• Member Since 10th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen April 9th

42Zombies


E

With no warning, Equestria finds itself in the middle of a crisis the likes of which it has never seen. Overnight, all four princesses have disappeared! That's real messed up!

Shining Armor has gone through these sorts of emergencies before, though. But with his wife and sister missing, he's not willing to sit on the sidelines and let Twilight's friends save the day without him. As circumstances begin piling up, Shining Armor finds himself in the middle of a plot that can only be solved by a few very talented secondary characters.

Unfortunately, Blueblood is one of them.

Chapters (18)
Comments ( 66 )

Neighsay proving to be as competent as always I see. XD

Okay, you have my interest.

I think Fancy Pants is the mayor of Canterlot.

There were the two incidents with Chrysalis, for example. There was Sombra and the Crystal Empire. There was the Storm King, though Shining hadn’t actually been present for that particular disaster due to Flurry Heart having a cold. There was also that thing that had happened last Hearth’s Warming with the pudding and the giant rat-monster. And, of course, there was the time that a giant oyster had tried to take over Equestria.

Uh.......What was that last part about a giant evil oyster? :rainbowhuh:

9780592
A giant evil oyster tried to take over Equestria.

I'm pretty sure it happened in one of the EU novels, or in the MLP FPS game.

Pretty sure.

Ri2

Are we SURE Neighsay isn't a Dracula?

Ri2

I...actually feel sorry for Neighsay for a change? Wow.

Why IS Thorax here? Poor guy.

This is very funny. Look forward to seeing how this continues to blow up.

Nopony said anything. Evidently, they were expecting Shining Armor to offer up all of the info. But Shining really didn’t know anything. At a loss, he turned and began to write on the chalkboard in big, white letters.

PRINCESSES

Shining turned to see if that got any reaction out of the assembled ponies. Nope. Nothing. Shining paused for a moment before adding to his statement.

PRINCESSES
=
MISSING

Still nothing. Shining looked back to the chalkboard and tried to think of what to add. After a few moments, he decided to just underline the word ‘missing’ and add an exclamation point.

PRINCESSES
=
MISSING!

Several of the ponies began taking notes. Now they were getting somewhere!

This right here convinced me faving this story was a really good idea.

Ok wow, this story is amazingly funny. I love it.

Eh.

This is turning too meta and too much Fourth-Wall-Breaking for me to get invested. Honestly, it should be tagged Random.

9818038
Fourth wall breaking? I'm not sure what you mean. Where does the fourth wall get broken?

As for random, you're probably right that I should tag it as that. This isn't really much of an adventure, really.

9818428

“I generally try to avoid judging folks based off of how spooky they are,” Flash Sentry said.

“I’m not supposed to talk,” the other guard said. He didn’t have a name.

A background character noted for being so uninvolved that they don't even have a name. Or perhaps I misread and it means Shining Armor doesn't know his name.

The narration, which is self-referential, as opposed to anything any of the characters have said.

Ri2

Oy! Three weeks?!

So, do they need to check the ocean?

Alright, our first suspects!

If it wasn't for fanfic I'm pretty sure no one would remember Diamond Dogs existed.

9840213
Not true. It was one of Bowie's most well-known albums.

......Blueblood you moron.....

Finally, there was the Bureau of Biting and Chomping. Nopony knew that this part of Equestria’s government was for or what it did. It had just always existed. Hundreds of years ago, when the ponies moved their capital to Canterlot, the Bureau of Biting and Chomping had already been established.

The Bureau was composed of one single pony. Nopony knew his name. Every day, he came into the throne room, chomped his teeth threateningly at Shining Armor, and left. Nopony knew where he went afterwards.

I'm not even kidding, this almost freaking killed me.

Blueblood! You bolthead!

A crossword puzzle is a prison that you lock words inside of

Better see that definition in the next edition, Merriam-Webster.

Don't forget your miner helmet and ice cream scooper, Shining.

Well, that could've been worse.

Crystal Clear's predecessor, for example, had a habit of giving misleading reports. Like claiming to be married when she was clearly single.

It left many ponies wondering why Miss Information lied so much.

9885020
The EIEIO has never had very good luck with its spymasters.

There was a big holiday coming up, and naturally, that meant regular visits from DEATH.

No kidding, I almost died of laughter reading this chapter. You are incredibly witty, friend. The rapidly escalating silliness of the acronyms is what did it. Also the escalating silliness of the entire story.

“No,” Shining said. “I want to see where they’re going with this.”

You're not the only one, Shining. Also that is probably the best reaction to getting kidnapped I have ever seen put to paper. Screen? You know what I mean.

“It does!” Blueblood pointed out. “She vanished when Nightmare Moon attacked. She’s been abducted by that bug lady. Tirek sent her to jail for a while. The Storm King turned her into tasteful art.

The time she got tangled up in vines...

9904492
The other time she got abducted by the bug lady...

Canterlot!

Canterlot!

Canterlot!

...

Actually, on second thought, Canterlot is a very silly place.

The Plot Thickens- Wait, that's just the slime.

Season 9.63 continues...

9944341

I think this season makes a strong arguement for being the best one yet...!

Wait, hold up.

Did Thorax just turn into a literal mouthbreather?

This story.............................

Do they truly have the right to mock prince BB's intelligence if it took them that long to check if the door was locked? I forget the correct use of the word myself but that seems to be the correct use of irony in that situation.

9980370
In all fairness, when someone throws you in a cage you just kind of take for granted that they're going to lock it. I don't think any of them really expected the gazelles to be dumb enough to use a cage without locking the door.

So, really, they should have been insulting the gazelles' intelligence instead of Blueblood's.

“A bathtub is the opposite of a boat,” Shining Armor mused.

Shower bathtub thoughts.

So Garth is a cat-bird that likes to snooze? He's gotta have a good meal.

9987637
He may or may not like pushing yellow diamond dogs off cliffs.

Initially Sans Smirk made a bunch of Undertale references, but I realized that if I made you read that it would count as a war crime.

Well, you know what they say. The Hague is a ☠☠☠☠ing joke.

10085782
I mean, if the only thing stopping you from committing war crimes is going to trial, I would argue you have other things to worry about.

*has done thirty years of panto*

Naturally, this didn’t work because pantomime isn’t funny at all…

Sans Smirk, I think that-

...

...

...

No, on reflection, it's a fair cop.

“It's over, you turkeys.” Celestia said

I worry that the story may have just peaked. Where else is there to go?

So.

The moment Dusty [1]walked into the Abbatoir of Funk, my brain instantly supplied backing music in the form of That One Song by the Bee Gees That They Always Play and didn't stop. Leading me to the conclusion that all of the songs at the disco were in fact, That One Song by the Bee Gees,

(Would that be here the Gee Gees...?

...

...

I'm so sorry, everyone.)

In the context of this story, that would actually make a lot of sense.



[1]It wasn't until half paragraph later the reality of What You Had Done There with Draft (how long had you planned that?!) hit me.

10137568
The entire reason he was named Draft was so I could set up this joke.

I've peaked as a writer.

The sense of humor in this story is so stupid and i love it.

I would just like to say, while I normally appreciate this story, I particularly appreicated this story this particular morning.

*tips helmet*

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