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The article on Forbes began:
Erotic content creators are the latest industry to feel their livelihoods threatened by our pastel equine visitors from across the dimensions. OnlyFans, a bastion of home-made pornography, "alleged" child exploitation, and hacked credit card numbers, allows creators to post their often-erotic content to subscription or pay-per-view customers. The pickings have long been slim, most OnlyFans creators making well less than US$100 per month, and a tiny few making tremendous incomes. But even those elite few are now losing subscribers as ponies have rocketed to the top of not just OnlyFans, but also Twitter, Twitch, Facebook, Instagram, and other services. Although the ponies seem to refuse to make clearly explicit content, their suggestive streams leave just enough to the imagination that viewers throw money at them in hopes for more. Let's explore some of the content that has rocketed the ponies to the top slots of OnlyFans...
"All right, howdy y'all, and welcome to Sweet Apples Streaming. Today's first here email—" she squinted at her iPad, the midday sunlight bright on the screen "—is from see bee tea fan six nine. Whoowhee, lotsa you humans have them same three initials. See Bee Tea here is a Red Delicious-tier subscriber and he requests, 'Dear Sweet Apple Streaming, could you please put my name on one of the trees before you buck it?' Boy howdy, I dunno why all y'all just keep on askin' that, but here at Sweet Apple Streaming, we aim to please! Mac, label the tree."
Big Mac, holding a sharpie marker in his mouth, wrote CBTfan69 on the tree's bark.
She put down her iPad, pulled her hat low over her eyes, and prepared to deliver a crushing buck to the tree, her hindquarters tensed and rippling with muscles under her sweaty coat.
"Hey wait, AJ, hol' up! CBT here's request is for me to buck it."
"Well, all righty then, Apple Bloom, I ain't see any reason why you can't give it a buck."
"Dear Purple Bookhorse," she read from the monitor, "Please read from 'A Tale of Two Data Structures,' by Knuth Dickens. Please don't use your wings or magic to fetch it."
Her ears flicked and she frowned momentarily. "Why do you all want me to grab the books that way? Magic is far more efficient."
She nosed the step ladder to the proper shelf and hopped to the top step. The book was on the very top row and she stretched her body out, with the camera directly behind her, in order to reach it. Her tail stretched straight backwards to counterbalance her awkward position.
Nine hundred dollars in tips arrived in the six seconds her tail was held up and away from her body.
"All righty righty!" She dropped the spatula into the sink, joining the huge pile of dirty dishes and baking accouterments. "There you go! 'A buttercream cake, frosted with white cream frosting!' Thank you thank you thank you to CreamPieFanR34 for this week's Cupcake-tier-subscriber special dessert baking request!"
The cake sat in its baking dish on the counter, covered in a thick layer of white frosting.
"Oh! Now for my favorite part! I get to lick the bowl!"
The mixing bowl contained the dregs of the creamy white frosting. She put her entire head into the bowl, licking the bottom clean. When she was done and looked back at the camera, her face and mane were covered in globs of the sticky white confection. "Until next time!"
"Welcome to another Grrrreat and Powerrrrful Stream! Today's request is..." she glared at the monitor. "Another escape trick? Why are these so popular? Our great and powerful assistant, Starlight, will bind up your great and powerful host!"
She leaned down, rump high and forequarters low, as ropes levitated around her torso and legs. "Make sure the bonds are tight, our great and powerful subscribers want a good magic trick! Bind me tight! The Great and Powerful Tr—mmmmmmpf!" She gasped around the ball gag that was suddenly in her mouth.
The assistant grinned at the camera and winked.
"Another request for rear leg work, huh?" She brushed her sweaty forelock from her eyes. "'Dear Workout Horse, please put the camera where we can see the technique better this time.' Okay, can do. My specialty is cardio, but I'm awesome enough to get in some extra strength training."
She moved the streaming camera to face one of the weight benches. A barbell waited for her and she laid flat on the bench, rainbow tail towards the camera and head away from the camera, and got her rear hooves under the barbell. Her wings flopped loose. "This is about fifteen percent more than my body weight. Okay, Bulk, come spot me."
