• Member Since 12th Feb, 2012
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moguera


Sequels1

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This story is a sequel to Foal of the Forest


Second story of the Savage Skies series:
Dawn Lightwing has overcome many trials in his life; persecution for his unique eyes, living amongst the monsters of the Everfree Forest. But now all of that is behind him. He's been adopted by Fluttershy, mended from his conflict with Applejack, and now sits poised to go to school and live the life of a normal foal. Unfortunately, Dawn's past is not so far behind him as he would like, as his experiences have left scars on his mind and heart that threaten everything he has gained since coming to Ponyville.

Followed by Storm on the Horizon.
Now with a TV Tropes page.

Chapters (10)
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Comments ( 592 )
Gyvon #2 · Aug 4th, 2013 · · 1 · Progress ·

:pinkiehappy: <I Just wanna be your friend

:pinkiecrazy: <Now let's make some cupcakes,

I personally enjoied Foal of the Forest A LOT this series you have planned so far is amazing! I have a huge amount of hope for this series becoming very well know in the Fimfiction community. If it doesn't then well, they are missing out huh? (No offense intended if you find all or some offending to other works here on Finfiction.)
~With much joy
Dusk Flame

Spacecowboy
Story Approver

I'm looking forward to reading this. Foal of the Forest was a VERY refreshing take on an OC character interacting with the Main Six. I especially loved the familial bond Fluttershy was developing with Dawn and the interaction between Scootaloo and Dawn.

Here's to another wonderful story, keep up the excellent job!

EDIT - Congrats on a well earned spot in the feature box as well!

Dammit Pinkie Pie:rainbowlaugh:

Yay. I'm looking forward to read more about the Three Pillars in action.

You cannot hide from Pinkie Pie! :pinkiecrazy:

Oh look, somepony else afraid of Pinkie! I honestly don't know why most people aren't scared of Pinkie. She screws around with science more than a screwdriver, hyperactive to the point of near-insanity, and not to mention the ridiculously weird body contortion. Even though she's one of my favourites, she scares the heeeell out of me...

On another note; Woo Savage Skies!

Yyyyyeeaaahhhhhh buddy! It's back in action! :pinkiehappy:

Stellar quality here. the writing has dramatically improved from the previous section, and I approve of the new characters and plot threads. I sense some genuine fight scenes coming up, which makes me happy. I'm all for a balance of plot twists, cunning plans, and the kicking of copious amounts of ass.

Man, am I glad to see the sequel up and running! I really like Dawn's story and am very curious how his life will change through settling in Ponyville. And Fluttershy, my fav heroine actually, will also have her own trials to overcome, like this promised date with Caramel!

The ending of this chapter really got me laughing!

"Pinkie Pie!"
"Pinkie Pie?"
"Pinkie Pie."

Case closed!:pinkiehappy:

if you did name the story School Days, Dawn would literally f*ck his problems away and die via a knife from scootaloo at the end... Great first chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^

Hcbuhsdbcubsjhbsdjbb frvjnbsdkncn skjsnc!!!

You're back!?!!! :yay:

I love you as a person!

Also why does Applejack REALLY want him to work for her? Hmmmmm?:raritywink:

'the prospect of running into a particular pink pony who would propose perpetual parties if provided the possibility.'

You must have had fun with the alliterations :ajsmug: Tempting to place but hardly necessary in most cases. Not the case with yours, mind you :pinkiecrazy:

I've also noticed you haven't put up anything to divide for your scenes yet. Yeah, I know this is just a minor detail that won't affect the story in the slightest, but this will help organize the structure of your narrative.

Allow me to make an example of a little passage from Admonishments....

For now though, Luna is running things back in Canterlot. I wonder how she's doing by the way..."

"JUST WHAT IS THIS DRIVEL THOU DAREST CALL A PROPOSAL?"

Duke Regal cringed, his ears going flat as the thundering power of the Canterlot Royal Voice washed over him.

"THOU CALL THIS A BILL? TIS NAUGHT BUT UTTER GIBBERISH DRESSED IN THE FINEST OF LEGALESE! A THOUSAND YEARS AGO, SUCH SHODDY WORK WOULD WARRANT A TRIP TO THE ROYAL GLUE-MAKERS! THOU CANST COUNT THYSELF LUCKY OUR SISTER HATH BECOME SO GENEROUS AND FORGIVING. WHY IN OUR DAY..."

The monologue would have been bearable, at least, had Luna not opted to deliver it at full window-shaking bellow, at a volume that could probably be heard all the way beyond the palace grounds and the city below. The snobbish unicorn sighed and did his best to endure. It was going to be a long day.

"So now what?" asked Twilight.
"Now it's time for me to pay a visit to Applejack," said Celestia, spreading her wings, "We have some matters to discuss." Before taking off, she gave Twilight one last look. "If things don't take long, I would be happy to drop by the library later so that we can enjoy some time together."

