//------------------------------//
// A Real Dumpster of a Life 
// Story: Shining Armor Saves Everyone 
// by 42Zombies 
//------------------------------//

The moments following Flurry Heart teleporting into the nuckelavee's lair felt unreal. Everything was quiet. Time seemed to slow down as Shining, Thorax, Blueblood and Flash all got back up onto their hooves. The air was gross and slippery like in a dream. It all felt like it wasn't really happening.

But it was happening. Shining Armor could tell that this was no dream because in all of his dreams there was a dog with his mother's face. But that dog wasn't anywhere nearby, so this was obviously real life.

The nuckelavee groaned in frustration. They had been knocked prone by Flurry's arrival and were laying laying on their side. They struggled to get back up onto their hooves, but Dennis's oversized head kept weighing them down. It was a real tragedy.

“What's going on?” Dennis asked. “Who let that little pigeon in here?!”

As Flurry Heart gently descended downwards, Shining almost instinctively reached his hooves out to catch her. As soon as she was in her father's grasp, Flurry Heart's angry expression became a bubbly smile. She reached her hooves out and grabbed Shining's snout, cooing adorably.

“Flurry, what are you doing here?” Shining asked.

“Ababa!” Flurry Heart babbled.

“Oh, right. I forgot you don't know how to talk yet,” Shining Armor said. “Did you teleport here all the way from Canterlot because you were worried about me?”

Flurry Heart's only reply was more cryptic babbling. Whatever reasons she had, she was keeping them to herself. She was truly a mysterious lady.

It was just as well. Shining realized now that he shouldn't have expected Flurry Heart to just stay with her grandparents while he went on a big adventure. After all, she probably wanted to save Cadance just as much as Shining did. Or maybe she just wanted to unleash her terrible destructive power on a worthy target. Either was likely.

Flash Sentry ran up to Shining from behind and looked down at Flurry Heart.

“Sir! Some sort of flying gnome came here to rescue us!” He screamed into Shining's ear.

Blueblood and Thorax joined them while the nuckelavee kept trying to get back up. It took a moment for Shining to overcome his paternal pride and realize that now was their chance to rescue the princesses. He snapped out of his fatherly stupor and quickly turned to the others.

“Thorax! Flash! Try to break down that barrier!” Shining ordered.

With a quick nod, both Thorax and Flash Sentry ran off. That just left Blueblood, who was looking down at Flurry Heart impassively. Shining couldn't really think of anything practical for the other prince to do. Part of him had already forgotten why Blueblood was there in the first place.

“Blueblood, could you maybe try distracting the nuckelavee? Or maybe just--”

“Your baby's pretty lame, Shining,” Blueblood said bluntly. “She can't even talk or cook or anything.”

Shining Armor stared at Blueblood for just a moment. The incredibly minuscule amount of respect Shining had developed for him after he'd sailed them through the storm died in that moment. It would never return again. With a sigh, Shining walked away from Blueblood to check on what Thorax and Flash were doing to free the princesses. Blueblood remained where he was for no reason Shining could think of.

Thorax and Flash Sentry were hard at work trying to shatter the magical bubble that the princesses, Spike, and Elements of Harmony were in. Flash was hitting the barrier as hard as he could with his trademark cricket bat. Thorax, meanwhile, was attempting to free the prisoners with discourse.

“Have you considered the fact that trapping someone inside of you and draining their magic is actually very problematic?” Thorax asked the bubble. “Think about how your actions affect others.”

The prison stubbornly continued existing.

“Good effort, guys!” Shining Armor did his best to be encouraging as his friends continued their efforts. He cradled Flurry Heart in a single foreleg, carefully supporting her massive noggin. “Keep at it! I'm sure you'll get there!”

Flash Sentry didn't respond. He kept furiously hitting the prison with his cricket bat. He had entered a beautiful fugue state where the only thing that existed was violence.

“I'm not sure we can do this,” Thorax said. “This barrier's, like... really hard! It's just really difficult, you know?”

“Yeah.” Shining chewed his lower lip and looked up at the prison. It looked like a snowglobe, only the snow was people. The princesses and Twilight's friends floated inside of it, their magic regularly being siphoned from them. Some of that magic must have been going towards keeping the magical barrier up. If that was the case, then this spell was effectively self-sustaining.

