• Member Since 3rd May, 2019
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Jhoira


Time to write some fanfiction! Yay! If you have any thoughts comment! I find reading them fun!

T

Pipp has a lot of expectations placed on her by her mother, due to her being the "extra princess." Her current mission is to make sure to maintain good relations with Sunny, the mare who brought back magic into the world. Though Queen Haven wishes for a tighter link between the royal family and such an important mare.


Yes, my word counts are becoming even more insane. (Don't expect this in the future, it just worked out well for this one.)

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 42 )

Didn't know queen Nova of the hippogriffs was still alive, those seaweed wraps must be magic ;)

Queen Nova leaned forward, legitimately curious to hear the answer. "Pipp, I must ask. Did you just get extremely lucky, or are you a lot better at this than you let on and you outplayed me like I was a filly?"

11007536
I had a feeling I was going to miss one of those.

This was pretty nice. I like it.

I saw this in the feature box at 11:57pm Pacific Standard time 10/8/2021

Guess i really need to read it now

11007802
I'm really glad I made that comment.
It got knocked out.

11007826
Still up on mine.

11007827
Oh snaps!

We got a bouncing story.

Damn this was great. Among all the super cute moments with Pipp and Sunny the political back and forth was really interesting. While I can’t see Queen Haven being this manipulative in the actual series your version of her was a really great. Moving all the piece for the “greater good” but that last line does show they she cares about them.

Really great work with this

11007844
Yay!

And oh yeah. There's no way Haven is some jerk manipulator in the actual show. But I was like "this is an interesting idea." I originally started the idea as Pipp being a manipulative girl out to get whatever she can for herself. But this one turned out a lot better in giving it more depth than just "Pipp's out for Pipp" kind of thing.

11007853
That still sounds like a cool idea to explore, but I am glad you went with this one.
Also anyway we get to see the wedding in a sequel, I’d really wanna see the others reaction to that lol

Yay a Sunny/Pipp shipfic! Looking forward to this.

Pipp scowled but had to admit that a Sunny was right. "Ok... B-But you're just cleaning my wings, ok? I'll preen them after!"

♫ My girl's a dere, a tsun tsun dere...♪

Damn, that's a clever twist. Sunny is smart pone. Though shouldn't Pipp have some direct say in the matter, especially when it comes to her own brands?

patted her on the shoulder

Do horses have shoulders that you can pat? Always wondered this.

Queen Haven was relaxing on her throne.

Thrones aren't exactly that comfortable as a chair. IRL royals usually reserve throne rooms for appointments and formal receptions, and they have separate lounge areas to relax in.

What a beautiful shipfic. I've been looking for a good SunPetals SunPipp PippStar Pipp/Sunny shipping story, and this fits the bill very well! It's got royal drama, a bit of romance fluff. The whole "deceiving Sunny to fall in love with Pipp" plot could've been drawn out further, but still quite a nice buildup. Sunny's impulsiveness, which really sets her apart from G4 Twilight, is on display here.

Hope to see a sequel of the wedding.

There are quite a few typos, and I'm not sure about using the word "people" and "person" in a world of ponies.

Overall, a great slice of life romance that's fluffier than Pipp's wings. Have a fave.

Also, yay for writing longer stories! I need to work on that too. Also, props to getting round-number word counts.

11008056
Hehe, more going that helping someone preen is something similar to helping them bathe. So with Pipp going with "cleaning" it sounds less like a social faux pas.

11008062
Should and does far too rarely go together in life.

Yes, they're right where you'd think. Behind the neck.

Depends on the culture, the time, etc. but good fantasy thrones are always comfortable.

11008067
I like Pippstar!

People and person designate personhood, not human. That's always irritated me in MLP. They do it to keep on brand obviously but we don't say "everyhuman" or "he's a good human."

And you never know. I might have a sequel... but my writing has always been a fickle mistress.

Can you make a Pitch shipfic soon? Pipp/Hitch?

11008056
Um.. this may sound silly, probably stupid, but.. what does dere mean? And, what does tsun dere mean?

11008062
Well, the queen must have a comfortable throne or something, I guess?

11008282
A straight fic!? *Hisss.*


11008284
A tsundere is an anime character trope. I think it's being mean to the person you like or something.

11008284
Tsuntsun - morose, aloof
Deredere - lovestruck

Put them together...
Tsun dere - a character that alternates between aloof and lovestruck moods

Sunny let the silence hang as they walked a whole without exchanging words. Eventually she started the conversation up again. "Do... you want to talk about it...? "

a whole what?
a whole what?!

Now You have to tell me.

Ooh i really liked this! Never thought of Pipp being the youngest she would be used like she is but I like it! PippStar is a top tier ship imo!

huh...

that is a pretty big price

okay now that I've read this whole thing....

freaking amazing. Sunny suddenly kissing Pipp makes sense and it definitely the right first step.

And you've inspired the next major step for Zizzy.

Thanks for that :pinkiehappy:

11009270

And you've inspired the next major step for Zizzy.

Forgive me father for I have sinned... :D

11009289
don't worry.

It's more fluff.

