• Member Since 12th Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

Blackdrag-rose


Perfection? I don't want that, because that would mean stopping, standing still, instead of improving.

E

Starswirl and Autumn Blaze, both seeking adventure and understanding, find themselves transported to Veldin, a planet located in a remote corner of the Solana Galaxy, as infants, with no memories at all, and happen to arrive at the same time that Ratchet crash lands into the planet. Together the three siblings grow and experience all sorts of things during their time on their home world, but eventually it grows boring and they set their sight on the stars, imagining what sort of adventures would await them once they left Veldin behind and started to explore their galaxy... unaware that fate was going to bring all of them into contact with someone who would set their lives in motion and allow them to truly discover their places in their vast universe.

(Ratchet and Clank/MLP Crossover)
(Part of the Demon War series, but doesn't require reading the others)

Timeline
Ratchet and Clank: Complete
Going Commando: Complete
Up Your Arsenal: Complete
Deadlocked: Complete
Size Matters: Complete
Tools of Destruction: Complete
A Crack in Time: Complete
All 4 One: Complete
Into the Nexus: On Going
Rift Apart: Not Started

Chapters (113)
Comments ( 143 )

Interesting I see where you are going with that necklace. Now how will Starswril handle this adventure.

There could be more spacing between sentences as it's kinda hard to read, anyways great story concept and I'm looking forward to seeing how things will go.

an interesting enough start, but i will keep watch. incidentally, a thought occurs that is not related to the story, per say, but to the over arching narrative perhaps...have u ever thought of sending a pony or other creature to the many wolds of the Transformers multiverse? and before u throw the idea out entirely, there was a time, though not often spoken of, that humans were able to match both Autobot and Decepticon...fight on equal footing in fact...it was a time of Pretenders, and the Master Force...

There's a lot of potential for trimming down just this one chapter. Let me show you. Here's your first paragraph:

It was a peaceful day in Ponyville, something that the residents were used to despite the chaos that seemed to happen on a regular basis, like a swarm of Parasprites devouring everything in their path, or when Cerberus left his post at the Gates that lead to Tartarus and caused the local librarian to return him before something happened, even if it caused an evil Centaur to escape, or when the Spirit of Disharmony caused the skies to rain chocolate milk, manipulated some of the residents so he could have some fun, and other things that he was responsible for, though today was normal. That was what Starswirl, who was an older Unicorn stallion with a light gray coat, which was generally covered by a blue cloak which had stars on it and a few bells near the edges, thought about the day, though as he walked down the road he was currently on he used the wizard hat he wore, which was made out of identical materials to his cloak and held a matching color scheme, to keep most of the sun out of his light blue eyes. Of course the hat covered his light and dark gray mane, which had a sort of wavy pattern to it, while his cloak had a hole for his tail, which possessed the same colors as the hairs on his head, though his mind wasn't on that fact, nor was it on the gentle wind that caused his short beard to move with the breeze, rather it was on something very important that concerned the fate of Equestria, if not the whole of Equus, which was why he was walking alone and staying away from the other residents of the town that was near his destination. As much as Starswirl wanted to stay in Ponyville, and just spend most of the day talking with those who called it home or reading up on the history of their world, which he had missed due to an event that happened in the distant past, there was something more important he had to deal with at the moment and everything else would have to be put on hold until his task was complete, and it had to deal with a specific cave in the heart of the Everfree Forest.

Now here it is again, the message intact, after I've given it just a single pass:

A peaceful day in Ponyville. An idea the locals treasure. When a single town faced the likes of a swarm of magically-altered Parasprites devouring everything in their path, Cerberus leaving his post and the headache surrounding that event, not to mention the evil Centaur that escaped in the meantime, or when Discord himself spread his personal brand of mischief, it's easy to see why. On such a day, the myth-made-real himself; Starswirl the Bearded, had set himself a task that had him journeying into the heart of the Everfree Forest. The legendary unicorn wore his equally legendary hat and cloak, and despite his advanced age; obvious in his grayed mane and coat, he had a reputation and an air of authority that meant no one would try to dissuade him.

...Okay, so I changed the idea behind the first sentence because it's strange that the residents of such a chaotic town wouldn't find a normal day to be either a blessing or simply the calm before a big storm. Of course the change in style is undeniable, too. I do have my own after all. Still, I cut down that first paragraph to less than half its original length, and didn't lose anything. Considering the identity of this website, I think writers can safely assume we all know what MLP characters look like. It's just another part of the process. After all, if things drag too much, people aren't going to want to keep reading.

11030649 I understand what you are saying, and will endeavor to trim things down, both now and in the future.

This is really good 👍👍👍

So the adventure begins.

Well it looks like Autumn is going to be doing lots of improvements on her weapon. Still this could be interesting once she gets back home.

Tats did sort of the same thing in Sparkle of His Eye with Little Twilight

Seriously I hope they do a complete line trace and nab everyone who mishandled those plans.

11060666 If memory serves, and it's been a long time since I've read his story, I think he used the glitch in an omake chapter, saying something about the flow of the chapter breaking if he used it... at least, that's what I recall.

11060712
yes, but it was still Twilight playing with a new spell...

11060929 Really? That's interesting to hear.

11060964
its Twilight...she read about the spell, and in true Twilight fashion, had to do some tests...

11061021 You got me there. Just totally forget he even did anything with that glitch.

One thing I’ve found is you keep making really long paragraphs.