“Maybe we should just take this whole thing back to Canterlot and figure out how to free them later. Do you think we could do that?”

Flurry Heart cooed excitedly in approval of the plan. Thorax, who appeared to be more skeptical, was looking between the enormous magical bubble and the slightly larger-than-average door they had come in through.

“I don't think it'll fit,” Thorax finally said. Shining frowned in frustration at Thorax's stubborn adherence to what was physically possible. “Could Flurry Heart maybe teleport it out?”

Shining shook his head. “No. Flurry's teleports are like hiccups. They just sort of happen. I think we should go with my much better plan and roll this thing all the way to Canterlot.”

Thorax continued to look like he had doubts. Shining didn't really know why. It was a solid plan. Unfortunately, they wouldn't get a chance to put it into action.

A great wave of force swept through the chamber and knocked everycreature off their hooves. Shining was flipped over onto his back and landed with a thud. Flurry Heart, who he'd let go of in the process, safely flew up into the air and looked down at her father happily.

Shining's new perspective gave him a good view of what had happened. The wave of magic had come from the nuckelavee, who had partially lifted themselves off the ground. The hand they'd used to cast their spell was still outstretched while they leaned on their other arm, still mostly prone.

Struggling to recover, Shining rolled over onto his hooves. “Blueblood, why didn't you tell us they were getting back up?!”

Blueblood, who had been knocked face-down to the ground, looked up.

“Didn't feel like it,” he said with a small shrug.

Both of the nuckelavee's faces scowled. 

“I've had it with intruders in my lair!” Dennis snarled. “None of you dummies get it! The amount of raw, destructive power you'd need to break that prison open is beyond anything a mere pony can muster! Even most alicorns wouldn't be able to cast a spell of that caliber!”

The nuckelavee grunted as they tried once again to heft themselves up, but their giant head was still too heavy.

“Just use your arms!” The Robert Bruce Experience said to themselves.

“What do you mean 'my' arms?!” Dennis asked themselves. Irritation was entering into their voice. “They're 'our' arms! You can move them too, idiot!” 

The nuckelavee grumbled incoherently as they kept trying to push themselves up. They continued to make no progress. It was becoming quickly apparent to everyone that both of the nuckelavee's heads were trying to do different things with their arms.

Shining and the others gathered together by the prison as the nuckelavee talked to itself. Blueblood, Thorax, and Flash Sentry all looked to Shining worriedly. Shining knew what they were thinking: that they had no idea where they could get the destructive power that the nuckelavee had claimed they'd need. He knew this because they were telling him. They were telling him over and over in a hushed whisper.

But Shining Armor wasn't worried. He held his hooves out and Flurry Heart happily flew to her dad's embrace. She babbled adorable as Shining looked down at her with a smile. He knew he was holding the most powerful, destructive magical force in all of Equestria: Flurry Heart, the Great Destroyer.

“I've got an idea,” Shining Armor said, and for once he actually meant it. “I think I can destroy that prison, but I need time. Can you guys distract the nuckelavee for me?”

All three of Shining Armor's traveling companions shook their heads.

“... Okay,” Shining said after a moment. “I guess I'll have to hurry, then.”

Shining turned to face the gigantic bubble that contained the nuckelavee's prisoners. Somehow it looked bigger, more sinister. The ponies inside continued to float lifelessly as their magic was siphoned out towards the prison's shell. It seemed like they were in a completely other world, separated from the chaos in the nuckelavee's lair.

There was no time to sit and stare, however. Shining needed to get ready. He belched with confidence and narrowed his eyes. When he looked down, Shining saw that Flurry Heart had a serious expression on her face. Despite her tiny, undeveloped brain, she seemed to know what her father had planned. And she was ready.

Shining hoisted Flurry Heart up onto his shoulder in order to better brace her and pointed her horn at the nuckelavee's prison. He rose up onto his hind legs and closed one eye as he lined up her horn with the prison-bubble. Flurry Heart unfolded her winds for some reason the probably made sense to her.

Behind him, Shining could hear the nuckelavee's hooves on the cold stone floor. It was back on its gross feet. Thorax, Flash, and Blueblood were all bravely continuing to do nothing.