"Yeeeah!"
Once the huge stallion was spotting her, the small mare started pumping the iron with her rear legs, showing off her muscular hips and butt.
As she pumped the iron, her tail unconsciously relaxed toward the floor and the stream gained a flood of upvotes.
"This week Diamond-tier subscriber 'Smash Fan double-naught Seven' request yak SMASH! Haha, yak smash on every stream. This special request, yak smash special guest star Gallus! And smash yak's very special friend Sandbar!"
They trudged in from off camera. "I'm scared."
"Here, Gallus, take helmet if scared like little baby chick."
"Griffons don't like helmets."
"Griffon also should take shoulder pads. Did griffon sign waiver of liability?"
"...Is that what that form was?"
"Now Sandbar take helmet. Smashing will begin soon. Stream subscribers have been asking long time for stream where Yona smash two guys, but Yona not sure why."
"Come in, girls. Hello, stream viewers, Darlings. The weather forecast for Nightmare Night—I'm sorry, Halloween, on this side of the portal—is for frigid cold and possible sleet. Therefore, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom here... oh, hello, Diamond Tiara, so good to see you too! ...will be helping me show you how to sew warm, tight-fitting stockings with good grip on the hooves for the freezing rain. Scootaloo here is wearing a 'Kerbal Space Program' astronaut costume, so she shall need orange stockings that resemble her space suit. Scootaloo, turn around and give me your back leg—"
***
"—and furthermore," continued the furious post, "I take umbrage at the accusations of foal exploitation for what was clearly an innocent cultural misunderstanding. If OnlyFans refuses to reinstate my account, I shall move my stream and all its associated monetization here to my Twitch."
The article on Forbes concluded:
...whether one believes the ponies' (and yaks', and griffons', and others) assertions that they don't intend the sexual interpretations of their streams or not, it's clear that the viewership wants to buy what the ponies are selling, and human creators are going to have to up their game in order to compete.
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Starlight knows...
Also, Yaks best at smashing, so smash like button, smash subscribe button, smash bell, smash everything!!!
11547644
Hahahahhahaa.
Yes, this is what I would expect from a fic called PonlyFans. It had to be done and I'm happy it was.
By Luna's Moon! This story was sooooo funny. If I could give it 2 or more 👍 I would give it 👍👍👍👍👍🫶
Yeah... we can all see this happening.
Oh the innocence of ponies!
My only critique is that the Apples' segment was the funniest and you probably shouldn't have led with it. Incredible, LMAO.
The timing of the jokes here is spot on - you didn't give away too much information about the true nature of the request until near the end of each segment, and then let the punchline hit and moved on. Your technique was solid and slick.
And the real question is, did I say that your writing was "solid and slick" as an intentional double entendre, or was my compliment totally innocent?
Either way, the compliment was genuine! This is a well done story - and I needed a good laugh today.
Isn't cultural exchange a wonderful thing?
Just wait till ponies find HFY or Humans are Space Orks stories. This is just confirmation that humans will pack bond with anything, and then try to have relations ( yes..those type of relations) with anything too. GREAT STORY!
"See bea tea" you already had me dying there
O.o oh no
Oh dear Celestia help i can't
this whole story was just too perfect xD
Yeah you could say this story BLOWS me away
It's rare for me to actually, literally laugh out loud while reading a fic, but this did it. Very well done!
11547773
Thanks! I've struggled with timing of jokes in the past and have dedicated effort to improving them. (I used to always cut off the last paragraph in revision; now I've learned to just not write the last paragraph in the first place!)
11547771
Hah, I actually thought the Apples' was the weakest is why I led with it! Thanks for reading.
Oh sunset you silly
ALSO KSP FTW!
Oh she absolutely knows what's up
11548251
Heeheeeheee
Oh, Lord, I'm wheezing.
The Great and Powerful Trixie's assitant certainly knows how to make the fans happy!
