Waking up early, I left my den and immediately started rolling towards the mountain Antonio lives in.
The Sun hasn't risen yet, I don't have much food in my den, and there are two hours of travel before I get to the cave.
Seeing as the Torkoal that lives up there is the only other human I met since I got to this world, He's the only one I can really talk to about stuff back home.
Sure I can talk with Angel or Fluttershy, Maybe even Red and Spike if I really feel like it. But they won't really understand what it means to me.
I spent almost twenty years back on earth, and suddenly getting thrust into the body of a Pokemon in a world of magical talking animals, with cartoon characters living right next door. They might sympathize me, but they can't empathize me.
And that small but clear distinction is why I need to go up that mountain once a week.
I need something human in my life here.
Sure, The animals here speak human, and so do the ponies, but it's those small little things in how they act and interact with one another, that distinctly cartoon feel, that will never make them truly feel Human.
It has a name in graphic design and robotics.
The Uncanny Valley, Something that acts and even looks like a human will feel natural to a viewer - only up to a point.
These ponies, these Animals I live with, Everything here feels like that, They act Human, They sound Human, But they don't look human and I can not see them as such.
In the three weeks I spent here, I have received much assistance from both the Animals, and even recently from Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle, But it all feels to warm and fuzzy.
Too much sunshine and rainbows.
Too much like a cartoon.
And most of all, Distinctly Not Human.
Only the Torkoal by the name of Antonio Figlioccio has felt Human, He didn't look human at all, But perhaps the simple fact that he's just like I am in this situation, the fact that he is able to emphasize with it.
That makes him Human.
After making several stops along the way to pick up berries, nuts and some root vegetables I managed to recognize.
I hope Antonio likes Kohlrabi and Horseradish because that's what he's getting.
Though it is weird that Root Veggies, Which are grown during the winter, can be found in the wild here during summer.
Another weird thing to add about this world.
Walking into the entrance of a cave I look around in order to find Mr Figlioccio.
The Balcony overlooking the sunrise, Check.
The big basin of water in the corner which steamed last time I was here, Check.
Piles of Gold and Treasure guarded by a Dragon, Che- Wait what?!
Quickly hiding behind a rock before the dragon can see me, I start thinking of what the hell is going on?
Did that Dragon eat Antonio and take over this cave?
Am I going to die soon? I don't want to die! I want to go home and make my mom proud! I can't die here!
I need to get out of here, But how? If I run back towards the cave entrance the Dragon will notice me and I'll die.
What about sneaking out? No way. My tiny Chespin body cant sneak for it's life. The only reason I managed to get away from being caught by the Mayor and whoever was with her when I was stea- BORROWING, When I was Borrowing from the apple cart was because the hall was empty and I hid underneath the cart by hugging it, holding myself close to it as to not cast a shadow....
Wait, That might work.
Slowly extending the two vines from my upper back I pull them towards the cave wall behind me.
They only reach maybe seven meters, Ten if I try and concentrate on them. It isn't much, But to get from the rock I'm hiding behind to the cave wall, It's enough,
Slowly getting the vines to crawl on the ground like snakes, they reach the cave wall and latch onto a protrusion from the wall.
I sure am glad I started working out here, If I didn't I might not have been able to do this next bit.
Making sure that the Vines are holding tight to the wall, I lift myself up from the ground like Doctor Octopus's less successful copycat, Using the vines as makeshift arms to pull me towards them without touching the ground.
I can't use this technique to swing like Tarzan or actually walk like Doctor Octopus, It's closer in practice to using the vines as a sort of grappling hook.
I need the vines to hold on to something, And then I pull them back to me. By having the vines grab on to something with a larger mass and weight than me, It turns from me dragging the object towards myself to me being dragged towards the object.
I basically created the pokemon equivalent of the Hookshot from Zelda. Just less piercing and more tying around.
After a few tense minutes of slowly pulling myself towards the wall and slowly sneaking out the cave, I finally made it out.
With the Dragon none the wiser.
I really am a master of stealth.
And now that I'm finally out of the cave I can go and - "Hey, Sammy Boyo, What are you doing sneaking around like that?"
HE WASN'T EATEN?!
Sitting in the middle of the Cave with Antonio and the dragon, I learned that no, The dragon isn't a danger to him or me.
"Yep, Razer over here is just-a borrowing a part of the cave." Antonio said as he Dragon, Razer nodded before speaking.
"Yeah, Sorry for scaring you bro, I just needed a place to go for my Dragonsleep, It'll only be like ten years of hibernation or somthin'. Oh, and you can take something from the pile as an apology, no hard feelings right?" Now I feel bad.
This Dragon might look scary, but he didn't eat Antonio, He apologized for scaring me even though he did absolutely nothing and now he's offering me to take something from the pile of treasure in the corner?
"No no it's fine, I should be the one apologizing. I didn't know you moved in and started overthinking things, I'm sorry for profiling you, Let's start fresh." I tell Razer the dragon before I continue.
"My name is Samuel Cohen, I am a Human turned Pokemon just like Mr Figlioccio here, It is a pleasure to make your acquintance." I offer my hand for a shake.