I mean...obviously it'll lead to other things, but the bit you inspired is not those things:raritywink:

11008304
You don’t write straight fics, eh? That’s fine. :)

Sunny, for her part, had. She caught bright pink out of the corner of her eye. She grinned to herself. Pipp was less subtle than she thought. It was cute, and Pipp was cute Sunny had to admit. After noticing the first time Sunny brushed it off. She was an earth pony and Pipp had never seen one of them (though she hadn't ever seen a unicorn and she didn't stare at Izzy like that.) After the entire issue with the magic being sorted out Sunny assumed that Pipp would get over it. Since she obviously hadn't Sunny decided to sit down and have a think about it. She didn't have any compelling interest, but she did like mares, and Pipp was pretty, and nice, if a little vain.

the punctuation and the pacing in this chapter are a bit off. This paragraph is the greatest offender of it, it just reads like every sentence jumps frantically from one concept to another.

11021713
*Gasp!* Are you claiming that the Jhoira is not perfect in all aspects!?... That checks out.

Sunny shook her head. "Don't worry about that!" Pipp blinked in surprise. "It's not great by any means. But I'd have paid anything too see this happen! I lost the place I grew up with dad." Sunny gave a small bow of her head, the only indication to her grief. "But I saw his dream come true. And that's far more important."

Oof, straight through the heart.
Good feels, good characterization overall
Grammar needs some work.
Like it thus far

Pipp nodded and smiled at Sunny's obvious acceptance of the change. "I'm guessing it had to do with us being unable to fly! Though I wonder what'll happen now that we can fly again." They managed to make small talk for another hour before the sun started to dip down below the horizon to end their day.

Headcanon of Pegasi enjoying swimming as reminiscent of flight accepted, very well thought out.
The characters and pacing are still good.
Still quite a few grammar errors peppered about

This has been the greatest chapter thus far Jhoira, thank you.

It's odd how this fic can have subtle errors in its grammar, like plural words lacking "s" in the end or lack of punctuation at places, yet the Queen and Sunny's dialogues are pristine and very heartfelt. I'll chuck it to the whole "Even" word count gimmick you like going for, but it is a contrast I noted.

I very much so enjoyed Sunny putting Haven in her place and taking control of the situation, that was fantastic

Sunny grinned. "I'll split it with you, 5% 5%."
Pipp giggled at the obvious mistake. "You mean 50%?"
Sunny shook her head. "Oh no, this is definitely 90% your mother's fault."

Dunno why but this made me snort, nice joke!

Pipp scowled, wrinkling her nose. Of course, at their goodbye, obviously not final one but probably the most meaningful until her mother died...

Oof, isn't this a bit too much for Pipp to think?
I mean, the following scene about Pipp's earning was really wholesome.

Alright, having read all of this, I thoroughly enjoyed these characters, especially the last two chapters. How they interacted, how Pipp truly cared for Sunny, and both Sunny's impulsiveness and wits at work to protect her new friend were delightful.
I'm still begrudgingly sorry to say that the punctuation and grammar mistakes really did get in the way of understanding some concepts at times. The worst offenders were the thoughts about reconstructing Sunny's Lighthouse, the repetition of several words in a row, and just a lack of commas at times. I feel this whole shtick about nailing those even number of words per chapter gets in the way of the story structure because as the story progressed and you gave yourself more space to write, the interactions and pacing all improved.

I loved the story, loved the characters, would love to see more, but it only shines at times and particularly at the end.

11025963
Pipp is super jaded abut her mother (in this fic, obviously. I don't think we'll be super super manipulative Queen Haven in the show.) And I was more going for the emphasizing of how important that "final farewell" until the actual final farewell was, and her mother's reaction to it. Not focusing on the part about her mother dying.

And you can't blame the pacing, like I said this actually literally just worked out like this. (Give or take 50 words.) I'll let you peer behind the curtain a little. It's how I write. As you can tell I'm not much of a flowery prose person. I write the story I want to tell and I'm not one on making it longer than it need be (even if some would legitimately argue pacing would be better longer.) I need to quickly introduce Pipp's relation to her mother and that she has a crush on Sunny... Bam, quick 500 word backstory. I need to have Pipp ask, slightly longer so they can interact a bit, 1000. Another interaction, but with a bit of commentary on the travel... 1500. Pipp's confession and confrontation with the queen 1000 and 1000... *Cough* I mean... One 2000 word chapter... Then bundling their aftermath, 1500, Pipp's goodbye with her mother, 500, and a little summing up 500 into a 2500 story.

It's totally a gimmick, but the gimmick comes from how I write, the writing doesn't come from the gimick.

"Well I would have said yes a moment ago but... From your reaction, no?"

I love that bit of interspecies confusion. Cultural norms make for fun interplay.

Ooh, Sunny knows a lot more than the Queen thought. Still, Pipp is getting what she wants, too!

First off, this bit is brilliant. :rainbowlaugh:

Sunny grinned. "I'll split it with you, 5% 5%."

Pipp giggled at the obvious mistake. "You mean 50%?"

Sunny shook her head. "Oh no, this is definitely 90% your mother's fault."

I really love all the honesty that comes out of this. Suddenly none of the characters are really hiding anything, and it gives such a clear view into their relationships.

11043801
Well, Sunny's still hiding that she's not quite as "at peace" with it as she let on.

11043821
She will come clean on that in time. At least, I believe she will if you continue the story.

11043828
Or will she!?... I imagine it more as it evolving into "there's nothing to come clean about anymore."

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