The Crystal Empire Horror Story

This story has been marked as having adult content. Please click below to confirm you are of legal age to view adult material in your country.

Confirm

Comments ( 7 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 7
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Super Trampoline

Super Trampoline #1 · Jan 21st, 2020 · 5 · ·

Attack Turned Snack

Better a snack attack than a Shaq attack.

Artist

Artist #2 · Jan 21st, 2020 · 2 · 15 ·

I do not like this, first of all the grammar is very bad and second of all the pacing is awfully horrible

zachary12

zachary12 #3 · Jan 21st, 2020 · 2 · ·

nice

B_25

B_25 #4 · Jan 21st, 2020 · 18 · 6 ·

10044534
How are you going to say the grammar is bad if your very comment has a grammatical mistake?

I do not like this, first of all the grammar is very bad and second of all the pacing is awfully horrible

That's an incorrect use of a comma, thus, becoming a comma splice. Second. Quit it with the adjective game. This is proof you are a weak writer.

It's not very bad. Call it terrible. It's not awfully horrible. It's detestable.

Not only that. What examples do you have to prove either the pacing or the grammar is terrible? Cite it.

Giving vague notions does nothing. You don't appear smart or wise or competent or anything of the sort. Why people seem to have a fetish for ripping on me lately—I have no idea. But give it a rest. Fuck off when you can. Leave this poor fucker alone already.

Did I just speak to myself in the third person? Strange.
~ Yr. Pal, B

TheDriderPony

TheDriderPony #5 · Jan 21st, 2020 · 1 · ·

An interesting tale. Given your usual work I kept expecting it to go in a different direction. Then I read thenlurb again and saw it was a commission. Silly me.

Anyhow, good comedy using their natural character traits effectively. Though the transiting from the opening tone of dark and dramatic to the next morning's silly and sexual felt a little abrupt.

Overall, nicely done. Thanks for writing.

B_25