On one quiet evening Empress Twilight Sparkle calls upon her last friend, the avatar of Chaos himself.
He provides insight best left forgotten.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 31st Mar, 2021
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
The Ancestor
Rus | Man is the warmest place to hide.
The Ancestor
Joined 31st Mar, 2021 ·
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The Ancestor · 1.6k words · 82 0 · 1.8k views
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Good story, but one typo. I liked how there wasn't any actual dialogue, just hints of what they said like a storybook.
11145320
Thank you for the kind words! Fixed btw.
I kinda feel like I'm missing something. Otherwise good story.
11145504
Something as in context?
Interesting story, though not without its issues. I had to read it twice to really get what you were going for, but after mulling it over a little, I do like the idea.
The mosaic metaphor is a nice, but ultimately feels a bit incongruent with what I assume is the main thread of this story (i.e. the disappearance of Magic.) You spend quite some time detailing Twilight's grief, (which I do like, don't get me wrong,) but then at the end you make a U-turn and focus on an almost completely different idea and the ending's impact suffers from it. I think if you focused a bit more on how the magic was disappearing (perhaps Twilight's own powers are weakening or, if you further want to play into the burden-angle, everyone around her is losing their vitality,) things wouldn't only have been clearer, but also more satisfying as well.
On the other hand, I do have to praise the melancholy of the last few paragraphs. Framing death as "abdication" is a great touch. So is the idea that Alicorns are leeching off the world. Discord appearing so pained, dying in front of Twilight's eyes, and her reaction are also a gut punch.
I'm looking forward to what you'll release next.
11145564
Thank you for the kind words, as well as some criticism, it's what ultimately keeps me going!
Perhaps I should've went more in-depth regarding the how's and why's of magic's disappearance, but decided it'd be best to leave that until next time.
Thank you for dedicating your time to read my story and write a comment, feedback is always appreciated!
i comment
11145724
Indeed
Eh.
Where's that thumbnail from?
11147938
A random screenshot of The Void from Dishonored.
Decent story and did enjoy. Take a fav and like friend. :)
For a story quite short this did have impact. You have a very impressive way of conveying sadness? Maybe not sadness, but melancholy? I guess it's essentially the same thing.
I liked this even if it did make my heart hurt. Death of the princesses always pains me I guess because I don't expect it.
Great short, I'll move on to another.