A good rule is for each change in character focus, place focus, or object focus you make a new paragraph. Other ways to break them up is to separate paragraphs by events as well, for example with this chapter would be when you start describing the situation with Autumn you would start a new paragraph.

Having never played the games, I don’t have a Sony system, that the environmental repair machine seems to be something the ponies really seem to enjoy making.

11078453 Indeed. Given an earlier comment, on a previous chapter, it seems that Tats and I agree on something else: that ponies would make such a machine in the face of Drek's pollution.

So they get to meet the Thugs leader. I hope they can turn them into a sort of ally and see if they could be better.

11112200 To be fair, he's pretty set in his ways. On the other hand, there's ponies involved, so canon might not happen. Time will tell which path I send him down.

I don’t think any of them are going to be forgiving Quark anytime soon. He is crossing lines that will have ramifications.

though while he wasn't too worried for her safety, since she was pretty strong on her own and Autumn's additions made her a force to be reckoned with, he was concerned for her safety, since he liked her and was sure that she liked him.

these mean the same thing...so Rachet is worried, but hes not worried about Angila?

11142231 No, he's worried about Angela. I must have been distracted when I wrote the bit about Ratchet's sister, to miss that error.

11142346
happens to the best of us, i assure u...i rember one time i wrote that the character was stunned but not surprised...i have no idea what i was thinking writing that...

11142398 I see. Well, I've modified that part of the chapter... as best as I can tell I was focused on thinking ahead, to the Plumber's scene and mentioning Ratchet's sister, and wasn't thinking when I wrote that bit.

Thought Acceleration? nasty technique, but not one native to either Ratchet and Clank or MLP...that one first popped up in That Time i was Reincarnated as a Slime

11145560 I think that was where I got the inspiration from... and while it might not be native to MLP, whose to say whether or not such a spell even exists in that world, with everything else that's there.

11145599
true, though that is hardly compelling evidence...

11145603 I only say that because there's chaos magic, the magic that opened the way to the comic book world, there's portal magic, dark magic, and who knows what else. I just figured that with all those types of magic, and anything we haven't discovered, that there's a possibility for Thought Acceleration to exist in the MLP world.

11145667
We also know there is mind based magic like what Starlight used in the mind control episode, so magic must be able to manipulate other parts of the mind as well.

So your making Rivet Rachet's sister?

11150581 Indeed. Take away the game aspects, like keeping them the same size and shape so the armor fits, and just listen to how they act. The two really seem like long lost siblings, as they're so similar to each other.

Now with the second game complete I hope Ratchet gets some answers about his people that he may have.

An interesting change from canon. Now I wonder if Ratchet will be getting multiple partners in this story?

11158071 I never liked how Angela was forgotten, especially since she's a Lombax, hence why I have her stick around with Ratchet. As for Sasha and Talwyn, well, you'll have to wait and see.

11158081
the Lombax r very cat like in a way...Prides?

11158319 Could happen. The games gave Ratchet three potential girlfriends, even if one is canon and the other two were forgotten as time went on, so him having a pride could happen later on.

Several of them were going to be scouts, others in charge of demolition, a few would be snipers, a couple would become spies, she was designing a few who would be pyros, with most of the remainder split between soldiers and heavy weapon users, leaving the rest to be engineers and medics.

Ah, Autumn’s turning the Galactic rangers into the Mann Co. Mercenaries. Nice spread for winning a battle.

11178905 I wasn't too sure what to turn the Rangers into, especially given what happened in Tats' take on the series, but figured the Mercenaries from TF2 were a good option.

11178920
mmm, not bad, certainly...its a good balance of powers,

so, similar scheme to Twis while she was growing up with the pair...basic but one has to start somewhere

11184909 To be fair, there aren't a lot of ways to deal with Courtney Gears... I mean, we basically topple her in canon, and I busted her up when I did Starlight's version of the story, so after that saving her was really the only thing left.

💯❤️💯❤️💯

As such they were able to reach the area that Clank crashed in, which Ratchet pointed out for a few seconds since the little robot didn't remember where he landed, before they moved further along the path that had to lead to Chairman Drek, or at least they hoped so since the twisted planet was getting closer and closer as time went on, before they found a brand new fence that looked like it had been installed by Drek's people. None of them asked why Drek bothered with this, since it needed a Trespasser to pass through it, hence why Starlight and Autumn focused on wrecking their enemies as Ratchet used the gadget to open the way for them to move forward, though once that was done they struck down the foes on the other side, surprising the Blarg soldiers in the process. After that they found their way to a metallic surface that had been added to a structure Ratchet and his siblings had seen in the past, almost like Drek was expecting them to come home and search for him, so maybe they were walking into a trap when they finally found where he happened to be hiding, before all three of them made their way into the water reserve and found that it must have been modified by someone, as there was a button right in the bottom of it. Autumn pressed it as Ratchet drained the area with the Hydrodisplacer, opening the way for them to move down to the exit, even if Starlight had him replace what he had taken before teleporting them outside, allowing them to resume moving further along the path as they opened fire on their enemies, much to the surprise of the Blarg soldiers, like they assumed that the siblings would be taken out by the forces that had been overcome already, but it took them no time to clear out the next group before pressing forward.

I think you need the word of Starlight into Starswirl.

Sorry I didn't mean to be criticism and rude 🙏

11200240 It's perfectly fine. Don't know why I had Starlight on the mind when I wrote that part, but I've changed it back to Starswirl.

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