//------------------------------// // Chapter 14: A Chestnut hates Sailing. // Story: A Walking Chestnut // by Netap //------------------------------// As Twilight and Spike arrive back home in the library, Spike opens his mouth to give his opinion on what transpired in the past four hours. "Don't you think it was kind of rude of you to drag Sam all the way to the castle, In ropes might I add, and then put him on a diplomatic mission across the ocean?" Spike asks Twilight, who lowers bags of new books she bought when she had spare time in Canterlot. "Well, It was a request from the Princess, you can't refuse an order from the crown, Spike, Even if you really want to." Twilight explained to Spike, Which confused him. "But it wasn't even from the Princess." That catches Twilight's attention. "What do you mean?" "Well, I would understand if it was on the orders of Princess Celestia, But she wasn't there. It was Raven Inkwell that sent the letter and held the meeting. The only actual royalty there were that Duke from Caninia, Princess Cadance and Prince Blueblood. And Blueblood sounded like he also didn't think it was a good Idea." Spike told her. Twilight, thinking over what she just heard, looked back at what happened since she picked up Samuel at his cave. He tried to run away, he was tied up in ropes and dragged across a city, he was seated in a meeting which seemed of great importance without any prior knowledge of what was going on, and then he was sent to the New Breezie port, surrounded by an armed guard nonetheless. He really didn't want to go. It might have looked like a child throwing a temper tantrum in her eyes, because she couldn't understand what he was saying and he looked so small, but Spike understood everything he said. He was an adult who was humiliated and sent on an envoy for a nation not his own. "Spike, Write to princess Celestia right now!" She shouts and Spike runs off to find a quill and paper. She just hopes she isn't too late... I Hate Boats, I get seasick very easily when I'm on them. The slow ones at the very least, Smaller fast boats are okay. Mostly because I'm too busy holding on to dear life when they jump over a small wave. The more correct way to say it is that I Hate Being on Boats. I love looking at them, They remind me of Grandpa. He used to build realistic models of old ships from hundreds of years ago. He gave me a model of one when I turned 18, It had 3 poles and 11 sails that unfurled downwards to open. It some ship from the 17 or 18th century. As I was reminiscing about my grandpa, another wave rocks the boat and I hold myself from throwing up. When I get back to Equestria, I am going to ruin Twilight's life. I Promise you this, Twilight Sparkle, you just made an enemy for life. I'm sure I can hatch a plot to ruin her life on my way back from Caninia, I am the worlds greatest criminal mind after all. "*Tap Tap Tap*" I hear knocking on the door to my cabin, Slowly shambling my nauseous body to the door, I swing it open, intending to hit whoever is on the other side. I miss my shot to hit someone in the head with a swinging door, Apparently the doors here aren't even wide enough to hit someone. Bummer. I look at who it is and I see the pink pony from the meeting, Gorgonzola or whatever her name was. She was a bit too optimistic so I immediately pinned her as the one in the wrong. You can never be optimistic in Politics, take it from me, a guy who lives in a country that had seen 15 wars since it's founding, and those are the ones that were considered wars by the Ministry of Defense. Have you seen the wiki page for the Nigerian civil war? The fucking Vatican was there! It was insane! "Hello, My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, but please call me Cadance, I thought it a good Idea to introduce myself before we reach Caninia." She gave a short bow and waited for my introduction. Her name is literally I love Cadance What a stupid name. I'll introduce myself as well though, It's the least I could do. "Chespin" That's right, Chespin, Not the full name, politician don't deserve that! These politician don't get Samuel Cohen, not after they treated me like this! "Chespin? That's a unique name, is it perhaps Prench?" I close the door on her face. I am not in the mood to hold a cheery, happy, lovely discussion with her. Shambling slowly to a door in the corner of my cabin, I enter the bathroom and vomit into the toilet bowl. Did I already say that I Despise sailing? Because I do. In the royal castle of Canterlot, Princess Celestia is sitting on her balcony, drinking tea with her younger sister. Looking at Luna, she still hasn't gotten her body back to how it should look, She's still the size of a normal Pony, and her hair isn't flowing with magic like it should. But she's getting there, she looks better than she did three weeks ago. As she takes a sip of her tea, A Letter appears in front of her. "Did Twilight send you another friendship lesson?" She hears Luna ask as she pick up the letter. "Let's find out" She replies. Reading over the Letter, Celestia blink and reads it over again, and a third time just to make sure she didn't miss anything. "Lulu, would you mind reading this for me, I think I misread some words there" Celestia passes the letter to Luna, who proceeds to read the letter out loud, exactly as Celestia read it. Taking the letter back and reading it one final time, She opens her mouth and shouts in The Royal Canterlot voice, a technique she hasn't used in nearly eighty years. "RAVEN INKWELL!!!" After a few hours of trying to fall asleep without success, I crawl out of the bed that's nailed to the floor so it won't slide around. I crawl my seasick body towards the bag that the Bitchy Unicorn chick gave me