She just wants to get home. Explaining the group's actions during that last mission took hours longer than it should and now that the palace has finally been fully briefed, all Applejack has to do is make her way to the capital's central train station. Enter the Grand Gymkhana, catch the last westbound of the night and eventually, she'll be in Ponyville. Back on the Acres. Surely she can manage that much, even when stumbling through an empty city while half-lost within a thick winter fog. But the mists are making edges blur, and it's becoming so hard to perceive what truly is.
And then she finds somepony who can no longer truly see the world at all.
Tonight, Applejack is the enemy. And there can be no peace with those who already lost the inner war.
(A standalone, no-prior-reading-required part of the Triptych Continuum, which has its own TVTropes page and FIMFiction group. New members and trope edits welcome.)
Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.
Added to
The Triptych Continuum Rebooted (group)
Unassigned (folder)
One of the big disadvantages of living in or near a big city is dealing with the mentally ill.
I learned, a while ago, that a lot of the mentally ill had this yo-yo that's described here. This yo-yo is-
And you see the end results, day after day.
He might have a mental illness. He might be a monster. (Does he meet the Equestrian definition of “not being able to care”?) I’m not an expert on those things, how can we be certain he’s not just an asshole? He does appear to meet the diagnostic criteria for that condition…
Lovely story, you really set the mood there. I was waiting for our favourite monster-girl to pop out of the mist on a totally legit and scheduled lunar patrol and be nonplussed at another random pony freak-out! That might have been fun but this story makes me think.
Unsettling!
This is a moody, dark and tense piece, and all the more interesting for featuring Applejack, a pony who can take care of herself in the average dangerous situation and yet we share in her unease here.
My sympathies to everyone who has had to deal with such an encounter in real life. Fiction gives us Miranda to relieve the stress… would that she was always there in real life.
I had to stop in the middle of my third reread of Triptych as soon as I saw the notification. I made a Fimfiction account just to get notifications when you upload/update, and that was the best decision I've made in a while.
I can never overstate just how atmospheric your works are. You, more than pretty much any writer, can make my stomach clench while I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was fully expecting something much darker involving that stallion and the train (let's just say a certain scene from "Hostel" involuntarily played in my mind) and I am very glad you went in a less dark, but just as depressing, direction.
11662016 Easiest way to stop a yoyo is to cut the string, capiche?
What's truly disturbing about this tale is its validity...I'm old enough to remember when people acted out in public, they were immediately taken in and evaluated for their own health and well-being, as well as for the general public. Now? People with clear mental issues are given excuses for their behavior until they actually do something to harm others. And by then, it's too late.
I used to run a homeless shelter, and I'd see people like this stallion all the time: they'd make choices in their lives that were so obviously the wrong ones, but they'd be too proud to admit it was their fault and were absolutely convinced they didn't need to take their medicine. Penniless, living in a shelter, but it was someone else's fault they were in that condition and they were angry about it!
Excellent work as per usual, Estee. I'm glad AJ made the choice she did, but I would have been just as happy (happier!) if her aim had been slightly to the right. Perhaps...a broken rib or three might have done wonders for his further musings.
As someone who has to deal with a mentally ill person on a daily basis, I can verify that this is basically correct. This is why it’s necessary to have asylums for the potentially dangerous mentally ill where they can stay on a permanent basis, even when they’re not being crazy because they will eventually be crazy… again. Unfortunately, many of the people who are mentally ill don’t even know their mentally ill, or don’t want to admit it to themselves.
Had me wondering right up to Miranda if he was real, or just AJ going a little crazy with all the crazy that they've had to fight. Have you considered writing an alternate ending?
There are times when Starlight almost, almost has a point.
In any case, heartbreaking tale made more so by being inspired by real events. Thank you for confronting that experience and turning it into something so gripping.
I admit that I find myself moderately surprised that this story is in the Tryptych continuum.... not that it doesn't fit but because I never quite could get myself to enjoy it(the writing in it is excellent, just never really grabbed me), yet this story managed to do so quite well.
Very solid atmosphere and build up, and a solid portrayal of characters
Ponyville is on the far side of the Everfree from Canterlot?
That's one heck of a worldbuilding drop (has it appeared in earlier Triptych episodes?) and seems peculiar, for several reasons.