“Hey-- What are you doing?!” Dennis yelled at Shining. “Stop pointing that baby at my prison!”

Shining ignored the nuckelavee. He continued to point that baby at their prison. He steadied himself, one hoof raising up to Flurry Heart's face. It was time to push the firing mechanism.

“Wait! Stop!” The nuckelavee yelled. “You can't do this! It's nearly Big Worm Day! Where's your holiday spirit?!”

Shining Armor booped Flurry Heart right on the nose. The effect was immediate and devastating.

Flurry Heart fired a thunderous bolt of magic from her horn, illuminating the entire cavern in pink light. The sheer force of the beam being fired knocked Shining Armor backwards. Because he had stupidly decided to stand up on his hind hooves, he was knocked off-balance and fell to the ground with Flurry still in his hooves.

But it didn't matter. Flurry's magic hit the mark. The beam pierced through the bubble's surface and shot clean through the other side. As it did so, the sinister red glow of the prison began to brighten and intensify. It started to give off a blinding white light that filled the entire chamber.

Shining Armor squinted his eyes. It was getting too bright to see. But Shining didn't need his dumb old eyes.

The deafening sound of the nuckelavee's prison shattering was that last thing Shining heard before everything went white.

Then, there was only silence.





It took some time before Shining Armor's sight returned. It surely couldn't have been more than a minute, but it felt almost like hours. As the rumbling died down and Shining Armor blinked his eyes back into focus, the nuckelavee's lair came back into view. It was just as ugly as Shining remembered.

Shining was still holding Flurry to his chest. She was laughing excitedly, clearly not as shaken up as her father was. That was normal for her, though; nothing made Flurry happy like blowing something up. Shining wondered if he should worry about that kind of behavior in the future, but ultimately decided that his daughter's hunger for destruction was probably fine.

With a tired grunt, Shining Armor got up onto his hooves. He carefully placed Flurry Heart onto his back, where she was more than happy to be. The little princess continued to laugh as her father surveyed the aftermath of the destruction.

The prison was gone. In its place was empty air and clouds of dust. The hum of magic in the air was completely gone, replaced by the sound of the waves outside lapping against the cliffs. On the ground, below the space the prison had once occupied, ten figures were lying near-motionlessly on the cold, stone floor.

Shining felt as if his heart was going to pound out of his chest. He looked at them, but he didn't really see them. He was almost worried that if he really focused on the freed prisoners they'd somehow disappear, like a mirage or a very talented magician. But they were really there. Shining knew this was real. He could see each of their faces as they began to wake from their dreamless sleep.

And Cadance was right there.

At first, Shining only took a few hesitant steps closer. Then it was a full gallop. He nearly forgot about Flurry Heart clinging to his back. He completely forgot about Blueblood, Thorax, and Flash Sentry, who were only just now starting to pick themselves up off the ground. He retroactively forgot about the nuckelavee, who was screaming in furious defeat with both heads.

Shining forgot about everything until he was knelt down at his wife's side.

Cadance's eyes were shut tight, as if she had just woken up and was actively trying to stay asleep. When Shining put a hoof on the side of her head, her eyes flickered open ever-so-slightly. She looked up at Shining and Flurry Heart, still half-asleep.

“Shiny...?” She asked in a tired whisper. “Flubby?”

Shining nodded happily. “Yes, Cadance. It's Shining and Flubby. We're here.”

“I feel like I was kidnapped in my sleep by a nuckelavee and drained of my magic over a period of three weeks,” Cadance said as she slowly lifted herself up into a sitting position. Shining supported her as best he could.

All around them, the other prisoners were starting to wake up as well. Celestia and Luna were the first ones on their hooves. Luna looked around with visible confusion. Celestia, meanwhile, took a few seconds to survey her situation and then let loose a groan of irritation.

“Groan,” she groaned. “This sort of thing better not happen once I'm retired, I swear to me.”

“AUNTIE!”

Blueblood was sobbing as he sprinted to Celestia's side. He buried his face in his aunt's neck and made disgusting blubbering sounds that everyone hated. He sounded like a nasty tuba made of slime. He sounded like a depressed elephant with severe nasal problems.