"Well, My name is Razer, no last name, and I am a dragon, It's a pleasure meeting you" He moves his large claw closer to my hand before gently grabbing it with two of his fingers, we shake hands.
"Look at that, I told you he was a nice Dragon, wouldn't hurt a fly. Now, Why don't-a we enter the water, All this negotiating makes-a me want to slip into a hot tub." Antonio says as he picks himself up and slowly walks into the water basin in the corner.
Following after him, Razer and I also slip into the cold, cave water.
Well, It was cold for a few seconds before the pokemon which is used in Hoenn to heat sauna's enters the water. And the large shoots a beam of fire into the water further back.
What was previously a cold basin full of rain water that trickled through a few gaps further back in the cave to create this underground lake, Has turned into a Giant Hot Tub.
As I lean back, relaxing my body in the hot water I feel my muscles relax and the quills on my head droop down like wet hairs.
When was the last time I actually had a warm bath? I probably smell terrible as well. Lake water isn't the best thing to bathe in, I don't have soap and shampoo and the water is usually cold.
We spend the next hour talking about menial stuff, where we grew up, what we miss about earth, before Tony asks me a weird question.
"So, How is That-a war on drugs thing in America going on?" He asks, Making me stop for a moment.
The War on Drugs was a global campaign by the United States government with the goal of reducing the Drug Trade in America.
Pretty much everyone knows that with the many laws that have been passed since the start of the campaign, making drugs more accepted and legalizing the use of many of them, The War on Drugs has been considered by many as an astronomical failure by the UN and American Government.
Leading to the rise of the Opioid Epidemic.
Sometimes I'm glad that Drugs are Illegal where I'm from, If I ever feel bad about how my government handles things, I look at how the Americans are doing and I start feeling a lot better.
"What does the War on Drugs have to do with anything?" I ask Antonio.
"You know, The Elections for the most powerful man on the planet are coming up and I wanted to hear your opinion on the current President over there." Now I'm even more confused, The next US presidential elections don't happen till 2024.
More than two years from when I was before arriving here.
"Umm, Well. The War on Drugs is over, pretty much. Drugs have been legalized in enough US States that killing members of Mexican cartels won't change anything." I tell him how I see it, or at least saw it.
"So soon? No way Reagan would let it end-a like this." Wait what? Wait just a second.
"Antonio, If you don't mind me asking,What year do you think it is? Back on earth I mean." I ask the Italian turtle, This question, which might seem like a normal question about how you feel with the politics in the news has raised a big red flag for me right now.
"What year is it? Why? Did you forget already? Hit-a your head on the way here?" The Torkoal jokes with a smirk on his face, but I really need him to answer the question.
"Antonio This is serious, What year is it?" I ask again.
Seeing that I'm not laughing at his joke Antonio becomes serious, "I don't know why you are-a so serious, But the year is 1988, Why did you need to know?" I freeze.
Nineteen-eighty-eight.
That's more than 30 years ago...
Fuck.
Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
FUCK!
I need to get to twilight right now! I need to get that mirror right this instant!
Antonio has been here for almost a month longer than I have, If a Month here is 30 years back on earth!?
I need to get out of here! I really need to get home!
I-I-I can't stay here!
"Sammy calm down, Your panicking."
How long has it been? ten, twenty years? Is my father dead?!
Oh no.
Oh NO.
Oh Nonononononononononononononononnononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononononono.
NOOOOOO!!!!!!
Looking at Samuel passed out on the ground has made Razer and Antonio scared for his safety.
"Grab him and take him to that-a town next to the big spooky forest, He lives nearby. I don't know what got into him but-a that cant be good. Look for Someone named-a Fluttershy, She can speak with animals-a he told me." Antonio tells the big red dragon, Prompting Razer to gently pick up the unconscious Chespin in his hands and fly with him out of the balcony.
Seeing the dragon fly towards the town of Ponyville, Antonio looks around for anything Chespin might need to feel better.
Antonio can imagine what's going through the younger mans head.
He Misses his home.
He wouldn't have made a climb like this if he didn't want to hang out with him. And the only reason he might have to do so is because Antonio is also a Human.
Hearing the sound of hooves hitting the cave floor, he turns around to see the newest arrival.
"Oh my, It seems I was late. I do apologize for that, sincerely. But may I ask what all that ruckus I heard was before dear Razer flew out?" An old British voice asks the Italian, the kind of voice you might find on a gentlemen from an old movie or show.
"You're late Picard, The kid I told you about was just here. I had-a Razer take him to Ponyville down there because he had a panic attack." Antonio tells the Human turned deer creature that just came in.
"Oh no, but, Did you just say the town of Ponyville? I shall go there right this instant, to greet our new friend." And with that declaration the deer with sticks as antlers left the cave, a few leaves falling off his head as he does.
Looking at the old man go, Antonio looks down at his short and slow feet and sighs before walking towards the balcony to check if he can see Razer and Sam.
"I knew I shouldn't have brought up politics" he whispers to himself as he sits down on the balcony.