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Jack of a Few Trades

The Master said, "Fump wallump." And so it was done.


Yona experiences the wonders of a nice cup of cocoa on a cold winter day for the first time, and she's eager to share her discovery with her friends and family back home.

Yakyakistan may never recover.

Edited by Muggonny, MissytheAngle

Prereading by BootyPopperzZz

Cover art by Trickate

An entry in The Discovery, a Student 6 Writing Contest.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 40 )
Comment posted by Muggonny deleted January 8th

Haven't read the story yet but I'm calling bait on this. I just... I have to.

Muggonny #3 · 2 weeks ago · · 2 ·

You do what you must. Never forget you’re beautiful.

Consequences will never be the same.

“Hot cocoa is life now!”

What do you mean... now?

this was a fun little read! Thanks for the great story!

and, shocking no one, that didn't happen. Your comment nearly made me not read the story, though, and I doubt that was your intention.

Comment posted by Muggonny deleted January 9th

And so I have been summoned to read horse words once more. Well done. May you have success in your feature box campaign!

Ah yes, a true work. Scholars will look back on this story and agree it exists. A job well done.

(I will be very disappointed if you don't win that contest. Do not lose or I'll fight you in the streets.)

Richard Nixon wishes she could have done a Rutheford and ended the drug war just with a decree like that.

This was one crazy story... and I loved every minute spent reading it!

Great stuff. I liked the exploration of Yak celebration. A bit strange that they smash heirlooms but that's cultural differences for you.

Sandbar's reaction to his gift wasn't quite what I was expecting, but absolute gold
I thought he'd be more on the Naboo end of sand than Tatooine

Also Gallus and Silverstream are adorable.

“Yeah, it’s just how we joke. If we were really fighting, there'd be a lot more blood,” said Gallus.

I don't doubt it, either. Those two are definitely the most rough and tumble of the six, so they certainly wouldn't be holding back in a real fight.

“That only knot griffon know?”

“We don’t exactly have a scout program in Griffonstone, cut me some slack,”

If it helps, Gallus, I'm an Eagle Scout myself...and the square knot was the only knot I ever really got down to memory myself. :twilightblush:

With a huff, Prince Rutherford rolled to his other side. He gasped when he turned over, looked upon the mighty Yakyakistan and despaired.

...and nothing beside remains. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, the lone and level snows stretch far away...

This flew directly in the face of the plan that both of them had advocated, in which they would have quietly taken the drink mix out of the hooves of a few yaks, and then spread awareness throughout the community so the epidemic would stop

And since when has that ever worked? :rainbowlaugh:

“Always give clear instructions so you don’t start a drug crisis in Yakyakistan?”

*shrugs* Sounds like a good friendship lesson to me! :trollestia:

So this was fun. Reminds me that I should do a fic focusing on Yona at some point *files that away for future reference* :twilightsmile:

What was Ocellus's gift in the gift exchange (giving or receiving)?

What do you mean by that?

Oh my GAWD that cover art is adorable!

And lol, Gallus accidentally created the plot of Breaking Bad (Smashing Bad?) in Yakyakistan.

The cocoa must flow.

Fun story. It explains the origin of the Yakyakistan Vice squad, and the proliferation of cream-colored sports coats worn over neon-colored tees.

Whoa. I just thought of something. Drug mule takes on a whole new meaning in Equestria.

Smolder fired back. “Yeah, but I won’t get to stop by the jewelry store for dessert if you keep slowing us down!”

That is the best quote I never knew I needed to hear a dragon say

Truth be told, she had no idea what to get him. Snilldar Fest had the benefit of not focusing on gift-giving; so long as whatever was given could be crushed in a reasonably satisfying manner without much risk of injury from shrapnel, it was a great choice.

I need to borrow this for a barbarian tribe in my D&D game

“Ooh, I’ve heard about that stuff. Isn’t it the thing with the marshmallows and graham crackers?” asked Silverstream.

Well, marshmallow should be included, but not graham crackers

And then Yona noticed that Ocellus was giving them the same look as she had at the market the day before. That was a little weird.

She cal feel the love coming off them

All mugs in the village were rounded up and destroyed. While the guards were smashing the pile of mugs to bits, Yona couldn’t help but smile. Even ponies weren’t immune to the spirit of Snilldar Fest.


Gallus clarified, “Yona drank hot chocolate diluted with milk here, so she was fine. The yaks were eating the powder straight up and snorting it. It’s way stronger that way. That’s why they all went nuts.”

I will never understand why anyone would inhale powder into their nose

“Maybe sometime you could come out to Mount Aris!” Silverstream nudged Gallus with an elbow. “I promise things aren’t nearly as crazy there.”

Yeah, have the boyfriend meet the parents


Drug mule takes on a whole new meaning in Equestria.

Pinkie Pie, Cranky, and ex-special agent Bon Bon Sweetie Drops form the Ponyville Mafia in order to smuggle copious amount of Bolivian Equestrian Marching Power across the border into Yakistan in a spin-off series Baking Bad.

This had a lot of amazing lines, not gonna lie. I also see you too are a man of Prequel Meme culture.