“Auntie, it was terrible!” Blueblood said between choked sobs. “Y-You were missing, and they wouldn't put me in charge, and I talked to a griffon, and I was in the sewers, and-- and--”

Blueblood's words became more and more indecipherable as he recounted the last few weeks. Celestia, for her part, didn't look annoyed. She had a small, patient smile on her face as she gently patted her nephew's big head. The amount of patience Celestia had for Blueblood's nonsense was nothing short of saintly.

“I'm sure it was all very upsetting,” Celestia said comfortingly. “Definitely nothing compared to me being used as a magical battery and kept in a waking nightmare for weeks on end.”

Blueblood sniffled and nodded. “I'm the one who's suffered the most through all of this!”

Thorax and Flash Sentry had joined the group now, and they were helping Twilight's friends get back up onto their hooves. Seeing them reminded Shining that he had a few siblings he needed to help. He used all of his legs to rush to the side of the two purple ones, who were definitely Spike and Twilight.

Spike was already back on his feet. The little dragon seemed to be doing fine, so Shining checked on Twilight first. His little sister hadn't gotten up yet, but she was awake. She had her hoof held to her head and was wincing in pain. That made Shining happy.

“You okay, Twily?” Shining knelt down by his sister, getting his head down to ground-level so he could look her in the eye. She looked tired and stressed, but that was normal for Twilight.

“Ugh... Twilight Sparkle,” Twilight said intelligently. “Books.”

Shining sighed, relieved. Twilight was completely normal. Satisfied, he stood back up and looked around as the various creatures gathered together. Cadance joined Shining's side as their daughter roosted on top of his head. Thorax, Flash Sentry, and Blueblood all walked up to Shining with big smiles on their faces.

“Guys, I can't thank you enough for helping me with all of this,” Shining told them.

“No need to thank us,” Flash Sentry said. “We really didn't do that much.”

Thorax happily nodded in agreement. “I'm not entirely sure if I actually contributed anything.”

“I'm glad my boat-knowledge was able to help rescue my auntie,” Blueblood said. He sounded surprisingly gracious when he spoke; not at all like he was bragging. “Although I've only just realized that the airship I used to bring us here is kind of totalled now. That's going to make me sad later.”

Shining Armor burst out laughing, and soon everycreature else was joining in. Shining was laughing because of Blueblood's misfortune, but more than that, he was laughing because of how relieved he felt. All of the stress and anxiety from the last few weeks had completely disappeared.

But a loud groan cutting off everyone's laughter reminded Shining that not every problem had been solved.

The nuckelavee was sulking over at he other end of the cavern. They were finally back up on all four legs and had their arms folded dramatically over their chest. Both of the nuckelavee's faces were pouting petulantly. For some reason, they seemed to be upset.

“Oh, great! I guess I'm defeated!” Dennis said as they threw their hands up in the air. They leveled a scowl at the group of creatures, glaring at Shining Armor in particular. “Why couldn't you just let me have this, huh? I worked really hard on this plan. It was totally going to work, and Grogar would've been really proud of me. But you had to go and ruin that. You guys are jerks.”

Shining Armor stepped forward. He was still pretty darn miffed at this two-headed ne'er-do-well. He had been willing to let bygones be bygones, but this nuckelavee was being a real sore loser. Shining was going to give them several pieces of his mind.

“Look, I know what it's like to live in the shadow of someone more successful than you,” he said. “It can make you feel really bad, and sometimes that makes you want to use a disease to drive a species to extinction. But you can't live your life comparing yourself to the ponies you care about. It will lead you to do really dumb stuff, like--”

“Don't you go acting like there was some sort of moral to all of this!” Dennis snapped. “Look, I don't care what sort of self-doubt you've been going through since I kidnapped your wife or your mom or whatever. I have spent decades getting ready to put this plan into action! You keep your themes of self-worth to yourself!”

Shining flinched at that. He felt a little awkward now. Weren't you supposed to make some sort of big, theme-defining speech at the end of an adventure? He felt like that was a thing Twilight did. Shining turned to his sister, hoping to get some sort of advice or support.

“Twi, back me up here.”

“Friendship,” Twilight Sparkle said intelligently. “Twilight Sparkle.”

