love that this is an ongoing motif in your work - people desiring something (whether they suppress that desire or not), finally getting it, and then having to deal with having it
i love this little hint of the gap between them, how she earlier didn't even think to question her assumption of twilight taking a bath and now she knows she's taking only a shower to wash the blood off she's put off both by the difference in cleanliness and desire. rarity hears of humans all her life and this girl is nothing like she expected
the mono influence 🙏🙏🙏
i was shocked at the end to find the prompt was "write a character you can't get into the head of"!! your rarity is super good. i like that you focus on her workaholicism, that's a fav rarity point for me too! i also like the bits of her anthropomorphizing plumbing, projecting her own fussiness with work. especially the bit of her feeling and discarding reasons for her act of generosity feels so rarity.
also idk if you're up for Guesses but if you are i'm calling lich-type (any kind of dead human whose soul is bound to an object (philactery?) which animates their corpse.) (hey i had forgotten the bio mentioned liches. it'd be really funny of celestia to put her dead sister's soul in her student's body imo. anyway) ex-human hence magic and stuff, and being 'created' (what's the term for liches??) by celestia (presumably) means she's far more artful than any rarity would've known, so all the usual tells are absent. also assuming the opening line is omniscient pov rather than some inside joke of rarity's, and dying calm would make sense if you know you're gonna get resurrected. plus undead is a good 'both human and monster' line-straddling. [already going off on mental tangent about liches] hey if she isnt a lich i'll write a lich twilight story. okay maybe she is just human but she did specifically kinda skirt around calling herself that when rarity brought it up!! what's goin on sparkle
great stuff eve!! really intriguing. i think with this kind of concept it's tempting to start from the start, but i like that they already have history - it adds to the mystery, and it's fun to uncover just how some things went different. looking forward to the rest. also appreciate the seasonality, as loath as i am to be reminded that october is somehow nearly over
Oh, that is such a wonderful line.
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waaah holy moly, what an incredible comment!! tysm for taking the time to write all this out, ive got just the biggest smile on my face sitting here reading your thoughts kkfkffkflkd especially since youve noticed a lot of the lines im super proud of!
actually, there wasnt a prompt in particular, mono was just starving for content haha. but i am terrible at coming up with fic ideas, and… well, to be honest, rarity is a character i really struggle to write. also romance lmao. but, when i finally managed to come up with the ghost of an idea, it wouldnt work if i told from twi’s pov, so i had no choice sobs,,,,, kind of why this took so long to finish, it’s been rotting in my gdocs since july :clown emoji:
as for your very interesting spoilered-out section, youve got a bunch of cool thoughts on liches, and connected a lot of dots! not gonna say if the dots are connected correctly, mind you, but it’s an interesting picture regardless ^^ i will say (and not to confirm or deny your theories), that one of my writing pet peeves is twists that come from nowhere. i dont like blindsiding readers, and i find that “figuring things out” before the charas can give a lot of anticipation instead of confusion. it will always be possible to figure things out before the final chapter in my fics, though perhaps with just a few pieces still missing. so yeah! i’ll quite look forward to your lich-fic if it comes to that :3
thanks so much again for reading, and i hope u look forward to the rest of the story!
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im glad you noticed it! it’s one of my favs in the entire fic :D
I love that I can read this fic and instinctively see Rarity and Twilight in the style of your art.
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ahh that’s really cool! how i draw them in general is how i picture them, so i guess some of that must come through with words as well ^^
This is sooooo good. I love the vampire rarity vibes and a the not quite human twilight. It reminds me alot of the fim story Final Corruption with similar premise. Cant wait to see all the cool creatures this town is home too. I just love monster worlds such diversity can only be a blessing once you inevitably get past any bigotry and or fearmongering @sprout
I will be with you twi as you are an enigma that cannot be left uninvestigated
Also what happened to the nightmare/litch was it pushed or purified
Also i really like that humans have magic to even the field to the physically superior monsters alot of animes just have monsters with both like what the heck why has the border stood so long then amongst hate
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Keyword monstergirls go read thier books
Then all the anime monster mosume has a dullahan eventually join the squad
Theres alwase the monster brothlel review club for the horn dogs
Dont forget about the monster doctor
Oh and that sweet one about the last human being sheltered and conceled by a golem thats apporching his experiation date in a super monsterfied world
Gosh humans are just so boring in comparison and we cant even get along with each other the outlooks for a monsterfied world irl are slim but i have hope japan may be our only hope for some irl nekogirls <3
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hey, thanks for the comment ^^ not to disappoint, but i wont be going into too much details about monsters, or the world of au—i prefer to just give readers pieces and let them figure the rest out for themselves. sorry if that’s not what youre hoping to get out of this story!
