The Protagonist was just your average high-school graduate.
He was Average at math, at history and even average at making friends.
He was an overall average guy.
Waking up as a Pokemon in a big dark forest is not an Average morning.
And seeing as he's the only Pokemon in a forest of mostly regular animals is kind of a bad sign for him.
Our Chespin is going to try his best to live well in this strange world he found himself in while looking for a way back home.
Now If only he could get some peace and relaxation.
Chapters (35)
Seems interesting, I wonder if he's going to evolve at some point?
I'm liking this.
Character has a fun personality as well.
Monk
"not only was love blind but it must have some severe mental disorders too." -Recteik Shade
I believe it’s running OVER an Orphan.
11345155
Oops, Didn't notice that. I should probably spell check my stkry better next time.
I'm not fixing that btw :)
11345157
Meh it’s still obvious enough what you meant, so it fine! Have a good day!
The pacing is a bit off and a prologue that explained his arrival might help, but this is a pretty good first chapter
Interesting so far! Keep up the good work
Infinitely borrowing? Remind's me of Marisa's I'm borrowing it until I die. If you believe for a single second she won't burn her house down with everything inside when she nears her exiration date I have a house to sell you in the Bamboo Forest.
Decent. Unsophisticated, but decent. We get the gist of his character, but do you plan on giving him a (simple but detailed) backstory?
11346105
His Backstory is fairly simple and can be fully pieced together after a few chapters.
The story is fairly unsophisticated, sure. But I'm also not used to writing MLP.
I'm sure as of now you can find hundreds of stories with almost basically the same premise.
Human Gets sent to equestria as something that isn't a pony. Most of the time they remain human, Sometimes they're a different character.
It's the most basic premise of Human in Equestria stories.
But My twist is that not only is the human a Pokemon, He also can't communicate with most ponies and he also doesn't know anything about the show.
It's a character that can recognize that he's in a childrens cartoon but he knows nothing about it. And He can't really ask someone knowledgeable to explain the geo-political state of the world hes in, seeing as hes a wild animal that can only really talk to other wild animals.
Sure it's unoriginal. But at the very least it's not the same copy-paste of brony gets sent to ponyville and goes on adventure with main 6 and adds absolutely nothing unique to the plot except a quip every ten lines.
It's Unsophisticated, But I'm also not Tolkien. An Unsophisticated guy like me will have trouble writing grand epics.
Also, the story is a side-hobby to write while my main work is on Wattpad.
11346128
Well that makes sense. I guess I can chalk this in as part of casual reading.
Good job on number three.
11346562
Thank you so much :)
🤩😁
Alright, you have officially caught my attention. The Administration shall monitor this world.
11346924
I'm glad you changed your mind on the story :)
Is it weird that I instantly had the assumption that angel bunny would curse like a sailor...... I read too much fanfiction this is getting problematic
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He might be a silly little prankster. But he was also raised by Fluttershy, she kicked those habits out of him by now.
Though he might still curse when she can't hear him ;)
Oh come this is looking worse than usual hie fiction where someone shows up before the beginning of the story. Usually they are somehow forced into the events whether by choice or because it is out of their control.
11347083
I am sorry to hear that you think the story is looking worse than usual.
It's just that many of these stories where the MC participates in the event of the story, They all end up the same in the end, They don't change the overarching plot in any meaningful way.
It's also not in Character for Chespin to join them. He Isn't forced to, And he doesn't want to, so why would he?
It might not be to your taste, And that is totally fine, Everybody has their own opinion.
I hope you enjoyed the story thus far, and hope that you'll continue to read. Maybe a future chapter will change your mind.
If you have any other criticism though, Could you please tell me. Just saying the story looks worse than usual doesn't really help me fix my writing.
Again, Thank you for reading till here, I hope you stay longer. :)
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I guess most authors don't want them knowing about the show so of course they don't change anything plus sometimes they refuse to interfere enough.
If you need any OCs for Chespin to interact with, let me know via PM.
11347458
I don't need any OCs yet, I'll send you a message If I ever do.