Shining nodded in agreement and turned back to the nuckelavee.

“Twilight's right,” Shining said. “Friendship. That's important.”

The nuckelavee drew themselves up to their full height and snarled down at Shining's group. There was anger in all three of the creature's eyes, and their nostrils also looked kind of upset.

“”This isn't over!” Dennis said. “I'm not letting any of you leave here alive! I'm going to grab you all and put you in a big stew, which I will eat!”

Everyone gasped at the exact same time. Getting cooked up in a tasty stew and then eaten sounded like a real bummer. Shining wanted no part in it. Unfortunately, when he looked back at the others, he saw that the princesses were in no condition to teleport everypony out of there. None of them had had any coffee in at least three weeks. And Flurry Heart had completely fallen asleep, which was not a helpful thing.

“Oh, great!” Shining said, throwing his hooves into the air. “After everything we've been through, we're going to get eaten. This is fantastic!” Shining Armor was being sarcastic. Actually, none of what he'd said was a good thing.

The nuckelavee's heads both smiled like a cat that was going to eat a mouse after the mouse had foiled the cat's plan to unleash a terrible disease on the world. The two-headed monster was clearly very excited to eat their big stew. The nuckelavee slowly trotted towards the ponies, confident that their victims couldn't escape.

“Once I'm done with you, I'll go out into Equestria,” Dennis said as they came nearer. “I'll eat every creature I find. I'll take my time doing it, too. I'll spread my mortasheen while I eat your kingdom alive. And there's nothing you can do to stop me.”

“Me too,” The Robert Bruce experience agreed.

Dennis chuckled. It was a very evil chuckle that a bad man would do.

“And do you know what?” They asked as he stepped closer and closer. “Before I eat them, I'll tell everypony I come across that their heroes are gone. I'll make sure they know that you failed; that there's no hope of anyone coming to save them. And when I let them know that, I'll look them right in the eyes and tell them--”

Off to the side, close to where the nuckelavee was standing, a section of the cavern wall loudly crumbled away. Everyone turned just in time to see six creatures emerge from the newly-created tunnel. They were young, covered in dirt, and multi-ethnically diverse.

The six creatures looked around as they stepped into the nuckelavee's lair. One of them, a blue griffon who looked like an orphan, stopped when they saw a nuckelavee. They raised a claw and pointed at the two-headed monster, who could only stare at the six children in confusion.

“There it is!” He yelled. “Get them!!”

With a mighty yell, the young six charged the nuckelavee. They began kicking and punching the nuckelavee's long legs. In no time at all, their combined power brought the monster down to the ground. The six youngsters continued to pummel their downed opponent, whose cries of pain were drowned out by the sounds of blows against their skinless body.

“Stop! Stop beating me up!” Dennis pleaded as the orange dragon repeatedly karate chopped them in the ear. “Being beaten up is secretly my greatest weakness!”

The group of youngsters ignored Dennis and just kept wailing on the nuckelavee. The kids performed all sorts of sick combat maneuvers and martial arts moves that were truly a treat to see. Every five minutes or so, the kids took a break to hydrate themselves before getting right back to the beat-down. It was very inspiring.

“I'm very happy about the violence our students are doing to the nuckelavee,” one of Twilight's friends said. Shining Armor didn't know which one.

Thorax shook his head. “I think it's very irresponsible for the school to let Ocellus miss her classes just so she can beat up a two-headed monster.”

Shining Armor had to agree. His sister was running a pretty shoddy school. He made a mental note to tell her all of that later, when things were back to normal.

“We should get out of here,” Shining Armor said. He turned to Cadance, who had taken Flurry Heart into her hooves. “Are you and the princesses okay to fly?”

Cadance tried to give her wings a few test flaps, but all her wings managed to do was shake uncontrollably.

“I don't think so,” she said with a sigh.

Shining Armor smiled. “That's okay. Flash Sentry can just pick us all up and fly us back to Seaweedattle one-by-one.”

Everypony agreed that this was a fantastic idea, except for Flash Sentry for some reason. They began to make their way to the tunnel that would take them out of the nuckelavee's lair. Halfway there, though, Thorax stopped them.

