It's the day after Starlight Glimmer's reformation and she hasn't come out of her room this morning. This has Twilight worried. Is her student just sleeping in after a day of excitement, or is it something more serious?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 9th Oct, 2021
- offline last seen Yesterday
Reformed Pony
Just a guy looking into writing fanfics
Reformed Pony
Joined 9th Oct, 2021 ·
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For a first story its good! With my only immediate criticism being Starlight’s speech patterns feel blocky. If that makes sense.
Regardless I’m interested to see what you come up with.
I found small grammar problems, but nothing big to worry about, and for a first story is a good one.
I loved the story. I can relate to Starlight Glimmer a lot.
Cool story :)
11037092
Thank you! Would you mind pointing out the mistakes?
11037421
This is the part
Excellent first outing! Welcome to the site of crazy horse word writers, by the way. Hope you'll stick around.
This was a well-written story, and the only advice I have will be something that should come with time. The pacing was good, but I believe that it could have slowed down a tad more to include some more description, such as a bit more of the state of the room (either being tired and causing a mess, trashing it a bit in her emotional state, etc.) or of Starlight's emotions through her facial expressions and perhaps some additional mannerisms (nervous tics like her snort-laugh). Since Twilight was the principal character, there could be some description from Twilight's perspective of what Starlight's reaction was like through feeling that maybe Starlight was tense when hugged, her heartrate climbed, etc.
A lot of this is a stylistic choice, however.
Overall, very good! I love myself some Starlight drama, so this was right up my alley.
11050107
Thank you so much for the feedback!
This story is beautiful actually I have never actually read a story that was this good I'm flabbergasted at the story I'm I really am I thank you for making the story and keep up the great work
(Voiced my text btw sorry for no punctuations)
First story? Wow, I'd never believe that if I hadn't read it in the description. It was a great story, by the way, and one that brightened up my day. I hope you keep writing!