• Member Since 2nd Jul, 2017
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I want nothing more than to bring a smile to your face with a light-hearted clopfic! If you want to bring a smile to mine, leave a comment!

Comments ( 51 )

1000 words. Neat. Scootaloo... A nice choice :rainbowdetermined2:

But you tell me... what did you think of the truncated 1000 word challenge? Was it enough hard work to earn a thumbs from you? If I was able to paint a picture in your mind, I consider it a success!

I thought you pulled it off pretty well. You hit all the storytelling beats necessary to justify Scootaloo being there and Sugar Belle being there and did it without resorting to dark fetishes. Good stuff! You even took time out of your severely restricted word count to not only mention Roseluck, but throw in a good ol' fashioned ear lick. I'm honored! Hope your story does well and sorry your last two stories haven't done as well. Let's hope Gen-5 is a success, revives the fandom and gives us perverts a reason to get adventurous with our writing again.

I think you did a good job for what it is. I had a lot of trouble writing a 1000 word fic and keeping it to that number, and I'm not nearly as verbose as you when writing. This came out pretty good, and it serves nicely as a hot little sex fic.

When I finished my 1000 word fic, I had so many unused ideas floating around my head that I hadn't been able to fit that I immediately wrote another fic featuring the same three characters and it turned out pretty well. Practically wrote itself too, since so much of it had already been thought of and then deleted. Just something to keep in mind if you still have things you wish you had been able to fit into here.

I liked it, but i’d really like to read full version.

It's actually a lot harder to cram elaborated themes than doing them. That requires skill in all of the segments in English as a language. You kept a fair continuity with a meager pace sacrifice. I say you did well though you could sacrifice emotion with preciseness/advanced vocabulary as to say more with less. Still, well done!

Thanks as always AJA, this was just a fun way to try out a challenge for myself and see how it might do! I'm happy with the little result

A very good point, and something I actually considered. If people are into this enough I may be write this thing from Scoot's perspective with much more detail.

I hear you dude! I wanted to write the full version too, but that's the point of the challenge!

Wow amazing! You realy did it! Welcom to a very short list of authors who have successfuly managed to pack an entire story into the confines of only one thousand words! It truly is an under appreciated talent that few possess, personally I know of only three others on this site and one of them exclusively writes one thousand word clopfics. Congratulations!

Thank you so much! I think there's more than a few who can do the 1000 word story... It is a challenge I've heard of, after all.

That said it was pretty tough. Not sure if it is something I'd do again. I had to carve SO much!

Good, consensual stuff. Nice.

Thanks! Big Mac knows how to please a lady.

She’d just turned eighteen...

Suck on that, cops!

A good one for sure. I just wish it was longer. Felt way too short and lacking the kind of substance I come to expect from Clopfics. I know you made that whole blog post about not wanting to write longer stuff anymore or something, and linked The Girls, but I haven't bothered reading that yet because I am 0% interested in The Boys so I feel as if I'd be lost while reading it.

Pretty good. Usually people leave too much in, this forced you to cut too much out, I think. I was still good though.



Thanks guys! Just wanted to make this clear... I'm by no means becoming a 1000 word story writer! This was just an excercise, and a tough one at that! I really did, and do, want to write more!

I think it's significantly better than your usual work in some ways, but it falls behind in others.

You (generally) overinflate a lot, using more wordcount than a moment needs. Whether by excessive word choice, overloaded descriptions, repetition, or padded dialogue. This had fewer cases of those problems. This still wasn't great, and it actually still had some of that: I think this could have comfortably been 800-900 words and gotten across the same level of detail.

The upside is that it was concise and effective and made sense, it had a strong through-line, it didn't get lost up itself. The downside is that there was very little in the way of visceral description and the enjoyable qualities of the sex, just a lot of unqualified superlatives in the narration instead of actual feelings and sensations.

I think an unrelated problem is that you're too quick to give up, and you obsess over perceived failure: THE GIRLS wasn't very good or interesting and is years behind being topical. But the LyraBon stuff did fairly well, visibly comparable to a lot of your other work when those pieces been out for a similar period of time. Saying that it did poorly seems like kind of a knee-jerk reaction, and then barreling down into this as a response...

TL;DR -- This was a neat experiment, but definitely an over-correction. There's such a thing as cutting an idea short, just as much as there is stretching it out too far.

What you need is to find the right fit, write your long ideas to an appropriate length, cut your short ones off before they balloon.

This got my thumbs up, but if you were to try to pivot to this kind of thing more often I don't know how often that would be the case.

Notorious literary critic Sam Hyde.

That comes across pretty clearly, at least to me. I just wanted to let you know that despite that, it was still good. Most people over write, I think you do too, usually. This is is an exercise anyone but the rare underwriter should practice frequently, and I think it did a good job of revealing what's important. not despite how much it went overboard, but because of it.

For example one takeaway, in my opinion (I think you agree though?) would be that the story suffered from the lack of inclusion of Scootaloo's thoughts and especially feelings, and that's great to know, something to prioritize in revisions for your future stories. I think you are better writer for having done it, hell I think I might be a better writer for having read it, your analysis, and compared it to your other works.

that's the point of a writing exercise, and you shouldn't be afraid to get feedback on these, even if it can be overly negative, contraadictary or miss the point, it can still be helpful.