I both love and admire the fact that Yona is aware of a liability release for her smashing.
This is just wonderful. Thanks for the chuckle.
I've often maintained that ponies genuinely don't understand our . . . well, let's say 'concepts of modesty.' Like, depending on the situation it can be explained to them as a rule (i.e., if you want to stream on Twitch, you can't show anything under your tail) and they'll follow it, but they won't really understand why. Not beyond the baseline of 'humans have weird rules' anyway.
To keep the comments with the story rating, nowhere in their experience has it been expressed as unusual or undesirable or immoral or whatever for anybody who happens to look--in person or through a camera--at certain parts of their anatomy which they never bother to cover. Obscure sometimes, yes, by tail or by their normal stance (and I would imagine that pegasi and batponies have the least that they hide in their day-to-day, just by nature of flying and observers looking up).
I've also postulated that the idea that most humans wear at least some clothing everywhere, all the time, is a baffling concept, and I can't help but wonder if some pony psychologists are guessing why that might be. Lack of fur? Maybe humans are always cold? Some strange cloth fetish? A successful campaign by Big Clothes?
11548529
"A successful campaign by Big Clothes"
Welp, there's my second snorting laugh for the evening, my thanks!
11548529
Certainly your Gamer Girl fic was one of the inspirations for this one! (She was one of the launch titles for my "Streams Lewd" group.)
Ultimately, I asked myself, "what would different canon characters do in that same situation?" and boiled each answer down to 100-ish words.
11548222
Is this Sunset? I was thinking Rarity, because of the sewing.
11548944
Judging by the fact she said Halloween
Yes
11548222
"Darling," is fiction shorthand for Rarity speaking typically. Either her speaking, or somebody mocking her.
11549105
Oh my mistake
Oh poor innocent ponies. Well not so poor with the cash they're gonna rake at this rate
Aw hell naw💀💀
i need to stop reading and i needa check the frontlines
anyways 8/10 story
Most interesting.
Makes sense!
Just like the rest of the story.
Good work!
I loved everything about this. Both the ponies not understanding (sans Starlight, why just her?) seemingly innocent requests and also the human elements complaints.
It's not often I read a story and can actually see it working out that same way in meat-space. Hats (socks?) off, Sock.
11553472
Thank you!
11548743
Huh, well that's a group I've only just heard of . . . maybe I'll have to write something else that fits the group
There were some conversations in the comments of Silver Glow's Journal about the subject; sometimes when she got filmed by people she showed off more than YouTube would allow (or would they; their rules apply to humans).
I do think that some of the bigger streaming services would probably clamp down on it quick, while others might wait and see what the government makes them do about it, especially if the ponies are drawing in big audiences (and big ad revenue). And I think some ponies and other sapient would take advantage of the opportunity to earn quick bits while they can
Probably while a bunch of humans are frothing at the mouth about it, and none of the ponies are fussed at all.
Recorded reading this for an audiobook version soon.
Although I'm a little worried that Youtube might consider this inappropriate content.
I basically have to assume the worst about Youtube's puriticism ever since they shut down my last channel.
Might have to put 18+ on it for the first time since I started doing only readings that would be allowed on Youtube.
But this is a very interesting little story and I am eager to share it with more bronies.
11569551
Well, good luck! I'm sure the reading is good!
One could say it's satire of 🔞 internet puritanism—because it is—but YouTube lacks a sense of humor.
11574137
Thanks!
Yeah work out streams, sure, but when are they gonna stream Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 together? I wanna see Fluttershy do an infinite.
Sweet Jesus Christ, your comedic timing is simply impeccable. These vignettes feel extremely trimmed down to perfection, something that took a while to give proper form, and if that's not the case color me impressed. What really makes these work so well is how astonishingly credible the ponies are. If this characterization was askew or forced to fit the situation then it could still be funny, but it would not be this funny. On that front, in placing them in absurd situations and making them act coherently, you are 100% successful and that's what makes this work so well.