- Member Since 29th Jun, 2015
- offline last seen Wednesday
mrmidnight
I am retired if you wanna fine my work follow the link. https://www.patreon.com/Mrmidnightwolf https://discord.gg/AeZBhyR
mrmidnight
Joined 29th Jun, 2015 ·
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Nice story, would love to see a sequel
2693929
11173272
well hope you had fun lol
11173272
Imagine being as cool as Shakespearicles.
11173230
Same.
11173272
What?
Very nice story.
11173469
It's the image number on Derpibooru for the uncropped version of the cover image.
11173720
The image number didn't work for some reason? So I put up the artist ( Toonbot ) instead.
Not sure if anyone really expects one-shot porn like this to be "good," but this story is maybe a 3 out of 10. It's careless. It needs editing. The premise is weak. If you changed the names nobody would have any clue these are ponies, anthro or otherwise. And it reads like the author is trying to have everyone swear a whole lot to make them sound "very adult" or something.
Not trying to be all "stop having fun, guys" but the story is neither well written, nor well thought out. Cream speaks, and the machine suddenly thinks what she said is her name, because why? if it had prompted her for a "user identity" or something, that might have made sense, but as it is it's just kind of arbitrary. If she's being identified as the owner of the machine...why is she the one being sucked in to be used by somebody else? What, if it gets mailed to somebody who lives alone I guess they just get held until they starve to death? The machine says it's soundproof, "to add kinky stimulation?" No, the machine is soundproof because the author needed some excuse to have Button Mash not hear her and couldn't think of anything better. The plot is one arbitrary contrivance after another. Even the title and theme of the machine don't match the story at all. It's an "alien" breeder, but not a single one of the five stages have anything to do with aliens? The whole story feels stapled together.
Finally, it's hastily written, the punctuation is off in a lot of places, you have sentences that are randomly missing words, or that get confused about time tense, or that trail off without being finished, etc. Consider this paragraph, for example:
3/10
11173786
Oh come on i think this was at least a solid 4.5 out of 10. XD i was mainly just writing this out of bored fun. XD eh oh well ill take the 3 heh better then a zero have a great day.
What bedroom door locks you in and what is Button Mash doing that he needs a lock like that?
11173905
Let's re-inquire that. If it locks from the outside, then Crème Heart must've had it installed it keep buttons in his room.
11174203
Why would Button Lock it though? If he didn't want his mom to see the machine, it doesn't do any good to lock the door from the outside where you know. The way to undo the lock is.
Also:
buy
Also Also: The soundproof thing. Unless it's a weird magic, or the machine has a mic on the outside and is transmitting the sound to Cream Heart inside. It's not soundproof. Soundproof means sound can't get in or out. So not only would Button not hear her, but she wouldn't be able to hear him at all.
So the story isn't bad for mindless porn. It has an amusing premise at the very least despite some plot holes. Like the soundproof.
The machine just randomly thinking what she said was her name can be an issue, but it's easily fixed if we say that maybe it did get damaged a bit in transport, so it just cut on without warning.
As for being held in the machine and not being released. Easily fixed with having a time limit. So maybe it holds you in there until the 'deed' is done, or say an hour or something elapses. It could also read vitals and release you if it sees the immediate need. Could also be there is a password you can say to get out that's in the user manual she didn't read. Could even have warning signs on the door saying not to activate until you've read the manual, but again the transport messed it up a bit.
Eh I'm just spitballing ideas.
Not my proudest fap
Downvoted
That should teach her to never say this cursed words.
"But only one-way soundproof, to keep things more interesting."
Guess that's not an option.
However, you still have the chance to be a good girl...
Maybe he just need a bit more personal training to build up his stamina.
Wish there was a followup where she got pregnant