1. I'm not sure if it outright contradicts show and comic canon, but I'm fairly sure it's not something for which there is any evidence.
2. This would suggest that Pegasi going back and forth to Canterlot have to fly over the Everfree - not exactly a safe proposition. (Not to mention Twilight's balloon...)
3. Given what we know about the relative timidity of Ponies, would anypony actual dare to use the train?
4. Wouldn't they run the railroad _around_ the Everfree? Unless it's a lot wider than it's thick.
5. So the railway has a magic barrier that can keep out large dragons and Ursas Major?[1] Ponyville would like to know why they don't get one of those.
6. When Granny Smith's dad decided to found a new settlement next to the Everfree, why would he decide to put it on the _opposite_ side to Canterlot?
Celestia: "but wouldn't you rather be able to get to Canterlot?"
Some Apple: "Nah, I'd much have the Everfree between my home and a nest of goddamn pinheads. No offense intended!"
[1](Ursa Majors?)
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It's just the formal name for that particular wild zone as a whole, and anything that isn't carved out by ponies counts as a wild zone. So there's some question as to exactly where the name stops applying. Most wild zones don't exactly have boundary lines between them on the map.
Anyway, the Everfree Experience zeppelin ride, which moves in a loop from Canterlot, has been mentioned. However, for this story, in order to avoid future confusion, I have changed the designation to 'wild zone'.
Harmony doesn't ask if you want to bear an Element, or a cutiemark in law enforcement. One can only hope and pray that Harmony sees fit to prepare you accordingly.
"HUGS YOU"
The writing is fantastic as usual, and I’m glad that nothing super awful happened as the conclusion, but… to be completely honest, this story had me feeling uncomfortable all the way throughout. Probably not in the intended way.
I’ve gotta preface: in terms of practical world experience, especially on this side of the site, I’m probably one of the termed “younglings” (having never even filed my own tax returns, and with no idea how that’s even supposed to work), and I’ve lived in suburbs all my life, so I recognize that I’m talking from a rather sheltered point of view. Let the “um, actually”‘s flood the replies accordingly.
There’s still so much casual ableism slung around, especially in regards to the mentally ill, and I feel like a lot of us will just… casually dehumanize them, while being insistent that we’re treating them “the way they deserve to be treated” or “properly” or whatever. I’m not saying Applejack did anything wrong or whatever, and since this was based off of true events, I’m not saying “Well, did you know that, since you’re neurotypical, you were actually the AGGRESSOR by being the VICTIM?” And of course, being in that situation, I can completely get that you’re stressed and tired and definitely more than a little scared because “this person is unpredictable so how do I know they won’t attack me?” But I think that’s also, like, part of it? Like, speaking to us readers as outside observers, and also sort of to Applejack: mental illness doesn’t make you less of a human being. Yes, it’s completely reasonable to be scared, in that situation, but I feel like it’s also really easy, thanks to your fear, to… stop seeing the person, and only see the illness.
The point is touched on at the end: Applejack cries, because she understands that the pony has been sort of, Overtaken by the illness. He wasn’t exactly having a better time than she was: the monster might not be real, but it’s real to him- and what, he’s crazy, so it doesn’t matter how he feels? A sentience which is filled with seeing things that aren’t real is still a sentience regardless; it deserves dignity and respect. We aren’t “above” him just because we don’t see hallucinations or because or brains work “properly”.
This isn’t a call-out by any means, and I’m not saying the story should’ve had a mentally ill person who properly takes their meds and is a happy functioning member of society because cutie mark crusaders token political correctness, “YAY”! And again, it’s not a “you were actually in the wrong because you were the victim”. I’m just sort of reminded of a tumblr post (expecting this to be brought up in the “why you are wrong, stupid, and naive, you gen z liberal” replies, none of which actually address anything else I said) by a psychotic person- as in, someone who experiences bouts of psychosis- which basically said, “If a friend you know is in a delusion, and they’re not a threat to themselves or people around them, and they haven’t given you explicit permission to “snap them back to reality”, then leave them alone and don’t do/say anything like ‘you know you’re in the middle of a delusion, right?’ and ‘none of what you believe right now is real.’” Like, again, Applejack wasn’t in the wrong for feeling threatened- the stallion was clearly aggressive, and she had no way to know he didn’t plan to attack her at some point- I just feel like a lot of us are the sorts of people who will scoff and say, “If someone is in a psychotic delusion, then I have to try to snap them back to reality.” Because you’re Not psychotic and that means you clearly know Better, and you’re not looking down on them because that’s just the Truth, and who cares about bodily autonomy when the other person clearly can’t take care of themselves… and that’s not dehumanization! That’s just facts.