"That sounds wonderful," squealed Twilight, practically jumping with excitement, "I'll go and get ready."

"Remember, don't get too worked up about minor things," said Celestia fondly, "What's important is that we get to spend some time together."

"Yes Princess."

"Then I should be by in time for dinner," announced Celestia as she took to the skies.

Applejack snorted in frustration as she stared out the window. Big Macintosh had seen Apple Bloom off to school, taken the cart into town to peddle the family wares and would come back in the afternoon to get to work bucking the next section of the orchard. Applejack had been left on her own in the empty farmhouse with only the soft snoring of Granny Smith snoozing in the corner opposite her in the living room to keep her company. Today, Applejack wasn't even allowed to leave the house, on pain of being tied up and left in her room if she didn't comply.

The problem here is that, nearing the end of this scene at the library, the perspective briefly cuts away to an insert showing a disconcerted Luna handling Canterlot politics. With the insert finished, we swiftly come back to what little remains of the discussion between Twilight and Celestia, which then abruptly shifts to the Princess' confrontation with Applejack.

As you can see, there isn't so much as a hint to the transitions between any of the scenes. Comedic inserts as with Luna's stint on the throne can be easily overlooked as they don't come up very often, but the absence of these division for scenes are completely uniform throughout the entirety of the 1st story...in that there are none at all.

Now if you will, think of this as a waltz between you and the reader's brain, wherein you are leading the skittish imaginary feet of the unbeknownst latter through the new and exciting 'dance steps' of the physical typography of your story. Each waltz is particularly unique, depending on the author's own execution of his/her story. So, while all of them follow a general rhythm (on account of it being conveyed through words), they all have 'shifts in tempo' as well, i.e. the end of one scene/setting and the transfer to another. Placements of these depend solely on where the author wants them to be. Ergo, it is common courtesy than your warn your partner of these 'shifts in tempo' so that they themselves shift smoothly into the new tempo and don't stub a toe. Neglecting to do so isn't a crime, but it will put you off as lazy to a handful, especially since this happens all throughout the 'Foal of the Forest.'

In the end, it's you're choice. I'm pretty sure it wouldn't matter to most since everyone's only after the narrative, yours being above par over a great majority. But if you got to it, it wouldn't take you half a day to get all the transitions set and right; a few more extra spaces between scenes and inserts, or to simplify things even more, the use of a 'bottom border' in MS Word if you're on Windows. After all like any other author, you'd want to make your story easier for people to read :moustache:

I can see two reasons AJ wants Red River to work for her. The first, and logical reason, is to prevent her from slipping back into her old way of thinking. Sort of a preemptive strike. The other reason is... love at first sight. Yeah.:facehoof::facehoof::facehoof:

The good thing about mercenaries, as long as you have enough money, you have secured their loyalty. The bad side.... well, pretty much the same as the good side.

Congrats on the Feature Box

I'm thrilled that Dawn's story will continue! I love how you focus more on the ethical side of things and less on the side of "you tick me off, I'm going to beat you now!" Don't get me wrong, that's fun too, but too much and it gets old. I think you balance them very well. Can't wait for the next of those "30 chapters you wrote in advance!"

Finish one chapter, and 20 minutes later another appears! It's my lucky day! Congrats on the feature- I found the first of this series through that handy-dandy box, and I was instantly hooked. I'm quite looking forward to the rest! May it never end, and may your pen never run dry! :twilightsmile:

When the chapter was done I. Was like nooooooooooooooooooooooooo

"Pinked"? . Also good chapter?

Just one thing....
reactiongifs.com/tag/i-love-you/
and your ability to write long and enthralling stories!!

A- (that is good!)

I would prefer the chapters be published in the morning.

School. Nobody likes their first day. Dawn's gonna have one hell of a time considering what he's been through.

Also, I think Big Mac is the Master of the über Earth Pony martial arts, whatever it's called. Wouldn't surprise me in the slightest haha.

Interesting chapter; I felt that you did address serious issues dealing with the difference between Homeschooling and Public schools. Throughout pre-K to the end of my high school career, I've personally seen home schooled kids come into standardized schooling. Now at first they did have some serious issues, both socially and educationally. However after a while, they did blend in and do very well in the school system. So I do hope you incorporate that into the story. Great chapter overall, keep goin and stay golden^^

The Everfree can suck it but...the school :twilightoops:"shivers" scares me.

Nice starting chapter! This sequel is looking up! :pinkiesmile:

Okay. We've established some important things here. Great. I especially loved the mentioned difference with homeschooling and standardized schooling. I expect great things from this story. Only because the writer is great :twilightsmile:

I just spent 7 hours reading this story and the one before it and I cannot express my love for your writing abilities. I have read stories by published authors that cannot compare to the quality of this. The pacing of the story is brilliant. Keep up the good work.

