Princess Celestia finds a would-be thief after the Elements of Harmony. His reason though, strikes close to home. A sad story, I'm sorry to say, based on real-life events. Please read and review.
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Trinary
Joined 26th Nov, 2011 ·
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Very well written story, short and simple.
You have my condolences for your loss. I know how it feels.
Its beautiful. I too am very sorry for your loss.
Its the second time I've read this. Felt like I needed to come back to it.
Although Im unsure as to why the rating was 2.8, not that it matters. I loved it.
Very sad story.
Please have my condolences.
5 stars.
My condolences.
I thought Celestia was going to stick a thing up Trinary's butt.
I've been staring at the screen for over twenty minutes trying to find words; I saw your comment on my story, but I didn't give it much thought until I read yours. Ordinarily I shy away from reviewing a fic this intensely personal, but today I'll make an exception.
Spelling and grammar: As a grammar nazi, I have to say I'm impressed with your attention to detail. This story is free of syntax errors as far as I can tell, and it is more immersive as a result.
Characterization: This is the area where the story suffers the most: Trinary is, quite obviously, a self-insertion, and while I usually despise these characters, you use Trinary as a catalyst rather than a medium--that is, he is part of the story in a way that drives it to its conclusion rather than simply as a tool for an author's wish-fulfillment
It's because Celestia is less of a tabula rasa that I take issue with her characterization; while I understand the heavy emphasis on the portrayal of her as the omnibenevolent ruler, I can't help but think that this has been overdone. the Elements of Harmony are a superweapon and a national treasure wrapped into one (or rather, six)--a literal deus ex machina which also happen to be the Equestrian equivalent of the Nuclear Football. At the very least, she would be initially suspicious rather than sympathetic and confront Trinary at the scene rather than escort him to her quarters for a talk. (This also raises the issue as to where the guards were--why did she not alert them to the intruder? Did she take a roundabout route to get there?)
Circumstances and attention to detail: You also stretch the circumstances of her involvement: even the most utopian government in the universe would have tighter security than merely a overly-complicated lock for the tools that have saved the world twice in as many years. For that matter, how is it that Celestia herself just happened to be there at the exact time to catch Trinary? Is the room enchanted to alert her whenever somepony enters it? You never explain how she is in the right place at the right time, only that she is.
That said, Trinary's descriptions of Tycho's decay are second to none. You don't mince the details of his brother's illness or how his family was affected as a result. Pacing and tension are properly balanced, and even though you reveal early on that Tycho is gone readers still have the feeling of being punched in the gut when they arrive at Tycho's final moments. I'll spare you some bullshit line about Manly Tears, and not just because I think it's a tired and untrue cliche--these events are universally heartbreaking to simply read, much less live through.
Delivery: This story is told almost entirely through a retrospective lens, and as such you rely heavily on dialogue for exposition. However, this is actually a benefit given the circumstances, as it would be odd for Trinary to merely reflect on the events of his brother's death when Celestia had specifically asked him to tell her. This delivery is also helped by your meticulous attention to detail
Final thoughts: In spite of all of the criticisms I've leveled at this story, this is actually one of the strongest fics in the "Sad" genre, and I don't say that lightly. The impact comes from the believeability of the events as well as the real-life implications. Overall, I give this fic a healthy 3.5/5 stars.
On a personal note, I cannot begin to imagine how difficult this must have been for you to write about, much less live through. For what it's worth I am so, so sorry to hear about your brother.
I have no words... >:D<
Dear Trinary
I read this Story Back in August, before I made a Fimfiction account. It was the first fan fic to make me Cry. To this Date the only other fics that have made me cry have both been written by you. I know that I am way late saying this, but you have my Condolences, and an Internet Hug.
A friendly Bookworm
~Bookmark
God bless you Tri, know that i'll b praying for you.
I hope that you will find many of those ripples!
Great story!
Hi Tri,
I cannot express in words how this made me feel, but i'll try:
Let me just say that you touched my heart.
Your brother sounded like an amazing guy. I'm sure he's in a better place now,
I truly hope one day, for you and your family, things will be better somehow.
My heart goes out to you all.
God Bless.
This was a beautiful piece. I'm sorry for your loss
I would be lying if I said I know what it's like to lose a loved one, especially not a sibling (only because I never had any), though I feel I might learn sooner than many should, if only due to the circumstances surrounding my birth. You have my respect for not only losing your little brother, but having to deal with the events that led up to his death, and still moving ahead, never forgetting the loss you and your family suffered, but also not staying in the past. (To my knowledge, anyways. I cannot claim to know you personally, so I have no way to be 100% certain of that, though I am 99.99% certain my knowledge is correct.)
Just read this. Know this, after the first of the year I will be out on the ground at that time I will smoke a pipe for your brother. I cannot relate to how it must feel to lose a brother. even after this amount you are in my thoughts. as for what I am talking about read this. http://www.nicholaswood.net/Articles/Pipe-Ceremony.pdf
Whoever the fuck gave this three dislikes have no soul and are cruel because this is one of the most amazing stories I've ever read on this site and how tragic it is.... I had two siblings that were supposed to be born before me.... when I first heard about them I was so excited. I was actually kind of lonely but..... then they said that the babies were still born..... it hurt so.... in a way I know how you feel dude. I really do.
I was sort of sad throughout the middle of the story, but when I got to the end and realized this was a memorial for a real person, I was depressed for the whole day. I'm sorry for your loss, if anything happened to my siblings, I would be sorry to. Just press on and live your life to the fullest, there's nothing you can do for your brother, as cruel as that is.
Must. Hold in. Tears. *5 minutes later and 12 tissues later*
I think that it's out of my system now.
I'm also a middle brother. I couldn't imagine my little brother dying. He's my baby bro and he's the best of the 3 of us.