“Wait,” he said. “I just thought of something. Shouldn't we do something about, you know...” He pointed over his shoulder at the nuckelavee, who was still being beaten up by Twilight's students. Both heads were sobbing.

Shining rubbed his chin.

“Hmm. Okay. As my last act as Equestria's interim ruler, I'll send some guards over to take the nuckelavee to Tartarus,” he said after some thought. “They'll probably get here by tomorrow, but I don't think the nuckelavee will escape. Those kids look like they're gonna be at this for a while.”

Everyone agreed that this was a sensible plan. They said things like 'How sensible', and 'Yes, indeed' while nodding and politely clapping. The only ones who did not applaud the plan's sensibility were the students, who were busy beating up the nuckelavee; and the nuckelavee, who was busy being beaten up. The two-headed monster still heard Shining, though.

“Oh, what? I seriously have to face consequences for my plan to exterminate life in Equestria?” Dennis asked in disbelief. “This is so unfair! Why do things like this keep happening to me? Why is my life like this?”

The Robert Bruce Experience chuckled.

“Yup. This has been a real dumpster of a life, let me tell you.”

The kids continued to beat the nuckelavee up. Shining and the others left them to this and walked down the corridor that would lead them outside.

“Man. What a crazy couple of weeks,” Shining Armor said to Twilight as they walked through the tunnel. “On the plus side, though, this probably means you won't have any trouble leading up to your coronation, right? After all of that, I doubt any super-villains will cause any disruptions or invade Canterlot.  Not unless they, like, teamed up or something.”

“I'm friendship,” Twilight Sparkle said intelligently. And not a single word was mispronounced.





And so, with everything taken care of, Flash Sentry went to work carrying evercreature individually from the nuckelavee's lair to the shore of Seaweedattle. It took several hours, but that wasn't entirely Flash's fault. It would not have taken so long if Twilight's friends hadn't kept wriggling out of Flash's hooves and jumping into the ocean. But because Twilight's friends kept trying to drown, it took a very long time. It took so long that, by the time Shining was the last one left, it was already the next day.

While Shining Armor was waiting on the rocky shore of the ncukelavee's lair, Twilight's students eventually got bored of beating the nuckelavee up. They came out of the cavern to relax and get some fresh air, joining Shining in front of the crashing waves. 

With nothing better to do, Shining wound up socializing with the kids a little. As it turned out, they all had names, but Shining didn't bother trying to learn them.

“The nuckelavee fell asleep while we were beating them up,” the dragon named Smolder said. “We kept wailing on them for a while after that, but they didn't really react aside from snoring. In a few hours, when they wake up, we'll go beat them up again.”

“Uh-huh.” Shining said. He was looking out on the horizon, where Flash Sentry was desperately trying to stop Rarity from jumping into the ocean. She was giving Flash a really difficult time, and kept doing everything she could to get out of his hooves.

It was really boring. Shining turned away from the boring sight so he could talk with the less-boring kids.

“So, I guess Griffonstone's going to be pretty upset, huh?” Shining asked the group's leader, a griffon who was named Gallus for some reason.

Gallus shrugged his weird cat-bird shoulders. “Griffonstone is always upset. It's a terrible place.” He uncapped his bottle of water and took a drink. Beating up the nuckelavee was apparently thirsty work.

Shining shook his head.

“No, I mean about the sun and the moon,” he said. “I know that you guys were interested in being in charge of the sun and the moon while the princesses were missing. Now that they're back, though, I guess they won't be--”

“Whoa, whoa. Hang on.” Gallus raised one of his claws in a gesture indicating that he wanted Shining Armor to hang on. “Be in charge of the sun and moon? What are you talking about, Princess Shining Armor?”

Shining frowned.

“You... You were threatening to declare war on us,” Shining said. “Because the sun and moon were in disarray.”

Gallus raised an eyebrow, or whatever the bird equivalent of an eyebrow is.

“I never heard anything about that,” he said. “My guardian is the guy who practically runs Griffonstone, and he never mentioned anything about a war in any of his letters. I think you've got your facts mixed up.”

For a moment, Shining just stared at Gallus. In the distance, he could hear the sound of something splashing as it jumped into the ocean, but that didn't matter. All that mattered was that Shining felt like he was having multiple rugs pulled out from under him.

