- Member Since 25th Jul, 2012
- offline last seen 5 hours ago
Scyphi
A brony of few words who writes many.
Scyphi
Joined 25th Jul, 2012 ·
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Ok, I'll bite, this looks interesting.
Unfortunately I don't have time to read it right now so, *Hits read later button*
I promise to check it out later.
Hmmm. The story's good and all, but... I'm not sure how I feel about the premise.
It's interesting, and works. But still...
This was amazing
Well... that's a twist, never would have thought that Luna was Cadence's mother. Still it does fill in two big blanks in the canon records, where was Luna during the Battle of Canterlot, and who where Cadence's parents. For some reason I feel that is still more that need to be said, and that this story could be broken up and expanded into multiple chapters.
Still all in all a decent tale.
Kept me hooked and was well written, I'm surprised this has two dislikes already. What the hell? Stupid trolls.
That was beautiful. Really. It truly was beautiful. This is one of the best stories I has ever read. This really helped me like Luna and Cadence more considering we don't know that much about them. Well done.
Liked it, but it was really confusing for the first few paragraphs. I'd thought Luna was jealous.
It's actually pretty good. Formatting could be better (each part of dialogue needs a new paragraph), but it's a decent narrative one shot that wraps up nicely.
Scrolled down to about halfway through the story, because something caught my eye. Usually, I'll skim through a story, and if nothing catches my eye, I don't read it. So, while skimming, this caught my eye...
And I was like...
dash.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133546243038.jpg
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And I thought she merely disapproved due to her ancient traditions.
What it truly was actually worse. Nothing like a broken family to make someone cry.
Yay, it's published!
211 views in one day, good show! Good writing (and a good editor 
) gets you everywhere! Congrats ^^
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My proofreader, Wisher, expressed similar thoughts when he first read it, too, although then, Luna was not mentioned by name throughout that whole section, creating for even more confusion. This was changed so to try and clear things up a bit, but I'm not surprised there are still rough spots.
Unfortunately, the first thing you gotta know about me is that I'm a total sucker for generating suspense and mystery in my stories...even when it might not be so advisable to do so, or to drag it out for so long.
Still, on the upside, it HAS succeeded in keeping readers from putting two with two too early, which was entirely my intent with all of that.
That said, I'm hesitant to change it, for fear of ruining that.
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It's formatted exactly how it was formatted in Microsoft Word, and IS formatted correctly, so if FIMFiction isn't portraying it accurately, it's no fault of mine.
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You have to be careful with what you comment. Kinda spoiled the twist for me. >_>
Anyway, a neat little heartwarming story. I approve.
Now that is a brilliant and plausible idea! I can even see it being canon one day! Yes, Celestia has many 'nieces' and 'nephews' in Canterlot... but only one of them is an alicorn. It makes sense that Candance is a lot more closely related to the Celestial Princesses than those like Blueblood.
I have no doubt that, as she sunk into the insane abyss that was known by the name 'Nightmare Moon', Luna was telling herself that she was doing this for Silver Blaze and for Candance, so that they could be happy in the glorious kingdom of the night that she was attempting to build. It would also add weight to the fan (and apparently Faust-supported but not yet canon) theory that Nightmare Moon was the action of some outside agency even older and more powerful than Discord.
The connection between Candance and the Crystal Ponies will be the critical issue as to how well this story stands up in the medium-term. If Candance turns out to be the princess of the Crystal Empire, then this concept becomes AU. If, however, she and Shining Armour found the city whilst on their honeymoon (or post-wedding official tour, perhaps) then this could all still come to pass.
You can tell this concept has caught my imagination! Well done! The dialogue between Luna and Candance was also very well done, believably capturing the combined loneliness, betrayal, bitterness and guilt of a mother and daughter seperated by jealousy, pride and an insanity that lasted a millennium.
I really liked your two stories, do you plan on writing any more Mlp/ Luna stuff?
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This is why I personally NEVER read any comments for any fanfic until AFTER I have read it and determined if it catches my fancy.
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It might interest you to hear, then, that when I first made the connection that Cadance and Luna could be related as daughter and mother, I was actually kind of against the thought. Luna struck me as not being mature enough to have mothered a child, successfully or unsuccessfully, for any length of time, and Cadance seems remarkably young even by alicorn standards, closer to more only decades old, which is problematic when you consider that Cadance would absolutely HAVE to be at least a thousand in order for this to work.