My song was already in the grave, already cold, -
The blood felt - it looks out from under the ground -
And like a ghost, it rises hungry for blood:
And it demands blood, demands blood, demands blood.
-beginning of Konrad's song a part of Mała Improwizacja from A. Mickiewicz's Poem Dziady cz.3 poorly translated to english.
Polish high-school-but-we-call-it-middle-school is a absolute state of mind an the reason I'm writing this over 12h after I read this chapter.
Example of what you can learn here : An actual exorcism.
Ok to the actual comment.
I mean what else did she expect. Falling for a vampire. (Assumption made based no the tags and that line rares said about sheets).
At least It wasn't like Midnight in Twilight Theory... Just fell down a flight of stairs and died.
The Lich mentioned in the description is is well Nightmare obviously... right?
Hm... this is a monster and magic world... Zecora is a Baba Yaga!
Yet ot figure out what the story title means... if anything at all.
The chapter Title Xenia. Means a short story (usualy two verses) attached to a gift given by a guest to thier host (home owner) Usualy lighthearted. (Yey re-writing stuff from wikipedia while translating it)
So thoes "tattoos" work as some sort of a heatsink-radiator dumping waste energy in form of heat from casters body to thier surroundings in order to prevent it cooking thier insides? {Asking this becouse it is how it more-or-less works in my thing except instead of small works of art they have a adjustable semi-translucent membrane around backs of thier head ["high power modes" make thier hair fall out (It grows back tho)]}
That was more of a tangent than a comment but it's late I have a english exam tomorrow and need sleep so I can't be bothered to write anyhting more coherent right now.
Have a nice day.
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oh, that’s a lovely poem! thank you for sharing it ^^
and wow, a lot of theories already; i cant confirm or deny any of them yet, though i will clarify that the bedsheets line was more about rarity not wanting to bury bloody sheets with the bodies of the people she kills—she finds it a waste of perfectly good sheets, and would prefer to clean them instead :P
as for the chapter titles / fic title, it may become more clear as time goes on! and, the way magic works for twi might also become clear soon too, so i hope you look forward to it.
thanks for reading!
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The Potem is ~95 pages long. This is just one verse.
People say that it's one of the best things to come out of Polish romantism.
Intresting, can anyone scare the vampire to death?
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perhaps only metaphorically
I am in love with this sassy wit! I can't wait to read more! I am so fascinated with this.
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well, you've got perfect timing, chapter 2 just got posted :)
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Wow, no kidding!
ch2 is great so far.
Interesting . .
Following up on my last comment, I don’t think I’ve seen any Spike art from you, so I had to stop and envision something a bit more consciously when he appeared. A bit slinkier and taller, more lizardlike.
And very intrigued to see where the story itself is headed from here.
So Twilight.
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i did an anthro commission of an older version of him before! i think your description of him is pretty much what i was going for :D
Power such as hers does not come without sacrifice. Poor Twilight, what must you have endured to no longer be debilitated by pain. How much was your body carved into shape to channel Magic far beyond what it can handle.
Poeticism aside, I'm really loving this so far!
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lovely bit of poetry there ^^ im glad you're enjoying the story!
Oh, that's a good one. That's the kind of friendship you wanna keep for a while.
Of course Twilight's a monster: she's a protagonist.
when writing raritwi it can be tempting to just leave spike out entirely but i appreciate when people keep him around like... that's twilight's little brother / therapy dog. and rarity's funny little guy
Oh Rarity .
Oh, Twilight .
i love the lil clashes between them, especially from rarity's perspective, rarity being someone who cares very much and feels that she falls short constantly, twilight someone who cares not at all and exceeds rarity's esteem often
i LOVE the rhythm of this sentence, both the list then list overarching and the meter lining up. i apologize in advance for when i inevitably subconsciously steal the four-four structure.
the lil napkins example is very well-narrated! i feel it's easy for visual metaphors/demonstrations used in prose to end up muddy but you did an effective job keeping things straight and weaving it with the dialog
*physically shaking rarity* ASK HER WHERE THE REST CAME FROM!!!!!!!
thought we were having a dorohedoro moment here for a second lol.
oh man rarity spilling boiling water all over her. sooooo awkward. i love that whole exchange and twilight holding a boiling kettle out of the way while going "watch out" is great. love the perks of being a [radio static]
ahhhhhhhh Twilight... i love her double-edged honesty.
(is this format of heavy-quoting comment considered annoying on here?? i don't see it done much and i guess it can end up with a kinda piecemeal feeling that isn't as satisfying as a broader, overarching Take but i just want to give every line its due...)