Thank you for volunteering :)
11347088
I don't see anything wrong with the story. (other than the Authors comment at the chapters end making a huge deal about the Jewish issue. Personally I think it should be removed. The comment. If you don't make a big deal about it no one else will. The only thing that really pisses people off is bible thumping, and sermons / proselytizing inside of stories, other than that, no one here really cares.)
Personally, I rather like the story and am looking forward to more.
Monk
11347475
You're welcome. Kalos is actually my favorite region.
Yes yes yes yes!!
11347500
While I agree that Bible thumping and proselytizing inside of stories is annoying as all hell, there won't be any of that in this story.
But this is also the internet, where an anonymous user can say whatever they want in order to harass someone. Be it for their sexual orientation, nationality or faith.
It might seem like me making a huge deal out of something that many might find as nothing more than a small character trait, but online, Antisemitism is a big issue that I have faced plenty of times.
The Author note might seem annoying , and making the issue bigger than what some might think, But I will not remove it.
Thank you for liking the story thus far, and I hope you enjoy future chapter :)
Interesting story so far. Hope you don't lose your fun of writing too fast. Every day less storys get updates...
She going to be surprised when she realizes that despite the language differences he just as smart as any pony she knows.
11348113
Yeah, I've been planning to take a break on this one and go continue my Storm King story on Wattpad.
Thank you for finding this story interesting so far :)
manga
Chespin after all the training:
pop.inquirer.net/files/2021/05/834.png
11348257
I mean, He was in the army before he was in a Rodent, It probably sucks to go through military training for almost half a year and then lose all of your hard work.
He also really needs to work on his pectorals and biceps, They get very squishy with all that pie.
Excited for more.
That is a very horny porcupine
11349396
I think you meant Spiky. Porcupines don't have horns silly :)
I've got to admit, I've been following your main story on Wattpad and this one, but I find myself more engaged in this.
I don't know, I guess its the setting and way you're developing the story thats interesting me.
Apart from that, this story has been quite good, the absence of the main 6 is being covered quite nicely with animals OCs, and I'm quite interested to see what new "humans" will appear as.
I do have a couple of questions though:
Will the MC ever evolve? just a curiosity really.
Is him learning new moves tied with events and experiences or would he have to manipulate the aura/magic within him to use them? like if he can use the MLP magic as a sort of "inspiration" to develop new, never before seen moves.
Is Antonio ever coming back? I admit that being Italian myself made him 50% better just with that alone xD
Any chance we can get a link or something to direct those of us interested in your Wattpad stories?
That is a porcupine that needs to get laid
11349631
Here you go :)
https://www.wattpad.com/story/306852461-how-i-started-a-war-in-a-children-cartoon-ocsi-x
11349466
Thank you!
To answer your questions,
Maybe, Experience and Yes, Antonio will be coming back :)
11347065
It's a refreshing taken on Angel, that's for sure.
Love the disjointed internal monologue as though the story itself is speaking to the reader. It reminds me of the way my favorite story was written, the How to Train Your Dragon books. As a person who can only write debbie downer stuff, I'm quite envious of how fun your story is to read through.
Also, major Sword in the Stone vibes. Wiley vixen rodents. What a mouthful.
Nice bro like that it wasn't a legendary he met yet hope to see more btw what's ur favorite pokemon mine is Gengar
11350124
He won't be meeting any legendaries until at least season 3 of the show, and it's still not even episode 3 of the first season, timeline wise.
My favorite Pokemon is Aron.
Glad you liked the story so far :)
excited for more
11350124
11350141
My favorite Pokemon is Greninja.
I wonder what Chespin will do next?
I sure did!
Excited for more.
I never understood why people want to go back to the human world so bad. If I was yanked somewhere else, especially Equestria, You would have to toss me out, kicking and screaming.
We're literally in a hell peopled by demons.
Monk
“Because we killed all of the monsters we ever ran into, save for ourselves and Death. What better way to respect death than to give it the form of the only monster we could never kill?" - WhatMustIDo