I'm loving this story. I've read the first one and these two chapters in one sitting.
The only thing I'd suggest is adding some kind of marking to define a shift in PoV. You do a good job as showing it's a different pony, but it would still be nice.

Keep up the awesome work!

Here we go again... MOAR! :flutterrage:

Do not stop Writing you are a master at it DO NOT STOP!!!!!!:heart:

Can't wait for the next chapter!

i love it and are we going to be able to see Fluttershy adopted Dawn Lightwing in this story or not

Iris, as in flower. I'm an idiot.

I thought iris as in the irises in your eyes, so I was really confused when you said that it was an unexpected cutie mark for a royal guard.

Ye, I'm sorry but this story is getting way out of hand for me and I just can't continue reading this. I'll explain a bit of my reasons for this in my wall of text down below as constructive criticism.

First of all I want to say that I was completely hooked already after the first chapter and got only more into it as the first 5 chapters came along. Sure there was some things here and there but nothing that couldn't be overlooked.

The first thing that started making me raise an eyebrow was how Dawn was as a character once he "got out". I think Dawn had a very interesting and beliveable character the first few chapters but the more he talk, the less beliveable he becomes. In essential he is exactly what people are so worried that Twilight will become as an alicorn. Infailable. Dawn is a young colt in the age of the CMC and yet he acts as if he was a 30 year old with home schooling from the age of 5 with his knowledge, manerism and controll. Somehow this 10 (estimated CMC age in my eyes) year old colt is as wise as Twilight, MUCH stronger than applejack, faster than Rainbow Dash, has more controll of his emotions than Princess Celestia and smarter than all foals in his age in every subject (accordingly to Cheerliee).

The second thing I have some problem with, though I admit this might be more of a personal thing, is the adoption. Am I just a dense douche that don't see the supposedly very important part of adoptions and calling someone mom, son, dad or daughter? I see this so often in stories here on Fimfiction but I never understand it. Why do Fluttershy suddenly have to call Dawn "son" and why do he have to call Fluttershy "mom" for the reader to understand they have a very important bond? Can this really not be accomplished without that? I can understand that Dawn would be very emotional to hear a thing like this but I can't understand why Fluttershy would. Why would it be so important for Fluttershy to adopt Dawn? Quite honestly I cringe every time I see this and I'll openly admit this may very well be a very personal thing for me rather than something negative, so feel free to ignore this second reason if you feel it so.

Thirdly is the subplots in the story. Oh, so many subplots. Why does it have to have so many subplots? This is also something so common not only on this website but out in the real world as well. Why does everything need to have so many subplots and just make a mess out of everything. Focus on one thing, make that one thing really good and your story will be great. That's all that you need. You don't need 25 subplots that all somehow come to a closure in the last 2 chapters in a mess of 10k words that makes no sense whatsoever. In this particular story I think that the main plot of Dawn coming out of his shell and slowly being pulled into society and all the hard parts of seemingly everyday things would be for him would make this story very interesting. Now why do all these romances have to pop up everywhere? why did that Spark dude, that tried to rape Fluttershy, be in the story? he litteraly had half a chapter then just dissapeared. What was the reason for the shortcomings on the storm and weather ponies having trouble with the clouds? so many chapters where we, in great detail, get to read about how bad this might be for the town and then it's just forgotten. Put on hold. Not important anymore. Why? Why did we read about it in the first place? The last things in this chapter we skipped forward quite a bit where Dawn is now out of his cast and fully healed. So by now they have either gotten their clouds and everything is fine. Or they didnt get the clouds and things went to hell and we didnt get to read about it rendering everything we read about that completely useless.

Lastly I want to point out your writing style. Where as this is alright and I normally wouldn't point it out but since I'm already doing this wall of text I figure I might aswell cover this as well.

The way you write is very much around "explaining things" if that makes sense. I'm not sure how to put this myself. Thing is that you generally will want to SHOW the readers what you mean, not EXPLAIN it. This is something that can be very hard to do and I'll freely admit that I would probably fail misserably at this myself. Just a thing like this.

Dawn yawned widely from his position on Fluttershy's back. It had been a long day for the colt.

Don't explain that it was a long day. If we read the chapter we know it was a long day for him and Dawn yawning while resting on Fluttershys back is enough to tell us that he is tired. We don't need you to point out the obvious. Another way to do this could be by simply having Fluttershy ask him a question where Dawn responds by mumbling something incoherent. Perfectly 'showing' he is on the edge of dreamworld without 'explaining' that he is.


I hope that helps a bit of explaining what I thought. I'm sorry if I got a little heated somewhere but know that I mean no offense in any way and that I simply try to help you become a better writer out of this. If any of you who suffered through my wall of text dissagrees or generaly want to voice your oppinion of how much of a jackass I am, please reply and explain why.

