Colder Clouds

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This story is a sister to Iridium

In Cloudsdale, as the Long Cold seeps in, a matron is doing all she can to hold faith, even as the very flock she’s raising falls apart around her.

In Pegasopolis, things will be better. They must.

Chapters (1)

Comments ( 7 )

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Soaring

Soaring #1 · 3 weeks ago · 2 · ·

If you wanted to punch me in the face, you should've just asked. God damn.

You really know how to write in the first person perspective, and the fact you can world build so easily with so few words is definitely a talent that I wish I had.

Not That Anon

Not That Anon #2 · 3 weeks ago · · ·

I really like the image that you're painting with your prose here. The fic is very atmospheric, which is something I really appreciate in stories. Though it's only a thousand words long, it left a stronger impression on me than many good fics dozens of times its size.

Reviewfilly

Reviewfilly #3 · 3 weeks ago · · ·

Excellent story. I can't help but think the line about "being conditioned to reject the weakest of the flock" is a nod to the RF-verse and with that in mind, the way you continue the thought is a lovely subversion that I really did not expect.

I wonder, were you inspired by Frostpunk when writing this story? I understand the whole "long cold" due to Windigos concept is core FiM, but the way you write about it and the narrator's dogged insistence on Pegasopolis' eventual creation really reminded me of the whole "The City must not fall" mantra.

Even if it just a coincidence, I'm impressed the story managed to convey that same desperation and almost senseless hope. It absolutely baffles me that you have not yet gotten 10 likes on this in 8 hours.

Odd_Sarge

Odd_Sarge #4 · 3 weeks ago · 1 · ·

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Thanks, Soaring.
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It's nice to hear these things about my compact 1000-word fics. I hesitate to post them because they demand a lot more polish than any other fics I have. Thank you, I hope the impression lasts.
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were you inspired by Frostpunk

It wasn't, I was just aiming for core FiM. But I like that it invoked that Frostpunk setting.

It absolutely baffles me that you have not yet gotten 10 likes on this in 8 hours.

It will. It must.

NorrisThePony

NorrisThePony #5 · 3 weeks ago · 2 · ·

My sister and Commander Hurricane were close. Twined as taut the binding of a Cloudsdale-smithed spear. Tighter than the neck of the river at the hoof of the eastern unicorns’ ‘demesne’. Thicker than the muck of the earth ponies’ farmlands.

For a story that was very sparse and minimalist, it was imagery like this that really stuck out. Strongly emotive, and good worldbuilding simultaneously.

OP #6 · 3 weeks ago · · ·

I like this fic! You set a nice apprehensive tone that isn’t overly dreary. Perfect for drawing me in and getting me to wonder what else might happen. Feel proud, this is good writing.

Forcalor