• Member Since 10th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Monday

RayneTheSkunk


The Young Six are a blessing to this very earth

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" Limestone's a great employee. I just wish she could train Yona without me needing to hire a carpenter every week."- Headmare Starlight.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 7 )

Well that's one way to end a story.

smoothie good

story good

That's actually a really nice story I mean despite the swearing And I think this Interaction between Yona and Limestone is pretty nice but poor limestone She really is stressed out about this whole thing but I guess she's really dedicated for a family that's cool but sometimes she needs to find her happiness like what Yona said Sure it's gonna be hard but it may be worth it

Thoroughly good stuff

The force knocked Yona off her front hooves. She stumbled into the wall. tiling and dust falling from the ceiling as a thud resonated throughout the gym. Equipment jumped from the force before settling back into place. Yona let out a hot snort and a blood boiling snarl. She rushed the punching bag, raised her hoof, and sent Limestone flying into the other wall. A wall that had once had a mat installed for exactly this purpose which was, in Limestone’s words, ‘pussy shit’.

Tiling should be capitalized.

“Augh!” Limestone’s hooves dragged down her face. The bottom eyelids pulled down along with her cheeks, revealing the building rage in her eyes. “I can’t believe she told you that! Barely thirty ponies even went to that school no pony is supposed to know!”

I'd advise a comma or period after "barely thirty ponies even went to that school".

“Throw rock.” Yona’s face curved into a grin limestone would describe as shit-eating.

Limestone*

“Yuck it up big girl!” Her cheeks puffed “Soon as you're out of school and I’m not your trainer anymore I’m gonna thrash you myself.” She tossed her towel over Yona's face but it did nothing to stop the laughter. Limestone used all the will she had to stop herself from joining her, instead letting her cheeks puff and grow red.

When you're using the phrase, it's "yuk it up".

Yona had started her training with Rainbow Dash, but as much as Rainbow was into fighting, Spitfire wasn’t too happy with the Wonderbolt’s star flier getting launched into walls anymore than she already did herself. So she moved onto Applejack, who was strong and threw a good right hoof, but Yona got the feeling ninety percent of her training had just become doing Applejack’s farm labor.

Wonderbolts'*

If Yona hurt pony real bad, real, real bad. It make yak look bad, real,real bad.

You're missing a space after one of the commas.

“I might” “You know that story from earlier. It wasn’t just that I liked that pegasus. I hated her so much. No matter what she could always fly away whenever she wanted. I was so jealous even then.”

You have two bouts of dialogue from the same character with two sets of quotation marks. Either add something like "Limestone grumbled" between the two bouts of dialogue or only use one set of quotation marks.

Also replace the period after "story from earlier" with a question mark.

That aside, good story! I haven't really seen much of Yona in the few episodes I've seen of the show, but she looks solid. I particularly like your portrayal of Limestone. She's always a winner.

That last picture was glorious.

And congrats on getting featured too!

I love the insight into Limestone's character.

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