when I got on this death trap of a boat. Opening the bag, I check what's inside of it. A bunch of Documents that mean nothing to me, A notebook with animals found in Caninia, A picture of the Unicorn striking what I could only guess is supposed to be an erotic pose, if her biting her glasses with her lips and the lipstick kiss mark on the photo are anything to go by, and finally, two tickets to some gathering called the Grand Galloping Gala. I'm not stupid, I might not understand this world that runs on Cartoon logic as much as I do my own, But I understand when someone is flirting with me, most of the time at least, And the last two object in the bag practically scream it. Too bad she's not a Human, Because I don't think I'm going to sleep with a cartoon pony any time soon. I might look like a Cartoon character as well, being a Chespin and all that, But I am a Human! There is that whole Harkness test thing that sometimes comes up, but I'm going to wait before I try and use it. As I think about how fucked up my love life is that my only two options are a Single Mother Porcupine who keeps giving me gifts without actually asking me out, and a Unicorn I met today and only spoke two sentences with. Thinking about how stupid this all is, I grab the photo and walk into the bathroom. Don't judge me, It's been almost four months since I last did this. A mans got to do what a mans got to do. Entering Princess Celestia's study, Raven Inkwell takes a seat in front of the desk. Sitting on the other side of the desk in the Princess that called her here, Princess Celestia. And sitting in the corner of the room, drinking what seems like a carton of orange juice, is Princess Luna. "Raven, I'm going to skip all the pleasantries and go straight to the point.-" Celestia told Raven as soon as she took her seat "-Did you place Samuel Cohen on the Diplomatic mission to Caninia?" Confused as to where this is coming from, as Raven got the go-ahead from the princess to send whoever she thinks will be the most helpful, Princess Cadance because she's the princess of Love, might find it easy to come to a peaceful resolution, Prince Blueblood, because once you disregard how he acts in public, he is the type of Pony to finish the job in the most efficient way there is, It might be in order to get it done sooner, but it could also be because he's a genius of the Political and Aristocratic social climate. And Samuel Cohen was sent because of the rumors that the leader of the workers uprising, one self proclaimed President Lycanroc, can only speak with Animals and other Diamond Dogs, sounding to all other races that hear him as if he's grunting out syllables that make up his own name, Similar to Samuel Cohen and how the Dragons and the Animals around Ponyville understood him while for most ponies, other than the Element of Kindness, He sounded as if saying Syllables of Chespin. Telling that to Celestia, Raven looks as the Princess in front of her slumps down in her chair. "Raven," The princess starts tiredly, "You can't put Samuel Cohen on the mission, he isn't a citizen of Equestria." She explains. Raven knew something like this would come up, so she brought out several document to give the princess. Reading over them once, then twice, before giving them for Luna to read over, before getting them back. Celestia hold her head in her hooves as she sighs. "How did you, in two weeks, manage to give the Human, Samuel Cohen, full equestrian Citizenship, including the right to vote, and Run for council, added all together with six years where he pays no tax?" Celestia ground out. "Well, I needed someone who could speak with President Lycanroc on the mission, and he seemed like the best optio-" Raven gets cut off by Celestia. "I understand that, I mean, how did you do it in two weeks? We didn't even know he existed until a week after the Summer Sun Celebration." Celestia reiterates, having Raven give the simple answer of, "I'm very good at my job, your highness" Celestia dropped her head on to the desk and groaned as Luna giggled from the corner. I don't know how long I've been on this vessel, but the days seem to blur together, Looking outside the porthole on the wall, I see the sun shining brightly in the sky, the waves calm and low, a picture of a nice summer sky. Truly, this is hell. There's no other explanation, I've died and this is my punishment. I'll reread the book again! I'll pray before doing anything! Will that fix this?! ANSWER ME!!! But I got no answer, no sign of divinity to tell me what to do. As I'm losing my mind on the second day of the voyage, I hear knocking on the door. Running towards the door, I swing it open, revealing once more, Princess Cadance. "Good morning, I've come to- What happened to your face!?" She exclaims in shock. Grabbing a mirror from somewhere, she floats it towards me. My reflection can be nothing more than this accursed Cartoon Logic at work once more. My eyes are a bloodshot red with dark circles underneath them, the fur on my face seems to have elongated into a scruffy beard, I look like an old crazy seaman. Running quickly towards the bathroom to get a better look, I climb up a few plastic boxes in order to see my reflection above the sink. Dear God, I look like I'm going to hunt down a white whale because it ate my leg. Quickly grabbing a Razor and shaving the beard off my face, I walk out of the bathroom to see Cadance looking at the Photo of the unicorn that came with the bag. Her cheeks flushing red, she places the photo back where she found it, and silently walks out of the room. Once she exits the cabin, she says that breakfast is ready and that I'm invited to join them, before closing the door and leaving. Did I tell you already that I hate Sailing on boats?