One
Inferiority
Twilight Sparkle was being irrational. For many years she had idolized Princess Celestia, the alicorn who brought daylight to Equestria every day; for many years she had loved Celestia like a mother--possibly like a lover, too--but that was irrelevant at this particular moment.
Twilight had been going through her old friendship reports for hours, heartfelt letters written to the Solar Goddess describing the incredible life she had made for herself here in the town of Ponyville. The good times and the bad times, the triumphs of good versus evil, the emotional and physical hardships she faced daily, even the chronicles of Twilight's many successful (and sometimes unsuccessful) scientific experiments made it into the one connection she had with her mentor.
Celestia had always answered in a timely and effective manner, devoid of the worries Twilight had seen the Princess ruminate over for hours upon hours whilst she was growing up in Canterlot castle. It was painfully obvious to her that Celestia went out of her way to spare Twilight the details of the royal schedule, and too be honest, she found it rather endearing. She liked to think that the Princess treated her like some sort of personal confidant, a shoulder that the alicorn could lean on when her tedious duties overwhelmed her.
Lately, this had seemed further and further from what Twilight liked to call her 'Twilestia head-canon'.
If anything, Celestia seemed to be growing away from her. She couldn't begin to understand why since she never did anything to upset her idol.
Except for that one time where you brainwashed the entire town, and made them dry-hump your favorite fillyhood doll...
Shut up.
And what about that time when you stormed into Shiny's wedding and accused Cadance of being a parasitic monster who fed on emotions?
It was justified! She WAS a parasitic monster who fed on emotions!
That may be true, but you accused her the same way a petulant child accuses her sibling of taking the last cookie in the jar. "But Princess, Cadance really is a parasitic monster! I saw her perform complex mind magic on Shining Armor when no-one else was watching! Her horn was glowing green for a second or two, and, and Shiny was severely disoriented for a few moments after that! Even though there is no way I can possibly prove it right now, you have to believe me! I mean, why would I lie? It's not as if I'm famously psychologically unstable or anyth-"
I get the point.
Do you? You've been talking to yourself out loud for the past twenty seconds or so.
"Wha--Well, that may be true, but that doesn't prove that I'm in anything other than peak psychological condition."
Oh, okay. According to you, I'm a sentient being.
"I never said that."
No, but you certainly implied it.
"..."
What's that? Cat got your tongue?
"How ARE you talking to me, anyway? I don't think an ordinary pony's mind is supposed to respond to every spoken thought with a deadpan comment."
That may be true, but you are no ordinary pony. After all, there are very few ponies out there who have saved the known world not once, not twice, but thirty-three thousand one-hundred and eighty-six times in twenty one years.
"That may be a slight exaggeration, hehe."
Nope. Counting all of your many fantasies where you save the day, get the filly, and deliver a lecture at Canterlot university about the ramifications of time travel on the Llama Empire in time for dinner, there are literally that many to be found. Did I mention that nine out of ten times the aforementioned filly you saved is none other than Princess Celestia of Equestria?
"You of all... consciences, should know that I may have a slight crush on my mentor."
That's quite the understatement.
"And why wouldn't I have a crush on on the Princess? I've known her since I was ten, she's been my surrogate mother for at least that long, and she was the one that convinced me to follow my dreams in the first place!"
Are you saying that your 'dreams' consist of being a tree-dwelling librarian in a small town on the edge of a sentient forest that tries to kill you and your friends constantly? Because those are some pretty stupid dreams.
"You're making it sound worse than it is. I'm going to assume that since you haven't been sentient up until this point something has acted as a trigger to give you that sentience."
Ah, so we finally get to the heart of the problem. Twilight, you love Celestia. Not as a mother, you grew out of that after about a year of drawing perverse scenes of you, the mare in question, and several hundred guards going at it in the throne room like there was no tomorrow.
"I was young! And she is undoubtedly the sexiest mare in Equestria! Every time I look at her I feel like dry-humping her leg!"
Understandable. She is pretty sexy. Unfortunately for Twilight Sparkle: antisocial recluse extraordinaire, you lack the necessary moxie to undertake a palace-wide orgy with the Princess. Mainly because you deem yourself unworthy of even a passing glance from you ruler. Regardless of the fact that you've been the only common pony who isn't an insufferable noble with a questionable family tree who she's been around for an extended period of time.
"Of course I'm overly cautious! One does not simply tell the ruler of Equestria that the little purple pony who she talks to sometimes is madly in love with her! That would be like walking into Maredor, land of the Changelings and the One Ring!"
Agreed. One does not simply walk into Maredor. Anyhow, one can certainly walk into a relationship with the one pony who loves a certain purple mare like Applejack loves oranges.