But then again, the ideas did come to me suddenly, like it was a sudden revelation. In fact, it kind of was...I remember I was trying to determine Luna's relation with Cadance for another fanfic idea I was toying with at the time, and was thinking, (and I quote) "well, Cadance's is apparently Celestia's niece, so...wait, wait, WAIT a minute! Cadance is Celestia's niece? Now...hold a minute...if that's true...and Cadance really IS Celestia's niece...then wouldn't that logically make whoever Cadance's mother is as Celestia's sis...oh dear." (end quote) Not long thereafter I started in on this fanfic, deciding the idea had merit. At first I was thinking this would be the only work where I explored the idea, but...I have to admit, after working on it for so long, the idea's REALLY grown on me.
Anyway, I never really stopped to think what might have been going through Nightmare Moon's head in regards to family, except that she ended up disregarding them in some shape or form, or at least that's what Luna is left believing. The idea that she might have convinced herself she was doing it for them hadn't ever really occurred to me before.
But I do totally buy into that some undescribed force affecting Luna was what brought on Nightmare Moon, and already consider it all-but-canon myself (dialogue in "Luna Eclisped" eludes that there was some third factor involved, referenced vaguely as "dark magic," but like the magic had a mind of it's own).
I deliberately left our references to the upcoming third season for two logical reasons. A: I don't know much of anything about what to expect from season three, because I am determined to keep myself from being spoiled until the premier actually airs. And B: I did have my fears that something in there would render the whole concept of this fanfic inaccurate, which is why I worked hard to make sure it was posted before this had the chance of happening. That said, though, even if Cadance IS large and in charge of the Crystal Kingdom, this doesn't necessarily rule out the idea of Luna being her mother. Cadance could have just been assigned to rule the Crystal Kingdom once she was old enough to do so, but is not actually native there. It all depends on the politics, mostly. I guess we'll see.
Heh, that all ended up being far longer than I planned, I hope nobody minds.
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More MLP stuff, most definitely, although probably not right away. As for more stuff involving Luna, I dunno. I do have one idea that I was toying with before I came up with "Heritage," that involves her inadvertently finding love with a stallion (the catch being that the stallion doesn't actually KNOW she's Luna), and another that would detail my version of events that led to Nightmare Moon rising. In regards to more involving the same universe as "Heritage," I haven't decided yet. Like I said above, the idea HAS grown on me, and I wouldn't mind exploring the mother/daughter relationship between Luna and Cadance further, although I don't know what I'd use as a hook for it. On another site where "Heritage" has been posted, I had one person ask "why not tell the mane 6 the truth?" which could be...interesting, although I'm undecided on how everypony would respond (save Pinkie, who I've already decided would somehow already know the truth and just hadn't said anything because she thought everypony else already knew too). Actually, I would REALLY like to do something that explores the Luna/Silver Blaze relationship in more detail...hmm.
Anyway, most likely my next fanfic will be something simpler and more light-hearted involving the mane 6.
Sounds like a good concept to me, I'd run with that idea it has potential for another emotionally driven story.
Okay, this is from now on my headcannon. It explains where Luna was and where Cadance comes from. The only sad thing is that Cadance is certainly to outlive Shining.
But about the ship LunaXSilver Blaze. I pity Silver Blaze, if I look at Cadance it is almost certain that Silver Blaze was a very pink stallion... Further, the Princess of Love; sounds legit if you consider that the night is considered by a lot of people as the most romantic time of the day. And now a very bad pun to end it; The night is the time where love burns in our hearts (well, think about that!)
I mustn't cry...mustn't cry...
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Actually, I've been picturing Silver Blaze as being a rather brown pony, so I dunno where the pink came from. Maybe it's a recessive gene...
And now I have to go wipe my tears away, another Fic that brings them.
It's a good idea, but the execution is very lackluster. The pacing and dialogue are disjointed , and you have an annoying habit of trying desperately to avoid the word "said" - especially by using "remarked" so often. The worst point is the redundancy and the extreme lack of showing us how they think and react and feel; instead you are simply telling us it all in a very informative and cold way that comes out patchy and disrupts the flow of the story in some cases.