Not saying the story is pushing that agenda or whatever. It was a good story. The way we treat the mentally ill is a complicated issue, and I’ve got complicated feelings.
11662016
Its actually worse than that for some.
I have a housemate who wants to take his meds. Absolutely understands that being compliant with them is the way to keep his mood level and not have voices screaming at him all the time. But the meds slow him down and make him confused. So sometimes he forgets.
He's on disability. He has no money. His dad rents for him a machine that measures out meds every morning and night, exactly the ones he needs. Except that sometimes, he runs out of a particular med, because insurance won't cover it yet, or the pharmacy dropped the ball, or there are shortages. There's one he takes as an injection and there have been times he's been denied that for an entire week because the nurse who gives the shots wasn't in! And sometimes, the machine fucks up, and gives him not enough meds. He has me to check it for him, but what if he didn't? Sometimes he falls asleep watching TV and forgets to take them entirely, and they're so sedating he can't really take them in the morning and get anything else done, but going without for 1 day causes symptoms to get bad.
When you have a complex mental illness that doesn't respond easily to medication and you have to take more than one pill, the side effects of the pills may themselves interfere with you being compliant, and the fact that, as a person who is mentally ill, you have to jump through hoops to get consistent care... The people who most need things to be simple and easy are mentally ill patients and dementia patients, and both may be in a situation where even wanting to be compliant may not be enough, because the medications are just too complicated for them.
What we need is not more asylums, but more halfway houses, with less restrictive policies. Places where you can just have an apartment, you can get up at 2 am to microwave yourself a burrito, but there's a social worker on call who will help you with bullshit like renewing disability paperwork, or getting insurance to cover your meds, things like that. I was always told the biggest problem was people choosing to go off the meds because they think they're better, and then their mental state gets bad and they're no longer capable of taking the meds. I am starting to think that's not actually the biggest problem.
11662778
Multiple case managers here for brain damage.
I seem brain-normal until I don't, and then I'm the person unable to stop repeating a word or part of a word as my brain & tongue stutter together and I know what's happening and I can SEE the looks but there's not a way in angels in heaven above or the demons down under the sea could stop it (it's a spasm of the epiglottal folds); and I don't walk normally either, to add to it, just to mention one thing that can happen.
Stress makes it worse.
I love the story, it's well and empathetically told.
I'm sorry that it seems from the comments that it comes from recent personal experience. I know how scary being followed with intent is.
I left my last therapist because she said that disabled people didn't belong in public, even the grocery store.
It's the only place I go.
I don't feel safe.
Finally, and probably least popular:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1525086/
Violence and mental illness: an overview
(ETA: Paper name)
Jesus this was harrowing.
And man, every story I feel so bad for Miranda. Really hopes she catches a break one of these days
Creepy yet really sad at the same time. I hope that pony gets the help he needs, and that Applejack can find some peace of mind.
11662730
Thank you for putting it into words the way you did. I had the same feelings and I'm a full generation above yours, tax paying and all. Not that that should matter to begin with.
I expected ableism when I understood what the stallion was which was very soon after his introduction, and while I was glad to see that there was compassion for him in the story, I was overall still left uneasy. It's valid to be scared, I have even been the scared person in a situation just like this, but yeah. People like this are still people. There's just too many stories (in general, not from Estee in particular) where the mentally ill or the disabled are the villain or the horror in the narrative. I don't think Estee did anything wrong by adding such a story, especially not when it was based on their personal experiences. Writing can be a very good way to work through an experience that leaves you shaken and I always feel that in fandom spaces especially, policing stories based on whether or not they're moral isn't something we should do. But it still isn't a comfortable read with that context for me personally, and it leaves me feeling conflicted about what to think about the story.