"You can't be serious. Celestia has never shown anything even approaching romantic love to me, and even if she did, I would probably just teleport into my tree and hide under my sheets for a while, furiously masturba-- wait, what? Since when did Applejack enjoy oranges? She's admitted several times that she hates the sight of them..."
Little known fact about Applejack: her parents wanted to name her Orangejack, but subsequently realized that they owned an apple plantation. Eating oranges is a guilty pleasure of hers. Anyway, lets move on to more serious matters, why don't we?
"What could be more serious than arguing with my mutinous sentient thoughts for over twenty minutes? I'm starting to believe I might actually be psychologically unstable..."
You are, but the reason I'm here is to tell you about how Celestia operates. Ever since you were born, Celestia has worn a mask. In fact, I would wager that she's been wearing it ever since that night a thousand years ago when she banished Luna to the moon. The mask she wears hides her deepest fears, her worries, and her fallibility from the world. You, like so many other ponies, believe that the Princess is an infallible rock, a ship that floats through the seas of time like a fossil weathering the elements. She uses it like a shield, a way to become what all of her little ponies seek of her. The average pony wishes Celestia to be a figurehead; an immortal and unchangeable thing that will forever be there, guilding Equestria from the very top. How far they are from the truth astounds me.
"I... I've always thought of her that way, admittedly, but whenever she needed me, I was there for her. I might not have known of the inner turmoil she faces constantly, but I've always been there for her. Always."
And so you must have seen the signs. The mask is cracking, Twilight, and you are the pony who instigated it.
"And that is a good thing, correct? I've always thought Celestia was rather rigid in her ways, especially since Luna got back. Polar opposites, those two. I suppose that might be what they're going for, what with the whole alicorn of the night and day thing they have going for them."
Twilight, you need to break her mask entirely if you desire her love. On a primal level, I suspect she desires your love too. However, she refuses to take off her mask. One day you will die, as all mortal ponies do. She does not want to become truly involved with you, because one day you will break her heart. The same occurs with all of the ponies she meets, but you are special. You need to show her the one emotion that she desires. The one emotion that she needs.
"I've always wanted to confess to her, of course, but I couldn't face rejection. I suspect I still can't face rejection. If she did say no... I would break. I would never be able to write to her again, never be able to talk to her again. If she said no, my entire life would be gone."
Some risks are worth it, Twilight. You think yourself inferior, not just to Celestia, but to everypony. You are NOT inferior, your many adventures have proven that. You need to tell Celestia how you feel, and you need to tell her now.
"You-- I'm right. I need to see the Princess."
The train leaves in ten minutes. And Twilight, if you put your mind to something, you can always do it.
~!~!~!.C.!~!~!~
Celestia was in the middle of a wonderful bath when she heard a knock at the Solar Chamber's door. Grumbling to herself a bit, she turned off the gold-plated tap and got out of the massive bathtub. It was more like a small pool, really. As she wiped herself down with several white towels, she started walking over to the large wooden doors.
It better not be one of those damn nobles again. If Blueblood bribes one more guard to get up here, I swear I'll buck his sorry head into next week-
"Twilight Sparkle? Whatever brings you to the palace at this hour? Our normal sessions are on Saturday morning, my dear."
With a slightly nervous smile, Twilight began.
"Hehe. No, Princess. I have something to tell you, something that's been a long time coming."
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I would like to point out that this is the first time I have written anything outside of a school assignment, and this fic is certainly of questionable quality.
...
Bring on the butthurt.
I'm enjoying this immensely, but I'm a huge Twilestia fan. Thumbs up and starred. I'll critique it seriously later, but it's a very nice start.
This is really great writing quality for a first time! No errors that I can see, plenty of literary devices, and some pretty good visuals, although I wish it was a wee bit more descriptive. Now, to BRING ON THE SCIENCE!
(That's Twi thinking, not disappointed)
What Twilight has done with her 'sentient' conscience is actually possible. It's called the Tulpa Phenomenon, and was invented by the ancient Tibetans. It is essentially the belief that one can partition part of his consciousness to create an entirely different being with thoughts, feelings, and even existence. People have continued this practice today, and it's evidently possible to make a tulpa of any form (including ponies!). With enough time and concentration it will slowly choose its own personality, voice, and appearance if you let it. Finally, if you truly believe, it will begin to speak to you without you telling it to, and some even report seeing their tulpa walk alongside them, or sitting on the edge of their beds! It's essentially a 24/7, consensual audio/visual hallucination. Check out this site to find out more.
Cheers, and I hope to see more of your work!
1148455
You kidding, right?