Still, I did like the story and I think you can improve on these things by practice and utilising pre-readers and editors. Thumbs up and encouragement to continue writing.
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I'm sure if I had used "said" instead that frequently, you would still have the same gripe. Hence the use of "remarked," or whatever word of that type I overused, in a failed attempt to correct this. Still, point taken, and I don't doubt that I did overuse more than one word, as other such examples were found in this when it was proofread prior to posting. Stands to reason that there would be others. (I've been meaning to take the time to sit down and give a thesaurus a good looking over for words like this.)
As for your remarks on "redundancy," "cold way," "patchy," "disrupts the flow," and all of that, please clarify, as while I have my suspicions as to what exactly you're referring to, I am not clear on what you mean on these per say. I cannot be certain if it is suggesting that there is indeed some error to be had (in which case I would greatly desire to be able to fix it for future works) or that you simply did not take to my writing style, or to my approach for writing the story (I'm uncertain at this point). And as there are potential downfalls to both, I want to be clear on this matter before I make possibly hasty assumptions that won't help me in the long run.
Maybe you should consider replacing the tragedy tag with the slice of life tag because with the whole forgiveness ending it's not that tragic.
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Tell you what, we'll compromise, and I'll ditch the tragedy tag and just leave it with the sad tag.
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Okay, just wanted to point that out because I generally try to avoid tragic stories, I just don't like seeing stories where the ending is without hope and all that jazz. So do a lot of other people and I just thought it would suck if people would avoid your story because of a simple tag.
Not the "Heritage" story I was looking for, but not bad. I quite like it in fact. Nice work, Author!
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I had hoped to explore the idea further in some subsequent stories, but regrettably that's not likely to happen anytime soon at present. 
Many thanks.
Luna should have allowed Celestia to apologize, as what she did was heavy-handed and meddlesome. Still, it had a legitimately good result.
Now the relationship is out in the open, Luna can start bugging Shining Armor like the mother-in-law she is.
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Heh, I have to confess, that possibility hadn't occurred to me before.
7159600 "So, Captain...about my daughter."
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*pictures Luna confronting Shining Armor interrogation-style in a dark room with a solitary table and a lamp shining in Shining's face*
*decrees that I find this mental image good*
Different time.
Beatiful story.
One of the best stories I have read
I honestly have no words (in a good way)
I guess the whole "Twilight Sparkle and the Crystal Heart Spell" got tossed into the woodchipper that was fed to a paper shredder that was then directed to a disintegrator before being force fed in a fire hose into a the path a of a flamethrower pumping out a mixture of ClF3 and O2F2 (aka FOOF!)?
I approve.
It's surprising there are so few comments here after all this time.
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Well, you gotta keep in mind--when I posted this fic, season 3 hadn't even begun to air yet (and wouldn't for over another month), the chapter books hadn't even been announced yet as getting published...I don't think the comics had even formally started yet. So all we had in terms of lore on the subject of Cadance at all was what was presented in the season 2 finale, which, looking back, was pretty darn scant. So at the time, I wasn't strictly breaking with any canonical points because said canonical points didn't exist yet.
But I was fully aware that the show probably wasn't going to go this route, and had been dreadfully afraid that season 3 would do something to invalidate the whole fic, so I rushed to get it published and out before the premiere. I was also afraid somebody else would get the same idea and beat me to the punch (which, amusingly, never happened), thereby stealing my thunder. In retrospect, though, I'm sort of sorry I rushed it and didn't instead take the time to refine it a bit more, listened to some of the additional input the editor who helped me with the fic a bit better instead of dismissing it for time reasons, etc. It could've been an even stronger fic than it is now.
But so much for regrets.
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Hey, no worries. And it's not like nobody else has ever broke with canon before or after the events being depicted--that's why there's an AltUniverse tag.
Although, given how much here IS AltUniverse, there's really no point in having it--they should've made a Canon tag for those extremely rare stories that DO follow Canon.
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And I find it funny.
Of course as we all now know, all of this is utter horseapples. Yes I see when this came out. But even then, this was pushing it, me thinks, on the believability scale.
The real reason Luna missed the wedding, was that she slepped through it all. Which was how I always saw it anyway.
On the brightside, I always did see this as one of the very first stories that got me into Friendship is Magic. On fanfiction.net of all places. Go figure :p