// Sphex

another great chapter. So much stuff happened, and I feel like this is the part that this story is really starting. the biggest problem I have with this chapter is that the entire scene with Sweetie and Rumble was completely unnecesary. any information we got there was minimal at best and could've been explained at a more convenient time later down the line or we could've inferred about what happened.

2995148

I agree with you on all three points that you bring up, as well as your complaint with his writing.

As it is, Dawn is completely OP; he can decimate any pony he meets. His reading shouldn't be at a strong level if he hasn't read something since he entered the Everfree forest.

Dear whoever pushed the dislike button. Would you be so kind to own up and give a reasonable answer as to why you pushed it. That would be grand, thanks. :derpytongue2:

Great chapter and a great story as well. I really like how this story is going and where it may lead to. I'm hooked for more.
Though one thing the shipping. You're doing a lot of it. Scoot and Dawn, AB and Spike, AJ and Red, Sweetie in love with Rumble who likes Scoot and I'm gonna guess Rarity will fall in love with Storm seeing from the hint you gave about his clothing or Twilight from his love for books and such.

I also like the way you depicted the school system and how Cheerilee says it would be better for him to not join for educational purposes.
You wrote the truth about our current educational system quite right. I myself was like Dawn whereas I was always ahead of the rest and had to restrain myself. The current system is actually bad for smart people and in some ways is made to make them lower themselves to the speed of the slower ones in the class.

There's always "that one guy" who has to dislike. :facehoof:

2993651

Ahhhhg, you and your MOAR...Things take time my friend! -Lightfox lowell

More content please...

2995148 I appreciate your criticism and admit that you bring up some valid arguments about my writing issues. I'll try to address them, starting with your issues with Dawn as a character. I've had a bit of a long day, so sorry if this comes up as snarky at times.

In essential he is exactly what people are so worried that Twilight will become as an alicorn. Infailable. Dawn is a young colt in the age of the CMC and yet he acts as if he was a 30 year old with home schooling from the age of 5 with his knowledge, manerism and controll. Somehow this 10 (estimated CMC age in my eyes) year old colt is as wise as Twilight, MUCH stronger than applejack, faster than Rainbow Dash, has more controll of his emotions than Princess Celestia and smarter than all foals in his age in every subject (accordingly to Cheerliee).

Welcome to the island of Conclusions, which can only be reached by jumping. In spite of everything that's happened in the past seventeen chapters or so, it's important to keep in mind that we've only really seen Dawn during a very limited set of circumstances. While his abilities are phenomenal in some areas (having said as much myself), don't go throwing around GS accusations just because you haven't yet seen them in their proper scope (particularly in this setting). Calling him infallible is where I really draw the line as his faults as a character are taking center stage in this story arc. If you really think I've made him out to be infallible (particularly the whole "wiser than Twilight" thing), then you haven't been paying attention. I've given a fair number of hints that not all is right in the world with Dawn and that he has some serious issues to deal with. He gets a lot of leeway because of his background and the circumstances in which those glimpses we get of the flaws in his character come to light. But he is a long ways from being as perfect as you make him out to be. As for the young child who talks like an old man thing...I admit you have a point there. Admittedly, this is a kind of character I'm fond of. I like the idea of a young child speaking almost like a full adult. While I admit that it's unrealistic to the extent that Dawn does, it can mostly be chalked up to him having a very thorough education in the few years he did get, but one that focused strictly on academics (in a "sound mind, sound body" martial arts oriented kind of way), while his experience with socialization is where he's deficient.

Issue two: You have a point. I admit that Dawn's whole transition to thinking of Fluttershy as his mother and switching to calling her "mom" is a good bit quicker than it should have been. I do have some reasoning behind it, but that doesn't change the fact that you're essentially right.

Issue three: Unfortunately, this is gonna be one that you're gonna have to just deal with. I said that I was going to be doing some worldbuilding on the side and part of that is creating a world where hints occur that things are happening outside of the immediate context of the main character's situation and giving the impression that he is not the center of the universe. If you are desperately wondering about where said subplots are leading to, you're just going to have to keep reading. While there's nothing really wrong with this approach, I was not interested in writing a story where conflicts, villains, supporting characters, and other situations simply pop up out of thin air. So I drop hints. I lay the groundwork for future conflicts and story-arcs ahead of time so that readers can savor that "aha" moment when those hints and subplots I laid out in previous chapters suddenly come to a head. It also helps give other characters I like and other OCs I've created their own opportunities to shine as, while Dawn remains (and will remain) very much this story's center, I never started with the intention of it being solely about him (one of the reasons I decided to make this a series of smaller stories instead of one big whopper of a story). Granted, as you point out in the next issue, it is somewhat hampered by my tendency to draw things out mercilessly.

Final issue...Point. I admit that this is a flaw in my writing. I'm gonna keep working on that one.

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