• Member Since 10th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Saturday


The Young Six are a blessing to this very earth


Spike and Smoulder want to hang out with Ocellus over spring break. That's good! But they're going to the dragon lands. That's bad! But Ocellus is a shapeshifter. That's good! But Ocellus has a thing for dragons, and oh no this just got complicated...

Big thanks to Salty Alty's editing for making this nice and readable

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Chapters (1)
Comments ( 11 )

So.....Which one's Charlie Sheen?

Spelling and grammar are a little rocky at the start, but I’m enjoying it otherwise so far. I’ll get back with a more detailed comment once I’ve read it all.

Got a little too into the part, eh, Ocellus? :trixieshiftright:

This was a fun story. Admittedly, not really into the Smolder/Ocellus ship that much, but I don't mind this go around because the ship isn't really the central focus of the story when you get right down to it, even though it absolutely is what sets off the whole tale. It's really more about the story's message--being true to yourself and not be what you aren't. The ship's just the means to the end. :raritywink:

And no matter what, it's still a great story from start to finish. Some grammar and spelling hiccups here and there, but I stopped paying attention to them as I got caught up in the tale, and the rest of the tale is pretty much perfect in nearly every other way. Great on pacing, great on tone, great on premise, great on execution, and pretty great on characterization, chiefly that of Ocellus, seeing she's the narrating character. It's even got some good world-building.

It's a little too teen to really fit in as an episode of the show, but it'd be a great episode regardless--it's just perfect in length for that. :twilightsmile:

Wow. Wow! Instant favorite. Where even to start? First of all, I don't really like first-person perspective stories usually, but this was so well done, so well crafted with just the right amount of misdirection and humor, that it's a great exception to my rule.

He certainly has a particular way with words. He said that he’s spending the break with Sandbar and Silverstream instead.
I bet they’re gonna kiss. All three of them.

...I mean, I was already sold on this story, but this throwaway line instantly won that favorite bookmark. :rainbowlaugh:

"Dress Gang" had me laughing so hard.

The adventure scenes (especially the mirror maze) were enthralling.

I loved how Ocellus gradually slipped further into the role of Thrash, slipping slowly into a particular kind of madness.

And, of course, I love the ship. The final paragraph payoff is exactly what I was hoping for after the adventures.

10/10 overall. Will read again! :twilightsmile:

I keep forgetting to comment on this so I'm doing it now

This fucking slaps

The whole idea of Ocellus getting way too deep into her role is so changeling and so fun, I'm always a slut for Smolcellus, I really enjoy your Smolder dialogue actually! All the dragons in this story are superbly done, they all feel so fitting with what we've seen in the show and the OCs were pulled off quite well

“It's not them paying attention to you! It’s you! You’ve… you’ve... you’ve turned into such a dragon!” Her every sentence was punctuated by the stiff flailing of her arms. “Maybe it was different when we started, but this isn’t fun, Ocellus! I thought I was having fun with you, but you aren't even you! We’ve just been playing to win, not playing together! And it doesn’t feel right! None of it does!”

This is delicious drama

The ending is also real nice, I kind of wanted you to milk it a little more but I understand that's a consequence of me being greedy for more of your writing as opposed to what's actually best for this story

With this and Fate Spell you've absolutely made me a fan, can't wait for your next story

Good stuff, it was an enjoyable enough read that I put off important things that I need to do

This was really good! I love stories about the Young Six.:twilightsmile:

y arms, my legs, my tail... they all lay limp where they were.

Oops, it looks like you forgot an 'M' at the start there. Anyway, this was a nice little adventure romp, even if it doesn't have the tag. I really enjoyed the treat of a first-person narrative and seeing adolescents get written like adolescents. You really went the extra mile for introspection, banter, and crafting a great voice for each character.

A little overdue, apologies, but here's a review for you. Considering I'm not generally a big fan of the non-Ponyville dragons, I was pleased how much I enjoyed this. I liked Ocellus as narrator, too, plus the variation in the contests was nice. Maybe could do with a tad bit more proofreading, but nothing huge. An easy like from me. :twilightsmile:

Oh sick, I've never been reviewed before. Thanks.

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