That said, I kind of felt like the extended focus on the chaos in Yakyakistan and the general despair Yona felt kind of made the fic tonally swerve out of being funny to being kind of messed up. It still had a "funny" resolution in that this was all caused by Yona failing to leave instructions, and maybe I'm being a big baby, but watching a kid see their home be on fire and their family vanish into a general riot did not get the yuks coming.

Still, lots of great fucking bits and I spent a fair time laughing out loud, so good on you.

Also, I was looking for an appriate prequel meme to close this comment out on and I couldn't find an appropriate one, so have this instead.


“That only knot griffon know?”

“We don’t exactly have a scout program in Griffonstone, cut me some slack,”

If it helps, Gallus, I'm an Eagle Scout myself...and the square knot was the only knot I ever really got down to memory myself.

I feel like we missed a one-liner opportunity here - "No need. Yona see plenty of slack on the knot already."

Emtu #22 · 2 weeks ago · · ·

Nocreature can resist a good cup of cocoa.

Except maybe Diamond Dogs and Abyssinians.

This made me laugh, made me think, made me want to make the biggest, creamiest, warmest mug of hot chocolate and sip it by the fire. I don't have a fireplace, but I do have Netflix.

Close enough.

Thank you for writing this, it’s a wonderfully silly story. Yona is severely underrepresented on this site, and I treasure each and every story starring her.

Yak Tales, Woohoo!

This was great and silly, I loved it. I especially like how Gallus and Yona got to play off of one another. Though if I might get a tiny bit critical, I can’t help but feel that things are just a little too sour between the two of them at the end. The two really have a long way to go in becoming friends, it seems.

“Thank you for the sand, Yona!” he choked out through his joyful tears. “It’s so coarse and rough, and it gets everywhere!”

I think I get the reference!

“Always give clear instructions so you don’t start a drug crisis in Yakyakistan?”

Finally a lesson Bronies can learn.

After they found Rutherford...
Yup. It all makes sense.

10026083 Time to slaughter some Sand People...

Yona shook her head. “Never. Prince Rutherford make royal decree banning it. Yaks stick to homegrown vanilla.”

But... vanilla comes from a tropical orchid! How could the yaks be growing it in their icy wasteland?!

Unless... MAGICAL ICE ORCHID VANILLA!!! :pinkiegasp: That stuff goes for 100,000 bits a kilo! It also makes ponies turn into giant draconic rage monsters (it's street name is 'Power of Darkness'. Tirac kept a bag of it around his neck.)


Came for laughs. Laughs were had. Well done.


She cal feel the love coming off them

More like the love coming off of Silverstream. She's trying, bless her bubbly, ditzy, eager heart, but Gallus is a dense little catbird.

Yona is a... difficult friend, isn't she? She really didn't treat him all that well. Kinda sad, really. But, well, self-centredness is a widespread Yak flaw...

Still, I liked the story a lot. Everyone was perfectly in-character. Including Yona's... difficultness.


Aww. was soo expecting a shaggy dog

He was going to get it. Gallus had good aim with a snowball, but he merely adopted the snow. Yona was born in it, molded by it.

HA! He thinks coldness is his ally!

Gallus picked himself up off the ground, his underbelly caked with snow. He shook himself off and spun around to her, still a little dazed. “What did you do, put a rock in that one?”

I can think of other methods of hardening your balls

This year, though, there would be no Snilldar Fest for Yona. It was for a good cause, she supposed, but staying in Ponyville over the break meant that she wouldn’t get to sing yak songs on the way to the forest with her family this year.

But I like that song! (https://youtu.be/WKFkLurbqY8?t=14)

Yona frowned when she checked her new name. Gallus .

Lazy ass cheapskate cat bird!

Yona had gotten a step stool for Snilldar last year, a beloved family heirloom that her grandfather had made decades before she was born. Built of fine mahogany taken from the wheelhouse of a griffon airship, that stool had helped generations of yaks reach the top shelf.

You can also achieve the same result by making a sitting block out of clay and poo

It was reduced to splinters with a very satisfactory crunch. She loved it.

But how are they going to replace the old stool now??

Yona quirked a brow. “What hot cocoa?”

Sandbar whirled to her, mouth agape. “ What?”

Wait a SECOND!!! Didn't you serve hot cocoa to your mama back when you were trying to convince your parents to stay longer in Ponyville to fix the tree?!!

“Always give clear instructions so you don’t start a drug crisis in Yakyakistan?”



All I saw was Yona giving her mom a steaming mug. Literally anything hot could've been in it.

So what? You think it's a cup of hot muddy water-downed tea?

Could've been tea, could've been coffee, could've been cocoa, could've been lemon water, could've been a red-hot rivet.

What? Yaks tough! Yaks can take it!


“Thank you for the sand, Yona!” he choked out through his joyful tears. “It’s so coarse and rough, and it gets everywhere!”

You bastard.

Okay, now that I've reacted to that reference, my compliments on this story. It's just the kind of goofy, irreverent one-shot I love to read on here. The characters were true to form and charming, you managed to give the comedy a nice edge without being too dark, and the reference jokes were a nice touch as well.

Excellent work! :twilightsmile:

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