“But your ambassador said--”

“Griffonstone doesn't have an ambassador,” Gallus interrupted.

Shining blinked. He opened his mouth. Then he closed it. After a few seconds, he remembered how to speak.

“W... What?” Shining asked eloquently. 

“Yeah, we don't have an ambassador.” Gallus shrugged. “We're not terribly interested in diplomacy. We're more interested in making money, being mean, and having the worst town in the world. Whoever told you he's an ambassador was lying; he's probably just after your taffy recipes.”

It took Shining Armor a moment to figure out what to say to learning that information. On the one hoof, it was frustrating to know that he'd bought all of Garth's lies and taken his threats seriously. On the other hoof, it somehow wasn't all that surprising to learn that Garth had been lying. Either way, Shining was too tired to care. Besides, Garth wasn't even his problem anymore; Celestia had to deal with him now.

“Well,” Shining finally said, “I guess that doesn't matter now anyway.”

“Mhmm,” Gallus said. He gestured back to the cave entrance. “We're going to go back in there and start beating up the nuckelavee again.”

Shining nodded. That was probably the smart thing to do.

“You keep doing that until the guards get here,” he said. “I'm going to swim to the Crystal Empire.”

Gallus nodded, but he clearly wasn't paying attention.

“Alright,” Gallus said. “I have depression.”

The blue griffon went back into the nuckelavee's lair. Shining Armor smiled and nodded him off, along with the rest of the griffon's friends. Shining wasn't sure how old any of them were, and he never would be. But that was fine. Sometimes it was okay to not know things.

With that in mind, Shining Armor jumped into the ocean and started swimming to the Crystal Empire.





The Crystal Empire was a landlocked nation, so it was pretty difficult for Shining to swim all the way there. Shining Armor was a very good swimmer, though.. He took a shortcut and swam very vast, and was able to swim all the way to the Crystal Palace in less than ten minutes. When he arrived, he used the welcome mat in front of the palace doors to towel off.

It felt good to return to the Crystal Palace after spending such a long time in Canterlot. The Palace was exactly the same as when Shining had left it. Sure, everything was a little dusty (It looked like Sunburst hadn't dusted the entire palace at all during his time in charge of the Empire) but all in all, nothing had changed. Shining was home again.

It took Cadance and Flurry Heart two days to make their return from Canterlot. Shining Armor spent the whole time waiting for them in the castle's entrance hall. He did not move or sleep until the doors opened and his wife walked in with their daughter in her hooves.

Shining Armor hugged them both almost as soon as he saw them. He couldn't help it; he was so happy to have his family back. He was so happy, in fact, that water was starting to leak out of his eyes. Shining put a stop to that as soon as he was done hugging Flurry and Cadance. He wiped his face dry with the entrance mat that had been in front of the palace doors.

“I'm so glad you're back,” Shining said as he tossed the mat aside. “I've been miserable without you or Twily or Spike or those other ponies. Just me and Flurry... Cadance, I missed you so much.”

“Okay,” Cadance said. She picked Flurry back up and walked down the hall, into the throne room. Shining followed her as she took her seat on the throne.

“I still can't believe this is all over,” Shining Armor sighed. He was feeling exhausted. Mostly because he'd been awake for, like, three days straight or something. “I can't believe I managed to do everything I did. There were times when I didn't think I was up to it... But I was. I really did save everyone.”

Cadance looked at her husband. She smiled and raised an eyebrow quizzically.

“... But you didn't save everyone,” she said.

Shining's tired smile faltered just a bit.

“... What do you mean?” He asked. “Of course I did. I saved you, your aunts, Twilight and her friends...”

“I mean, if you think about it, Flurry Heart saved everyone,” Cadance pointed out. The baby alicorn in her lap cooed happily at the sound of her name. “She probably could have teleported in and freed us without you doing anything.”

Shining frowned. He didn't understand what Cadance was talking about. Sure, it had been Flurry's magic that had freed the princesses, but Shining had been the one to fire her. He'd pointed his daughter at the problem and activated her firing mechanism.

Except, now that Shining thought about it, babies didn't have firing mechanisms. He'd just booped his daughter's nose. That hadn't actually done anything. It had probably entertained Flurry a great deal, but it hadn't actually been what caused her to unleash her destructive power.