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ahh another lovely comment!! dw, this type of quoting is awesome, i love when people do it, and i would do it more myself if i didnt primarily read on mobile and have to scroll up and down to do it :angy:
i havent really written spike before, but it defo felt wrong to leave him out, especially when figuring out how he fit into this whole world too (a dragon-like monster…. its just too perfect lol) and, im glad the explanation was easy enough to follow ^^ i really hate having to explain lore, but, since this fic also became a “FINE i guess ill build a world” fic, it was interesting to try and figure out how to tell but not TELL, and more show, yknow? overall i think this chapter really cemented how i wanted to write twi in this fic, especially near the end with the “double edged” part u pointed out.
(and yes, pls absolutely do steal any literary structures u want, sharing is caring and i love when words do the funny rhythm thing that makes my brain see sounds!!)
thanks again for reading, and for the comment!
Twilight is the Elemental of Magic.
You are an odd one, Twilight Sparkle
And it updates every day you say? I foresee good days coming
I wonder what monsters the rest of the M6 are?
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yep! it's completed, so ill be posting until it's done
so many fucking thoughts and feelings this is SO GOOD. i hope mono enjoyed the gift :)
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tysm for reading!
This is already amazing. The descriptions of magic are brain candy and the dynamic between rarity and twilight is 👌. Can't wait to see more.
Hell yeah you've been cooking. Damn, this line sucker punched me.
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ahh im happy you liked that line in particular, it's one im pretty proud of :D glad you're enjoying the story!
You made me feel pain with this line. Why did reading this make me feel pain?
Ok this one eased it off. Still no clue why I felt it in the first place.
On the topic on the magic tattoo channel thingies... Not radiators afterall. Which, ofcourse makes perfect sense who in thier right mind would try to forcefully ram physics into a magic system... hehehe...
So this isn't a a magic world afterall. It's a industrialised magic world! My favourite! [to be honest propably should have realised that when a shower was mentioned in the previous chapter (first "modern" shower was made in 1767).] Canning begun in 1810's with the first commertial cannery beeing opened in New York in 1812.
Bleach (solid calcium hypochlorite, Ca(ClO)2) was invented in 1799.
So with all of that. It's still 138-ish (tops) years away from blood bags(1950), buuut first succesfull blood transfusion was performed in 1665 and the first one that involved humans in two separate instances in 1667. As sutch if they really wanted to vampires could get thier blood in more civilised ways.
Twilight: Pours boiling hot water over most of her body and suffers atleast 2nd degree burns "I AIN'T HEAR... NOTHIN."
I have no clue what that girl went through to develop that low of a level of pain sensitivity. And I don't thik I want to know.
Ok the chapter name Philia love/affection/friendship unless you mean like hemophilia, usually an inherited bleeding disorder in which the blood does not clot properly.
Man and machine and nothing there in between
The flying circus and a man from Prussia
The sky and a plane, this man commands his domain
The western front and all the way to Russia
-First verse of the Red Baron song by Sabaton
(No clue why but i felt it kinda fit the line. Probably all the ands)
Ok so earlier today while waiting for the bus I was thinking. If one was to regularly take small amounts of poison to develop immunity (yes It is possible) and when attacked by a vampire drank an amount that would kill a normal pearson would it kill the vampire if it tried to feed on you?
Hunter: The Parenting says that some substances (Don't do drugs kids) will affect them. (Great series btw) Tho that's based on World of Darkness so I wonder how it works in your world.
Also the thing with steaks beeing our resident vampire's favourite food is like a pun with vampires and stakes? Or am I reading to deep into it?
Anyway good chapter, and have a nice day.
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wow, great analysis here, thanks for taking the time to write all this! im actually not too knowledgeable about history / time periods / whenever things were invented, but as long as it's coming across this isn't set in the modern day, and is more old-timey, then im good with that ^^ and yes, the chapter title is indeed the first interpretation, though the second interpretation is a happy coincidence
love the poetry there again! and it's an interesting question you pose about the poison, i suppose it might work if there was poison actively in your bloodstream at the time somehow? though, since vampires have enhanced healing (at least in this au), perhaps poisons don't even work on them at all.... who's to say really xd
(and steaks because they're bloody when done rare, but that's a great unintentional pun i didn't even notice lmao)
thanks so much for reading!
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Naah... This time it wasn't poetry just a verse from a metal song about a german WW 1 pilot made by a swedish band. Part of the "history enthusiast starter pack".
Twilight Velvet and Night Light don't look to good in this universe allowing their daughter to be subject to agonizing magical surgery.
Ok here again, just randomly remembered this one. Of course she sleeps during the day, she's a vampire afterall. Good attention to details.