I love it.
I actually hope for a sequel - maybe even a short one - with Celestia's mask cracking and her reaction, both to that and to Twilight's declaration.
I'll be following you, dear.
1149734 How did I miss a site on making yourself a Tulpa? I gotta thank you, because that's the kind of experiment I was dying to try!
Twilestia shipping? thumbs up and will read later.
Short and sweet. Keep writing and I think you'll make something good.
This stands well as a one shot, but if you can find an inspired way to use Twilight's mental state to make your version of the ship interesting and different I suggest you go for it as I for one would love to read about it.
Or some other story that deals with this new development in Twilight's mind would be great as well (either before showing somethings leading up to this or after showing what comes of the change).
On question though, how does she know it is her concience she is talking to?
(or did I just miss the part where that was explained?)
I'm butthurt.
If this is your first time, you are wayyyyy better then me.
Favourited.
I liked it, even though I wish it could've been longer.
This story was really enjoyable, especially for it being a first story. You don't need to be so critical of yourself in the story description; if you didn't tell people that it was your first story, I don't think any of them would suspect it.
What really surprises me is the "complete" status on this story. With all of that foreshadowing and buildup, you really need to include a scene of Celestia and Twilight having their confrontation and its resolution in order for the story to feel complete from a reader's standpoint. As it stands, the ending is just a cliffhanger. The only other thing I'd criticize (and I realize it's nitpicking) is that including the "One does not simply walk into Mordor" meme really didn't feel necessary. It distracts the reader from the content surrounding it.
Pretty decent. Good as a first time story, but the whole discussion with her own subconscious could really need more life thrown into it. As it is, you're literally just having dialogue thrown back and forth, for apparently a rather long time as well. Unless she's thinking really slowly, I can't see how that whole monologue took any longer than 5 minutes.
And where is Spike though all this? To really reach "comedy gold" status, I think it'd need to show a lot more about what goes on in the environment as well. But each to their own.
Did spot a few errors too.
"Possibly a like a lover, too."
"How ARE you talking to be, anyway?"
Hmmm why do i get the feeling that Twilight wasn't talking with her conscience, but something else.
I mean the 'conscience' knows thinks Twilight doesn't know. Very suspicious.
1149985
It has developed a mind of its own and sees the things Twilight knows in a different light. See 1149734.
I heartily enjoyed this short, sweet story.
hudsonhorizons.com/pub/images/FacebookLikeButtonThumbsUp.jpg
What a cliff-hanger in my eyes. You left me to wonder, which I frankly am 50-50 on. It's a bit stressfull, knowing that one-shots like this usually end up in the way you ended it.
Still, favorited. I expect more from you later on.
please don't be complete. please don't be complete. please don't be complete. no! no! NO!... DAMN IT.. you broke the rules. you broke the rules. now someones mad...
cheers
You need to add to this, please.
Twilestia!!! I love twilestia and also, chef ramsay? Reminded me of masterchef and hell's kitchen.
A very nice little story.
I found this segment interesting considering Sauron was depicted as a shape shifter in the Silmarillion.
I really like the ending, since it leaves the whole thing up to your own imagination. Wether they hit it off or not or if they go on a great adventure of epicness or whatever, everythings possible. That's just awesome.
"One does not simply walk into Maredor."
I like this! Thumbs up, favorite, all that jazz, swing, and salsa!
This had better just be a teaser.... My heart can't take that cliffhanger ending
"Hehe... no, Princess. I have something to tell you, something that's been a long time coming. I have cancer."
"WHAT?!"
"Haha, I'm joking."
"TWILIGHT GO TO YOUR ROOM."
"Wait but-"
"NOW."
The writing is quite technically competant. The content ... eh, not so impressed. The whole thing feels intensely rushed, you can't seem to stay focused on the 'other voice' just being part of Twilight looking at her experiences with Celestia from another angle, and then you start talking about masks and making the whole thing sound like a cut-price 'Eternal' with 50% more 'Twilight wants to bone Celestia'.
There's the nub of a really interesting idea here - that Twilight IS genuinely mentally unstable, and that she's learned to use this to her advantage to get a second opinion on things, as it were. It would be cool to see that elaborated on.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/26061/2/How-Every-Shipfic-Would-Actually-Happen/Twilestia
problem?
1151022
It follows on from this nigh seamlessly.
As for mr writer up there - "Bring on the butt hurt" ? My good sir, I am sorely offended that you presume me one so anal! Alack, I must turn the other cheek, for I am no stubborn ass.
Your first writing pony? Fair, fair indeed. Now write about Applejack and oranges, and make it even more emotional and all-consuming for the characters (espiecially the orange) than this was
1148455
Butthurt? NEVER!
