• Member Since 23rd Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Odd_Shot


A little lopsided in the temporal lobe: a telltale sign of a crippling mare addiction.

E

An earth pony healer is given responsibility over an injured unicorn. All eyes are on them. Maybe even those of Windigos.


Written for the contest A Thousand Words.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 6 )

Wow... This was, uh...

This was a fantastic one, man. Your prose here was enviable. Only 1000 words but I've seen other authors fumble to deliver half the emotion here in ten times that count.

Holy shit. This is easily one of the best stories on this site.

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Thanks so much.
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I'm more than happy to contribute to that if it means I get to write more like this. Thank you.

Oof, this is impressive. Using utter minimalism to both world-build and tell a compelling story is a feat and a half, very well done.

Burns from no harmonious order: instead, the prophetic results of vicious unicorn magic.

Prophetic? Did the spell burn Iridium or just foretell that she would be burned?

Your voice is pure cotton, and my ears are always here.

... So the healer is stuffing her ears with that voice to block out everything else? I can almost make sense of that, but I figured they'd want to listen for any other medical emergencies.

our caravan lacks the hearth-warmers to feel out heat.

Hmm. Sensing geothermal hot spots? Possibly pegasus scouts to look for warm fronts? Intriguing possibilities here.

Many of your injuries readily reciprocate my efforts.

... They're healing the healer in return?

This is a potent tale of devotion and loss, but the word choice ranges from distracting to outright baffling. It's good, don't get me wrong, but your efforts to capture an antiquated tone come across as the healer digging through the caravan's thesaurus to impress Iridium. (And I'm not sure what the context of the text is. I assume the healer's recording this in their journal, but I'm not certain.)

Again, the narrative itself is excellent. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.

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Prophetic? Did the spell burn Iridium or just foretell that she would be burned?

Prophetic in the sense that Iridium (a unicorn) and her unicorn-made injuries were a sign that things in Equestria would only get worse.

So the healer is stuffing her ears with that voice to block out everything else?

Her voice is soft, and he's always eager to listen.

... They're healing the healer in return?

The injuries are responding to his healing.

your efforts to capture an antiquated tone come across as the healer digging through the caravan's thesaurus to impress Iridium.

Totally fair, but I want to be clear here and state that I wasn't trying to match that to any extent. Death of the author and all that, but here are some more thoughts: what I did intend was for the healer to come across as more educated/well-read than other earth ponies, hence his newfound appreciation for poetry. In the time I spent polishing up the story, I had an internal debate over if I should simplify the vocabulary to match the tribe, but I ended up not pursuing that.

(And I'm not sure what the context of the text is. I assume the healer's recording this in their journal, but I'm not certain.)

It's a mix: for the majority of the passages, it's a state of internal reflection; for the minority, he converses with her in the present.

I'm very happy to hear you enjoyed the story. Thanks for reading.

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