And then of course the worst thing is expecting and finding exactly the type of worse ableism in the comments. We used to put people like this away back in the day immediately and that was A Good Time TM. Scary and sad that people still think like this about the mentally ill and disabled. Wtf.
On a less real-life-grim but still not entirely happy note, with this story and the last blog post about cosmetics I am no longer surprised the Equestrian press operates the way it does. When a pony wanting even a modicum of privacy or change is immediately seen as dangerous, suspicious and weird, then it's no wonder they have no concept of privacy or refraining from libel. Like what, you don't want to share your innermost and most intimate self and soul (cutie mark) immediately with every random stranger you meet? Blasphemy! Clearly you must be a shady criminal! Reminds me of my country's nazi history. If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear indeed.
Another amazing story with absolutely astonishing use of mood and setting! I’m from a small town and I’ve had similar scary experiences with mentally afflicted people who “decided they didn’t need to stay on their meds”, resulting in paranoid behavior and extreme verbal aggressiveness. What floored me in this story that is how you portrayed AJ’s sympathy for the afflicted pony. You see, my scary experiences were with a relative, a person I had known and whose company I had enjoyed when they were on their meds. AJ’s sadness at a person being overwhelmed and robbed of their agency achingly demonstrates both her honesty (expected) and the deep goodness of her heart (thanks for revealing so clearly!)
I've been on both sides of this one. I have some mental issues of my own, and while I'm usually pretty good about taking my medicine, I'm also American, which means I can't always get it. I've done and said things I regretted afterwards. I've also been accosted a few times by people when I was homeless, who were pretty clearly worse off than me in that department.
There's no real point in saying so, I guess, except to say that I understand.
Well, at least this gives her a frame of reference for Starlight.......
I remember Larry Niven's "Organ Bank" stories.
There are over 100,000 people waiting for organs (85% kidneys). (AFAIK just in the USA.)17 die every day. His logic was "Why bury organs that can be transplanted?" & ever more death penalties. I remember when the protagonist was executed for too many parking tickets.
They didn't punish you for ANY crime because "Criminals are sick". You didn't choose to be sick. They healed you -wether you wanted to be healed or NOT.
The medications required were widely available & free.
BUT if you went off your meds, that was a voluntary action taken in full knowledge of the possible consequences. Automatic death sentence, no exceptions.
11665065
https://kesq.com/cnn-regional/2023/01/18/canada-performing-more-organ-transplants-from-maid-donors-than-any-country-in-the-world/
With ODSP so low, housing difficult to get, the homeless sweeps, etc, it's a mystery why Canada has so many people signing up for MAiD, especially when it keeps being offered.
canada.ca/content/dam/hc-sc/images/services/medical-assistance-dying-annual-report-2019/chart3.2.png
What fiction? >.>
That was a heavy one. It’s always scary because you never know how they will react and the pity you feel for them are make the situation really awful in general.
""It all waits," the dark mare wearily told her, "until I go off-shift. Your family has probably been wondering where you are for hours, Applejack. Go home.""
I have a feeling Miranda never goes off shift. Which means eventually she will break or break down. At that point I really hope she has a shoulder to cry on.
There is research to build an artificial pancreas by encapsulation of insulin producing cells. I wonder if something similar could eventually be built to produce the necessary dose on demand for mental conditions like this...
This is making me bawl. It's not far at all from how my late brother would cycle, except he never accepted that he was sick. Well, maybe he did in the end, and that's why he walked off the railway bridge. I can't exactly ask him.
11677687
It's possible, but that would require a full understanding of what specific deficits or excesses there are that cause what specific conditions, which isn't something people totally understand yet. A lot of psychiatric med management is something of a crapshoot. We know what meds will work for a general condition, but the specific doses and drugs vary from person to person. Sometimes meds will work for a person's whole life, sometimes they'll need to be changed every couple years, sometimes nothing works for more than a few months. And sometimes people will take meds for a while, then they'll develop coping strategies and they can come off the meds, because they've learned how to deal or improved their circumstances and don't need them anymore. It's really variable.
The selection of pony here is also interesting... Applejack is not who would first come to mind when one thinks "vulnerable" or "scared", but that's exactly part of what makes it effective. (And magic can be a great unequaliser.)
Still, it makes you wonder how each of the rest of them would have managed in this situation.