It was beautiful with just the right amount of humor to keep it from being a sob story.
Enough realisim to show Twily that Celesita's love will not be easy to achieve but will be worth the sacrifice (for both of them)
Twiliestia on Good Pony! Twilestia On!
I might consider taking it off complete status and continuing it, but it will take a while to update chapters.
1149734
That's a real practice? Cool.
Now I don't feel so weird about having conversations with the part of me that has taken the form of Twilight Sparkle ^^
1149875 I wrote this from Twilight's viewpoint, and sort of envisioned her doing some sort of experiment which went horribly wrong the night before or something. I suppose I felt that approach would be too generic, since Twilight fics have a massive tendency to begin with late-night experiments that do go horribly wrong. In hindsight, probably should have included that anyway. Now bear with me here; this was my first time writing for the internet. I wrote it in about three hours (as you can see from the extremely short story above) and kind of assumed it would get three or four dislikes and get lost to the archives of Fimfiction forever.
Luckily, that was not the case.
Thank you, internet.
1151588
All it needs is to tell the readers how she knows in brief (result of a recent experement, possibly stated by having Twilight wishing for a bit it had not happend), and then the details of how can be made into a prequel.
You might consider looking at the site linked by 1149734, it might provide some inspirasion to flesh out how this came to be.
It is not late nights causing spells to go wrong that is over used, it is having Twilight screw up in general that is. However, when done well it is still an interesting plot hook. One easy way to make it work better is to have there be some degree of mystery as to what caused the accident (even if it is as simple as figuring out who crashed into the library and made Twilight screw up or something).
Maybe things go a little fast but it's still good.
My hoof of approval for this one
Definitely a win, at least partially because of this astute observation:
"The average pony wishes Celestia to be a figurehead; an immortal and unchangeable thing that will forever be there, guilding Equestria from the very top."
In our haste to 'ship Tia with anypony who owns two pair of socks, we often forget this. And it's "guiding," not "guilding," but inasmuch as the typical spellchecker complains about everyday terms like "anypony," this is forgivable.
I wrote this in three hours with no editor, and unfortunately the spellchecker only recognizes mistakes when they aren't words.
Eg: 'me' and 'be' as opposed to 'me' and 'adwuigfwey8dutqwb6wet'.
It's incredibly annoying.
That's the Twilight I know and love!
Self-conscious, adorable and crazy like a box of skittles!
I am glad that you went for it and gave us this work.
Keep it up!
1152079
In the future, you can look at http://www.fimfiction.net/index.php?view=group&group=97 to help find an editor.
1149958
I've said it before and I'll say it again; this story is my first try at anything even resembling writing. The Maredor part is in there for absolutely no reason at all. My hope was that with all of the silly bits in the story, the Comedy tag would act as an excuse.
great story.
Crazy idea, Twilight's "sentient conscience" is actually Princess Celestia trying to get her protege to actually do something
You mean THIS is your first story?
Damn, you're making me feel dissapointed in mine :D
Awesome story, can't wait for more Chapters.
Alright, there you go. Will start writing the second chapter later today.
I don't suppose anyone with a basic knowledge of the English language would be willing to pre-read it for me? Although I do try to correct as many mistakes as possible, an outside source is always useful.
1152775 Awesome!!
1151569
Bro, you have it easy. I talk to a manifestation of my OC as if he's in the room with me. I get many strange looks. But again, he has some good ideas.
You'd be nothing without me, dude.
Shut up, Skyblaze.
1149734 BRB making Tulpa
Also, this story is on my Read Later list.
1153042 Come back in 220 hours - the average time for the creation of a tulpa.
I love the cover image, and twilestia is in my top 3 favorite ships.
Congratulations! This is the 150th story to be added to my RIL list
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Well, shit. This just got featured. I suppose my life is complete, now that I have the internet's approval.
Hrm. Not bad for a first story, must say.
Much better then most of the first time stories I read, I'm envious.
Here is a seal of approval!
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1149734
I'm... going to read up on this. I'm not sure if that is a bad thing, or a good thing. OR neither.
1153052
I dunno wtf happened but I'm already having a conversation with it. Shouldn't that not be physically possible?
1153434 Not bad, not bad at all! But, like the Baby Cakes, sometimes you get small spurts of sentience. Are you sure you're not parroting (telling it what to say)? Some very lucky people have developed very good tulpae in under ten hours, but still, you're nowhere near done. You need senses, visualization, and more. Try giving it a live commentary of basically everything you see, and ask it its opinion. If it's different from what you might say, you have yourself a mighty good tulpa, feller!