Fir example, I completely disagree with the idea of "you could sacrifice emotion with preciseness/advanced vocabulary" I think it has some merit, but it would need to be compensated for with more overall emotion and done in a very specific way, I think. the emotion really is the meat of these stories, at least that's what I took away. I guess you need both really, description and emotive language. it's about optimizing both aspects at once, for an exercise like this, along with knowing what information to include.

Although this was good, I would say your longer stuff ("Sneak Skill" or "Quibble" being in my top-ten of all time list) were better. I think 5~10k is your sweet spot.

Oh my fucking god I just got the title.
I don't hate you for making the obvious pun, I hate you for making an obvious pun that I didn't get.

Amazing job bud, I do love a good story with big mac power fucking a mare hard.

Overall, not on the same level as your usual works. I can tell you're more used to the longer word count, and I know, for clop, longer fics tend to have the best results.

Regardless, I think you did decent. Writing to a limit can be pretty hard at times, but it is good practice for being able to condense a fic into th essential parts. :moustache:

It definitely taught me a LOT about just what REALLY is essential to communicate story and emotion.

I totally agree!

I actually have a different ranking of my own top fics, but this is definitely not in them. It's not my cuppa, but it was worth the attempt!

Thanks for your feedback!

I may not agree with all of your points (I really do think that The GIRLS was a good piece, even if it didn't do well), but it does make me pause and reflect.

This isn't a knee-jerk though, I've had this on my to-do for a good long while (try a 1000 word shorty). I DO want to try to get back into sub 10k word stories again.

Again thank you for your feedback, I think it will all make me a better writer.

That's always the goal!

For what it's worth, I think 5k is a solid median where it's long enough to have room for meaningful descriptions, backstory and motivation, etc. while not being so long that you've got room to over-pad. A more convoluted scene might take longer, a quickie might take up less room, but 1k is really restrictive for complex premises.

Well I can say this, it certainly earns an upvote. Even with the far less... extravagant descriptions than are usually found within your work, it is still clearly a piece made with talent and experience. If anything, this "challenge" only goes to show how such artificial hoops only restrict quality. In an effort to restrict the parameters of a story to something superficial you stifle an author's creative license. Reading through, I agree that there was always more that could be done. More descriptions, more dialogue, more backstory, more everything really. Now that could technically be said of any story, but it is still particularly notable here merely in light of what you as the author wanted the story to be. I'm not trying to condemn challenges or whatever, but I do think that this story shows the restrictions of its creation. The faster pace and briefer descriptions kind of take it out of feeling like a AAA produced major blockbuster like some of your other works, and more like a barebones porno made for peanuts. There's not much explicitly wrong with it, but compounded by your reputation it stands out. If I had to give some bit of constructive criticism (and even this is just more of a personal preference thing), it might possibly have worked better to simplify some parts of the story. Some of the setup for the relationships at play weren't necessarily vital, ex: the pregnancy changing her tastes, Sugar Belle and Scootaloo banter. These are all well done and make fine sense in the story, but they do hint at the bigger story that you wanted it to be. Maybe a bit more straightforward open relationship and Scoots just being there could've opened up a bit more room for descriptions, but that's still almost entirely a personal preference. I can still completely understand why you went for the bits of characterization and backstory that you did. Still having some kind of story and progress in porn definitely helps elevate it. Overall, it's a perfectly fine story and an example of skill, but it makes me want to see a version of it without the restrictions.

Great points!

And yes, it can be frustrating to see what could have been. It was frustrating to see what I could have written!

But the hard cap was a worthwhile experience. I enjoy always trying something new, even if it didn't always work out!

Disappointed this isn't anthro, but good story nonetheless.

Certainly a fine mindset to have. Trying new things can help keep the creative juices flowing.

That (along with any m/m) is probably the only thing I WONT ever experiment with.

I'm glad, for the no anthro thing. I'm not into horses........more than liking MLP would entail but I'd never get why a large number of writers would focus on anthro when this is a universe for mostly focused on quadrupeds.

I think this story is ok but the 1000 word restriction is more of a detriment. I feel there should be more room to breath in a story. My favorite of your work will still be "Strapping In". I'd love to see another OC story by you.

I’m surprised sugar belle was ok with this.

Interesting, I didn't know other would do a 1K Challenge. Very well done. :twilightsmile:


Had to remove your source link, sorry. If you want people to be able to find the full image, it's best to just state the image ID in your description somewhere. Any kind of clickable link to NSFW content isn't allowed.

Interesting story idea though

I would ask why, but honestly your stuff is great as is, so it's all good. :)

Thanks apologies, forgot about that even for cover art.

I didn't want to presume, but I am glad to have been an inspiration my friend. :twilightsmile: Keep on writing and keep on succeeding.

I'm disappointed your avatar isn't Roseluck. No particular reason, just disappointed.

To put it briefly, restricting Clopficsinthecomments to 1000 words is like restricting the North American X-15 research aircraft to taxiing on runways. Still, respect for him attempting such a challenge.

That is one of the nicest compliments I've received, clever and apt metaphor :)

Especially since the x-15 wasn't taxiing anywhere without making a horrible, screeching, grinding sound (it only had skis for a desert landing)

“Holy buck, is that real!? Dash wasn’t lying.” Scootaloo squeaked.

I like how dash talks about her sex life, with scootaloo

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