In fact, now that Shining thought about it, he probably hadn't needed to aim Flurry, either. The nuckelavee's prison bubble had been a big, obvious target. Flurry was smart enough that she could have figured out what she needed to destroy on her own. She probably hadn't even realized that Shining was trying to aim her when she flew into his hooves.

“Well... I figured out where the nuckelavee was, though.” Shining said quickly. “If I hadn't figured it out, nobody would have--”

“Those kids showed up on their own, though.” Cadance said. “Twilight's students broke into the nuckelavee's lair without ever talking to you. And they're technically the ones who beat the nuckelavee.”

Shining Armor laughed. Then he very quickly stopped. His brain replayed the events in Seaweedattle in 4K 60FPS HD. He went over everything he had done and tried to remember what those actions had actually accomplished in the fight against the nuckelavee. Surely, he must have done something consequential, right?

'No,” Shining Armor's Brain said. And it was right.

Shining Armor hadn't saved anyone.

“Oh my gosh,” Shining said as his world came crashing down.

Cadance stopped smiling and gave Shining a worried look.

“Sweetie? Are you okay? Is your brain talking to you again?”

“Play it cool,” Shining Armor's Brain advised. “Don't tell her I'm here if you know what's good for you.”

Shining Armor swallowed. His mouth felt dry and salty, like a very bad fish. It took some time for Shining to get the words he wanted to say out. It was like his entire psyche was trying to stop him from vocalizing what he had realized. If he said it out loud, it would feel much more real.

But eventually, Shining was able to make his mouth say words.

“Nothing I did actually helped in any significant way,” Shining said in a low, haunted tone. “None of my detective work or planning contributed to resolving the conflict. I didn't save you. Oh my gosh.”

Shining Armor held his head in his hooves and calmly began spiraling into despair.

“Oh, sweetie.” Cadance set Flurry Heart down and lifted her husband's head up. She looked into his eyes worriedly. “Does it really matter who saved us? What difference does it make how much you contributed to things? I still love you.”

Shining shook his head. This was difficult to do, as Cadance was still holding his head in her hooves.

“It makes a huge difference,” Shining said once Cadance finally let go. “Cadance, for the last few years, I've felt like a bystander in my life. Twily and her friends are always saving the day... I wanted to feel like I could save the day, too. I wanted to feel like my family could rely on me when there's trouble.”

Shining sighed. “But when I get a chance to prove myself, someone else winds up saving the day. What does that mean? Am I just... useless when it comes to saving the world? If something like this happens again, does this mean I shouldn't even bother trying to help?”

The question hung there as Shining once again shook his head. He felt completely deflated, like a balloon or one of those weird puffer fish. Despair and ennui both took turns slapping his brain.

But just when it felt like Shining Armor was going to have to buy a therapist, Cadance gently put her hoof on his shoulder. Shining looked up into his wife's eyes, and saw that Cadance was smiling at him comfortingly.

“Sweetie,” Cadance said softly. “None of that means anything.”

Shining blinked, taken aback.

“What are you saying?” He asked.

“I'm saying that the universe is inherently devoid of meaning,” Cadance explained. She reached a hoof out and rubbed Shining's shoulder soothingly. “There's no reason to attribute any sort of deep significance to random events. Everything that happens is the result of dozens of electrons whizzing around randomly a billion times a second. Existence is completely without meaning save for that which we apply to it ourselves.”

Cadance's words made Shining feel a little bit better. As Flurry Heart flapped her wings and nestled atop her father's head, a smile began to form on the prince's face.

“I never thought of it that way before!” Shining said happily. “When you put it like that, there's no reason for me to worry about my place in the universe, or how I compare to the ponies I love. Any anxiety I feel is caused by chemical reactions inside of the brain that pilots my animal body!”

Cadance and Shining both laughed. They leaned in to nuzzle each other for the first time in nearly a month. They were happy. The universe was nothing but atoms and the illusion of patterns, and they were happy. They had each other. They had their daughter. And no matter how they felt, or what problems came along, they knew they would be okay.

Everything would be okay.

Until the next day, when Cozy Glow, Chrysalis, and Tirek invaded Canterlot.

But that was someone else's problem.