This story is a sequel to The End of an Era
Empress Whiteheart goes to the Changeling Empire on a diplomatic mission. Things can only go south from here.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 31st Mar, 2021
- offline last seen 4 hours ago
The Ancestor
Rus | Man is the warmest place to hide.
The Ancestor
Joined 31st Mar, 2021 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Elkia Deerling · 146k words · 10 0 · 839 views
- One of Nine · 282k words · 413 90 · 18k views
- KKSlider · 8k words · 168 11 · 2k views
- The Mountaineer Brony · 20k words · 42 0 · 1.6k views
- Rune Soldier Dan · 3.4k words · 70 3 · 1.2k views
- AkumaKami64 · 3.2k words · 226 5 · 5.6k views
- Reviewfilly · 2.5k words · 108 4 · 1.4k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.101 seconds
Total duration
932 users online
147,892 hits today, 2,591,549 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Ah, quite different from how I expected this story to continue, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I was kind of figuring you'd go on with your usual somewhat allegorical style, but a more straightforward story is a nice change of pace as well. I like that the story is clearly inspired by Dishonored but the actual events differ greatly, having the Empress both continue to be the legitimate and recognize monarch and the assassin as well at the same time is an interesting choice.
However, I think she might have gotten into her new job a bit too fast and well. You sort of implied that she largely spent her life signing documents and maybe had a few sparring classes with Cross and yet now she has more than a dozen corpses to her name without as much as breaking a sweat. I understand she didn't exactly have the time to practice or anything, but still a few stumbles or not so clean executions would have probably helped to sell that she's not an emotionless one-mare-army. Regardless, the action is nice and varied and faithfully gives back the game's atmosphere. Perhaps giving her possession this early was a bit too much, I think blink would have been enough, but as long as she won't ball out of control, it's fine.
Am I right to assume that Twilight and Discord basically merged into one being and that's why Whiteheart is hearing a male and a female voice? Also, is the story playing a long time after the previous one with how differently things work now?
Cross's death was gruesome, I liked it a lot! I do recommend having characters with a longer screentime though, having the reader become attached to them and then kill them off is far more cathartic than killing them a few thousand words later.
Got a chuckle out of me, I suppose you can't do Dishonored without whiskey and cigars.
Your story has quite a few typos still. Try to run it through at least Word or something first. It didn't affect my understanding of the story, but it looks very sloppy and your fic deserves better than that.
All in all, looking forward to where you'll bring things next. How long do you expect this story to be in total?
11174054
I've felt that a third, mostly allegorical story in a row would grow a tad stale, so I went for a more straightforward approach.
Yeah, I suspected that I went a little overboard with the action scenes, didn't mean for her to come off as highly trained assasin. I might go back and change some of it.
Perhaps I worded it wrongly, but I didn't mean it as posession, per se, more like a mind control type of abuility. The changelings are, or were at some point, drones that are good at following orders. Thus, they are rather susceptible to that kind of influence.
Cross, on the other hand, is was a rather ambitious pony, if somewhat unstable by the time he is confronted by Whiteheart. Thus, the Empress has a harder time manipulating him. I tried to show it by his sudden twitches, don't know how well that came out in the end.
Grammar is the bane of my existence
, each time I skim through the fic some pesky typos manageto sneak through. I'll get to fixing it asap.
Kinda
I imagined it this way: When Discord was hit by Twilight's spell that bound him to the Waking world, she 'melted' into the Void and was lost forever. What Whiteheart heard, was a piece of Twilight's soul that Discord managed to grab just as she was being undone. It's not exactly her, but rather a part of waht used to be Twilight. Discord did that out of spite.
Although your assumption is a good one too. Ultimately, I believe it's up to the reader to interpret it.
I imagined it to be at least enough time for ponies to forget that Alicorns, as a whole, existed.
This fic is finished, but the whole story isn't. I have ideas for at least one more fic. It'll probably be an almanach type deal with multiple chapters that have one story, told from the perspective of different people.
Like this:
Pony steals a loaf of bread, a cop arrests them-->That does something or other, gets into trouble with a noble or something-->story continues from the perspective of a noble e.t.c.
As to how long it'll be, I have no idea. :p
11174089
Isn't it ironic for me to complain about typos and then leave one in my own comment as well!
I don't mean to be coy, but I fail to see the practical difference between suggesting so hard you can't refuse to kill your friend and just your body being taken over and used to kill your friend.
I meant it that way. That's why I've said "in total." That almanac sounds fun, I'm sure you'll be able to carve a satisfying end to the story.